Help with struggling 18 year old

[Insomniaforever]

Dd is really struggling at uni. Her long term boyfriend broke up with her just before she started and she was/is devastated.

She is in a flat where nobody leaves their room and there’s no social interaction. She has really put herself out there and has made friends in other flats and through societies but it’s early days. She says she just feels sad and lonely a lot of the time.

She has a few school friends at the same uni and she’s just found out that the have got together and organised a house for next year without including her. Feels like another rejection on top of everything else.

i just want some tips on how to help her navigate this tricky time.

Can she ask the established house share group to keep her in mind in case anyone drops out?
Our DD had a shocking 1st year and fell out with pretty much everyone in her halls.
She ended up living with 8 semi strangers in a filthy hole but had a great year

It would be really helpful if she joined some clubs and societies. She’ll meet people and have face to face interaction. There’s also sometimes a buddy system. She could tell her personal tutor that’s she’s feeling lonely and see what’s on offer.

Can she organise something at her flat with everyone? Maybe a Sunday night pizza and movie night? It just takes one of them to try and get the others out of their rooms.

It is early days yet.

So sorry she’s feeling sad a lot of the time. What her boyfriend did is pretty shitty but it’s a tale as old as time.

Try and get her to look at the positives, she is making friends and going out. There are so many posts I’ve seen in here and on FB where the young person isn’t doing this.

Her friends have also behaved pretty poorly. Agree that one of them might drop out before then.

Our DS shared in his second year with some people from his course. It’s very early days yet unless she’s in a city where student housing is scarce.

It is a difficult time. I agree organising a pizza night or similar in the flat is a great idea. The others may be too shy to do it. It’s also great that she’s getting out and making friends. It may feel a bit artificial at first but that’s entirely normal. The new friends and societies will feel more comfortable as she settles, and I hope that will help with the heartbreak.

As for next year: for me, it would matter whether literally everyone else from school was already part of the flat. If there were 10 of us from school now at uni and it is a six person flat, that feels different from being the only exclusion. I would possibly not pursue the flat, if the latter. Being back up on the former feels easy and fine.

But that may never happen, so she needs to think about other options. Arrangements are starting to be made though local conditions determine how quickly this needs to be done.

I know a lot of this sucks, for DD and for you, but what you’ve described so far really sounds like Growing Up. When was that easy? DD seems to be doing it pretty well. Best wishes to her.

(Of course please come back if it is really more serious)

Mine has had ups and downs these past five weeks . Again had met people , going out, but has felt lonely at times. Friendships take time . I’ve told her to carry on putting herself out ghere. Attend societies . Not to be afraid to ask if anyone wants to do something and ot to be deflated if they don’t .
Sometimes it seems like others have it more together than you but they feel similar . She opened up to one girl in her old course ( she moved after three weeks ) and the girl felt similar to her . It’s all new and it takes a while to settle.

Mine found the people they gravitated most towards and had the most in common with were those on their actual course rather than first year flatmates. They ended up sharing a house in years 2 and 3. She still has plenty of time to find her people.

It's a good thing that she will diversify her friendship group and live with different people next year. It would be a shame to go to Uni and not to branch out a bit, so whilst uncertain and unknown, the next year living situation will sort itself out in the end. She may have to be the instigator pulling people together who she thinks she could live with... I know I was incredibly grateful to the people who randomly latched onto me to make up numbers!