Students living at home - maybe an expected but saddening trend

[mids2019]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g09p93m29o

Anecdotally this is really becoming a thing and due to costs students are eschewing the whole student experience of living away from home. As well as cost savings I think there is a perhaps savvy realisation that being thrown into a house or hall with strangers is maybe a step too far from an exploratory point of view. No one wants to be quiet one in a party flat or corridor for instance. In addition I think parents of girls fully realise some of the dangers of being away from home for an extended period perhaps for the first time combined with plenty of access to drugs and alcohol is not perhaps the safest.

However could the prospect of university just being an extension of school from a living point of view limit social mobility with students preferring a home town university to one some distance away with a better reputation?.Does work need to be done (and ideally in some fantasy world funded)_to ensure working class kids are not being put off well regarded unis because of distance?

Many years ago I stayed in halls at uni (but I was doing a vocational degree so clinical placements were a necessity and I had early starts so needed to be in the city). Otherwise if it wasn't vocational I probably would have stayed at home with my parents.

DS just started college in August last year and stays at home at weekends but also with grandparents during the week who live in the city he studies at. So I am relieved he's with family members during the week. He still needs lots of support. He gets his meals made for him.

No halls or anything like that. Such a different experience compared to mine! I had to grow up fast as that 17yo moving into halls not knowing anyone. DS has made friends and has stayed socially on the odd night out with college friends, but he doesn't go out often as alcohol is too expensive. He has to be careful with money as he has a car to fund which helps him commute back and forth each week.

My nephew is also studying in the same city as DS - he commutes in from home by train. I reckon his commute is around 40 minutes by train each way.

It seems to be very common to commute nowadays.

This is a really interesting thread. My DS is applying to uni now, in theory to start next year. We live in London and he is so London centric (honestly thinks the world starts and ends here) that when we began the process we agreed he’d only look at uni’s that were NOT in London. I think it’s so important for him to see the wider community of the UK. However, his chosen course is quite niche and some of the best offerings are in London! At the moment he seems keen to go to Salford, but I’m so torn. He’s a very particular kind of kid, and has a lovely, extensive group of mates here, which took a while to develop - he doesn’t make friends that easily although he is confident and outgoing, just very particular. I’m wondering how much of all this is because we are very middle class (and white!) and the comment above made me really question my motives, about whether him going away to uni is just because that’s what I think is expected of him and what everyone in our family has done before him. How important is it that he lives in a different city for three years when he loves London and gets so much out of it? Really interesting

Lol. My dad is in his 70s and definitely spent most of his uni days partying 😂

My son went away to university and has built a life in his university city - few work opportunities (other than part time, low waged) at home. The experience has made him more resilient. He also has had more opportunities than people staying home.
I think (on MN) University is sold as a fabulous experience and 'finding your tribe' leaving many disappointed.
It's expensive and study and a part-time job don't cut it anymore. My son saved for 12 months (stayed home and did a supermarket job because of covid) and we still had to contribute.
However on reading this thread too many people on MN want to keep their DS or DD home (safe) for whatever reason.. but I think a lot is grounded in fear..normalising clearly bright young people staying in their own bedrooms until..?

Spot on and thank you @DelinquentSnails for summarising that so eloquently.

I went to uni in Australia and most of my friends lived at home, unless they couldn’t because of living too far away from a decent uni.

We are now in London and my dd is living at home for uni. We are fortunate in that if she wanted to I could afford for her to live away, but it’s not something she wants to do for now for various reasons. We live very close to her uni and for now it’s the perfect set up for us, so I am a bit sick of people responding as though she is in some way missing out on some amazing experience or there is something wrong with her.

However on reading this thread too many people on MN want to keep their DS or DD home (safe) for whatever reason.. but I think a lot is grounded in fear..normalising clearly bright young people staying in their own bedrooms until..?

100%

And you have to think the kids are hearing from this that their parents don't think they are capable which becomes self fulfilling

I commuted 1.5 each way too. My course was free to me and I didn’t want any debt to build up from student accommodation. So I decided to commute. If I wanted a night out then I’d stay at a friends place. Mainly would eat lunch and have a few drinks with friends after a half day lecture and head home. I don’t think I missed out at all. My daughter's going to commute too to save costs. She doesn’t want a load of student debt either, especially since their interest rates are no longer low.

Our DC all wanted to go away from home and we were happy to support them
Staying at home is not the same experience
We fully funded so they won’t have the debt to pay

I am not disagreeing with you (in fact I pointed out London home livers myself) but, at the same time, I think it has to be acknowledged that living and studying in London is very different from most of the rest of England.

Many issues here compared to 30yrs ago - as pp stated 18yr olds are now often not as adult as they were then. Internet, smart phones, covid - have all led to more insular and different ways of socialising, communicating, and dealing with problems.

However, primarily (and sadly) this looks like it’s become another wealth inequality consequence. For example YP from wealthier - or wealthy enough - backgrounds won’t really have an issue about moving away, and they’ll likely be surrounded by similar YP.

We’ve also got the idiocy from Blair of everyone should go to uni, when uni is not right or necessary for everyone. How many YP have got into significant debt on the back of a course that lead to no related job, and ‘student loans can be ignored’ advice (grr Martin Lewis).

My son has chosen to commute for uni. We live in one city and he travels (bus, train, bus) to uni. Takes him between 1.5 and 2 hours each way. He has a good job in our home city he didn't want to give up, plus he doesn't drink- which seems to be more and more common with his friends too.

I think some people are forgetting that unis also have long holidays, so although during term time he can be pretty busy, he also gets plenty of down time even with working 2 days a week.
He prefers it and there's at least 2/3 others doing the same as him just within his circle.

There also more of his friends who have specifically chosen a uni within our city so they can stay at home (this wasn't an option for him sadly due to subject choice etc.)

It's working well for us all and saving us money and also means he's not had to get a student loan.

Edited to add paragraphs!

Uni isn’t like it was 20 yrs ago. People just sit in their rooms on phones now.

My DS went away to uni and has now graduated. He wasn't interested in staying at home, and our local uni can't compare for the course that he did. He didn't come back home after uni and instead moved to another big city for work, which he was able to do very confidently because he was used to being away from home. He now seems to have friends from all over the country and also from around the world.
One aspect that stands out about staying at home for uni is that my son used to sit in the library with friends studying, often until midnight not so, in the latter years, because the course was tough and the students were actually told to work with people and not alone. So I'm not sure how that would have been if he had been more isolated and couldn't share thoughts in the same way. Also, the same course at different unis is not always comparable - some just don't offer the same depth or amount of modules.
He does have a very large loan though.

Thinking back... my Dad went away to university in the 70s... but it was Lodgings not halls and the Landlady cooked their meals for them etc, they had curfews. My mother moved to London at 18yo with the Civil Service and again they were living in a hostel, with meals etc provided. So they weren't really independent.

The most important thing, I'm, is being a two decision between the student and parent, not just the parent dictating what the student must do.

I think that article is trying to make out that a 3 hour commute per day is a hard thing to do, but it’s pretty much what many 6th formers do anyway just to go to school/college.
The OP makes a good point about social mobility, and the brightest not being able to go to what are considered the best universities, and I think a review of student loans is the only way to address that.

I think we should stop looking down at students who chose to commute for whatever reason, and stop bigging up the fun party side of university, and saying that independent life skills will only be learnt living independently at university. That’s clearly nonsense unless you have house staff to do the cooking and cleaning at home, or treat your adult DC like an infant and do it all for them. I know several young adults who have commuted to local universities to study teaching/nursing/design and seem to be managing just fine with their life skills.

Commuting is expensive too, though...

From where I live, travelling into London today (with the smaller loan thta living at home brings) is almost as much (if not more) as living in halls in a Northern Uni.

That said, one of my ex students plans to commute next year because she has found a London uni eye wateringly expensive and isolating because nearly all her course mates commute.

In Ireland these commuting students has really impacted student life to the point where the student organisations make their annual complaint in the media. Student societies are dying, as few live close enough to stay for evening events. Its only the rich or lucky who have a short commute and can participate in nights out etc.
DC went to university in Belfast. A huge proportion of her class have moved into Halls, but are from the local area and go home every weekend. She'd love to be a party girl but her flat is empty most of the time.

I think that article is trying to make out that a 3 hour commute per day is a hard thing to do, but it’s pretty much what many 6th formers do anyway just to go to school/college.

Three hours to get to school?? I can only think this must be a presentation of London (and possibly private education?) experiences as normal again? The most anyone from my school would do (door to door) would be just under an hour each way.

A 3 hour commute to/from uni (when a surprising number of lectures these days go on til 7pm) cuts off an awful lot of social opportunities and does change the nature of university. For some this may not matter. This isn't the same as living and studying, in - say- Manchester - where home students can get around easily and join in with events, clubs, activities and social events.

But if you live somewhere where commuting into London is costing that much then you are probably closer to a different non-London university.

And it isn't just the rent, its the bills, the food, the travel (even if you are a student in a cheap northern city you will still have to get onto campus each day).

As PP have said, this is really common elsewhere in the world. One of mine stayed home for the first year and commuted before moving in with friends, the other one went into halls for year one but plans to come home after the first year.

We live somewhere with three RG unis, five others - all well respected - within commuting distance. One of the RG unis is less than four miles from home. Can be cycled in 25 minutes. Halls cost just short of £10k a year.

Neither of my DC consider that staying at home = missing out. Our house is frequently full of uni friends. Both are quietly studious and not really party people though, appreciate that it might be different if they were.

I do wonder about the finding your tribe thing. I think a lot of young people already have a tribe built up at school and sixth form and maybe not motivated to look for other groups. Phones and SM have only made it easier for friends to keep in touch and be a permanent feature in their social lives.

Throwing a lot of people randomly in halls sounds like a reality TV show idea to some extent and I don't know if you guarantee a happy social experience from this. (Of course it works for some people).

@user38 your post made me laugh but I do feel sorry for your ds. It is a heck of a shame to end up living with randos who are not compatible.

I went to Oxford in the 90s from a state school background and it was “work hard, play hard” .

My mates took the mick because we had scouts in university accommodation (“you got a cleaner? Or is it a spy?”) who would vacuum, empty bins, and drink tea a lot in whilst keeping an eye on who was sleeping with who, who had a hangover every morning and who was on the brink of a nervous breakdowns. The idea was a bit like a watered-down house mother, I guess for the many public school kids who didn’t know how to sew on a button or whatever.

I am so sad to think it’s not possible to have a good “away from home” uni experience any more. Maybe the Oxbridge “scout” model would work well - isn’t that what that have in the US, a postgraduate who overseas the dorms? Or maybe there should be more of an attempt to do a kind of compatibility OLD-style matching to help kids find people they can live with.

If you’re ND and need silence every evening you really shouldn’t be in halls of residence with NT people who just want to live normally.

it absolutely makes sense

I think you should let him be London based if thats where he wants to be. He will save a fortune, have all of the benefits of being in London (in particular easy access to internships and insight evenings) and be happier. There is no benefit to be gained by experiencing the rest of the country (in reality one small area where his university is situated) at that age. He has decades for that.

also why go e landlords money for sub standard accomodation? A lot of student areas in my experience aren't that safe......The town/gown divide was pretty clear as well.