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Original poster

Mozhe IS NOT going back to work next week after all......

818 replies

mozhe · 16/07/2007 13:36

.....no, have decided to delay it by a week or so......Mr Mozhe is on 'incubator watching' duties....P-in-L's are manning the home front,( and DSsX3...), with nice new aupair....and Mozhe,Nanny and DTs are off to St Barts,( in lovely Carribean...),for a week's sun/swim/chill out !!
Any one been before ? Any pointers ? Off first thing tomorrow......

OP posts:

Cammelia · 16/07/2007 15:04

I remember a few years ago on m/net people were just as shocked when liam gallagher and his wife (nicole .....?) went on holiday leaving their 2/3 week old baby behind.

Its just not something most people would consider usual, normal or desirable.

I'm not being patronising edam, I genuinely believe its best for the mother (as well as the baby)

Wisteria · 16/07/2007 15:04

Some of your comments have been totally vile - it's each to their own. We know as parents how we all disagree about the most fundamental issues but Mozhe is not doing any harm to anyone, her new little ds is in the best place with the best care and her dh is there.
Stop being so nasty!

Mozhe - do you think your breastmilk will taste different on your return??

Kewcumber · 16/07/2007 15:05

the baby can't "taste" it Wisteria - he has a tube I assume.

CatIsSleepy · 16/07/2007 15:05

am I abnormal? i don't much care what Mozhe does or doesn't do...

enjoy your holiday though!

Tortington · 16/07/2007 15:05

babies are so over rated

Cammelia · 16/07/2007 15:05

Hope that wasn't aimed at me wisteria

ladylush · 16/07/2007 15:06

As a disclaimer I must first explain that I am probably not sane atm having just had a mmc at 3 months. However, my gut feeling is that it's not my baby, it's hers and she can do what the fuck she likes. She's not deserting all her kids, she's taking two with her. How would people react if it was her dh going away, while she sat in scbu. Not nearly as angrily I suspect.

TootyFrooty · 16/07/2007 15:08

Actually, ladylush, I don't agree with you. If someone posted on here about her very preemie baby being in scbu and said that her husband was going on holiday for a couple of weeks I suspect there would be pitchforks at dawn.

MhamaiJane · 16/07/2007 15:08

Unparp just for Custy's last post, feckin genius!!!!!!

peanutbear · 16/07/2007 15:09

right thanks for that Kew fair enough

thirtysomething · 16/07/2007 15:09

wasn't going to post as know i'm judging the judgemental posters, but don't feel I can stay quiet...WigWam I echo you 100%. How can anyone know Mozhe's situation as well as she does? Poor Mozhe has been through a great deal lately, can't you just stay away if you want to disagree with her choices rather than personally attacking her? I'm not keen on factory farmed meat products but I don't hang around the frozen section at Sainsburys foisting my opinions on everyone who buys them...

beansprout · 16/07/2007 15:10

Oh I do. Am always heckling people at the bacon counter.

Wisteria · 16/07/2007 15:10

Wasn't aimed at anyone in particular - just thought some of the comments were unwarrantedly nasty as opposed to rational thoughts. Cammelia, your post wasn't nasty, just truthful.

ProjectSeverus · 16/07/2007 15:11

Really kew (post adoptive depression)? that is intersting. I wasn't having a pop it just reminded me of that thread and thought you might find it interesting.

Ellbell · 16/07/2007 15:11

I am having very mixed feelings about this thread. There is no way that I would go on holiday in this situation, but that is me, and I believe that mozhe has the right to make her own decisions on this. My dd was a little bit prem and underweight and was kept in hospital for a couple of weeks. I was made to go home when she was a week old as the hospital couldn't keep my bed for me. I can honestly say I have never cried so much as when I was ejected from the hospital without my baby. During the time I was in hospital I'd had her with me all the time, even though they begged me to let her sleep in the nursery overnight so that I could get some rest (she wasn't in an incubator or anything). She never woke up (she slept 23.5 hours out of 24) so I set my alarm for every 3 hours so I could get out of bed and put milk down her NGT myself. I wouldn't let anyone else do it, even though they perfectly well could have done (I had to get a midwife to come and check the tube was in the right place first anyway, before I could 'feed' her). I was, basically, totally OTT. I was convinced that something dreadful would happen to my dd if I went home without her. But it didn't. She continued to sleep 24/7 and when I wasn't there the nurses put her milk down her tube. I did spend as much time as possible at the hospital. But I basically just looked at her, expressed milk and read the paper. She wasn't sick. She was just small and very sleepy and she couldn't feed by herself. As I said at the start, I would not have gone on holiday. I wouldn't have missed spending a day with her. I hated going home at the end of the day. BUT I can also see (in retrospect) that my dd didn't actually NEED me to be there 24/7. She didn't have a clue whether I was there or not. She was just asleep. She didn't know if it was me, a nurse or Lord Voldemort himself putting milk down her tube (she slept through the whole procedure!). She is now 7 and I am fairly certain that I have not bonded any less well with her than I have with her sister, who came home from hospital with me on the day she was born and was 'properly' bf and did not spend a night away from me till she was about 2. OTOH, when dd2 was three she fell over and cut her face badly and had to have it stitched under general anaesthetic. I stayed with her the whole time (except in theatre) and wouldn't have dreamt of leaving her. That felt very different from sitting with a tiny sleeping baby.

It's a complicated issue, imho. (I'm not saying that mozhe's way is right though...!)

ladylush · 16/07/2007 15:11

I doubt it tootyfrooty

Wisteria · 16/07/2007 15:11

Depends, my friends baby started taking it through the mouth quite early on in the incubator thingie - I meant in general not just for baby

MhamaiJane · 16/07/2007 15:11

Ah stop I'm gooingto wet myself laughing!

MhamaiJane · 16/07/2007 15:12

Going even.

JoolsToo · 16/07/2007 15:15

is going to St Barts a euphemism for I'm orf for a tummy tuck or lipo?

I can't get enraged over what other parents do, it's (was) hard enough making my own parenting decisions!

margoandjerry · 16/07/2007 15:17

I am really torn about this. Mohze, I certainly couldn't do what you are doing and wouldn't want to. My daughter was prem too but not as small as your little one. She was also my PFB so I was and remain to this day obsessed by every breath she takes...

So St Barts is the last place on earth I would choose to be. But I really don't like the tone on here. The bad mother stuff, the you don't deserve to have a baby stuff, the my friend sobbing her heart out would love to be in your shoes stuff.

I don't understand what you are doing. But I don't see the need for the righteousness either. Maybe Mohze is in shock. Maybe she really needs to get away. Maybe she is worried about her other children. Maybe she is afraid she's not really adding much to the situation now (which she probably isn't if she's just staring at the incubator) and feels it would be healthier to step away. Maybe she doesn't react the same way some of us do. Maybe her reaction to a problem is not to focus on it but to put her head in the sand a little bit, on the basis that what will be will be.

As I say, I wouldn't do it and waterskiing made me a bit but there is a bit too much sanctimoniousness on here sometimes.

As for the early bonding, nah. I put that in the nice to have but not essential category. Anyone who saw the Nicky Campbell documentary on adoption last week will know it's a lifetime of love that matters.

I'm really torn about this. I don't understand for a moment why you want to do this. But I really don't like the public flogging.

CountessDracula · 16/07/2007 15:17

I kind of understand where you are coming from

I had an awful time giving birth to dd and was totally exhausted and on my knees a few months later, I hadn?t recovered properly from 9 hour general anaesthetic and major blood transfusion, I was in a daze.

DH and I went to Grenada when dd was 4 months, leaving her at our house with my mother.
I was a totally different person when I returned. I could enjoy dd and felt human again.

I did spend about £500 on phone bills to uk and I cried all the way there (but made a mysterious recovery when I stepped off the plane)

Not sure I could leave a baby in SCBU personally, but then I bet most people wouldn?t have left a 4 month old either, so each to their own really

CountessDracula · 16/07/2007 15:18

(i didn't go waterskiing )

Kewcumber · 16/07/2007 15:20

wisteria - I'd be amazed if a 27 week premmie is taking anything by mouth (though of course I would stand corrected if he was)

Severus - I didn't think you were having a pop - just wanted to be clear that I wasn't actually expressing a view about the situation Mozhe finds herself in.

65% of adoptive parents suffer from PAD to some extent (and they're the ones who admit to it) - many reasons too complicated to go into on this thread. Obviously not hormonal though but situational.

Ellbell · 16/07/2007 15:23

LOL @ CD feeling the need to add that she didn't go waterskiing

Sorry my post was so long. I kept getting interrupted and lost the plot somewhat. (So what's new?)

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