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Original poster

Would you let your child go abroad with MIL

63 replies

MummySSG · 18/08/2018 13:27

Hey! So I have a possible issue. I may not be able to go abroad in a few weeks for my DH brothers wedding due to a possible hernia. My DS is only 19 months old and is due to go along too with myself and DH but due to DH having bad knees (following multiple operations) and unable to carry DS we have both agreed that DS won't go if I can't go (he is also a mummys boy). MIL found out our plan today as is not happy as she believes he should be there, we told her our reasons and she is not happy. Saying she will help with him (even though we went away with DH parents last month and they said they would help but I was left to do everything!) And that it is a family wedding so he should be there. But I put it to her that at least everyone can relax and enjoy the wedding and have a good few drinks (and the in laws love a drink) without running after a toddler. But she is disagreeing and is not happy with our decision so I am wondering if I am in the wrong by not letting him go? He doesn't care about the wedding he doesn't understand what is happening so why is it a problem him not going, he isn't any special part in the big day just a guest. Sorry to go on but I am quite annoyed she is not accepting our dicision and fighting it

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 18/08/2018 18:00

So basically, it's your dp you don't trust with his son?

Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 18:03

BertrandRussell - No it's his medical condition that stops him from being able to look after our son, not me at all! He was the one that said he can't look after him.

Just to add, I am in no way a horrible person! I have given my MIL multiple opportunities to look after our son and have him for weekends etc but when she has had him she never sticks to his routine! And teaches him things that you just wouldn't teach your children. Example: today he had a tantrum while she was here and threw a toy around so she got up, shouted at him "I can do that too!" Picked up the toy he threw and threw it across the room! That's not normal behaviour!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 18:06

BertrandRussell- I constantly ask him to do stuff and he says he can't as his knees hurt
So it is no way me stopping him. So it's not that I don't trust him it's that he doesn't do it, and can't do it.

OP posts:
Grasslands · 18/08/2018 19:31

I’m very far from great, but my daughter feels the children’s lives would be enriched by the diversity.
My DH would throw toys and do mini temper tantrum as well (yes on the floor) the kids howled with laughter. Different approaches aren’t always bad.

QueenCity · 18/08/2018 19:36

If you are diagnosed with a hernia and it is causing you pain then definitely don't travel. If it strangulates you will need major surgery and a hospital stay which won't be covered by insurance.

Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 19:54

QueenCity - oh I'm not going to go if I am diagnosed with a hernia! At the moment it is just suspected to be one. It is causing me pain so I'm thinking I'm going to need something. And phoned my travel insurance company today and they have said they won't cover me for a hernia if I am diagnosed before I go. So I won't take the risk! I don't want to be in pain while away but also don't want to have to have an operation abroad and not be covered! Thanks. :)

OP posts:
RayneDance · 20/08/2018 23:44

Op it's been crystal clear your dh doesn't have the physical capacity to run round after a 19 month old due to his knees.

It sounds like a bridge too far right now with the both your health issues. Say no. Small child on a boat with in laws who previously promised to help you then didn't, dh who can't watch him. no

RayneDance · 20/08/2018 23:49

Is Bertrand Russel going to come back to respond to her questions /comments posed to the op?

Or just more questions asked to make op feel bad, then ignored when she doesn't like the answer?

Original poster
MummySSG · 21/08/2018 06:20

Thankyou RayneDance. I have discussed with my husband again and he agrees no still and doesn't understand why his mum is being like this. He also agrees she won't help as she didn't before.

OP posts:
Shutupsidney · 21/08/2018 19:34

A 40 something woman just fell off a boat, no one would be taking my child on a boat without me at that age.

Original poster
MummySSG · 21/08/2018 19:47

Shutupsidney that is a very good point!!

OP posts:
Camomila · 22/08/2018 10:23

No, at 2.4 (wakes in the night) DS has only ever been away for 1 night at a time and both times he was fine in the day but horribly distressed at night - (once with dh, once with dm)

Minniemountain · 22/08/2018 16:20

DS is 4, sees MIL most days, stays with her for weekends sometimes and we still (the 4 of us) would not be comfortable with MIL taking him away for 2 weeks.
As for the thought of a toddler at a wedding on a boat [shudder]

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