I lied to school about children sickness and went on holiday

[kgabe]

So before anyone decides to go hard on me, I have never ever lied about kids sickness before. I don't know why I did it this time, I guess money is tight, we worked hard to be able to afford the holiday, but still could not afford the holiday in half term, so we decided to take kids out of school for 3 days. I reported my children to have sickness. And off we went.
But unsure why, probably based on their hunch, school called me the next day. I did not answer, just sent them a message instead. But they replied they got an international ringing tone....ooops... i did not even reply to that. When we got back I got a letter suggesting I lied, that kids were on holiday instead of home poorly, etc. I don't know what to do, I hate lying and I regret not telling the truth, but has it gone too far now to just admit I lied? I can also expect the fine for my children, well tough I suppose. But I feel like a criminal, like I did something unspeakable. But I only allowed for my family to have a wonderful time together, we has such a great time, it is really priceless. My kids are both doing great academically and their abscence was above 95%. What is everyone's take on it? Should I own up now? Or deny it still.... And are they allowed to question my children without my permission about it?
Thank you

Just be bloody honest from the off or don't go on holiday in term time.

They know you are lying. Oh the kids (multiple) just happen to all be ill the three days after the holiday and parents don't bother to call in, might as well just have a klaxon on your head saying 'liar, liar, liar'. Of course the school are going to ring your house phone and mobile to see if they get an international tone or panicking parent . Its not bleeding rocket science.

If they know you are lying its damaged trust with the school, which is important.

I don't get why anyone attempts to lie tbh. The kids are incapable of keeping it secret and its so incredibly bloody obvious. To the point that it actually insults the intelligence of the teachers.

One of my friend found one particular occasion hilarous. Little Johnny had spent the week telling his mates he's going on holiday so when they did the register and she says 'Johnny? Where's Johnny?' the kids reply 'Oh he's on holiday but we are not supposed to tell you Mrs Jones'.

OP, sometimes I get caught up worrying about trivial stuff. Step back for a moment - in ten years time, this will be so utterly trivial you'll barely even remember exactly what happened. There's no need to feel bad.

I was a school governor and our school came down like a ton of bricks on parents who wanted even a day off for holiday - so of course, loads of parents just lied. It was ridiculous. A more balanced approach would have created a far more honest dialogue.

You made a decision about a family holiday. Missing three days of school won't have any impact in the grand scheme of things. I hope you had a lovely time.

On a more practical note, if it were me, I'd either just ignore it or I'd say that I did take the kids on holiday but they were also feeling a little bit poorly too (just to save a bit of face). I'd try ignoring it first and then if they persist, I'd do the latter.

Really ? When you ring someone overseas the daily tone is completely different

Don't admit you lied. They can't prove you did.

Really? If you ring another country there is an international dialling tone, and if you ring from abroad it’s the same, there’s a different tone before it connects

You feel remorse so you're not a total failure here.
Just think next time about those who wish to enjoy the luxury of going away without children clogging up the hotels during term time. And your kids' poor teacher who now have to deal with your kids out of routine trying to get them back in line with the rest of the class.
Book your holidays in holiday time. And if you can't afford it, don't go.

Honestly just own up. Say what you’ve said here. Carrying on the lie just looks worse.
Just be honest and apologetic in an email and leave it at that.
It always better to own up when you’ve made a mistake.
plenty of parents do what you’ve done, the school will have seen it lots of times before. Just own up now and say it was a silly thing to do and a choice you now regret.

The school issue is one part but I’m more interested what you told your kids to say?

Have you told them to lie if asked or keep quiet about what they did that week? That is a problem much more than taking them out of school.

When you say they inferred you lied

what did they actually say?

i point blank said “due to crippling cost of taking holiday a day after term ends, both children will not attend for last day of term. I understand that this will be an unauthorised absence”

I got a response from the head.

“thank you for your honesty. You are correct, unfortunately I can not authorise this day, but I wish you and the children a very happy holiday!”

Did you include your kids in the lie? Ie tell them to say they’ve been off sick? That’s not the action of a ‘good parent’ despite what you insist

For the first time I'm going to quote Punch (the puppet not the magazine) and say "That's the way to do it!"

Own it. Say "yes I lied. Sorry about that."

My friend who is a supply teacher does it and another teacher I know did it when she was on maternity leave. A few days out of primary is not the end of the world.
Our dc of the age when you just had to ask nicely. We only did it twice, we never took the piss ...fast forward to excellent grades and Uni results.

100% - I've done this before. I've been honest that we're going on holiday, I've acknowledged it can't be authorised, school have agreed it will be unauthorised and thanked me for letting them know. End of. There is no reason to lie about it.

My children did not know we were going on holiday until the day were flying. The got up as normal for school and we told them then. I told my children they could talk about their holiday, no problem, but if they were asked about when they went, I told them to tell teacher to speak to mummy or daddy. Well, I am not very good at lying myself and the karma got me, it doesn't make it any better, but I have never asked my children to lie, just me and my husband... :(

Rule of Thumb. Don't lie. Be economical with the truth if you must but don't lie. In this case, you lied . Now that you are caught out, don't double-down - that is your integrity down the pan for saving a few quid. The worst thing is forcing your kids to lie as well. That's a pretty thing bad to do to them - they do not have the skills or cognitive ability to process what is the right thing to do and could end up being made to feel like they betrayed you for speaking just normal stuff about their fun time on holiday. What are you teaching them? Just awful.

And the excuses about not being able to afford it otherwise and the need for fun experiences, they are just excuses. They do not justify lying.

I would just ignore the letter. It was a warning shot across the bow from the school not to do it again. So lesson learnt. I don't think they will follow up on it. If they do pursue it, then come clean. You will be respected and you can respect yourself all the more for it.

I’ve seen a similar situation occur in a school I worked in because be parent lied about the child’s location and school weren’t able to verify the where the child was they had to report the child missing to the police. Lots of school and police man hours wasted. Just tell the truth.

I would just be honest and tell them you needed family time, which is not a crime. Also explain that you cannot afford a fine but understand if they feel they need to issue one, but you won't be paying it. It's totally over the top to fine parents in my opinion but the system is what it is.

You lied and got caught out.

Now you're trying to dodge the consequences?

Yes, you're a great parent (your words). Try teaching your kids how to be responsible.

Hope it was worth it.

I'd own up. That would do more to repair the trust with school than carrying on the lie that they clearly don't believe at all. I don't know if they'd question the kids without you but it wouldn't be a case of hauling them into a room and interrogating them, just an off the cuff "were you poorly at half term, Jimmy?"

I think you did the wrong thing but I'm not here to tell you off. Plenty people have jumped on your already for it. But you can make amends here. Own up but tell them what you've told us in the OP. Pay the fine. Then you can just move on.

And I hope you enjoyed your holiday.

oh, yes, it was well worth it. Thank you for your concern

Why not? Id do the same.

Mine are adults now but if you are creative you can get decent prices in school holidays - the trick is to go early if you are in Scotland/Leicestershire which have different terms or late august (when some schools are returning) or just pick locations which are not as obvious for families eg Normandy was lovely, lots of historical site etc which have plenty for kids I should add, mine were 6&8. We also went to the Atlantic coast of Spain, beautiful, amazing food and nowhere near as busy - only about five other rooms occupied in the hotel and no other kids so they were treated like royalty including a 2 private swimming session (spa was mostly adults only)

I would just own up to it and not make it a big deal.

We've taken our DCs out of school for a family holiday twice now as the alternative was spending another 1-2k on the same place because it was half term which I find absolutely atrocious in the first place. Both times I sent an email in informing the school of the dates and that we are away/kids will be absent - not asking permission, it's not as if we would've cancelled our only holiday we get a year/every 2 years because school said no.
Both times we had no opposition/questioning or anything as such.

Not everyone can afford the ridiculous half term prices and that's both UK or abroad!
DCs had a brilliant time each time, saw new sights, learned about new cultures and did not fail the year/ ruin their academic career because of a few days off.

I wouldn't take them out if it was a year of SATs or other exams but IMO a few days in the space of a year is nothing.

@JustMaggie

its a longer drawn out tone when you phone a mobile and the person is abroad