For a multitude of reasons, DS has decided to drop out of university. He’s in the first term of his first year and officially withdrew on Monday.
In hindsight, he probably should never have gone in the first place. He’d always wanted to take a gap year and travel, and he had clear plans to do so. His decision to take a year out was fully supported. However, one evening during the summer holidays, he suddenly announced that he’d completely changed his mind and was adamant that he wanted to go to university.
Although he’d completed his UCAS application, he’d done so on the assumption that he wouldn’t actually be going, so he hadn’t given much thought to what he really wanted to study. As a result, he ended up applying through Clearing.
He secured a place at a pretty good university, but he’d never visited it or properly researched the course, the city or the halls of residence. (Yes, more fool him — I get it! Hindsight is a wonderful thing.)
He couldn’t get into university accommodation, so he ended up in private halls with no other freshers. There was no shared kitchen and very little opportunity to socialise with the people he was living alongside. He broke up with his girlfriend during his first weekend there, then caught norovirus in his second week and was really ill for several days.
Once he’d recovered, he joined clubs, made friends, signed up at the gym and genuinely tried to make the best of things. However, deep down, he hated it and has thoroughly regretted his decision. His heart just isn’t in it. He hates his accommodation, isn’t particularly enjoying his course and wishes he’d stuck to his original plan of travelling.
He’s now decided to withdraw, get a job, work hard and save as much money as possible. He may then reconsider university next year, but with more research behind him and, hopefully, a much more mature approach to the decision-making process.
That all sounded pretty sensible and realistic. However, he’s now saying that he wants to go to Barcelona next year to study. The course he’s interested in is taught in English, and he understands that he’ll need to prepare for and pass two additional exams, achieving very high marks in both.
My concern is that he could be setting himself up for exactly the same situation all over again. He’d be committing to a university he’d never visited, studying something different, and doing so in a country where he doesn’t even speak the language.
Is he panicking? Is he simply trying to escape his current situation and looking for somewhere else to be? Does he just need some time to mature, reflect and think things through more carefully?
I’d hate to discourage him from pursuing a dream if Barcelona is genuinely what he wants. Equally, I don’t want to see him make another huge decision on impulse, only to find himself in the same position this time next year. At the moment, it feels very much like history repeating itself.
If this were your son, what would you suggest or recommend? Would you encourage him to pursue the Barcelona idea, or would you advise him to take a year out, get some work experience, travel and give himself more time to work out what he really wants?
Many thanks for any advice or insight.