Dad won't give permission

[emsantana99]

I need abit of advice here, my daughter is 18 months old and sees her dad once in a blue moon. A bit of context with that, he cancels 24/7, when he does have her he calls me hours before I'm due to pick her up demanding I go and get her & I won't allow him to have her overnight as he has PTSD & kicks, screams, cries & chokes in his sleep which I don't deem as a safe environment for her to sleep in. I've never stopped him from having her during the day time, and I will also add he doesn't contribute a single penny towards our child. I have family that live in the US ( I'm from the uk ) and want to take her on a 90 day trip starting in Florida and ending in Canada. Upon sorting out our visas, I noticed that I can only take my daughter out of the country for 28 days without the other parents consent to which I contacted her father and he won't grant me the permission.

Does anyone know what I can do from here? I don't want to pass up on this opportunity before she starts nursery and I go back to work.

Just to add he is obviously on the birth certificate but her last name is double barrelled.

Thank you!!

It is exceptionally rare for PR to be revoked.

It might happen in cases of eg the DC of a notorious and incarcerated murderer who cannot play any practical role in their upbringing and whose infamy is such that association with him is detrimental in itself. Just being a crap and distant parent is nowhere near the threshold.

One of my friends got her child's dad PR revoked as he only saw the child once a year by the time he was 6 but would try and cause her problems regarding school choice, holidays etc. Each case is different and she had a good solicitor.

I would tell him that you're going on the trip so either you can drop his child off with him on the way to the airport and he can care for her for 3 months, with all associated expenses, or he needs to shut his gob now and crawl back into his hole.

Do you actually need to show his written consent to get the visa? Or is it just something you’re supposed to have but won’t be asked to show (and so just go anyway)

You'd get a court order for the holiday but the court will likely expect you to decrease the holiday length to 30 days.

I know people ask / answer on here with good intention but I would go get some legal advice from a family solicitor. Definitely don’t try so it without the dad’s permission- at worst if he decides to do something about it you could be arrested on return to the UK and face action.

You could make an application to the court to allow you to take your daughter- you also may wish to apply for a Child arrangements order (live with) for her to live with you and for a child arrangement (spend time) which would be clear on the arrangements for spending time with her father. These things aren’t quick especially with the time scales in family court currently…

good luck

It does sound like he just enjoys throwing his weight around if he only threw a wobbly when you needed written permission.

some men are very concerned with how they appear: they don’t actually want to be an active parent but feel socially compelled to throw toys out of pram if the uppity mother of their child dares to be even slightly successful or independent.

At the very least, you can get a Lives With order which will enable you to take your child overseas for 28 days at a pop.

im not sure how often courts make 90+ day’s holiday-related specific issue orders

What “visas” are you applying for? Ordinarily British people don’t need visas to come here (I’m in the US). Are you planning to work here or live here long-term/permanently? You’d need a visa for that. To visit an ESTA is needed (which is not a visa), or are you ineligible for ESTA and need a B-2?

Ah that is so hard. Although I see where he is coming from does sound like a control thing on his part. He probably won't see her in that period of time. I would go back to court and get permissions that way. He is unlikely to fight it.

Follow the rules of 28 days.

Make sure DP sees DD just before you leave for the US for 28 days.
And again when you return.

Take a further 28 days in the US a few weeks later.

Is it worth the cost and time it takes to go to court for holiday permission? Spend the money on double the plane tickets and cut down time spent to 56 days.

He could report her to the police for parental child abduction.

Does anyone know what I can do from here?

You go for 28 days (27 to play it safe)

Then you come back then you go for 27 days.

Play the game.

This. Maybe have a month's break or something in between.

You have to follow the rules like he should be

Not really worth it for the extra 2 days really op

As long as you’re not claiming any type of housing benefit, you can’t claim UC and travel for extended periods 3 weeks is maximum without benefits for housing stopping

But he doesn’t seem to be very involved in this child’s life at all, if he’s cancelling all the time, refusing to contribute any money for her, and goodness knows what else. He’s not very present at all and now is refusing to consent to this trip probably out of spite.

Doesn't matter. The rule is he's allowed to object.

I don't think that is a technical legal term

I was just about to say this as well. Unlikely a court would grant this for 90 days as they like to unfortunately encourage absent parents to have the opportunity to have as much time with their children as possible which includes making them available which the OP wouldn’t be. It’s simply too long and any benefits would be stopped. You could be evicted from your council/housing association property if you have one also.

I would go for 28 days or less instead of 90, seems like an awful long time to travel with a young child (practicalities and my own sanity) and be away from her Dad. If I were Dad I wouldn't agree to it either. In fact if I were Dad I wouldn't want you to go for 28 days either it's too long. But I understand it's a big trip you can make before school and it's a big distance so need time.

I would just do as others have said, go for 26 / 27 days, come back for a short while then go again. It’s a faff. But that’s life.

Just seen he sees her for a couple of hours every 6-8 weeks, 3 months is longer than that even if he sounds like a shit Dad. Would he agree to a 6-8 week trip?

are you sure? That sounds extremely unlikely, because all those things can be easily set out in a court order (child arrangements) without the need to remove PR. It's more likely your friend got a child arrangements order that removed the need for him to consent to those things.

Can I just clarify where the 28 days has come from? Is it a requirement of the visa? Because unless you have a child arrangements order in place already you need his consent to take her out of the country for any length of time at all.

"May be harder" it's extremely unlikely.

I heard an interview on the radio with a woman whose ex was in prison for domestic abuse against her, and who still had PR.
Another man was in prison for sexual abuse of his child - still had PR (I think in this case the victim was over 18 by the time of the trial, and he kept his PR over a second child).