Convincing nervous wife to holiday with baby.

[BabyPapa]

So my LO is now 15 months old and we haven't left the UK since 2019 I feel like I'm climbing the walls!!!!

Discussed a holiday with the wife and she's initially agreed in a date flight and location great!

Problem now comes at the booking phase and she's using every excuse to not go onto make it impossible for us to book.

Does the accommodation have a cot...yes...hmmm well we need a travel cot because people will use the cot to keep bags and it won't be safe...

Getting from the airport well we can't get a taxi because I can't trust they will have a car seat...I can book one with a car seat...it might not be safe...ok public transport...but what if the bus crashes or how will we get all of our stuff on and off....ok hire a car...too expensive.

Honestly everything I say or do is followed up by another issue.

I know my wife's just worried and wants our LO to be safe but eughhhh.

Is there anyone one there with a guide to holidaying with a toddler that I can maybe show her or any advice on how to deal with her?

I'm so close to just saying F it and staying in the UK for 5 more years!

(Sorry this is a bit of a messy rant I'm out on a head clearing walk)

Would she be prepared to take a ferry?

I think you need to be more concerned with helping her get help for her anxiety.

Trying to convince somebody to do something that is upsetting them will never end well.

I understand you need a holiday but it would be no fun if she was there and constantly worried.

You do realise a holiday with young children is the same work just elsewhere?

Rarely can they be described as holidays.

Is there an option for you two to have a break away and leave child with a trusted family member or would that be a no no?

I think she needs to get help for anxiety. But practically, would a holiday by train or car/ferry work better? We do find that easier with a baby, as can take more stuff,

It might sink

I’ve had loads of great holidays with young kids.

No it’s not the same as having no kids, but they’ve definitely been holidays and we have enjoyed ourselves!

Holidays with young kids are not fun. Who does most of the childcare/ getting up at night in your relationship?

Some of those concerns seem perfectly reasonable to me. We holidayed with a uk travel company to canary islands. They guaranteed to provide all th baby equipment we wanted and an english contact to resolve any issues. It was great, very relaxing.

"The wife"
= misogynist

Is she really asking anything that crazy though? Bringing a travel cot - not that unreasonable, otherwise there wouldn't be a market for travel cos cots. Car seats - extremely reasonable. It being a stupid idea to use public transport to travel to destination with baby stuff - seems fair.

Could you do a UK holiday first? Try out some easier travel with your kit so that it works well and everyone is more confident that it could be done abroad too?

I don’t agree with the ‘same job but elsewhere’ argument, unless you don’t really enjoy holidays abroad. For me it’s not the same, it’s relaxing, I get to immerse myself in a different culture, food, art, music, etc. We’ve been on so many holidays since children, and from 10wks. Every holiday has been amazing.

OP - just drive if flights don’t work. You can bring your travel cot, everything you need, get a ferry or shuttle. We went away (flew), and brought our own car seat, cot, etc as we were first time parents of a little one. It was fine, airport staff are helpful and it’s a bit of a faff, but you can put everything in the hire car and you’ll be fine.

Holidays in the uk are great with little ones. I'd try to reframe your thoughts until your wife feels more positive about travelling abroad.

You lost me at ‘the’ wife

Speak for yourself. This has not been my experience, I’ve loved every one of our holidays.

Does the wife get to go out for head clearing walks whenever she likes, OP?

Can you do a weekend away in the UK to reassure her before going abroad? It's hard to leave the safe zone where everything can be controlled and routine is the same etc. I remember being invited to a wedding abroad and just not being able to face it with a toddler. Although her anxiety is probably in overdrive, her concerns are valid.

I think those concerns are pretty reasonable for a good mum. You clearly have the dad privilege of not needing to think about those things and just want to have the fun part of the holiday.

A car seat is essential for a 15 month old and there are often issues with these not being providing when abroad, or if they are they're often in terrible condition and unsafe. Same thing for the concern on the bus, if it crashes with no car seat that is very dangerous for a baby.

I think it's wrong for people to diagnose her as anxious because of legitimate concerns.

We drove to France mostly as it's far easier

We took 18 month old twins to Spain on holiday.

It was bloody hard work.

Maybe try a U.K. holiday first?

Is she as nervous about other aspects of life with the baby? Have you been on UK holidays or overnight trips with the baby? How is she generally about being in a car with the baby? I wonder what specifically is worrying her about a holiday abroad?

I agree supporting her to seek help for her anxiety is probably the first step, otherwise the holiday, if you did persuade her, could be a nightmares for all of you.

We do a 50/50 split I've adjusted my work hours so I can be as much help as I can be.

Agree re help with anxiety.

But tbh holidays abroad with toddlers can be an absolute nightmare- the don't like the heat, change of routine can upset them, practicalities of taking all the stuff, flying.

Why don't you have a nice UK break instead. Haven parks or Butlins if you want entertainment etc. A 15 month old will be happy on the beach even if it's raining.

I think you need to tackle it in 2 ways. Your wife does need help for her anxiety, GP is probably a good start. However in the meantime I would increase what you do with LO gradually adding just one new element if possible e.g if you only go for a short trips go for a whole day, if you go for a day already how about going somewhere with overnight stay. I say this as a person with anxiety, too big jump is just impossible for me but little steps increase my confidence and help.

Go into a travel agent together and see if they can mediate and answer her questions