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Original poster

Would you let your child go abroad with MIL

63 replies

MummySSG · 18/08/2018 13:27

Hey! So I have a possible issue. I may not be able to go abroad in a few weeks for my DH brothers wedding due to a possible hernia. My DS is only 19 months old and is due to go along too with myself and DH but due to DH having bad knees (following multiple operations) and unable to carry DS we have both agreed that DS won't go if I can't go (he is also a mummys boy). MIL found out our plan today as is not happy as she believes he should be there, we told her our reasons and she is not happy. Saying she will help with him (even though we went away with DH parents last month and they said they would help but I was left to do everything!) And that it is a family wedding so he should be there. But I put it to her that at least everyone can relax and enjoy the wedding and have a good few drinks (and the in laws love a drink) without running after a toddler. But she is disagreeing and is not happy with our decision so I am wondering if I am in the wrong by not letting him go? He doesn't care about the wedding he doesn't understand what is happening so why is it a problem him not going, he isn't any special part in the big day just a guest. Sorry to go on but I am quite annoyed she is not accepting our dicision and fighting it

OP posts:
GandalfsWrinklyHat · 18/08/2018 13:31

At 19 months, definitely not.

sonlypuppyfat · 18/08/2018 13:33

If it was a nice beach wedding yes, but India or Pakistan no way

Lynne1Cat · 18/08/2018 13:37

Definitely not.

DramaAlpaca · 18/08/2018 13:39

Absolutely not.

soundsystem · 18/08/2018 13:39

Ultimately, she needs to respect your decision: if you and your DH are in agreement that the best thing is for DS to stay with you then that's the end of the discussion.

That said, my youngest is 19 months, and in those circumstances I would let him go with, depending on how long it was for and how far away (e.g a weekend somewhere in Europe yes, two weeks somewhere distant and remote then no...)

Whatsthispain · 18/08/2018 13:41

Definitely definitely not. He's too young. Stick by your decision.

silkpyjamasallday · 18/08/2018 13:42

Not a chance in hell at 19 months. Not. A. Chance. An older child who actively wanted to go, yes, but 19 months is still tiny.

juneau · 18/08/2018 13:45

No way - my 19-month-old wouldn't be going anywhere without me! Plus, your MIL really wants to spend this wedding running around after a lively toddler? She's being controlling and unreasonable. Your DS stays with you - end of story.

Floralnomad · 18/08/2018 13:47

Not in the circumstances you describe . My eldest went abroad with my dsis ( and mum ) regularly from about 18 months but that was for holidays aimed at his entertainment ie Disneyland , not for a wedding ( which he won’t even remember)

butlerswharf · 18/08/2018 13:48

Nope. Zero chance. But then again i wouldn't even let her take her to the local shop if she asked, so it's a no brainer for me!

PrincessScarlett · 18/08/2018 13:50

At 19 months definitely not. If your DC was school age I probably would but 19 months is too young.

Dairymilkmuncher · 18/08/2018 13:52

At 19 months no chance, I have an older child at eight years old i would let him go with his youngest most able grandparent for the weekend in Europe since there will be a lot of other family there but even then I would be a nervous wreck.

Dairymilkmuncher · 18/08/2018 13:53

Although yes if his dad is going!

Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 14:04

Thankyou for all the responses I feel alot less guilty now!! She just turns everything around and makes me look like the bad person! It's 2 weeks away to Croatia and the wedding is taking place on a boat!!!! Which I'm not too keen on anyway let alone if I wasn't there!

OP posts:
Givemeabreak01 · 18/08/2018 14:05

No no just no!!!

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/08/2018 14:08

Absolutely not, at that age they can be full of energy and have very little concept of danger.

PrincessScarlett · 18/08/2018 14:10

2 weeks away for a wedding?! That is a long time for a toddler to be away from mum. And the boat would worry me to, particularly as some people tend to get drunk at weddings and take their eyes off the ball.

ToadsforJustice · 18/08/2018 14:10

No. Never. Not happening.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2018 14:11

"If it was a nice beach wedding yes, but India or Pakistan no way"

What does this mean? Hmm

soundsystem · 18/08/2018 14:12

Ah, ok, two weeks has put me firmly in the "definitely not" camp!

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2018 14:13

But in answer to the original question-surely it's up to his dad whether he takes him or not?

Sweetsongbird1 · 18/08/2018 14:15

I’ve been to India and it was fucking crazy.

Nope from me also!

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/08/2018 14:18

Will you be receiving treatment for your hernia while they are away OP?

Threeminis · 18/08/2018 14:21

So, your dh will be there? You could possibly be having treatment for your hernia.
I don't see the problem.
Surely your dh wont be drinking too much if he has a bad knee/is looking after your ds.

I would personally, my dc have been going away with grandparents for holidays (usually a week) with neither parent since they were about 18months.

youarenotkiddingme · 18/08/2018 14:21

I would dependent on circumstances but in your situation - no I wouldn't!

It's 2 weeks and that's a long time for someone who doesn't know ds day to day to provide him care as you would.

Your DH agrees with you which means he probably feels like his current physical state means he doesn't feel he could provide enough suitable care for ds.

It's on a boat! The only person there that knows ds well enough to risk assess the set up appropriately won't be able to be involved in his care.

Mainly though your DH and you have agreed it's best for ds to remain at home. That alone is enough to say YANBU!

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