Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Original poster

Dad won't give permission

92 replies

emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 19:46

I need abit of advice here, my daughter is 18 months old and sees her dad once in a blue moon. A bit of context with that, he cancels 24/7, when he does have her he calls me hours before I'm due to pick her up demanding I go and get her & I won't allow him to have her overnight as he has PTSD & kicks, screams, cries & chokes in his sleep which I don't deem as a safe environment for her to sleep in. I've never stopped him from having her during the day time, and I will also add he doesn't contribute a single penny towards our child. I have family that live in the US ( I'm from the uk ) and want to take her on a 90 day trip starting in Florida and ending in Canada. Upon sorting out our visas, I noticed that I can only take my daughter out of the country for 28 days without the other parents consent to which I contacted her father and he won't grant me the permission.

Does anyone know what I can do from here? I don't want to pass up on this opportunity before she starts nursery and I go back to work.

Just to add he is obviously on the birth certificate but her last name is double barrelled.

Thank you!!

OP posts:
Womblewife · 07/12/2024 19:47

You can go to court and get a court order to allow this.

Chowtime · 07/12/2024 19:49

I wouldn't agree to that either. 3 months is a very long time for her to go without seeing her dad. Also, I'd be worried about you not returning to the UK.

Chowtime · 07/12/2024 19:51

Womblewife · 07/12/2024 19:47

You can go to court and get a court order to allow this.

I think you mean

You can go to court and try to get a court order to allow this.

DandyTealSeal · 07/12/2024 19:51

Chowtime · 07/12/2024 19:49

I wouldn't agree to that either. 3 months is a very long time for her to go without seeing her dad. Also, I'd be worried about you not returning to the UK.

Did you read the post? He sees her once in a blue
moon anyway?

Chowtime · 07/12/2024 19:52

DandyTealSeal · 07/12/2024 19:51

Did you read the post? He sees her once in a blue
moon anyway?

Show quote history

I did read the post. But I don't know how often "once in a blue moon" is.

StormingNorman · 07/12/2024 19:53

Come on. You know this is unreasonable which is why you got as far as applying for visas without mentioning the trip to him.

Would you let him have your daughter for three months without you getting a single day with her?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/12/2024 19:54

How often is once in a blue moon? 3 months is a hell of a long time, especially at that age.

Thatcastlethere · 07/12/2024 19:55

Yeah you'll have to apply through court and get it written up that you are the main parent and she 100% lives with you with only occasional daytime visits with dad.
It's a pain but having this official will help you in the long run or else he could always do stuff like this.. being on the birth certificate allows him to do things like disagree with your school choices, medical care etc.. you need it legally written down that you are the parent she resides with so that you have control over these situations. Of course he will still be allowed input but this gives you lots more control and stops him just causing drama for the sake of it.

SensitivePetal · 07/12/2024 19:58

Also, why is he paying nothing? CMS for that unless he is on benefits then it’s not worth it.

You need a specific issue order.

He could claim you’ve internationally abducted your child otherwise.

I agree 3 months is a long stint to be away and maybe he fears you won’t come back. Why not just go for a month? Also the cost of getting appropriate travel insurance for the US for a stay of that length is going to be nuts.

Farahilda · 07/12/2024 20:00

Thatcastlethere · 07/12/2024 19:55

Yeah you'll have to apply through court and get it written up that you are the main parent and she 100% lives with you with only occasional daytime visits with dad.
It's a pain but having this official will help you in the long run or else he could always do stuff like this.. being on the birth certificate allows him to do things like disagree with your school choices, medical care etc.. you need it legally written down that you are the parent she resides with so that you have control over these situations. Of course he will still be allowed input but this gives you lots more control and stops him just causing drama for the sake of it.

That is unrealistic

Seeking a specific order for a trip overseas for longer than the usual duration is one thing.

Expecting an order that limits his exercising for his parental responsibility in all areas and indefinitely simply won't happen (except in rare circumstances such as significant criminality)

mrspresents · 07/12/2024 20:02

Imagine going 90 days/12 weeks/3 months without seeing your child....

Hayley1256 · 07/12/2024 20:04

As others have said you would need to go to court and try to get a court order. I think it's a big ask from the dad. Does he have reason to think you wouldn't return?

MarmaladeSideDown · 07/12/2024 20:09

MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/12/2024 19:54

How often is once in a blue moon? 3 months is a hell of a long time, especially at that age.

A blue moon is the term used to describe the second of two full moons in one calendar month, which doesn't happen very often.

Dueanamechange2025 · 07/12/2024 20:15

MarmaladeSideDown · 07/12/2024 20:09

A blue moon is the term used to describe the second of two full moons in one calendar month, which doesn't happen very often.

Show quote history

I’m fairly certain they knew that, however ‘not very often’ is still subjective. My not often could be once a week, yours could be once a year.

Patienceinshortsupply · 07/12/2024 20:15

Doesn't pay, doesn't get a say.

I think court is your only option here.

Pinkissmart · 07/12/2024 20:16

Ooo, this is the shitty part of being separated from the other parent. Lots of compromise and they don’t always play fair.

Your daughter is only 18 months, so I would consider trying to keep this as civil as possible and try to have a measured conversation about it. 3 months is a long time. As another pp said, I wouldn’t agree to it either. Sadly you do have to compromise here.

Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:16

MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/12/2024 19:54

How often is once in a blue moon? 3 months is a hell of a long time, especially at that age.

He sees her once every 6/8 weeks for 2 hours then drops her home

OP posts:
Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:17

StormingNorman · 07/12/2024 19:53

Come on. You know this is unreasonable which is why you got as far as applying for visas without mentioning the trip to him.

Would you let him have your daughter for three months without you getting a single day with her?

Sorry I should of mentioned, before the trip liven came into discussion I let him know that I wanted to take and there was no issue before, he didn't care until I realised I needed the letter of consent.

OP posts:
Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:18

mrspresents · 07/12/2024 20:02

Imagine going 90 days/12 weeks/3 months without seeing your child....

He does this anyway 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:19

Hayley1256 · 07/12/2024 20:04

As others have said you would need to go to court and try to get a court order. I think it's a big ask from the dad. Does he have reason to think you wouldn't return?

No reason at all, I go back to work in September & she starts nursery, I also can't get a sponsor to live in America either so I wouldn't be able to regardless

OP posts:
Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:20

Chowtime · 07/12/2024 19:49

I wouldn't agree to that either. 3 months is a very long time for her to go without seeing her dad. Also, I'd be worried about you not returning to the UK.

He sees her every 8 weeks ish for 2 hours and drops her home, usually calls me at 2am when he's pissed up letting me know he's coming to get her the following day

OP posts:
Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:21

SensitivePetal · 07/12/2024 19:58

Also, why is he paying nothing? CMS for that unless he is on benefits then it’s not worth it.

You need a specific issue order.

He could claim you’ve internationally abducted your child otherwise.

I agree 3 months is a long stint to be away and maybe he fears you won’t come back. Why not just go for a month? Also the cost of getting appropriate travel insurance for the US for a stay of that length is going to be nuts.

I tried to do this & the payments were £6 a week as he's listed as an apprentice so I chose just not to bother unfortunately!

OP posts:
Original poster
emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 20:25

emsantana99 · 07/12/2024 19:46

I need abit of advice here, my daughter is 18 months old and sees her dad once in a blue moon. A bit of context with that, he cancels 24/7, when he does have her he calls me hours before I'm due to pick her up demanding I go and get her & I won't allow him to have her overnight as he has PTSD & kicks, screams, cries & chokes in his sleep which I don't deem as a safe environment for her to sleep in. I've never stopped him from having her during the day time, and I will also add he doesn't contribute a single penny towards our child. I have family that live in the US ( I'm from the uk ) and want to take her on a 90 day trip starting in Florida and ending in Canada. Upon sorting out our visas, I noticed that I can only take my daughter out of the country for 28 days without the other parents consent to which I contacted her father and he won't grant me the permission.

Does anyone know what I can do from here? I don't want to pass up on this opportunity before she starts nursery and I go back to work.

Just to add he is obviously on the birth certificate but her last name is double barrelled.

Thank you!!

I will just add on incase it doesn't make a lot of sense, her dad sees her every 8 weeks or so for about 2 hours and then drops her home, this is of his own choice not my own. I mentioned the trip to him previously and he didn't care, he only cares now that I have to have his permission. There's also no reason for him to believe that I wouldn't return as 1 I highly doubt I'd be able to get the sponsorship as it's not immediate family, 2 I'm a uni student so when my new term starts in October I'll have to be back, I also go back to work part time in September & our daughter starts nursery.

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 07/12/2024 20:33

In that case I would apply for the court order, can you prove that he goes 6-8 weeks without seeing her? You could also apply to have his PR revoked but this may be harder

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 07/12/2024 20:35

I would attempt mediation first. But you’d best crack on - if mediation isn’t successful the Court process can take a long time. Often more than the six months you’ve got.