Dear holiday cottage owners

[SylHellais]

We’re in one, and I felt the need to post a note to all holiday cottage owners as the following issues appear to be inherent.

• for the love of god, just buy a whole set of matching cutlery, plates and glasses. They are not expensive and it’s massively annoying to see a cupboard full of random glasses and bits of crockery you don’t want in your own house.

• sharpen your fucking knives.

• buy a set of three non stick saucepans and two non stock frying pans, one small and one large. They don’t have to be expensive.

• when women wash their hair, they need an additional bath towel.

• a plug socket, near a mirror. Thank you please.

• bin bags. And tell guests which bin is for what.

• can you please fix all the small things like the seal around the wood burner which fills the cottage with smoke, or the pedal bin which doesn’t pedal, or the radiator which is stuck on full chat because the valve is broken, or the oven which is impossible to work out how to operate.

Your guests will thank you.

Ahem.

Teaspoons.

Your guests will probably buy or bring a jar of instant coffee.

They will put one of your teaspoons into the jar to scoop coffee into mugs. It will stay there and be used daily if they don't use sugar, or use a separate teaspoon for sugar and stirring.

They will take their half-full jar home with them at the end of their stay.

With your teaspoon in it.

Please better coat hooks.

And no stupid ornaments that I have to move so they don't get knocked.

When we stayed in self catering when I was a child, I loved all the mismatched crockery. Some of it was delightfully random. I liked being able to pick a favourite.

I have two holiday lets and always make sure we have all the things you say!

[quote TheTeenageYears]@Divebar2021 I'm just trying to comprehend your outrage at having to use the overhead light. Christ alive, that's what it's for.[/quote]
But who wants to sit in the evening with the overhead light on?

Sockets beside the bed.
Blackout blinds - at least in the room designed for children.
If something is complicated to use, leave instructions.

I'm really not fussed at all about matching cutlery, crockery or glasses. People damage or take stuff all the time so it must be a nightmare trying to find matching things. If something's been discontinued, would you want everything to be chucked out so a new matching set could be put in instead?

Agree about sharpening knives.

Many people prefer stainless steel to non stick, we do, and they are much more durable in a holiday let where people don't care about scratching the non stick surface.

I've never used a bath towel on my hair, it would be far too big and heavy. I always take ones of those towelling turbans with a button instead.

Agree entirely about bin bags and rubbish/recycling instructions.

I think the small irritating things being broken is often down to people not reporting them. Every property should have a book where guests write down things like that.

My suggestion to holiday cottage owners would be to go and stay in a Coquet Cottages property, and copy what they do. They really do think of everything (and no I don't work for them)

@nevertrustaherdofcows

Ahem.

Teaspoons.

Your guests will probably buy or bring a jar of instant coffee.

They will put one of your teaspoons into the jar to scoop coffee into mugs. It will stay there and be used daily if they don't use sugar, or use a separate teaspoon for sugar and stirring.

They will take their half-full jar home with them at the end of their stay.

With your teaspoon in it.

Is this from experience 🤣🤣

I'd love it if holiday cottage owners would post a list (even better with photos) online of the kitchen equipment/towels/bedding etc provided as standard. It would mean I can see in advance what I would have to take with me from home and if it's too much I can choose somewhere else. Also, if the oven is particularly small it would be helpful to know.

I have been guilty of occasionally breaking/chipping crockery. One cottage I stayed in included a list of items and suggested replacement cost so guests could tick what was broken and leave the an appropriate amount of money in the envelope provided. I thought this was a great idea- I am happy to pay for any damage but it's quite awkward to have to get hold of the owner/agent and negotiate.

Please don't put sandy towels (half the beach) in the washing machine.

Our gites are fairly high end and to be fair there aren't many problems with guests. However good knives and quality towels do miraculously disappear but we account for loss/damagetheft in the price. We no longer provide games but do have a collection of battered pushchairs, inflatables and chargers which are usually welcomed.

Yes, a welcome pack is more expensive than the component parts but somebody has to spend 90 minutes purchasing it for you and that adds £20 to the cost. I cannot explain how many emails I receive querying it or how many times I explain that Calais to the Languedoc is a two day trip, unless you are used to it.

I'm in a holiday cottage right now and I can't say I care about matching cutlery or sharp knives at all!

Blackout blinds for kids rooms would be good though 😴

I used to own a holiday property and I can say I stocked everything you mention. All my crockery, cutlery and glasses were form IKEA so it was easy to get replacements. I also provided two towels for each person as I too like a separate towel for my hair and the mirrors were all by plugs!

We stayed in a let that sleeps 14 with a 2 slice toaster, no potato peeler etc just little things but annoying

@TeenMinusTests

Please better coat hooks.

And no stupid ornaments that I have to move so they don't get knocked.

Definitely this. Or make sure you even have them in the first place - and enough of them.

Re. cooking in self-catering, not everyone wants to eat out every night, can afford to etc.. just because you chose not to, don’t assume that other people won’t. Honestly.

Dogmum - I couldn't possibly comment ...

I’m pretty easy going and don’t think I’ve ever sharpened a knife in my life but I do need a hand towel for my hair.

I was aghast when we paid £800 for three nights in an air bnb flat in Brighton. It was absolutely beautifully decorated but the towels didn’t go around my perfectly averaged sized body and the hand soap was Asda own brand. For the money the little luxuries would have made a big difference.

From the last time I rented a holiday cottage, I'd suggest that if you're going to have a big bag of beach stuff for guests to borrow, it is checked and/or washed occasionally.

We found two used swim nappies and toddler poo smeared over a number of the toys. The house had clearly previously been rented by filthy animals but it didn't say much for their checking and cleaning

@mrsmacmc

Oven glove too please and a couple of trays!! Added these to the bag we take with us now

I’m an owner.....sorry to say that Oven Gloves walk with guests. I’ve had to replace ours about 5 times.

@badpuma

From the last time I rented a holiday cottage, I'd suggest that if you're going to have a big bag of beach stuff for guests to borrow, it is checked and/or washed occasionally.

We found two used swim nappies and toddler poo smeared over a number of the toys. The house had clearly previously been rented by filthy animals but it didn't say much for their checking and cleaning

It’s not practical or Covid secure to do this. We have had to reduce ‘touch’ items in pandemic times and many handy items have had to be removed to reduce the number of possible ‘touch’ between guest groups and cleaning staff.

This was pre- covid. But anyway, if you're going to offer things like that it's worth a bit of effort to make sure your guests don't get covered in shit for which your lack of cleaning is responsible.

sharpen your fucking knives
You are barking at the moon. So rude. I hope people like you never come stay at my place.

Wake up moaners. owners have NOT been able to get to their places during this pandemic to check loads of stuff. We’ve not had access at all. Cut us some slack!

Fundamentally I don’t want to be significantly less comfortable in a holiday let than I am at home. We only really book through Air BnB and have done it often enough that we know exactly what we’re looking for.

We hired a beautiful barn conversion for 6 in the Cotswolds for an eye watering sum one Christmas. It was lovely - new Neff appliances, power showers, the works.

I emailed the owner ahead of time to check if there were champagne glasses & roasting tins. She wrote back to say “yes, we can supply one roasting tin but you will need to bring more if you need them”. Alarm bells should have rung at that point but no, we turned up and it was the most poorly stocked kitchen I’ve ever encountered. Everything, and I mean everything, was crap from her own kitchen that was either broken or she didn’t want.

Fortunately I travel (in the U.K.) with knives, tea towels, micro plane grater, scales, decent wine opener etc so we made the best of it.

She also made a big song and dance about bringing the roasting tin (which was manky and small) over once we were there, presumably so she could check us out, so I deliberately lined up every bottle of wine and gin we’d bought (around 20 of them) in an obnoxious row along the breakfast bar to give her the reassurance she deserved.

The final indignity was that I’d not long come off a failed round of IVF and was feeling a bit tender about it. Most of the fucking mugs were a set for “Best mum of the year”.

This has given me a good giggle. We always take our own knives, bottle opener, chopping boards and some other bits.
My ask would-be written instructions for any awkward appliances. Spent ages trying to work an induction hob once. Turned out I needed to set the the clock first...

Def need more than one towel:round body, around shoulders and hair.
Baths sheets please not tiddly tiny things that won’t cover my bum.