AIBU to not go to my DS’s 2nd destination wedding?

[diamondsarentagirlsbestfriend]

My DS got married while in lockdown during that brief window travel was allowed. My DM & I went together & my BIL’s DM & his DS attended. There were 6 of us there.
They have a house at the destination & are having a week long wedding celebration party as well as another wedding ceremony & party at a nearby luxury hotel. A room for the night there is €850, just to give you an idea.
If we were to go & stay at the same hotel it would be around 7k- 8k for the week including flights, car hire etc.
I have booked alternative accommodation, researched cost cutting but all in all it will still cost around 4k - 5k.
We have a family holiday abroad every 4 - 5 years because of finances.
I love my DS but our relationship is strained and as a result we aren’t particularly close. I feel that we should be there because it’s family. However DS is very high maintenance, overly sensitive & self centred. Not going will drive an even bigger wedge, as it will be taken as a snub. She says no pressure but that just adds pressure because I know she doesn’t mean it. It’s expected we are all there.
We just don’t have the money to go….
My DH is furious that they have chosen to do this given there is a cost of living crisis & everyone is struggling, added to the fact that this is their 2nd destination wedding. It’s stressing us both out. I feel angry we don’t have the funds & I feel angry that it’s expected we are all there for a 2nd destination wedding.
We have extended family all over the world who are attending. If I am not there questions will be asked, if I go alone more questions will be asked by the extended family. I know either way derogatory comments will be made.
What do I do???? I really feel backed into a corner….
Any advice??

Tell your DS that you would love to go but just can't afford it. Then broadcast it far and wide that you can't attend due to the high cost and hope they all send you photos. Seriously - if she wanted you to be there then they would either not have it at an expensive destination or pay for you to go themselves. It's really that simple

I have either misunderstood or your sister is having a second wedding ceremony abroad? Why does she need to have a second one? Is she marrying someone else??

I think the OP means sister, not son, and that originally there was just a quick wedding abroad “covid” and now everyone and anyone can travel she’s having a second bigger celebration

well… no OP. For all the reasons you outlined.

Just say quite simply you can’t afford it. Sorry.

If you mean son I’d go. If it’s your sister I’d say I can’t afford it

Yes sister.

Same man, 2nd destination wedding to the same man.

It sounds utterly ludicrous. She has already had her destination wedding, why on earth does she need a second one! I would not be bothered at all in telling them that you cannot afford it. If she has a house at the destination why is she not putting you up? She sounds like a dreadful attention seeker.

One of my brothers didn't go to the wedding of the another brother. Said he couldn't get time off work (he was abroad at the time) but I suspect he didn't make much effort to find out. So for a sibling, no. You've already been to her wedding.

Let the other guests talk, so what? It's a bloody expensive faff. Suggest that as you attended the original wedding, you're sitting this one out. If she can't accept and understand that it's an unnecessary and ott expense, let her stew.

can’t afford it - sorry.

and as others have said, broadcast it… Any words she has with others will just make her seem tone deaf to them.

Just say 'no, we can't afford it'. That has the benefit of being both true and entirely reasonable.

Tell your sister to take her head out of her arse. A herd of wild horses couldn't drag me into a situation like this. Madness. Get tae fuck!

I wouldn't go either
That's a ridiculous amount of money for a holiday that neither you nor your DH want

If its where they live/have a house then I guess its slightly different than a destination wedding. They're just having a big do to follow their small do, which lots of people would. But not from your pov. You are in a no win situation so just do the option you prefer.

When I first read your post I thought DS = son, and was going to say that I think this is one of those times you just have to suck it up.

Now that you say it’s your sister, and given the relationship is strained, she’s high maintenance and self-centered: don’t go. You’ve been once, that’s enough. Two weddings is one more than necessary.

Wait, she's having a second destination wedding to the same man? WTF?

Of course you don't need to go. Waste of money and annual leave. How many of these charades is she going to dream up in future?

lol I would have to ask her the following .
2nd wedding eh .
has she got divorced and remarried as no one told you
and who has a second wedding / destination unless they are actually getting married again - pointless

I get a party at home if you get married abroad

otherwise she wants you to pay 8k for what is a fake ass wedding party

i will give her credit - she is defiantly got some balls
😂😂😂😂

No way. Ridiculous unless she's paying.

I thought you were in a pickle when I thought it was your DS. Now you've clarified it's your dsis the answer is no, we can't afford it and we were at your actual wedding.

Without a doubt, and absolutely no guilt.

I went to a friend's wedding once where none of his family came because it was such a long way. They flew home and had a party for everyone who couldn't make it and there was no hard feelings.

Absolutely do not spend €850 a night on accommodation 🤯

Of course you shouldn't go .. if you can't afford it then you can't afford it. And even if you could afford it doesn't mean you have to spend your money on your sister's wedding. So what if people comment ... learn to not bother about other people's opinions. I had a very quiet wedding (not a 'destination' venue). Siblings weren't even invited ... I don't know if they were offended or not, no one said anything to my face and there appeared to be no hard feelings.

well itsnot a wedding is it theyre already married and you went to that one

its selfish indulgence callingit a wedding its a party

Just tell her you will start saving so you don't miss the next one....

OP, be honest and say you cannot afford it.

As its your sister be straight and say you afford it .

The house is their 2nd home.