Is it always wrong for parents to contact university on behalf of students?

[stripycats]

Just after some advice as I am sitting on my hands and it is becoming difficult. I also don't want to go into too much detail, but if a student has a bit of an issue with the university (not related to grades/marks awarded, discipline or attendance) and struggle to get a resolution themselves, with emails not being replied to, when, if ever would you get involved. There is a financial element to this dispute, which means it does affect me directly. Would it be wrong for me to get involved?

It’s usually pointless as they won’t talk to you.

DD is a student. I can't imagine a scenario where she'd want me to contact her university directly. She's legally an adult.

What would you like them to do? I actually did contact the university about my dd-she was in a violently abusive relationship and was building up her courage to go to the police but she was terrified of failing her exams. Her personal tutor asked her to come to a “routine” meeting, and she ended up telling him what was going on. I have never told her I was involved.

Assuming the student is over 18 then the university is not allowed to talk to you without the student's consent.

If the issue is something that could trigger the university's duty of care obligations, such as you think there's the risk of physical/emotional harm, or a risk of radicalisation etc, then the university will listen to you even if they won't necessarily be able to tell you anything.

Thanks - I am in two minds. I'm well aware my 'child' is an adult and I won't do anything without their agreement but they are struggling to get the resolution they need as uni are dragging their heels and it is causing quite a bit of stress that really shouldn't be necessary. As I said, there is potentially a cost too, which I will have to meet if things are not resolved, and that is galling, to say the least.

Unless they've signed the form saying the university can speak to you then the university simply cant speak to you.

It's not school though. You cant go in and moan about their grades.

Is it something the Student Union can help with?

No risk of harm and it's not really about the student on a personal level. However, if consent was needed I would only act if sure of getting it. It's really, or should be, a very simple thing and uni should really be able to sort it but they're not!

Don't do it. Empower/support your child to get the answers she needs. She is an adult now and this is the ideal scenario for her to learn.

You cant go in and moan about their grades. I literally said it's not about grades, but thank you. As I say, it's not overly personal and I do think YP wants my help but if not I definitely won't get involved.

This, does dc owe money to uni?
remember back in my day you couldn’t graduate if you owed uni money/library books!

No, one of my friends got a place because his mum rang up and said all the things he wouldn't. And I did get involved when my DD was having huge problems that she wouldn't talk to anyone about herself. You really have to step in if necessary, they think they are grown up and should sort everything out themselves, but they really aren't and often can't.

That was our starting point but we're weeks down the line and still no joy. It's getting ridiculous tbh.

If your student child will write stating that they give permission, you might make some headway?

There is a huge difference between a parent who wades in expecting university staff to respond, not realising that they're bound to keep things confidential for the sake of the student, and a parent who's been deputised by their student child to help out.

The university might still be reluctant and/or crap, but I don't think it's bad to try.

I thank my lucky stars my dm got involved when l was suicidally depressed in London and wanted to transfer to Manchester.

l saw my tutor in London and dm phoned him that afternoon. 4 weeks later l was in the Hacienda deliriously happy.

And this was in 1983. I was 20. Sometimes parents have to step in.

Firstly, are you sure? Have you seen their emails - they aren't just telling you they've done something about it?

You can ring/email the relevant team and ask not for details of your child but rather what their policy is, and how to make a complaint.

A friend of mine contacted a dept of the uni to get something moving and organised, that should have been sorted earlier.

One of my parents actually contacted uni when I was there as I was thinking if quitting. My tutor was v good about it.

It is very unlikely that they will deal with you. It’s unusual for you to have any contractual arrangement with the university and any information is about your child not you, so they shouldn’t discuss it with you or take action based on your request.

Welfare / safeguarding concerns are slightly different in that they can take info in from you but not act on your requests or divulge info to you.

That said, you can absolutely be your child’s assistant in sorting issues. Help them work up a plan, hep draft emails, help find contact info and (shock horror) phone numbers and office addresses so that they can chase up in person or on phone rather than just email. Help them work out a plan and what they’re asking for. Etc.

University lecturer here - if they are under anaesthetic or have been sectioned we would do it. If you are concerned for their welfare we might contact them on your behalf. If they are in bed with flu and can't lift their arms to send a message you could draft it and get them to send it to say you can communicate with them.
Just because you can say it better? No.

I feel like you haven't really read what I've written and maybe this is the kind of attitude they are facing and explains why they haven't had a satisfactory response for a couple of weeks.

Anyway, my email wouldn't require them to divulge anything whatsoever about my dc to me. I would be emailing in the hope of getting my dc the outcome they are looking for, or at least a definitive answer, and if that is in the negative, I'll need to put my hand in my pocket, which is ok if it has to be, but it's bloody annoying being in this limbo.

I think the issue is there’s really nothing you can do in this scenario that your child can’t. They won’t talk to you anyway so the best thing is to just remind your child to keep chasing. Universities are in a mess right now and it’s likely the admin department they’re trying to contact is down several members of staff and everything is taking a longer than it should. They wouldn’t tell you anything different than they’ll tell your child. It’s frustrating for sure but your child will just have to be insistent and escalating until they find someone to answer - it’s not really anything you can do on their behalf (from the sounds of it)

of course if it was a different thing and you were worried for their physical safety etc that’s different but it sounds like this is an admin issue.

@stripycats to be fair to @worstofbothworlds you have not said a lot. There's no attitude. It's factual information.

We cannot reply to parents unless we have written permission on record from the student. We are not even meant to acknowledge they are a student at our university if a parent emails. There are cases of estrangement where this would present issues.

Is there a reason you can't just help your child write a better email or be on the call if they ring or something, if they need your help?

My experience of a lot of students is that they do not read emails promptly and sometimes not at all. Increasingly, they do not process instructions or information without it being repeated. So do check you've got all the information from your child if you can. You may be missing something.

I have permission to speak for my dd but she has asd and selective mutism

Agree with @PurpleThistle7 why do you think you asking for something will get a better answer than the actual student?

Help your child draft emails and figure out how to escalate this matter by all means, but no point in contacting them directly. They won’t talk to you.