Taking a friends child on holiday who pays?

[orangespikeyfrog]

My partner has a house on the uk coast that he’s rented out it’s now become vacant so we are going to use it over the summer . My son is 12 an only child and we ll need to take a friend with him to keep him amused . My question is what is the etiquette for who pays for the child . We like to do activities which over the course of a week can be quite expensive . I wouldn’t ask for money but if the parent offers should I gratefully accept or turn it down as I’ve invited the child on holiday ?

We always pay for everything when a kid comes with us

I would expect to pay for everything, same as a day out.

I would send spending money with my child and encourage them to share it with their friend or whatever, but no way I'd expect them to pay for a meal. How awkward all round! Imagine being a host family and letting a 12yo pay for your dinner 😳

I worked on the basis that as they were invited as a 'replacement ' for a sibling then we would cover expenses. If you'd had 2 children you'd have been paying for 2 DCs and probably wouldn't have invited a friend.

I would tell friend's parents to just send child with some personal spends so if they want to buy a souvenir or crappy sweets then they have their own money.

One of DS's friend's parents would always send some money in an envelope on a long day out with a note saying thank you for taking Fred, please treat everyone to a coffee and cake with this cash, which we always thought was a lovely gesture. (Friend was an only child).

My son has joined his teen friend (I am also friends with mum) in their caravan holiday for three years. They say they love having him and their son would hate the holiday without a friend.
I offered to pay but they refused. He was sent with money to cover his activities and I bunged him extra with instructions to treat the family to a take out and to pay for everyone to do an activity. Also gave the family a gift when they dropped him off. Probably contribute £200 all in which is still a v cheap holiday! Everyone seems happy.

We took a friends child and the mum gave me £100 for food and elasticities such as surfing lessons and SUP and kayaking. It adds up

Activities

You pay unless you make it clear at time of offer.

'Would Tim like to come on holiday? He'd need around £300 to cover planned activities'
v.
'Would Tim like to come on holiday? It would be our treat except for any souvenirs he wanted'.

As @BillyNoM8s says... this is correct ettiquette IMO.

If it was my.child who was invited i would also give you £200 or so for a nice meal out for everyone as an extra thank you and / or send something post holiday.
But i think my DH and i are on the more generous side and not everyone would think to do this.

My parents took a friend away a couple of times.

Their parents would give my parents money - my parents always accepted. They said it paid for trips out, Childs portion of an odd meal out, etc. my friends always had spending money on top of that for any souvenirs/tat they saw. My parents expected to pay the basics (ie cost of holiday cottage / travel / food if eating in) - the money went towards extras (entry fees, meals out, etc)

If someone offered to take one of mine away I’d do similar - I think £100 in an envelope to parents and making sure they had personal spending money (amount depends on age).

The issue is one of expectations. For some people a trip to the coast is sitting on a beach and self catering, for others it's expensive activities. Unless you know the parents very well it will be difficult to suggest an amount if they ask - without flights or accommodation cost they might be thinking £20-30 for souvenirs and a bottle of wine to sat thanks. I would actually have been annoyed if parents with an only child invited one of my children as a playmate, especially so late in the day, I would have fully planned summer by April including camps

We've always just paid and not expected anything though would normally receive a nice gift. Money was usually offered but we would turn it down, now with the COL I think I would probably accept the money

You want the child to go with you as company for your child. You need to pay!

You definitely cover all meals and core activities. How many paid activities would there be? Aren't you mostly going to be on the beach?
I would expect you to suggest that he brings spending money for any extra snacks or souvenirs, and perhaps you could mention that there's the option of doing X activity which costs Y.

You pay.

You must also be quite well off and have well off friends ... when my DC have been invited on holidays as an accompanying child, £200 would be hugely disproportionate in terms of the actual holiday cost.

I have taken DC friends at that sort of age along and as I invited I would pay for expenses.

I don't think you can expect another child to pay who you have brought along to keep your DC company on these activities.

This is asked regularly every year on MN, and usually splits the board.

There is no firm right or wrong, BUT the crucial thing is that both parties are clear from when it is first mentioned.

So, you say to friend's parents "This is the situation. We are happy to be responsible for him. It will be great for ds to have company and it won't cost anymore in accommodation or transport as they are there anyway. We're happy to provide all food etc BUT when we are there, we do tend to go on expensive day trips 2 or 3 times a week, so if he comes, it will probably cost £X extra for us to get in to those places. If you are happy to cover that, then we'll ask him if he wants to come. Totally understand that might not be in your budget for this year, so that's why we've not mentioned it to him until you've had a chance to let us know. No pressure at all, we realise you might already have other things planned."

Yes i agree so it's clear what they agree to

We did this with DS friend in UK and the DM kindly transferred £100 into my bank account. We more than spent that on him on bike hire, theme park and water park plus meals, but it was helpful to have the contribution.

We took another friend abroad last year and the DM paid a quarter. She was very happy to do so as meant not taking stroppy teen on holiday. We are doing the same this year. Cost us a bit more for meals and drinks, but means DS is happy and actually as we would be paying a single supplement if it was just him, it works out well for everyone.

When I invite a friend along for days out or away with us, I’d expect to cover all expenses (food/accommodation etc) the child usually brings along their own spending money, and I give my child money to take if they go away/out for the day with other families.

I think as it’s you who wants him to come, you should cover the cost OP. We did it a few times when DD was little and it nearly always worked out that the other child’s parents offered a contribution and sent lots of their own spending money too.

I would pay for any friends we invited, but if the parents are comfortable financially / it is covering some summer hol for them / they would normally happily pay for such things for their child then I would gratefully accept a contribution (unless I was rolling in it and the cost was easily affordable to me).

Usually the other parents have given me some money with a ‘have a meal out / towards Dc expenses’ message.

I would NOT accept a penny if I thought it was in any way a struggle for them or adding to a tight summer activities budget.

If I was inviting, I'd not expect anything.

If my child was invited, I'd offer and if refused at least give spending money (some for both children), or £100 for a meal out as a thank you or whatever.

Which probably doesn't answer your question!

I would pay for everything but invite the parents to supply pocket money.

If you decide to visit a place that involves an entrance fee then I think you should pay, as it was your choice.

If your child wants to by a plastic dinosaur in a gift shop then the child pays from pocket money.

You are , in effect, providing a friend for your child to share the enjoyment of their holiday.

I'd also not be asking for money for food.

You definitely have to pay for the ‘rent a child’ and if the parents offer, you need to decline. Yes the child should have some light pocket money with them but not much. Then parents give you a bottle of wine when you drop the rent a child back.