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Holidays

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Original poster

Taking a friends child on holiday who pays?

86 replies

orangespikeyfrog · 16/07/2023 09:04

My partner has a house on the uk coast that he’s rented out it’s now become vacant so we are going to use it over the summer . My son is 12 an only child and we ll need to take a friend with him to keep him amused . My question is what is the etiquette for who pays for the child . We like to do activities which over the course of a week can be quite expensive . I wouldn’t ask for money but if the parent offers should I gratefully accept or turn it down as I’ve invited the child on holiday ?

OP posts:

Thelondonone · 16/07/2023 09:05

I would offer but i can afford to. You offered so you should pay but accept if they offer. What if they offer £50, will that piss you off?

5childrenand · 16/07/2023 09:05

We have always paid when taking friends away because they are doing us a favour keeping our dc occupied.

They usually bring their own spending money and generally take us out for a meal or parents will buy a generous gift to say thank you. But no expectation of that.

LizBennet · 16/07/2023 09:07

If my child was asked to go I’d pay all their expenses, I’d I was asking a child to come I’d pay for them… it’s a tough one really and dependant on how you ask them to come.

BestZebbie · 16/07/2023 09:12

If you invite, you cover all the costs (but the child's parent's should send generous spending money so they can sort their own souvenirs and treat everyone in the host family to an ice-cream at some point).

whiteroseredrose · 16/07/2023 09:13

DF used to do this for me, and he paid for everything for the friends.

BestZebbie · 16/07/2023 09:13

BestZebbie · 16/07/2023 09:12

parents. Not parent's.

sunshineandshowers40 · 16/07/2023 09:13

How much would you expect them to offer. The friends I know that have done this pay for their DC's friends as they have invited them. Also how much notice are u giving them, they might not have the money if you are asking now and going next month.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 16/07/2023 09:17

I’d pay for them if I’ve invited them.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 16/07/2023 09:20

If I invited them I would expect to pay for them.

It’s very similar to inviting your sons friend to join you for the day to go to a theme park etc. You wouldn’t dream of them paying themselves in

SallyWD · 16/07/2023 09:22

My DD goes away with her friend (an only child) a couple of times a year. I always find the issue of money a but awkward. The friend's mum always tells me there's no need for me to give money but I feel I should. They went away in the UK for 5 days and I gave £100 towards food, activities etc. She recently went away for 2 nights. I gave £40. I have no idea if I'm giving too little or too much or I shouldn't give anything!

TidyDancer · 16/07/2023 09:22

The parents issuing the invitation should cover everything but the extra child's parents should give appropriate spending money. I think it's polite to offer money towards activities but I wouldn't accept it personally. If one of my DCs was invited somewhere I would buy a present and maybe a gift voucher to say thank you.

MsMartini · 16/07/2023 09:23

We've always paid but the holidays haven't involved expensive activities. As your dc are young, it is likely you will discuss the plans with the parents I'd have thought? So if they ask about contributing in a way that suggests they mean it, you could mention the activities - ie I wouldn't turn down a serious offer to pay for an activity or two from a family who do that sort of thing themselves......

QuillBill · 16/07/2023 09:23

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 16/07/2023 09:17

I’d pay for them if I’ve invited them.

So would I. You are inviting the friend for the benefit of your son. So that he has a more enjoyable holiday.

If I was the friend I would send my child with spending money and give money that I would think would cover their food though.

BillyNoM8s · 16/07/2023 09:34

You should be paying and the parents should send him with souvenir/ice cream money. If they bung you some extra for food costs then that's a bonus.

You've invited him and it's for your benefit. You can't invite someone then leave them out of your chosen activities because you begrudge paying for them.

It would be different if you've had discussions with the other parent and they've said, "oh Sam would love a holiday like that - if you want company for Adam, let us know and we'll pay for him to join you."

evtheria · 16/07/2023 09:50

BillyNoM8s · 16/07/2023 09:34

You should be paying and the parents should send him with souvenir/ice cream money. If they bung you some extra for food costs then that's a bonus.

You've invited him and it's for your benefit. You can't invite someone then leave them out of your chosen activities because you begrudge paying for them.

Agreed.

Lilacshade · 16/07/2023 13:11

We did this many times with friends and later girlfriends of DC. I always paid for everything. If asked I would say the child could bring spending money for souvenirs etc but I wouldn't let them buy so much as an ice cream.
When DS went away with a friend's family it was the same. Everything paid for, activities, food etc.

NuffSaidSam · 16/07/2023 13:14

You should pay, but fine to accept money if they offer.

If it were my child I'd offer to pay for an activity, so maybe offer £100.

NuffSaidSam · 16/07/2023 13:15

I wouldn't give money to the child to treat the host family because I think you're then pushing the awkwardness onto the child to deal with.

NorthernGirlie · 16/07/2023 13:17

You need the friend, you pay in my opinion

The family may not be in a position to pay at short notice

redskytwonight · 16/07/2023 13:17

If my child were invited, I would offer to pay but expect it to be rejected. I'd send my child with incidental spending money and suggest to them that they (say) bought everyone an icecream at least once.

If I couldn't afford to pay for the child at all the activities, I would choose different activities.

cyncope · 16/07/2023 13:23

You're bringing the other child purely to keep your own child out of your hair - you should definitely be paying for everything and you should reject any offer from the parents.

Parents should send child with spending money.

continentallentil · 16/07/2023 13:24

They should ask what activities are happening and cover that for their child, plus a generous allowance. I’d expect you to cover food and the accommodation.

This might tip either way if you both no one of you is much better off.

mosiacmaker · 16/07/2023 13:32

Just remembering when I went on holiday with my best friend and her family when I was a kid and my mum gave me spending money which I spent all on knickers (we were 12) and then later my friend told me her mum was pissed off as I was apparently meant to spend my spending money on a gift for their family. My point being, please do the gift yourself rather than expect your child to realise that’s what the money is for 😂

Superdupes · 16/07/2023 14:02

You shouldn't offer to take them if you can't afford to pay for them IMO.
I certainly wouldn't expect a child to bring lots of money to cover shared meals or whatever - maybe a tenner to buy a souvenir but that's it.

Thewarrioress · 16/07/2023 14:15

You should pay. The child is there to keep your child company. That should not cost them anything other than pocket money for sweets.

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