Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Original poster

Holidays with in laws...no or yes?

57 replies

user1469485133 · 08/05/2023 11:27

Hi!

Do you go away with your in laws?
I've been away on a family holiday with them once and it was really tough.
It included my partner and her daughter, her parents, and her autistic brother and his wife and daughter.
To say it was tough is an understatement. I had huge reservations about it, got really anxious weeks before and only did it to please other people.
I thought it was going to be a one off thing. But now they have expectations that it's going to be a yearly affair. I've managed to get out of it this year, thought my partner is disappointed with my decision and her parents have questioned why I'm not coming.
My partners previous boyfriend (of 14 years) avoided going anywhere with them. I'm much more sociable than him (I'm a woman!!) and it's lovely that they want me there too....but it's just painful for me!
I'd never expect my partner to do the family thing with my parents, even though my parents are SO easy going and easy to be around.

I'd love to hear of your experiences.

OP posts:
Azealeasinbloom · 08/05/2023 11:31

Length of stay, accommodation , destination and expectation would determine my answer . Need my own space , cannot bear all
the dancing around cross legged as someone booked the cottage with only one bathroom etc,
In short , a weekend in a hotel maybe, a week in one self catering house - no way !

watcherintherye · 08/05/2023 11:35

It depends on why you found it so tough! It sounds like they like you and want you there. If it’s the only time you’d have off with your partner, then it’s understandable you might not want to spend it with in-laws. If it’s one break among several, then maybe I’d suck it up. Perhaps you should suggest doing the same with your parents? It’s not unheard of, to holiday with extended family, you know!

CurlewKate · 08/05/2023 11:49

Why is it painful?

atotalshambles · 08/05/2023 12:28

I think to go for it if you have your own accommodation and space and time to do your own thing. I think it can be great fun. However, I think if you are all in a confined space and everyone 'has' to do everything together, particularly if one person likes to control the activities, then 'No Way!'. I think it also depends on personalities - if your inlaws are super relaxed and fun then I think it will be great. If your inlaws are more difficult and less flexible, then it will be a complete nightmare.

ginsparkles · 08/05/2023 12:31

We do regularly. We each have our separate accommodation. We travel with the in laws and a big group of mutual friends. We spend some time all together, sometime just us and in laws and sometimes just us, sometimes smaller groups go off together. We are usually away for 10 days or so all in. It works for us.

It important though that we have our own holidays without them too, and time just our family when we are away.

BeeBB · 08/05/2023 13:56

We have done a couple of weekends in this country and I have really struggled, that was more than enough.

Mine aren’t very organised and lie in late, always put off making decisions etc then are always surprised, shocked, upset or disappointed that something was no longer available, closed, couldn’t get the time they wanted etc etc.

No way would I ever have gone on holiday abroad with either set of parents for more than a weekend or outside of the UK as I like to enjoy my holidays.

In order for it to work you have to be fairly similar, fairly laidback and respect each others space and privacy.

maranella · 08/05/2023 15:31

I've done it a couple of times with my ILs and DH has been away with my family I think four times in 20 years. It's hard work, whether we go with my family or his. Very different families, very different dynamics, but always fucking hard work! Balancing the needs/wants of three generations takes time and endless tedious discussion and when it comes to eating out with a big group it's invariably a pain in the bum. So although we often feel guilty, we won't to commit to going away with either family on a regular schedule and have said 'No' more times that we've said 'Yes', because we (particularly me) don't want to get caught in the expectation that we'll come.

SallyWD · 08/05/2023 15:47

I've done it loads of times and it's been fine. We might have some very minor differences but I generally really enjoy the holidays and their company. I suppose it all depends on the individuals involved though.

Maddy70 · 08/05/2023 15:52

Holidays with anyone else has Challenges

You dont want to go. So don't go

Suggest a Weekens Instead as you want to save your holidays for some quality couple time

LBOCS2 · 08/05/2023 15:53

We go away annually with my ILs. If I'm honest, I found it trickier in the early years - my SIL can be a brat quite hard work, none of us had much money so we were in quite cramped accommodation, and it was hard to unwind as I wasn't entirely comfortable with them.

Nowadays it's a nice week. The kids are older so they're happier to supervise them which means DH and I get time to ourselves, we get much much bigger accommodation so there's plenty of space for people to relax without having to be in each others' pockets, and frankly, I know them much better so I'm more comfortable expressing what I need out of a holiday - space to myself, for example.

It's a process, I'd say. And I'd definitely be lying if I said that I didn't resent using my annual leave to go away on a holiday I didn't particularly enjoy in the early years.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/05/2023 16:02

My husband and I holiday with my parents every year for two weeks and we have a wonderful time. My husband adores my parents and they adore him.

Hell would freeze over twice before I ever went on holiday with my in-laws. Luckily, my husband agrees.

Wannabedisneyprincess · 08/05/2023 17:01

I went to DisneyWorld for 10 days with 2 SIL and their families when me and DH had no kids, we all stayed in different hotels and only saw them for arranged meals and a couple of days and I still found that hard work

last year we went to Disneyland Paris with my parents and our 2 DC, I still found it hard work but my DH found it more hard work, we mainly went with them so they could look after DS who was 6m at the time as they aren’t bothered about rollercoasters, stepdad had suggested a cruise for my DMs 60th but neither me or DH are keen for that long, they are happy to sit and have drinks whereas we are on the go on holiday all the time kind of people

NurseCranesRolodex · 08/05/2023 17:06

Possibly max 2 nights in same resort but different accommodation, once every 5 years. Otherwise, no way. Why???

UsingChangeofName · 08/05/2023 19:50

Long thread asking similar here

10 pages, and overwhelmingly people are saying there is no way that they would use a whole week's holiday allowance going on holiday with their in-laws.

I mean, obviously it depends what they are like and what the relationship is like - some people might enjoy it, but obviously you didn't, so why on earth would you repeat it ?
In my thinking, the more people you go away with, the more everyone has to compromise, and, being as most people tend to have one holiday a year, why would you spend it compromising ? The occasional 2 - 3 days for a birthday weekend, or at Christmas, is what we should all make the effort to do now and then to be nice to our partners, but your annual holiday ? No way.

Husband doesn't want to go on holiday with my family | Mumsnet

My husband is reluctant to agree to coming on a holiday with my side of the family (my parents, siblings and their families). It would be totally pai...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4795562-husband-doesnt-want-to-go-on-holiday-with-my-family?page=1

reluctantbrit · 08/05/2023 21:12

No, we did long weekends twice/three times pre-DD and that was enough.

We are just too different in our approach to accomodation, type of activities and locations.

It's even hard to get them to tell what they would like to do when we visit them/they visited us.

Hbh17 · 08/05/2023 21:18

No. But then holidays with one's own parents is a definite 'no' too. I don't get this thing about huge, group or family holidays - they always sound like a recipe for disaster to me.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 08/05/2023 21:19

Well I don't particularly like my in laws 🤣🤣 it's a firm NO from me 🤣

35965a · 08/05/2023 21:23

Every year would be a hard no for me and I really like most of my ILs!

Hottoffeesauce · 08/05/2023 21:26

I've done this every other year for 25 years. We only go in this country, stay in different accommodation to them (but nearby) and meet up to do pre-agreed and arranged activities, meals etc. I also do things on my own during the holiday (whilst husband and kids meet up with his parents) and do things just with my husband and kids. This has all worked for us and made good memories without too many 'problems'. The in-laws are too elderly to do all this now and I'm actually going to miss them this year.

Mummypete · 08/05/2023 21:29

We’ve done it once and I wouldn’t again. It felt like we were on their holiday (despite having paid for ourselves and it wasn’t cheap). They have very young children though so everything was arranged around them which was irritating towards the end of the week and I’d rather have spent the money on our own holiday rather than tagging along on theirs.

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/05/2023 21:29

I've done a couple of short breaks and even though I like them it was hell, I just can't stay with anyone but close family, I need my own space.

DelurkingAJ · 08/05/2023 21:33

We have done so and DM comes away with us most years. We stay in a villa and more adults to entertain DSs is a huge plus. DH actively invites DM - who is a complete blessing in terms of mucking in and happily going with the majority. DPIL I wish would come more often but are less keen (won’t leave DDog!).

Pashazade · 08/05/2023 21:36

He's have happily done a week with just in laws but we get on well. Also do long weekends with extended family, but these are organised like military operations because of numbers and everybody chips in so they actually work well. But we all acknowledge that 3 nights enmass is probably the most we should attempt, as people will get annoyed with each other in all likelihood beyond that point!

mondaytosunday · 08/05/2023 21:47

Ugh no!
However, my husband was totally happy to go to Spain and stay with my parents (who lived there part time). He got on very well with them. No TV or anything there - we played bridge! It was not so much going away with as visiting them for a stay that happened to be in a foreign country. During the day we often did things on our own.

Holly60 · 08/05/2023 22:11

Yep have been away many times with the in-laws. Always had a fab time ❤️