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Holidays

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Original poster

Teen rejecting holiday

58 replies

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 00:48

So we just got back from a few days in Europe over Christmas. It was a challenge to organise as I need a mobility scooter most of the time, but I had it very well organised, there was a lot to do in a few days, and had all the tickets sorted and transport etc. I thought it went great. Son seemed to enjoy it too. Now I know he thought it "hassle" every time we got on and off a bus with a ramp for me (automatic ramps, not really a hassle), but I know he enjoyed some parts and we had some nice meals.

This is the first time we've had an overseas holiday together (he begged for it!) and also the first time I've had to go on holiday with major mobility issues. But I thought it was a success. It has given me the travel bug and a sense of achievement. Plus we got to have some family time (not easy with teens).

Our main holiday is booked for Easter for a full week and in an area that will be more relaxing - not rushing around being tourists this time - some tourism but a beach as well.

The teenager now says he doesn't want to go - because of the mobility scooter. I am trying to be rational but I am hurt. It is as if he rejected all the positive things of our recent trip - which was quite an experience for him - and rejected me too!

Also what do we do? We can't go and leave him at home? And I want to go on holiday!

OP posts:

Newyearpug · 04/01/2025 12:19

I think if he's 17 when you next go away ,just leave him home .
Mine were not keen on family holidays by 17 ,they were back packing round Thailand with friends by then.
So your out in the sticks ,with no transport.
Organise him a Tesco delivery for food and leave him to it .
It's that or he comes ,it's his choice ,17 is an adult

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2025 12:20

He can technically go away by himself.

Is staying at a friends or a family member nearer to town an option?

It'll be miserable for everyone if he has to go with you.
The last trip you went on was enough for him to discover he doesn't want to do it again.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2025 12:23

Organise him a Tesco delivery for food and leave him to it

Time to let him figure things out, he's completely old enough to do this. He does not get to dictate that adults deny themselves a holiday to sit at home babysitting him and ferrying him around.
He can work out what friend to stay with, or get someone to babysit himself.

Both of these options make perfect sense.

PickledOwl1 · 04/01/2025 12:23

He's behaving in an entirely normal way for his age so I wouldn't go too far down the road of being all hurt. I'd certainly remind him that you have mobility needs and it is what it is but I wouldn't dwell too much on it

Perfectly normal also for him not to want to come on holiday with you. I left my son in November to go away for 10 days, he was a fortnight off being 18.

I was nervous about it but I put help in place - his sister visited every day and my best friend likewise. I also FaceTimed daily

Could you put similar help in place for the week?

Original poster

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 12:25

EwwSprouts · 04/01/2025 12:13

We're a family of three too. At 17 the answer was to take a friend of DS so they could have time to do their own stuff eg have a wander without the oldies, watch a football match in the hotel. Plenty of family time on the beach and meals together.

It wouldn't be affordable. Hotel rooms are really expensive and it would need two rooms instead of a suite (already looked at that). We did try for this last summer and the holiday had to be cancelled due to a health issue - his friend was really upset. Not sure we can go through that again! His friend's Mum was happy to pay his flight but I doubt they would want to pay all the extra costs if we had to book two rooms. It's hard enough trying to find accessible accommodation and it's always on the expensive end.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2025 12:26

I would start from the premise of you and your oh are absolutely going away, and then work out his options for him given that.
I don't think missing a holiday to pander to a 17yo is good for him long term.

Original poster

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 12:27

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2025 12:26

Thanks yes. Hence I think a further discussion. And then see what he says.

OP posts:

Pigeonqueen · 04/01/2025 12:27

Reading between the lines (and as someone who has a 13 year old and a 21 year old and who is disabled myself) I think he sounds a bit like a spoilt brat. He’s relying on you giving him lifts everywhere (everyday!) to facilitate his life - and yes we live rurally too so I do get it but everyday he has to somewhere?! And he’s being sulky about going on what sounds like a lovely holiday abroad for a week - many teens don’t ever get to go on a holiday. If he’s expressed interest in doing it before he doesn’t get to suddenly sulk because of a mobility scooter and a girlfriend 🤔

I am not really sure what the answer is but I think he has a lot of growing up to do. I’d be tempted to leave him home for a long weekend in the UK and see how he gets on. Might make him appreciate you more if he has to fend for himself and gives you a dry run as if you left him at home for the week.

Comedycook · 04/01/2025 12:29

The more you post op, the.more I think it's nothing to do with the mobility scooter and just sounds like a typical teen...it's a tricky age imo. They are not quite mature enough to necessarily be left alone for a week but are also feeling a bit too grown up for a family holiday

TangerineClementine · 04/01/2025 12:34

I have three teens, and I wouldn't make them come away with us on holiday if they didn't want to at age 17 (although I am very happy for them to come if they want to). I started going on holiday with my friends rather than my parents when I was 16.

wizzywig · 04/01/2025 12:38

Aah well done op! The travel bug is addictive. Go enjoy yourself. I'd recommend sweden, their public transport and road crossings are all accessible

Katbum · 04/01/2025 12:39

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:21

We just can't really. And I think if we did he might regret it as well.

Show quote history

Is there a reason why not? It’s only a week? I also didn’t want to holiday with my parents when I was 16/17 and had a boyfriend - and they were only in their late 30s then and fully mobile - I just wanted to feel independent and grown up. Trailing mummy and daddy on a family holiday was not that. Same for all my siblings but we did all eventually join them again once we got out of moody teens.

ManchesterTarts · 04/01/2025 12:44

I was left alone for weeks at a time from the age of 16 when my dad went to Australia each year. I didn’t burn the house down or indeed come to any harm. I also went away on holiday with my friends from that age too, mainly to Spain.

There could be many reasons why he doesn’t want to come with you and I think a further open discussion would prove helpful.

Differentstarts · 04/01/2025 12:45

My god i thought you where going to say he was 13 at 17 I had my own flat and a toddler. I don't know many kids past 16 who go on holiday with parents they prefer to have the house to have privacy with girlfriends/boyfriends plus their working surely so don't want to waste annual leave. Why you treating him so young

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 04/01/2025 12:49

OP you don't need to see what he says, you're the parent. Tell him what will be happening. Give him the freedom to behave like the capable man he almost is. He can arrange transport and babysitting and meals for himself.

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2025 12:51

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:41

I think the former reason Captain Carrots - we would worry about it.

Edited

That's your problem not his

Would he be more sensible if a friend stayed?

Jolietta · 04/01/2025 12:54

I loved reading your post about how well you embraced the holiday and your positive attitude about enjoying yourself and providing a holiday for your children.

Your son is being immature. Between the ages of 13 and 15, many teenagers are embarrassed by their parents over the most ridiculous things such as their hair or clothing but at 17 he is approaching adulthood and his attitude is unkind.

I would arrange for him to stay with grandparents or other trusted adults rather than him go on your holiday and spoil it.

Do not compensate him for not going by saying he can have a treat of something else.

motelhotel · 04/01/2025 13:05

Can't his girlfriend come if she or her parents pay for it ? Otherwise leave him at home

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/01/2025 13:12

I'd leave him at home (in the knowledge that he will, more than likely, have his girlfriend round as soon as he's waved you off to the airport. Does she drive/have a car?). If he can't get out, well, that's on him, it was his decision to stay behind. He will manage just fine.

They need to feel the consequences of their actions. If he doesn't want to go - then he doesn't go. But he can't expect you to manage his inability to go out and about when you're not there.

JackieGoodman · 04/01/2025 13:20

Agree with @Notimeforaname can he stay with family or friends? DS went to Grans when DH and I went abroad when he was approx 18, yes he was perfectly legal to stay by himself but he (and Gran) enjoyed the time together too.

I'd also be fine to have friend of DS stay with us if their parents were away, have done for neighbours with their DD.

GiddyRobin · 04/01/2025 13:40

At 17, there's no reason why he can't be home alone for a week. When I was that age, I certainly did if my dad and siblings went back to Ireland (and I'm 35 so this was hardly decades and decades ago). Surely at 17 he has some basic cooking skills, and knows how to pick up items and put them in a bin? He can get himself up and dressed of a morning? I used to organise a week for myself; things I wanted to do and things I needed to do.

He's one year out from being a legal adult; nothing is going to magically change on the eve of his 18th birthday. If anything, it'll be a good learning curve for him.

It's rather immature behaviour at that age, imo. As others have said, perhaps cringing over parents at the ages of 13-15, but at 17 he needs to grow up and stop being silly. A week of playing house by himself might be exactly what he needs.

SnoopysHoose · 04/01/2025 14:31

At 17 he needs to be able to be left alone, is he planning on going to uni or stay with you forever?
I'm incredulous he can't be trusted alone.

teentantrums · 04/01/2025 17:48

To all those saying leave him at home, has it occurred to you that the OP knows him the best? I have three children. Two of them would be fine being left, the other would definitely struggle and it would ruin my holiday to try.

Rocknrollstar · 04/01/2025 18:17

I don’t see why a 17 yr old can’t be left at home for the week. give him the choice -does he want to go on holiday or stay home? Could his girlfriend come too.

GiddyRobin · 04/01/2025 18:22

teentantrums · 04/01/2025 17:48

I can see that, but at 17 he should know how to look after himself for a brief period of a week. He's nearly an adult. What's he going to do at uni? At 17 I had a job and studied, I didn't need anyone to cook meals for me if they didn't want to, and I certainly wasn't a liability to burning down my own house.

That kind of behaviour comes through weaponised incompetence. "Mum or Dad will sort that for me, bugger it.". Pretty sure if he had to stay alone for a week, he'd be far more careful. This won't wash in halls, a flat share with friends, or a girlfriend, so why is he getting away with it now? At 17 that's more than old enough to be held responsible for being able to boil pasta without being a danger to society. He isn't a child, he's almost a man.

This is how lazy husbands are created.

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