AIBU to not go to my DS’s 2nd destination wedding?

[diamondsarentagirlsbestfriend]

My DS got married while in lockdown during that brief window travel was allowed. My DM & I went together & my BIL’s DM & his DS attended. There were 6 of us there.
They have a house at the destination & are having a week long wedding celebration party as well as another wedding ceremony & party at a nearby luxury hotel. A room for the night there is €850, just to give you an idea.
If we were to go & stay at the same hotel it would be around 7k- 8k for the week including flights, car hire etc.
I have booked alternative accommodation, researched cost cutting but all in all it will still cost around 4k - 5k.
We have a family holiday abroad every 4 - 5 years because of finances.
I love my DS but our relationship is strained and as a result we aren’t particularly close. I feel that we should be there because it’s family. However DS is very high maintenance, overly sensitive & self centred. Not going will drive an even bigger wedge, as it will be taken as a snub. She says no pressure but that just adds pressure because I know she doesn’t mean it. It’s expected we are all there.
We just don’t have the money to go….
My DH is furious that they have chosen to do this given there is a cost of living crisis & everyone is struggling, added to the fact that this is their 2nd destination wedding. It’s stressing us both out. I feel angry we don’t have the funds & I feel angry that it’s expected we are all there for a 2nd destination wedding.
We have extended family all over the world who are attending. If I am not there questions will be asked, if I go alone more questions will be asked by the extended family. I know either way derogatory comments will be made.
What do I do???? I really feel backed into a corner….
Any advice??

The truth is, they appear well off. You are not snd they know that. They limit guests by choosing somewhere expensive to celebrate. This is done to cull guests to people like them. It’s not a celebration for for family. If you cannot afford it, don’t go, if they wanted you, you would be invited to their house. So just accept they are excluding you and they know it. Wish them a great week and then forget it. No doubt it will be all over Facebook!!

They haven’t divorced, they want a 2nd wedding & week long celebration as their 1st wedding was abroad with immediate family.

So, they did their wedding abroad. Now they are holding a week long party to celebrate, and are expecting people to pay to travel (and stay) for that party ?

Someone should explain to them that people get married abroad either to avoid having a big party, or they get married abroad and then have party for all family and friends back home.
They can't seriously expect people to travel abroad for a party.

Nope, I wouldn't be going. Just tell them you can't afford it.

@UsingChangeofName
The rich do have “wedding” parties abroad. Also two “weddings”. Often one in one country (where parents reside) and a celebration, lasting several days, in another. Usually a western city in Europe that’s glamorous. Guests just stay in an Airbnb if they want to go. DDs been to several like this. They wear the full marriage gear, get blessed. And party!

Well, you live and learn.
That said, it doesn't sound as if the OP is in 'the rich' circles

I would also think that if you are spreading your wedding out over a few years and countries, then you ought to let people know at the start, so guests can take everything in to account at the start and choose which part to join them at.

@UsingChangeofName
They do. COVID obviously messed up timings. DDs friends had their European celebrations around 6 months after the actual weddings. The first weddings have been in the country of birth and are for family and friends who reside there. The second celebration is for European based friends and family and others who can come. Usually a lot as these are rich people. The OPs sister is replicating this. It’s extravagant but it’s not unusual.

Covid did mess up in the fact that at the time gatherings of more than 10 people weren’t allowed, but they still managed the 1st Wedding abroad, this is their 2nd wedding abroad in a country they do not live in, just have their 2nd home in.

Yes. But they are married. None of the “weddings” DD went to were other than holiday destinations. They didn’t live there. Although certainly had the money to do do. Just be honest and say it’s beyond your finances. However they do know that.

The first weddings have been in the country of birth and are for family and friends who reside there. The second celebration is for European based friends and family and others who can come.

But that is entirely different, if people are "going home" to get married, and also having a ceremony which is more easily accessible for their family and friends (which would usually be near home but - I guess if all their 'circle' are affluent enough and child free enough to jet off for extra holidays here and there.
35 years ago I went to a blessing at my local Church which was, for all intents and purposes a wedding (bride in a long white dress walking down the aisle with her Dad, all family and friends in best bib and tucker, on for a meal , speeches, and then dancing) which came 3 weeks after they had got married in her home country, in the fashion people got married there, which was a small legal formality in a plain office. Made sense.
I've been to a party in a hall in the evening thrown for all local friends and family that couldn't travel to a bride's home country for the civil ceremony more recently too. Again, makes sense.
But the OP is talking about a couple traveling to a country neither of them is from, to get married, and expecting close family to go - which they did. (All fine). But then, asking them to do the same thing all over again a couple of years later. That is the odd thing. Still most people won't be able to go, and the OP is being made to feel bad for not saving, or getting into debt to go to something she thought she had attended once.

@UsingChangeofName I am well aware it’s different. I was explaining to another poster how the very rich organise weddings and second ceremonies. If you read my posts I have been clear about what I think the op should do.

Nope, no way would I waste my money on this.

"We have extended family all over the world who are attending."
If this is the case then I would certainly try to go, do you not want to see them all after the COVID travel limitations?
Could you ask your sister if you and dh can crash on their floor? Just tell her you can't afford a hotel in her area on top of flights etc.
If she refuses to help with accommodation then she's no right to get huffy if you then can't go.

That's a ridiculous amount if you are on a budget. Ignore the.comments and politely decline.

It sounds very pretentious and I definitely wouldn’t go.