A level results disaster

[LadySadMum]

DS was predicted CDD which was low and based on not doing much work in year 12. However he really started working much better in year 13 and seemed to be getting better marks in his results for mocks and class tests.

So we were hopeful that he would get better than the predicted grades. He seemed happy after each exam, completed all the questions. There were a few questions that he said were hard but this is normal, right?

Anyway he got CEU. Obviously he missed his firm and insurance but it’s not even enough for any foundation courses.

The C is fine and the E was in his worst subject so can understand that. But the U is unexpected and I feel it can’t be right as he wasn’t that bad at it!

We’ve asked for a review to make sure all the questions were marked correctly and if it changes to an E that would get him onto a foundation degree. We made a mistake as we didn’t ask for it at the time (we were shocked and didnt think to ask) and by the time we contacted the school again they had left.

The exam officer is not available until next Wednesday now so it’s an agonising wait.

The worst thing is we’ve had to lie to everyone that everything is OK and he’s been accepted into uni. His grandad is ill and would be devastated if we said he failed. We also don’t want to navigate all their questions and worries until we’ve worked out the next steps ourselves.

So now we’re getting congratulation messages from all the family and his uncle is also visiting later today, probably with a present. It’s all so so awful.

In my DDs year last year - two Oxford offer holders ended up with a B in the subject they were planning to study so missed their AAA offer but they were both immediately accepted. Maybe because their results were 3 A stars and a B? Best of luck to your DCs.

I agree with this- there is always another way. OP, let you child grieve, but then make a plan. See a careers advisor, reflect on his priorities and start charting a path.

OP, are your family not asking which university he’s going to? Does this whole subterfuge depend on him getting into somewhere specific?

Don’t rush him into anything - even a Foundation course. Maybe that kind of study is not right for him? Take a breath - and get him to get a job and take a gap year. Definitely worth thinking about an apprenticeship- lots of those come out in Jan/Feb but there may be some around now.

You know you don't have to tell the wider family anything about his actual results? A non-committal answer like "he got his results and he's happily planning his future" or similar.

Why isn't he at university? "He took an opportunity to get started on his career that was too good to miss"

My cousin is super bright but not an exam person, he has a great career in IT having progressed on the job.

He should just say he’s now rethinking the course and is going to take a gap year. And like PP says uni isn’t for everyone! My DH and I both have advanced degrees but two of our four kids decided against uni as neither were particularly academic. One (30s) is now department head at a council and the other has been working full time too (early 20s so still figuring out his path).

How did he do in his GCSEs and are there any extenuating circumstances? My brother didn’t do well in his A-levels but got onto the main course for engineering during freshers week as they still had places. Really he should have done foundation but it was full. The university looked at his GCSEs which were mostly A’s, considered that my mom had been sick during his a-levels and gave him a place even though he didn’t have the grades. Might be worth calling up every university possible in another few days when you have the remark as by that point universities will be desperate to fill spaces left on courses. However, I think cyber security might be out of reach given the grades for those courses and as many have said already, perhaps university isn’t for him.

Does a foundation year cost £9k? Would it not be cheaper to resit an A level, work and travel? Much more interesting experience

I just want to say that it’s really not the end pf the world. It might feel like it but it absolutely isn’t . I hope your DS is ok x

No to OU for an 18 year old

I think lying hasn't taken the pressure off him, it's actually put more pressure on him because he has to quickly turn this around before the lie is found out.

I say this as someone with (i am guessing) a similar cultural background. This kind of family pressure is crippling for a young person who isn't academic. I have a close relative who has remained basically unemployed well into their 40s, never quite achieving financial independence, because family expectations meant they felt they were "above" an unskilled job but they don't have qualifications for a white collar job.

You need to have his back if the grandparents give him grief. "He didn't get the grades he expected and he is looking into his options" and grey rock any drama. Shut down the handwringing, don't make that his problem.

Emphasise to him that the goal is to become sustainably independent (isn't it?) as well as being happy and contented. He can manage that via an apprenticeship or simply an entry level waged job.

He doesn’t have to go to uni to be successful and he won’t have student debt .

He has options!

You've asked for them to revisit his paper so that's great!

He could try clearing to get into a different university! Or sometimes the same one if you ring them.

He could ring the National Careers Service for advice

For an apprenticeship he could look on the Find an apprenticeship website but I would advise that he only goes for large companies.

He could go to a FE college to resit.

I know it's so hard but he will be ok!

And OP, the lying IS bad. You’re saying that you are so ashamed/ embarrassed by your child that you lied. That everyone else’s opinion is more important. That others couldn’t possibly be supportive of him in the face of poor A level results.

For the life of me I don’t know why you don’t tell him that no one is defined by A level grades, it’s what happens next. You sent him a very damaging message

what job does HE want to do? Would he be happy to learn a trade? Often better paid can’t be replaced by AI.

Please don’t let him think you’re embarrassed or ashamed.

The worst thing is we’ve had to lie to everyone that everything is OK and he’s been accepted into uni

Your poor boy. Way to make him feel utterly shite.

This really suggests that he needs you to take a step back and have a cool look at what is genuinely in his best interests.

Too late

@LadySadMum I agree with lots of PPs.

Is university really for him? You need to interrogate why he got the grades he got – lack of interest, lack of work, lack of ability, non motivated to work independently? Any of those will be a big issue at uni.

Does he want to go to uni – or is this more familial pressure? If his PGs (which are basically "best outcome on his best day") were CCD then that suggests he is not all that academic (which is fine - though apparently not in your family?) and may be better suited to another path.

People are suggesting he finds work or looks for an apprenticeship and I think those are good ideas. Going for an OU degree bc your DH says this will be better respected is a bizarre reason. Does your son want to do an OU degree? It's tough and requires a lot of self study, as others have noted.

There's a lot in your posts about what you think and about what your family will say. Not so much about your son. What does he want to do? How does he see his future? Where did he want to go to uni and what appealed about it? Is there something similar (F course, resits) that will offer the same benefits?

Please help your DS to think carefully about what to do going forward. I am a massive massive fan of HE as a great benefit, and I have friends without a degree who wish they had one; but I also think it is not for everyone, and that someone who gained CEU at A level will most likely struggle. ETA: I meant to say that like others, I think the lying is awful. You could easily have said something vague as others have suggested. If you have said he got what he needed to go to X uni – what if he doesn't go there? Please just tell a vague version of the truth.

All the best to your DS.

University is not right for everyone. Sounds like it’s not right for him.

Both the Civil Service and the army offer apprenticeships in cyber security.

Yes, it sounds like he'd been swept away on this tide of family expectations for the last two years. Op did the family "help" him choose his A level subjects based on what they thought was stereotypically a better career path? But actually those subjects were woefully unsuited to him.

I have seen this play out many a time before among my south east asian peers.

What's done is done, but you are heaping more pressure on him by rushing him into a foundation course so that "no one need know". It's not right for him.

I’m sorry you’re all going through this, but I don’t get the logic of your plan.

If you can get the U turned into an E then great, but if you can’t then what?

If your son goes to UO what are you going to do if a family member asks to visit his digs?

Or he gets a job, how do you explain him dropping out of uni before even starting it to a family where education is everything? It’d have to be a hell of a career opportunity, and he’d have to get it in under 2 months time?

Like others have said I think it’s a blessing in disguise. An apprenticeship is way more appealing to employers than yet another grad from a degree mill. But I empathise with you, know lots of families where exam results is the be all and end all.

Nothing wrong with this sort of lying - and nobody's fucking business anyway. Don't even think twice about it.