AIBU to not go to my DS’s 2nd destination wedding?

[diamondsarentagirlsbestfriend]

My DS got married while in lockdown during that brief window travel was allowed. My DM & I went together & my BIL’s DM & his DS attended. There were 6 of us there.
They have a house at the destination & are having a week long wedding celebration party as well as another wedding ceremony & party at a nearby luxury hotel. A room for the night there is €850, just to give you an idea.
If we were to go & stay at the same hotel it would be around 7k- 8k for the week including flights, car hire etc.
I have booked alternative accommodation, researched cost cutting but all in all it will still cost around 4k - 5k.
We have a family holiday abroad every 4 - 5 years because of finances.
I love my DS but our relationship is strained and as a result we aren’t particularly close. I feel that we should be there because it’s family. However DS is very high maintenance, overly sensitive & self centred. Not going will drive an even bigger wedge, as it will be taken as a snub. She says no pressure but that just adds pressure because I know she doesn’t mean it. It’s expected we are all there.
We just don’t have the money to go….
My DH is furious that they have chosen to do this given there is a cost of living crisis & everyone is struggling, added to the fact that this is their 2nd destination wedding. It’s stressing us both out. I feel angry we don’t have the funds & I feel angry that it’s expected we are all there for a 2nd destination wedding.
We have extended family all over the world who are attending. If I am not there questions will be asked, if I go alone more questions will be asked by the extended family. I know either way derogatory comments will be made.
What do I do???? I really feel backed into a corner….
Any advice??

still a party yu cant legally marry twice

What a load of shite.

I wouldn't be going. Never mind cost of living crisis, it's pure egotistical indulgence. These aren't people I would like to be around.

Sure - they can spend their money on whatever they like. So can you. Tell her you don't have the money. And when she says she doesn't understand how you can't afford it and don't want to be there, tell her to grow up and do one.

You won't be going as you can't afford it so there is no decsion to make. Just try and stop worrying about anyone else's reaction. Most people realise it is expensive for a holiday and will come to logical conclusion that money is the reason you arent there rather than any snub especially as you were at the first wedding. I expect there will be others in the same position who can't attend for the same reason.

Tell her you'll go to the next one.

You surely won't be the only person unable to attend because of the cost

What a selfish inconsiderate sister you have! Aye just tell her you’ll go to the next wedding like someone else said lol

A week long wedding celebration? I didn’t even care that much about my own wedding let alone someone else’s. And it’s not even a wedding. Totally self absorbed. Definitely don’t go.

Just say I'm really sorry we can't afford to go. Job done
If she's that bothered she'll pay for you to go and if not don't worry

It’s their 2nd home. I don’t think it’s occurred to them to do that…

Yes Sister not Son he’s only 5 😂

If it was a second wedding / celebration of their covid times wedding in the UK that would be different. Or if it was more affordable. It isn't, so just say you've looked at your finances and cannot afford it. You wish them the best and will celebrate with them when they're back.

Same man, 2nd wedding abroad..

Even if I could afford it I wouldn't go. Second "weddings" are not a thing. I wouldn't feel bad about it either. If it means that much to her to have you there then she'll have to pay for you to attend.

Why would you spend all that to go to a silly pretend wedding?

I'm still confused.

Your sister got married, within the last couple of years, and you flew out to her destination wedding.
Now she is having a "second wedding", but to the same man ?
She hasn't had time to get divorced, surely ?

Tell her you would be happy to go of she foots the bill, otherwise you can't afford itm soz and all that.

Let her strop. Who cares if she throws a wobbler?

If Covid fucked up her 'dream wedding' then she's perfectly entitled to a do over. But you are perfectly entitled to say 'Thank you so much for the invitation, but we can't afford it. Do send us some pics.'

Honestly, don't give it another minute's head space. Say no and move on.

You went to the original wedding. You don't need to go to this party.

“So pleased we could be there to witness the actual wedding, so sorry, can’t afford the air fares etc again at the moment but have a wonderful time celebrating with everyone who couldn’t be there on the day”

Why bankrupt yourselves when the relationship is strained anyway, when the demand that you be there (however it is disguised) is unreasonable, and not when your DH is not on side?

They haven’t divorced, they want a 2nd wedding & week long celebration as their 1st wedding was abroad with immediate family.

Just tell her you can’t afford it if you can’t. You aren’t lying. It sucks but that happens.

I doubt very much that ‘everyone’ is going.
The fact that’s it’s a party is the key - you attended the first wedding and can’t afford to do it again - so just be upfront and tell her.

So they haven't offered for you to stay at their house?

I would pop out there alone for the day of the fake wedding ceremony, maybe a night either side if need be. Not the whole week, what on Earth is supposed to be happening the rest of the week?

I do wonder if she’s quite right in the head to think her extended family want to spend a week celebrating her nuptials of 1-2 years ago.

They are married. They can’t have a second wedding! You were for the actual wedding, you don’t need to go to this extended, expensive and self-indulgent party.