On cruise and kids so ungrateful and bored

[Fishnchips22]

On our first ever week long cruise, ship is amazing, loads to do. Family of four, kids are 19 and 12. They’ve enjoyed some
of it but now can’t be bothered to get up in the morning, spend loads of time on phones, haven’t done the pool/slides etc. DH pretty lazy too, so unless I organise stuff we don’t do anything. I’m so frustrated, last day today and I’m off doing my own thing cos they can’t be bothered. I’m just so fed up, it was a very expensive holiday and I’ve had a crap year with losing a parent and just wanted some lovely family time. My 12 year old DD just can’t be bothered, despite being blown away by the ship when we first boarded. I went to a show last night on my own as none of them fancied it. And just had lunch on my own as they were still in bFeel like holidaying on my own in future and saving my money! I just feel they’re so ungrateful. Does anyone else have this?

DH complains like this constantly.
He doesn’t bother to put self in kids shoes, or ask what they want to do, or spend time finding out why they seem unhappy.

He stomps around - bitching that everyone ungrateful for everything he does & pays for. Yells at them for phones, selfies

Does he bother to try to understand /or ask what young teen girl interests are? Why she might not like same movie as him. Or find out that her friends are doing something she is missing?

Both sides need to get to know each other during this holiday ….. IMO. To find a balance of doing things together, and start.

Maybe waterside with bunch of little kids seems weird to a teen??

Its disappointing for you that the family haven't enjoyed it in the way you wanted and expected. Chalk it up to experience and find something else next time that everyone likes but don't expect too much!

Not unreasonable to stay in bed late on holiday. Your children are not young kids, they want to please themselves. They sound pretty normal. The 19 year will probably enjoy evening activities.

I would find a cruise pretty claustrophobic but that's me, I some people love cruises.

Chalk it up to experience and don't book for the family again.

How disappointing to have your holiday spoiled like this.
Have the others been on a cruise before? If not, they might not have been able to imagine it when they chose this holiday. Not everyone enjoys cruises and it must get very boring to be on the ship for so long if you don't feel like engaging with the entertainment.
I hope you got some rest anyway and feel a bit refreshed from the change of scene.

Hahaha, yes my DD quite fancied the 23 day repositioning cruise in January that started in Barbados. Had to break it to her that wouldn't be possible as she had school and we don't have enough annual leave (it was however cheaper including a one way flight) then the 14 days in July!

Oh and just the idea of a cruise makes me want to heave. All I would think about would be the Titanic or that idiot recently who went to close to the coast to impress his gf ( Spain maybe) and the South Korean one where all the kids died and the one near Sweden. Oh and the Philippines. There's sadly many more. No thanks. All you are looking at is endless ocean anyway, you can do that from a beach. Obvs not a fan so well done you for getting your children to come along. Do they still have the buffet things? Heaving again. You do know they are well known as a cesspit of germs? And you pay money for this. Regularly massive attacks of gastro on cruise ships. Eeeekk! Each to their own , but I'm with your kids and DH,I'd be hiding in my room waiting for this hell to be over,probably watching The Poseidon Adventure whilst crying. Sorry OP😰

"I've paid for a third-rate comedian and a buffet, and you're all going to bloody enjoy a third-rate comedian and a buffet. Also, water slides. Go down the water slide! Go on!"

"Mum..."

"Water slide! Now!"

Son/daughter is 18 and cannabis is legal in Amsterdam. Not much different ferment from having a cocktail I suppose.

I was on my first girls party holiday at 19, so I can imagine why a 19 year old doesn’t want to spend time with their parents on a cruise ship after a week.

It’s a shame your husband didn’t join you for the show and for lunch. I hope you managed to enjoy it regardless.

Strictly speaking, it's not legal.

Well aren't you a joy! Do you think about all the plane crashes whilst flying an the car crashes whilst travelling day to day?

😆

Blimey what a lot of unhelpful responses. "MY teens would never do this!" "Cruises are great!" "Cruises are rubbish!" "Let me tell you all about the cruise I took in 2018!"

OP, I feel your pain. Frankly, the most useful thing you can do for yourself is to search the Teenagers forum here for posts by people whose teens moaned and lazed the whole way through expensive family trips, and then later spoke about them as among the best holidays they'd ever had.

True. But it’s not criminal.

Looking at endless oceans? You realise you stop at places don't you?

My cruise to the Norwegian Fjords was some of the most spectacular scenery I've ever seen. Viewing it from a cruise ship was probably the best way to do it as you sail through them. It was stunning.

OP still hasn't said what type of cruise it is.

Holidays are for relaxing, no?

We're on holiday this week. We've had a couple of family outings but otherwise all done our own thing. Works for us.

Maybe discuss expectations before you go next time. Or as you say, go alone, as your choice for downtime and theirs seems to differ.

Do they still have the buffet things? Heaving again. You do know they are well known as a cesspit of germs? And you pay money for this. Regularly massive attacks of gastro on cruise ships. Eeeekk!

Oh and while they do have a buffet we only ever used it for late night pizza on the way back to the room. We ate in the restaurants and the food was incredible.

I think it's annoying on any holiday if people just spend the majority of the time in the rooms. You could do that at home for free.

OP do what you want to do for the rest of the cruise and chalk it up to experience when planning the next trip.

Maybe your expectations of teenagers are too high. We have a A.I in tenerife coming up. I'm not expecting my ds15 to want to do loads of stuff with us. He will enjoy helping himself to the endless food and drinks, the odd dip in the pool, maybe some table tennis/darts. He will probably like the entertainment at times but if he doesnt, im not bothered if he goes back to the room.

I think if their attitude was bad in the sense of rudeness and self entitlement etc then yes that's not on.

But if their attitude is more a long the lines of just not being bothered I don't think I would get too upset.

They are on holiday as well. If they want to lie around being slobs that's what they want to do.

You go and enjoy your self and don't let them hold you back.

Cruises aren’t for everyone. Next time, go with someone that will enjoy being on an upmarket Butlins trip a cruise

You’ve set yourself up for a pretty major fall.

You have had certain expectations of this holiday and how you would spend your time. This clearly hasn’t been relayed to your DC or DH. The reason why you want to create family memories is clearly linked to the loss of a loved one. But we process grief differently. Not everyone feels the same at the same time.

You cannot expect them to mind read what you want out this holiday. Perhaps their expectations were to have a relaxing holiday chilling out and sleeping in because they’ve got dreaded school/work to go back to after the holidays.

This is where it’s causing problems. Two different sets of expectations, that neither side has talked about.

Additionally, you can’t possibly complain about phones when it will clearly would have been yourself who gave the phone to the 12 year old and will pay for any contract. If you do not wish for them to spend less time on their phone- set parental controls on the phone and set boundaries on where/how long it can be used for.

Don’t make yourself into a martyr. If they want to chill, let them do it and don’t make them feel bad for doing so. All you’ll be doing is making the holiday miserable for everybody. Let go, relax

I just want to add, why do your children have to be 'grateful' to you for going on a cruise? Kids are usually dragged along to holidays, sometimes they have a great time and sometimes not but gratitude doesn't enter into it. Presumably you chose a cruise as a holiday. I am surprised your eldest wants to go on holiday with parents, could be he thinks he is pleasing you by coming along.

A lot of people are saying that next time you should find out what the family want to do before you book the holiday. You may find that the answer is 'if at all possible, nothing'. Which I think is fair enough.

When ours were teenagers, we went to places - in France, generally - where we could each do what we wanted. And what some of us wanted to do was bugger-all. Those that wanted to go and look at markets and castles, did. Those who didn't want to do that weren't made to.

We got together in the evening to eat. We had a rota for cooking. Doing a meal every few days was the only commitment that anyone had to make.

It's really irritating, if you want to do nothing but sit and read your book, to have someone saying, "You could do that at home! Come and see the flea market! It's only an hour's drive! You'll love it!"