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Original poster

Would you let your child go abroad with MIL

63 replies

MummySSG · 18/08/2018 13:27

Hey! So I have a possible issue. I may not be able to go abroad in a few weeks for my DH brothers wedding due to a possible hernia. My DS is only 19 months old and is due to go along too with myself and DH but due to DH having bad knees (following multiple operations) and unable to carry DS we have both agreed that DS won't go if I can't go (he is also a mummys boy). MIL found out our plan today as is not happy as she believes he should be there, we told her our reasons and she is not happy. Saying she will help with him (even though we went away with DH parents last month and they said they would help but I was left to do everything!) And that it is a family wedding so he should be there. But I put it to her that at least everyone can relax and enjoy the wedding and have a good few drinks (and the in laws love a drink) without running after a toddler. But she is disagreeing and is not happy with our decision so I am wondering if I am in the wrong by not letting him go? He doesn't care about the wedding he doesn't understand what is happening so why is it a problem him not going, he isn't any special part in the big day just a guest. Sorry to go on but I am quite annoyed she is not accepting our dicision and fighting it

OP posts:
CassandraLamontaigne · 18/08/2018 14:24

It's the boat that has me most concerned. 30 seconds of your MIL being distracted and your baby could be overboard. It would be a hard no from me. People like to think they like little kids and it's great to have them around but ten minutes of running around after a toddler is enough for anyone. And he's way too small to leave you for 2 weeks.
My bil got married recently and I had the baby all day. I saw my MIL in the church and we didn't see her again after that (except in the distance) because she was obviously a key player in the wedding

MIL can have her option on the matter but she absolutely does not get a vote!! Baby stays home with you. End of

ineedwine99 · 18/08/2018 14:27

It was already a big no from me but adding in the boat it's a huge no! Doesn't take long if she's distracted for him to wander off, and weddings have a lot of distractions!

SillySallySingsSongs · 18/08/2018 14:29

I’ve been to India and it was fucking crazy.

RTFT!

If it was a nice beach wedding yes, but India or Pakistan no way"

Nice bit of casual racism...Hmm

Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 14:34

Not sure if I need an op yet til my scan which isn't 2 days til we are due to fly! But if I need an op I already have my dad and mum on stand by to have DS while I recover.

OP posts:
BasicUsername · 18/08/2018 15:11

She doesn't have to be happy with your decision. The only opinions that count are yours and your husbands.

I personally wouldn't let your child go in these circumstances, two weeks is a long time for a 19 month old to be away from their mother. Considering that your DH would struggle to look after him alone, and the wedding is on a boat, it would be a no from me.

Frazzled2207 · 18/08/2018 15:16

It's a decision for your and your dh though and your Mil should but out of it. That said, doesn't sound ridiculous for your dh to take him. Two weeks is a heck of a long time though. I wouldn't be happy but would probably send them if it was just a long weekend.

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/08/2018 15:16

You are not going to the wedding and your DH doesn't want to take DS with him. You're MiL might want DS there, but as her son doesn't, it means that DS will stay at home.

Your DH needs to communicate this to his mother as this is what is happening and let him deal with the fallout.

Strawberry2017 · 18/08/2018 15:19

I wouldn't let my DD go away for 2 weeks without me at such a young age (or ever with MIL but that's because she has no respect for us and I don't trust her)
I actually think they will enjoy it more with out him there, nobody has to worry about watching him and can enjoy the wedding!
Good luck with your op. X

lancaster · 18/08/2018 15:20

Is your hernia painful? Can you definitely not travel?

Tronkmanton · 18/08/2018 15:24

No way on earth! I don’t even let her drive my DC, let alone take them abroad.

auntyflonono · 18/08/2018 15:34

It doesn't matter what she thinks as it's not up to her!

Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 15:40

Oh god I do not trust MIL she does not listen to anything I say and doesn't look after DS how I want her too! My hernia is painful, I won't know if I can fly til I've had my scan which is 2 days before we are due to fly! She is already making it an issue though and making me feel bad as if I'm going to ruin BIL wedding, even though he doesn't have kids himself so I'm sure he will be happy with DS not being there anyway! She just made me feel bad saying that everyone will be disappointed if DS can't be there but to be honest they won't really care once the wedding starts and they are all drinking!!

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 18/08/2018 15:44

Your DH doesn't want to take him, that's on him. Tell your DH to take responsibility for this and deal with any flack his mother dishes out. Don't feel bad OP and don't engage.Flowers

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/08/2018 15:46

No way would I let him go. No no no.

QueenCity · 18/08/2018 15:48

No, I absolutely would not let him go. I would also be concerned that even if you do go that your travel insurance would not cover you for your hernia.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 18/08/2018 15:51

I would have thought a baby who is missing his dm is more likely to spoil the wedding tbh if mil /dh can't console him in a place full of strangers.
She is a loon.

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 18/08/2018 15:53

No, no, no, no, no!! Your child, your choice. Tell her you've made your decision about your child and that's the end of it. If she continues to be unreasonable and push the issue, just tell her to fuck right off.

YANBU Thanks

PrincessScarlett · 18/08/2018 16:29

Your DH needs to sort his DM out and tell her to back off and stop trying to guilt trip you. She is totally out of order making out you are going to ruin the wedding. At the end of the day your DC is too young to spend 2 weeks away from mum.

Grasslands · 18/08/2018 16:38

DH and I took our 2 yr old GD to a wedding in Spain. Her mom had just given birth a few days before.
The wedding had been planned well in advance of the pregnancy...
It was a beautiful bonding experience.
This year I travelled on my own (I’m the grandma) with the 4 and now 22month old to Canada! 9 hr flight for 3 weeks. Each day a wonderful adventure.
Never for a moment did the little ones not have a blast, huge smiles and great stories.
Sad to read so many No votes.

sexnotgender · 18/08/2018 16:39

Absolutely not.

Maybe from age 5 or so depending on their relationship but not a chance at 19 months.

PrincessScarlett · 18/08/2018 16:43

Grasslands, but I bet you are an amazing Grandma and the parents trust you implicitly. In this case OP does not trust the grandparents and they would appear to be trying to bully to get their own way. If they were more like you the OP might feel differently.

flumpybear · 18/08/2018 17:25

No way, I'd avoid taking a child that age to a wedding as they literally cause problems nothing else - running around after them, noise, late night, plus the added worry of travelling and healthcare in case something goes wrong, heat and skin burning ... the list is endless! If anything at all I'd be trying to leave the child at home if u was going perhaps with grandparents if just going for a couple of days

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2018 17:46

But isnNt the child going with his dad? Or have I misunderstood?

Aprilshowersinaugust · 18/08/2018 17:53

Mil said she would help the dh with the dc if they all went without the dw.

Original poster
MummySSG · 18/08/2018 17:54

Queencity - if I am diagnosed with a hernia prior to flying but the doctors clear me for flying I will still not be covered under insurance if I get a problem with the hernia while abroad or need operations while there to do with the hernia so I'm really unsure what to do. As again everyone on DH side of family are pushing for me to still go if the doctor clears me but I don't want to go and have pain/problems and not be covered and then be in the situation where I'm abroad and my DH and his family have to watch my DS while I'm in a foreign hospital as DH struggles and I don't trust his family with DS!

Grasslands - you must be a lovely grandma if you are trusted with your grandchildren, I can't trust MIL as she doesn't listen to me at all about anything and never does what I say when it comes to looking after my DS.

flumpybear - I didn't want to take him in the first place to be honest but the whole family made out I had to as it's a family wedding I would of been happy to of not gone, and before we could say anything MIL booked the flights and accommodation! And soft DH gave her the money and said it'll be alright we will cope, knowing he doesn't help with DS as he struggles with his knees!

BertrandRussell - yes DH would be going to the wedding if I can't but he is unable to even carry our son due to knee issues, he can't bend down onto the floor or anything! Unfortunately there isn't much he can do with DS so we go to the park alot for him to interact that way as he can stand around and follow him, chat to him etc but to take him on holiday even he admits would struggle.

To everyone - Thankyou for all your replies! Not even sure if I can or can't fly yet but wanted to know everyone's opinion as she makes me feel so bad!

OP posts:
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