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Original poster

Convincing nervous wife to holiday with baby.

110 replies

BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 21:47

So my LO is now 15 months old and we haven't left the UK since 2019 I feel like I'm climbing the walls!!!!

Discussed a holiday with the wife and she's initially agreed in a date flight and location great!

Problem now comes at the booking phase and she's using every excuse to not go onto make it impossible for us to book.

Does the accommodation have a cot...yes...hmmm well we need a travel cot because people will use the cot to keep bags and it won't be safe...

Getting from the airport well we can't get a taxi because I can't trust they will have a car seat...I can book one with a car seat...it might not be safe...ok public transport...but what if the bus crashes or how will we get all of our stuff on and off....ok hire a car...too expensive.

Honestly everything I say or do is followed up by another issue.

I know my wife's just worried and wants our LO to be safe but eughhhh.

Is there anyone one there with a guide to holidaying with a toddler that I can maybe show her or any advice on how to deal with her?

I'm so close to just saying F it and staying in the UK for 5 more years!

(Sorry this is a bit of a messy rant I'm out on a head clearing walk)

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:07

Corksoles · 18/08/2024 22:00

Does the wife get to go out for head clearing walks whenever she likes, OP?

She does yes and I sit in and watch the monitor/look after my child when needed. Why would you assume that She doesn't?

OP posts:
LoneHydrangea · 18/08/2024 22:08

We took our kids all over the world from when they were tiny babies, so I can’t relate to all the fussing. I think she needs to get help with her anxiety before anything else,

otravezempezamos · 18/08/2024 22:08

I wouldn’t want to go away with someone as awkward and paranoid as that tbh. If she sorts her anxiety out, great.
FWIW yea you can have fun holidays with young kids. It’s not easy or relaxing but it can be fun. But going away with someone determined to be controlling and have a ‘yeah but’ to everything is not fun. Save your money.

FierceBadIggi · 18/08/2024 22:09

I don't think her concerns are unreasonable. For similar reasons, we took our own car on holiday when we had toddlers. U.K. and France a couple of times. Once they were past the 5 point car seat stage we went further and flew. It can be possible to bring your own car seat, though you might worry it will get thrown around in the hold.

Copperoliverbear · 18/08/2024 22:09

Do you think she has post natal depression ?
Would you say if you don't want to go on holiday i will go alone as i need a holiday ?

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 18/08/2024 22:14

She's not unreasonable to not want to go abroad with a 15 month old baby.

You have a baby now. Your life changes. So what if you have to wait a few years to go on a holiday abroad.

Stop harassing her.

Rainallnight · 18/08/2024 22:15

BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:05

We do a 50/50 split I've adjusted my work hours so I can be as much help as I can be.

Show quote history

‘Help’

3luckystars · 18/08/2024 22:16

What if you said you were going on holidays anyway

Original poster
BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:16

Thanks everyone for the mostly useful replies.

We have done a few UK trips and they have always been fine. She's generally not a mega anxious person.

I think maybe this is just a bit much for her at the moment and that's fine.

She's not keen on driving to France as time spent in the car seat and it taking too long to get there.

She initially suggested the holiday as well but think maybe it's all getting a bit overwhelming as the reality of how much works going to be involved becomes clear. She's then adding more and more questions over solutions.

I'm taking a bit of issue with the comments suggesting that I'm just the typical stereotype male that's sitting on my a** whilst my wife dies everything. I'm really not sure where that's all coming from but Mumsnet eh!

I'm going to make a spreadsheet with all of her concerns and try to write down/sort out real solutions to them tomorrow (as it's one of my das with my daughter and she will have a few hours sleep and after I've done the outstanding housework)

If she's still not happy then UK trip it is until she's ready.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 18/08/2024 22:17

Can you go into an actual travel agent together and ask the questions together

lorisparkle · 18/08/2024 22:21

Worrying about keeping your child safe is not abnormal- I rang up the ferry company before we travelled for the first time to make sure they had the right size life vests.

People often take their own car seat / cot on holiday so again perfectly normal.

I think you need to consider the practicalities of travelling and working out how to keep your child safe.

pizzaHeart · 18/08/2024 22:24

I also think that the travel agent as was mentioned is a good idea, researching for the first holiday with baby might be quite overwhelming for some people. We booked our first holiday through recommended travel agent. I remember we listed our concerns and she suggested a few options straight away and yes, she was able to answer some questions.
I also think that package holiday will work better for you as there is sort of a one point of contact for the whole journey - managing different parts might be a bit too much at this stage.

TheShellBeach · 18/08/2024 22:25

BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:05

We do a 50/50 split I've adjusted my work hours so I can be as much help as I can be.

Show quote history

It's called parenting, not "helping", OP.

Donimo · 18/08/2024 22:25

In terms of cot and car seat. You can take your own and check them in for free. Most airlines allow you to check in baby items. Or with the cot just pack a travel mattress for the cot at the hotel/apartment. So there is no risk of reusing a mattress etc.

A holiday with a little one is not like pre baby but I still enjoy my holidays and they love it too.

I have travelled multiple times with 3 children. At ages 6 months, 10 month, 12 months and 20 months etc. So happy to help answer any other queries.

TheShellBeach · 18/08/2024 22:27

I'm taking a bit of issue with the comments suggesting that I'm just the typical stereotype male

If you hadn't called your wife "the" wife it might have helped.

biscuitcat · 18/08/2024 22:27

I agree with the suggestions about a ferry - kids usually love them and they're usually much easier than the hassle of flying as you can bring your own stuff. If you choose a destination close to the port at the other end then there hopefully shouldn't be too much driving either.

Your wonder about making a spreadsheet with worries and solutions could be helpful - but my wonder is whether she might feel a bit pressured? It sounds like there's quite a lot of anxiety underlying your wife's reluctance for an abroad holiday and sometimes a practical solution to an emotional problem doesn't work. Approaching it from the same page could be more effective - share how much a trip abroad would mean to you (though not in a way as so to put pressure on her!), tell her you understand she's feeling anxious about it and ask if there's anything you could do to help assuage that anxiety maybe?

Ratherbeaspoonthanafork · 18/08/2024 22:28

We didn’t holiday abroad until youngest was 4. It was lovely when we got back into it but I felt like your wife. We had lots of nice holidays in the UK and we were fairly lucky with the weather until one year when it was awful.

Boxina · 18/08/2024 22:29

We took ds to Barcelona at that age (DD was 6) and had a great time! We took DD to Italy when she was 7 weeks old. Little ones are so easy to travel with and love everything you show them, it's lovely!

OlympicBlue · 18/08/2024 22:31

The wife, helping not parenting…..
Anyway. I would 100% want to take my own car seat and travel cot. That might seem like over anxious to some but that’s just sensible from me.

OlympicBlue · 18/08/2024 22:31

And 100% I wouldn’t get in a taxi abroad without a car seat, the same as I wouldn’t here! I don’t know any taxi company that you can book with the right size and safe car seat.

Pinkissmart · 18/08/2024 22:33

BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:16

Thanks everyone for the mostly useful replies.

We have done a few UK trips and they have always been fine. She's generally not a mega anxious person.

I think maybe this is just a bit much for her at the moment and that's fine.

She's not keen on driving to France as time spent in the car seat and it taking too long to get there.

She initially suggested the holiday as well but think maybe it's all getting a bit overwhelming as the reality of how much works going to be involved becomes clear. She's then adding more and more questions over solutions.

I'm taking a bit of issue with the comments suggesting that I'm just the typical stereotype male that's sitting on my a** whilst my wife dies everything. I'm really not sure where that's all coming from but Mumsnet eh!

I'm going to make a spreadsheet with all of her concerns and try to write down/sort out real solutions to them tomorrow (as it's one of my das with my daughter and she will have a few hours sleep and after I've done the outstanding housework)

If she's still not happy then UK trip it is until she's ready.

Please don’t make a spreadsheet ‘sorting out’ her anxieties. This would not in fact be helpful. Anxiety isn’t always logical for others looking in, so your spreadsheet would just be a list of reasons why she’s wrong.

MiniPumpkin · 18/08/2024 22:35

I’m not keen on a spreadsheet . I’m not sure pointing out all her worries on a spreadsheet would help.
it sounds like you would be ok to wait a bit? Maybe you should do that and she will let you know when she’s ready. I also had some holiday anxieties like cots. I thought that other countries wouldn’t meet safety guidelines. Took my own cot and mattress! Most of my anxieties resolved themselves when lo was around 2.

Original poster
BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:37

OlympicBlue · 18/08/2024 22:31

The wife, helping not parenting…..
Anyway. I would 100% want to take my own car seat and travel cot. That might seem like over anxious to some but that’s just sensible from me.

She's the only wife I have ...she also refers to me as The husband and I can assure you it doesn't bother me one bit.

The Help comment again isn't wrong as we both help each other and our child by parenting her very well.

Apologies if the poor phrasings got some of Mumsnet riled up!.

I was just after a bit of advice more on the practicality of traveling with a little one and I've got some really good and helpful replies.

I'm onboard with taking our own car seat and cot. I was actually looking at the doona system as it's pram and car seat freeing up a space for a cot on the hold luggage.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyPapa · 18/08/2024 22:40

MiniPumpkin · 18/08/2024 22:35

I’m not keen on a spreadsheet . I’m not sure pointing out all her worries on a spreadsheet would help.
it sounds like you would be ok to wait a bit? Maybe you should do that and she will let you know when she’s ready. I also had some holiday anxieties like cots. I thought that other countries wouldn’t meet safety guidelines. Took my own cot and mattress! Most of my anxieties resolved themselves when lo was around 2.

Thank think I'll park the abroad ideal until she's ready. And I can have gentle discussions with her about some of the issues she's raised

We've had some lovely UK trips anyway

OP posts:
BeMintBee · 18/08/2024 22:41

If you keep approaching this with your dismissive, rational spreadsheet logic then you’re on a hiding to nothing. There’s nothing a spreadsheet can do to help with anxiety. Bombarding her with practical solutions won’t help. You need to pop your listening ears on and find out what’s going on rather than trying to win the holiday. That way you stand a chance of actually getting the holiday with a wife who wants to actually go on it.