DS contemplating not finishing

[Jibbee]

DS is talking about leaving uni. He has completed yr 1 and 2 with a high 2;1.
Anyone have experience of this happening and what was the outcome, job - career wise?

Ah that's a shame as he has come so far. What's the driver for this?

It is ok to take a year out.
Not completing does restrict him from even applying online for graduate level jobs. Even in the future as those type of roles specify a degree. He could do an OU or online degree if that suits him better.
Best get to the reasoning.

The university can offer lots and lots of support and best to speak to them sooner than later. They experience this every year and understand young folk v well.

ps it does depend on what career he wants and whether self employed etc. I know a couple of men who regretted the same decision and were frustrated at not progressing in their career when others overtook them. He is a clever lad and might resent reporting to thise less talented

I agree with pp- take a year out and then see what things look like. Most people I know who gave up ended up back at univ and starting from the beginning. It's a giant pita.

Ask if he can suspend study for a year or whatever his university calls it. That stops the clock, and gives him time to think and also the option to go back if he has a change of heart.

I left university after 2 years studying medicine - I’d hated the whole time and tried to quit many times before but been advised “you’ve gone so far, don’t quit, don’t give up on your dream” - 20 years down the line I just wish I’d listened to my own instinct that I had made the wrong choice and quitted sooner.

from a practical sense, the best thing I did was get my university to do me a “transcript” which is details of everything I’d studied and how I’d done with it. I gave that to the open university and did something called a “credit transfer” which meant I had the equivalent of 2 years of credit with them. I then did nothing with that for 8 years, and got a normal job in which I learnt a lot about life, and what I wanted next. When I was ready, aged 28, and knew what I wanted to do, I completed the final credits with the open university, got my degree, and used it to go into a career I loved.

These days, I run my own successful business which is completely unconnected and I don’t need a degree for - or anything I learnt! But am still glad of all the choices I made.

The bad part was that my parents pushed me so hard to continue in something that I’d realised wasn’t right for me. I wish I’d listened more to my own instincts and not wasted those years. When I finally quit, it caused a huge rift with my parents and they didn’t speak to me for a long time. Our relationship has never been the same since. It was the first moment where I had the courage to make my own decisions on something.

I don’t know you or your relationship with your son but you may wish to consider whether the situation has any parallels.

Hey - oh that's a shame 🙁

Has he said why?
That might help you know how to respond.

There are probably changes that could be made to his course?
Or maybe he could switch uni and study somewhere else if that's the issue?

Is he just overwhelmed and needing a temporary break?

Or does he genuinely not like the whole uni "thing" and would prefer to work and get some money for the foreseeable?

My DS is a similar age and they're still so young really, and working everything out about themselves.

Good luck working it through with him. An anxious time for you as a parent no doubt so best of luck with it 💐

Glad everything worked out, we have a v good relationship so I am not pushing him to stay

He hasn’t really enjoyed the whole uni thing. He would be able to get a level 5 qualification so the positive he would have something,
He has stuck his head in the sand about making a decisive decision, I would rather he leave before he starts final yr if anything.

Thank you it is tough, he wouldn’t want to suspend at this point

Tricky…I guess I would be advising my DC on the financial implications. I don’t know your DC’s financial situation, but they could be up to £40k in student loans by now, which will be taken off of future earnings without the degree behind it for earning power.

This is really good advice - it's a waste of time and money to push on with something his heart is not in. Better to regroup and see what else life might have to offer, but still not lose the 2 years work.

My OH did his degree as a mature student after travelling and work, and had a fulfilling professional career. I went straight to Uni from school, and think I wasted a lot of my time there due to immaturity.

I’d slightly err on the other side as I think the situation is quite different dropping out of the second year of a five year vocational degree vs the third year of a three year programme. Also 20 years ago you wouldn’t have been £40k down.

Taking into account all the costs already incurred I’d say he’s better off sucking it up and finishing the degree, that will give him a lot more opportunity to pivot into a different area at masters, and more work opportunities that don’t have to be related to his area of study.

Im not saying that you need to be really pushy and cause a massive rift, but perhaps a frank conversation to lay out the cost/benefit analysis of quitting vs staying. Adult life is often a case of doing things we don’t really want to do for financial reasons unfortunately.

Hi, OP -

So DS hasn’t enjoyed the whole uni thing? I am not asking you to compromise his privacy, but has he been more specific? Most importantly, would quitting now be a positive move or a negative move?

Letting go of a subject you hate, moving towards something you would enjoy more - or even having a plan for exploring what that might be - is great. Possibly being depressed, fleeing a bad romance, internal pressures about your sexuality (more of an issue for YP than most adults realise), MH or social problems is not.

In some of these cases a fresh start can be the right choice, whether that is a gap year, a job, or a new university. But it usually takes a bit more self knowledge than what you’ve related.

There is nothing wrong with feeling stuck or having problems you can’t articulate. But in those cases, the preservation of choice offered by a suspension of studies can prove most valuable. From how you have described DS, this is what I would want for my own DC at this point.

I would be make it very clear that it’s all about keeping one more choice open. I would also want DC to be talking with a trusted adult, whether a parent, other relative, tutor, family friend, academic coach or counsellor, to understand more about what is driving them and how to move forward enthusiastically, whatever that entails.

Best wishes to DS and your family. I am sure this isn’t easy to watch.

I have a child about to go into their final year. I think if they told me they wanted to quit I would be trying to get them to see the benefit of completing the degree as they are so close to the end. It shows that even though they are not enjoying it they can still commit to finishing it. Same with work, not everything will be day to day fun or enjoyable. There is probably 22 weeks of teaching left then finals. Then it is over, forever, but they will have that degree.

As so many jobs are wanting degrees now I would be wanting them to finish this whilst they are still being financially supported by us rather than them working then needing to do a degree at the same time. Or quitting their job trying to manage all their bills and completing a degree as they no longer live at home.

I understand quitting 2 years into a medical degree because that degree takes many years to complete. Your child will have the debt and will be paying back their student loan without the degree that usually gets them a better paid job to start with.

Ds1 did not enjoy his uni experience at all, it was very meh but that degree landed him a graduate job with a graduate salary.

Does he also need someone to take over his tenancy?

Thank you, he was never keen in the 1st place, he doesn’t have any MH issues, has a steady relationship. He regets his decision of starting in the 1st place but has stuck it out so far and he is v bright. I do feel it really wasn’t him to go, he made the decision without us pushing, all you can do is guide.

I have spoken about how close he is to the end and given support but at the end the reality is it will be his decision
Graduate jobs aren’t what they once were sadly

If I was an employer it would suggest to me that they wouldn't stick at the job so I wouldn't want them. Quitting after first year is one thing, quitting after second year is another.

Was he living away from home? Do you have to sort his tenancy take over out?

Yes it is his decision but I assume it impacts you as he will be living at home with no job as yet lined up. Graduate jobs are out there, Ds got his through a summer internship. He was offered it after proving his worth to the company along with a number of other people. That job alongside many others are not advertised as they are already filled. There are still graduates getting graduate jobs. However, completing a degree shows a level of commitment, work ethic, seeing something through to the end.

At a bear minimum he has tuition fees and 2 years minimum maintenance loan debt but has reduced his prospects. That is just how I see it. I have a degree, never went into that field but it did open doors for me, I was told it did. I was valued over other candidates who didn't have a degree. My brother helps recruit for the company he works for, no degree, you don't even make the consideration pile. It is their first weed out. It is what the company values, it might not be right but that is how they work.

Is he seriously keen on anything? If not that’s fine but I would want him to be preserving this option while exploring others for a year, perhaps with a coach.

The world is a pretty harsh place right now.

PS I agree all you can do is guide. Perhaps you can guide him to talk with a careers coach or similar before finalising plans? Perhaps he will clarify good reasons for quitting now!

We see masked depression amongst university students all the time, BTW. I am not suggesting that your DS is depressed, but vague dissatisfaction with everything - while it certainly has other causes - is a cardinal symptom.

You are getting generic comments because you have not provided many details to key questions pp are asking. Without that info, it is hard to provide proper suggestions. What the best way forward is depends on several things:

-what course is he doing?
-what career is he aiming for?
-what has he not liked - the course, the uni, the city he is studying in, the people on his course? etc

But if you are reluctant to answer those questions and want generic advice I will be blunt: he has made it through 2 years with a high 2:1. Quitting now, for no real reason, will look poor to most employers (depending on the work he wants to do.) There are lots of things in life that aren’t perfect but we must be resilient and push through, and this may well be one of them and provide an important life lesson. He is going to have huge debt, for no real benefit and it could blight his career prospects. He is likely to regret this decision when he is older. So I would tell him to pause the degree for a year, work, and see what happens. There is absolutely no downside in deferring and making his final decision in a year. It is utter madness to just quit rather than pause.

I would absolutely tell him to suspend his degree rather than leave. This does not mean he has to go back, but it leaves it as an option. It can be very tempting to say that’s it, and firmly shut the door, but actually leaving the door open doesn’t mean you have to go through it. It just means you can. Even if it costs a few hundred to stay on the books, I think it’s worth it for a year. As a PP said, it’ll give him breathing space.

He could intermit a year for work experience, or he could exit with a DipHE and later transfer the credits to the Open University and top it up to a degree while he is working (if he decides that he does need a degree at some point).

Agree with this. And while graduate jobs aren't what they were at all, the situation is hardly better for non-graduates, esp those who drop out of uni so late. Lots of people don't enjoy uni but unless he has a rock solid alt plan, he might as well see it through at this point if it's not a serious MH issue or similar.

Even with a medical degree, you could apply for intercalation and exit with a BSc or BA award after the third year. But if you are certain you want to study something else entirely then you need to quit to preserve as much funding as you can. There are also a lot of conversion MAs/MScs which are open to you with a bachelor's in any subject but they may be more expensive than quitting and starting from scratch.

I think this could be the best option if he does make this decision.