Taking a friends child on holiday who pays?

[orangespikeyfrog]

My partner has a house on the uk coast that he’s rented out it’s now become vacant so we are going to use it over the summer . My son is 12 an only child and we ll need to take a friend with him to keep him amused . My question is what is the etiquette for who pays for the child . We like to do activities which over the course of a week can be quite expensive . I wouldn’t ask for money but if the parent offers should I gratefully accept or turn it down as I’ve invited the child on holiday ?

I'd pay all expenses for the child but hope the parents would give them some spending money for a few souvenirs. If there was a flight involved I'd expect the parents to pay for that though.
Older kids are a bit different. When my 15 year old son was invited to go away on holiday (Spain) with his gf and her dad I expected I would pay, but when I met up with her Dad to get a figure he hemmed and hawed and just said to give him some spending money (I wanted to give the Dad enough to cover flights and meals). So I didn't pay for anything and my son barely spent anything.
It might be the case next year that my then 20 year old and my then 19 year old may want to bring friends with them when next on holiday (Spain). It's my house but I'd expect them to pay for flights and have spending money for going out. I'd still pay for food I cook though.

Last summer we took my DD16 and her friend away on holiday to Spain. We were prepared to pay for everything, as it was great for my DD to have a friend there, but the friends dad insisted on contributing, so in the end, he paid his DDs flight, and sent plenty of spending money, so they could go out and about to theme parks, lunches etc during the day. We paid for our flights, half board hotel for everyone, and some incidentals. It worked out well, and seemed fair.

If you invite someone on holiday or for a day out then you pay , all the child needs to bring is some money for souvenirs etc . If the other parent offers money I personally have never taken it because it may be that they feel obliged to offer it when they can’t really afford it .

If we take friends away in The UK we don’t charge at all, if it’s our own place in Spain we charge for flights only plus a contribution to the airport taxi (we usually take our car) and car hire the other end as we need a people carrier.
The friends parents usually offer and give their kids spends plus enough to treat everyone to a meal out

My DSS16 was invited to Tenerife by a friend. He was expected to pay the full cost of his ticket which was all inclusive. Not sure if he paid for days out etc.

If you have asked then all the kid needs is spending money. If you can't afford it then don't ask for a pal to come along to keep your bairn occupied.

I’d say, ‘We’ll cover costs and Johnny might want to bring some money for ice creams and souvenirs’.

I’ve always covered the flight and spending money. DD2 has a friend who lives in the US - we have her to stay in London one year and then DD goes to the US the following year. We cover flights for DD, her friend covers her flights, and we cover all in country costs including activities, meals out etc.

If I invite I pay, including expensive days and meals out. DD has just been away for a few days with her friend and her mum in the UK. I made sure she had plenty of spending money (£200 and she had her card) and we bought a gift for the friend's mum. The DM paid for everything apart from DD buying them all the odd drink, ice cream and souvenirs/gifts. DD spent around £50, a fraction of the cost, which included two days at a major theme park and staying at the on-site hotel whilst there. In our circle it would be expected for the one who invites to pay, although it evens out over time.

Can’t believe the snarkiness on this thread to a really inoffensive question. ‘Rent a child’ FFS.

And OP said in the OP that she was expecting to pay all costs. Her actual question was how to respond if the parents offered to pay.

OP - if the other parents would feel uncomfortable in you paying everything then just accept their offer. If they look like they’re offering because they have to then don’t. I hope you all have a lovely trip.

I wouldn't expect it if I'd invited.

But I'd send spending money to the parents if my child was the guest.

It's just good manners 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you offer you pay. Never really understood the need to take a friend though. I holiday alone with my now teen and we have loads of fun. Our week away is family time, he sees his pals the other 51 weeks of the year!

My DC took a friend each last year (they are older teens). We asked for payment upfront for the flight, and we paid for the rest.

Very expensive and quite stressful - wouldn’t do it again!

The “reason” they had a friend each: DS didn’t want to be separated from his GF (now ex!) and DD didn’t want to be third wheel. And DDs friend wouldn’t have had a summer holiday otherwise as parents were too busy that summer to take time off.

My son aged 19 went on holiday to France with his girl friend’s family. When we tried to pay them for food they said they’d never seen anyone eat so much and they regarded it as part of the entertainment!

Were you particularly unwell or something?

If they offer, in your situation I'd reply, "That's very kind of you. We'll cover the food and accommodation of course, but we're planning to do the following activities which cost X amount per person, so a small contribution to the activity costs for child name would be great!"

I invited friends for all three of my teenaged dc for one week. I asked the parents to cover travel. There were 4 friends so 8 in total. I covered everything else including activities, the friends covered treats for themselves eg ice cream but I didn't expect that

I wouldn’t dream of leaving the other child out of activities I was just wanting to get an idea of the etiquette I’d perhaps choose more budget friendly activities if on paying fir two

I always offered when my DC were invited - I paid for flights to go abroad etc. but the invitees were super rich so they didn't accept anything else.

DD seems to be “the friend” in this situation a lot. She had 4 invitations this summer alone. One involved a £700 plane fare, which we couldn’t afford so she didn’t go (it would have meant no family holiday for the rest of us). Others have been car travel and sc accommodation so no real extra cost on that side (she is v cheap to feed and can cook!). Other than making sure she had what she and her friend deemed adequate spending money, I haven’t contributed (but then, she’s the age where her and her friends make their own plans and I don’t know the parents really- have met some, not all, in passing)

To add- I suspect DD is invited 1) to give the friend an incentive to go on a family holiday and 2) because she’s the one generally seen as a good influence.
DD loves the invitations, but unlike some PP i don’t see it as a favour/ a cheap holiday/ a reason not to have to include her in family holidays. To me it’s extra expense (however small) and comes out of spending money for the family holiday I’m trying to save for. I appreciate it on her behalf though!

They offer out of politeness and you refuse to accept, I think?

The other child is coming for your child’s benefit - if you can’t afford expensive activities for both of them every day, just do the activities once or twice. They can play on the beach/in the garden together the rest of the time.

DD recently went away to Florida with a friend and her family. I know I didn’t pay her share of the costs, but it was a delayed pre Covid holiday that the older son did not want to go on. DD kept their DD busy meaning the parents had a better holiday.

we gave £300 to DD and £500 to the parents, I did think some of that might have gone to DD, but she went swimming with dolphins and to a concert while away. Plus food etc.

we did not set out in advance how the money would be distributed, so we accepted how it was spent.