URGENT: Options re Suspension / Withdrawal please?

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Ds has just started Yr1 at a Scottish Uni as a Home Student. Now wk 3 (inc Welcome week which included some talks - unclear if mandatory course ones)

It has become clear he is not coping so far. He has ASN & heart health issues.
He has not really attended lectures from what I can tell & is not eating either.
He is struggling to deal with the Uni academic system. He has not yet applied to SAAS (although I've sat with him it turns out he's not 'pressed the button' yet - frustrating as heck but I think it's indicative of how very ambivalent he is feeling)
He has reached out to Uni Counselling & said he is thinking of coming home.

I went with him to his DSA /support meeting yesterday. It wasn't very supportive.
We were told that, if he leaves now (after 5pm yesterday) he would be liaible for all of Term one fees. This plus his private accomodation would be a very big bill. Told a GP letter re his health (he has POTs & is in recovery from a heart issue) not relevant. Later we were sent an email by same adviser (please see below)

I am so stressed that I'd like someone else to look over it with me in case I misunderstand it (Ds Father not involved & I am not feeling well myself - I have an Angiogram on Weds)

Ds is now home for this weekend (his Birthday) This might prove the decider? I've encouraged him to take it day by day but I don't know if he wants to try to go back and 'give it another few weeks' (he's ASD & settling takes a LONG time).

IF I am reading the email from Uni properly it seems that, as a currently self funding Home student (who would be treated as this if he withdraws before 1st Dec even if he goes ahead & applies to SAAS this weekend ???)

He wouldn't be liaiable for fees if he withdraws before 31st Oct??

OR would it be 3rd October (important as that doesn't give him another 4 weeks to keep trying & also because at the end they say 'date is when we approve suspension/withdrawal not when you ask for it, so 3rd Oct is tight)??

THe Halls are private. I am told that if he withdraws from Study this year & we provide a GP letter they may consider not charging the whole year.
I am not sure if SAAS revoking funding (which he's not yet applied for...) applies to just his Tuition fees or his loan for living costs (he will get a full loan) ???

Sorry for length of post & seeming dopeyness at being worried about reading a probably straightforward email myself but as I say I don't feel well & it'd be good to have a '2nd pair of eyes' on it (usual caveats apply that my not MN issue!)

Info from UNI:

"I have checked your record and can confirm that if you have concerns about continuing your studies because of your health you would have the options of suspend or withdraw.

Self-Funded Students (Taught Courses):

• For UG Scottish (Home) students who join the university for the first time in September 2025 and fully withdraw prior to and including 31st October2025, will not be due any tuition fees.
• All other students, who withdraw/suspend after completing registration for term 1, but prior to and including 3 October 2025, will be liable to pay 10% of the year’s tuition fee.
• Students who register for term 1 and withdraw/suspend after the relevant cut-off date as stated above, but before 6 February 2026, will be liable to pay all term 1 fees.
• Students who withdraw/suspend after they have completed registration for term 2, but prior to and including 6 February 2026, will be liable to pay 10% of the year’s tuition fee.
• Students who withdraw/suspend after 6 February 2026, will be liable to pay all term 2 fees in addition to term 1 modules (if registered for term 1).
• For students who withdraw/suspend prior to and including 5 June 2026, will not incur any fees for term 3 (if studying in term 3), but will still be liable to pay for all term 1 and term 2 modules taken.

SAAS Funded Students (Taught Courses):

• For students who withdraw/suspend on or before 1 December 2025, SAAS will revoke any funding previously approved and the student will be regarded as a self-funding student. Students should refer to the self-funded section above to ascertain what their tuition fee liability will be.
• Students who withdraw/suspend after 1 December 2025, SAAS will still pay funding to the University in respect of tuition fees, but this will count as a full year’s funding for that student.

Withdrawal/Suspend Process
In order to withdraw/suspend, students must contact Student Advisory in the first instance. Students who do not follow the correct withdrawal/suspension process will continue to be classed as a current student and tuition fee liability will continue to accrue until (i) the University takes steps to withdraw them; or (ii) the academic year finishes.
Please note that the tuition fees are based on what modules a student registers for, not on what classes a student has attended. Similarly, the withdrawal date is based on the date that the Advisory team approves the withdrawal/suspension, not on date a student commences the withdrawal process last attended classes.

He's still at home atm. Uni confirmed 31st to leave but only 3rd Oct to Suspend He has 1st (small) piece of work due tomorrow. Refusing to ask for an extension (only 2 allowed all year so possibly correctly). Working on it now (heavy weather due to health) I don't think he is well enough to keep up if he returns as he is adamant that he doesn't want to ask for help as 'it never helps anyway' (tbf he has had some shocking 'help' before). I am hoping to persuade him to either suspend or leave outright (although I think they'll not offer a place again so suspension might be safer). Room provider say I can email HQ but not optimistic. I have a Angiogram tomorrow myself so am going to see how he is after that.

I doubt anyone is still reading as it was originally marked as 'urgent' a week ago.
But just in case, Uni have offered a Suspension of studies until begining of next Sept on medical grounds. He would remain a student & have access to Library, study support, counselling, Uni clubs etc if he wished.. Hed start afresh, next Sept, with suport in place. Of course he'd then lose his 'suspension' yr option.
Next Sept could only work if we can make progress on his PoTS & Anxiety etc.

Or he can withdraw, up to 31st with no fees.

He got his first mini test result this morning: 75%. V pleased (needs a LOT of external validation) & texted from his bedroom: 'ooh, shall I go back?' then fell asleep until 4pm (sleep affected by POTS & likely PTSD re heart failure last yr)
I've been chasing his Faculty Advisor for days (no joy) so he'd probably have to spend time / energy getting extensions for work (1x2 hour test tomorrow plus 4 pieces due next Tues) The 75% test really helps (he's convinced he is 'too stupid for Uni') but he still isn't well enough to live & study independently atm.
(I'd reminded him about the test, put a drink & snack in front of hiim etc so I think he has a much better chance studying next year when his health is improved)

Now waiting on the indpendent Halls Co to reply to my email asking whether he can end his contract if he left with medical evidence due to medical Withdrawal OR whether if he Suspended for medical reasons could he choose to leave or stay (I put it a bit better than that I hope). No reply so far.

He can only Suspend until tommorrow. I have asked him to consider this & also to have a think about whether, if he did, he would like to stay up in Dundee for the rest of the term & maybe next term, to spend time attending some clubs, to get some counselling, to go to the drop in study skills sessions (all of which he can do as he would still be a 'real student' just on a break). He would add in study next year. He might quite enjoy that (time to go to the Weds eve club he wants to go to without pressure of 9am lecture next day). Time to spend with his flatmates (he likes). Time to go to the museum, Library, practise cooking. OR he might feel lost / like a 'fake' student. If we have to pay anyway he could try it for a bit & come home if it wasn't working? It depends what IQ Halls say too.

I'll update on Monday. I'd like to thank everyone who has replied, especially a poster who PM'd me & has been absolutely wonderful listening & commenting in an unofficial capacity.

I'm still reading! And hoping for the best possible outcome for ds. What a stressful time. For you and him

@Randomchat I think he thinks not going back now is Failing. Suspending is Failing (though he seems quite keen on the idea of staying at the room & joining in the rest of student life for the year - hope they will confirm tomorrow if ok...)
He has incredible resilience but is easily crushed. It's a tricky mix to navigate.
We have had his DSA Plan through now. He has permission to miss all lectures as long as he catches up. Very helpful re POTS & sleep schedule. But lonely (& better to be AT the lectures so he can hear them in real time then watch too)

Slightly off topic, but have you got a power of attorney for your son? It sounds like people are happy to speak to you at the moment, but more generally you both might find a power of attorney helpful.

@CatchingtheCat No I don't. He has wanted to give me 'permission to speak' re NHS (we had a very bad time over his ASD diagnosis & his heart failure last year) & I do manage his PIP for him but I hope in due course that he will be able to take both over. It is more a matter of confidence than ability.

He did a 2 hour Binary test last night. Half way through he said: 'oh God, brain fog I've forgotten how to do 2's compliment'. I told hiim not to panic & he settled himself & completed it. Score of 70% (2 others so far were 75% and 92%) More important than the score is him being able to control his panic that he is 'too stupid' & stick with it as he is quite capable of passing this year. A lot of this is confidence. He needs a student mentor rather than me though (as I can only make encouraging noises & tea)
He also needs better treatment for POTs. He may not get much help in Dundee but he certainly won't get any here. I hope he feels able to go back (with his DSA plan that gives him a lot of leeway re work) He says he feels a bit more confident re food. He has made a frend in his flat who has messaged him to say she hopes he's alright & everyone is missing him. SO nice. 2nd choice would be to suspend & stay in the room but IQ havent replied. He's still sleeping atm so we'll see when he stirs (about to cook lunch)

Fingers crossed.

Has he tried beta blockers for his POTS - I think he’s on ivabradine from another thread? One of my DCs also has it and felt awful with ivabradine so switched to beta blockers, extra salt and drinking lots of water and now manages very well.

Are rest breaks among the adjustments for timed tests?

That's so lovely of the girl to send that - hope it helps and hope you can get him back there or a suitable solution. I think encouragement, kindness and tea (well here its more hot chocolate and cakes) can help a lot.

@LIZS Yes. Everything basically. Recorded lectures 24 hrs before (stay on system) & permission not to attend (though he'd rather). Tuturials & Labs can join another group later in day if needed. Rest breaks, extra time, headphones.
Accomodation re attendance (though it doesn't say how much leeway?)

@titchy He was on a betablocker for his heart (so, told no salt, low fluids, which he followed rigourously). Then he was told he must repeat ALL his age 14-20 vaccinations (we'd moved area, they'd been done during Covid, no one had a precise record as GP 'lost' records) & he developed POTS. He found the betablocker no good & Ivabradine helped a bit. But local GP 'doesnt' believe' in PoTs. Local Cardiologist prescribed it, GP insisted on 1:1 F2F 'monitoring' & went on hols & let the prescription run out (twice) so it was 'bitty' to establish. Cardiologist has lost interest now heart is seemingly better & GP no good. So, a new GP & Cardiologist (as he will be referred as left with heart tissue scarring) can only be a good thing. He finds Salt, Sugar & carbs make his 'indigestion' worse - he has tried omeprazole / lansoprazole but not much relief even with plain diet of small regular meals & no junk at all). He needs to also try compression garments as you can see blood pooling in his hands & feet.
My theory is that his vagus nerve is irritated by his gut disruption which can press on the cardiac area but that's just from watching YouTube (Dr Gupta of York). I'd really like him to get more help with this but no chance at home.

If he can stagger through his 1st year academically, it would allow him to try for help with his PoTS via new GP/Cardiologist. If health still compromised he can come home but he knows he hasn't 'failed' in any way. If he Suspends it really just kicks that can down the road I think as we have explored all avenues here.

@SilkiePenguin it IS, isn't it? He has had such a very long 2 years waiting to start his independent life (since he caught Covid in Term 1 at Napier, came home as really very ill with it, then went into heart failure from it last summer, just recovering then POTS from vaccs). He SO deserves his lovely room in a nice flat with some pleasant people (they all seem nice he says). Not wild about Dundee but says it's 'growing on him' & it'd become his city with his stories. The opportunity to experience himself managing his life would be priceless.

It’s more likely the Vagus nerve is irritated and that is what’s causing the gut problems.

Has he done any exercises to soothe his vagus nerve? Humming?, eye exercises?

I posted on your last thread. The vagus nerve can cause lots of problems. But it can be regulated back. Im living proof ( bitter experience)

I remember your last thread. I hope it works out. I have an Audhd daughter. People don’t get the tiredness at all. She’s just started uni, but in our home city.

Is this an option for your ds? At least she gets fed everyday and we are on hand for meltdowns.

He sounds unwell. And needs a year out to just recovers. It seems lots of ND people need a lot of time out. Mine was out for 18 months.

Is he on anything for anxiety?

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I think that's what I was thinking but I probably put it backwards? I think his whole autonomic nervous system became totally overwhelmed (serious illness due to inflammation of heart, many doses of vaccs at once, a great deal of stress and anxiety). It is not 're-set' at all. I agree about ND people needing a lot more downtime / timeout (my younger one is also ASD, Dyslexic, situationally mute and has hypermobility & needs a lot of downtime)
But he has spent the last 2 years at home getting no help & getting lonlier & lonlier and his confidence plummeting. I think he has a better chance in Dundee.
Even if he goes back & tries until 31st Oct. We get an urgent GP appt & see if there is any more sniff of help (although that is a VERY tight timescale)

I greatly appreciate you saying that you have made progress with your autonomic nervous system regulation. I will google the humming & eye exercise ideas. He thinks its' 'for life'. I am sure he can make progress but less so stuck here with a GP who says it's all in his head. He does have anxiety but Pots too.

Yes he has academic commitments there (but he is more confident he can do them now, at least for year one) but he also has a warm room with ensuite (our house is old, full of stairs & hard to keep warm), friends on tap, things to look forward to (hack fests and such). He can come home weekends if he wants too.

He has been a bit ambivalent this afternoon but knows today is deadline for SS and has made no moves to email the paperwork but talked about opportuntities in Dundee ('that I'm probably too poorly for') Well, atm, but not forever I hope.

@ByGreyWriter I am sorry you had difficult times too x

He didn't take up the Suspension offer by the deadline so is going back today.
(he didnt' know but I also contacted the HQ of the Halls Co to query & no reply at all so it wouldn't have been clear what his housing situation was re Suspend)

He has until the end of the month to withdraw without fees. I hope he finds the next 3 weeks easier than the first 3. Some student mentoring will be arranged. He will now have counselling in place & some academic support. A new GP.
A trip up once a week re laundry & frozen batch cooked meals is easy enough.
He wants to do this.

I don't even know him but I'm so proud of his determination. Good for him. I hope the support is good and it all works out.

That's how I read it too OP.

I hope he is having a good weekend.

I read your previous thread and really hope you can find the balance for him. I do get it - my younger teen is on a tricky path - I too left Uni aged 18 after 3mths and then eventually went back 3yrs later made a success of my life even if I still took a “wiggly path” until my mid-30s. The balance between energy management v confidence/anxiety v health issues v life demands is such a tightrope. I hope you too can get some support or rest as the carer it’s a lot to juggle. Big unmumsnettuee hugs.

Sorry but there is no way you mean 'power of attorney' here? That is a legal agreement that gives you financial/medical control depending on type and is only for when people lack capacity eg due to dementia.

It may be useful to agree with the wellbeing/student support team that he gives you permission to speak to them, which he'll need to do in writing. But actually it sounds like he's doing well learning to advocate for himself with support.

I absolutely mean a power of attorney, or more specifically a continuing power of attorney which anyone can grant someone else to manage finance and property affairs on their behalf. You do not need to lose capacity before it comes into effect - for example my sister gave my brother power of attorney when she was out of the country for a while. It does not remove your ability to act on your own behalf and you can remove it at any time.

If her son lacked capacity she would need to apply for guardianship.

I don't believe my Ds lacks capacity. (I think he's well behind on that front due to ASD, his Dyslexia & his Anxiety/confidence currently)
But I hope, as with many other things, he will make progress in time. Meantime I step in to help. I have historically managed his PIP for him. We go over the forms together so one day if he needs to he can do it himself. My aim is to promote increasing independence. Occasionally we hit a snag. I found, just yesterday, an overdue letter from College re books from 2 years ago (£250, & maybe passed to debt collectors!). Not good. So I will need to deal with that one & we will need strategies to try to prevent a repeat. But, like all YP, his frontal cortex is still developing. I'm giving it time, to see how he does while slowly trying to 'back out of the room' just like when he was very small & couldn't sleep.

And in other less great financial news this morning, the IQ room HQ has replied.
If Suspension of studies (which Uni said we could only choose until last Fri but their own rules list you can have on medical grounds until week 10?) he could no longer stay in his room but would have to pay for it: even tho' he technically remains a student he'd have to leave (tho' they may not get this fine distinction)
I'm not sure whether to try to tease this out with them at this point.

For full Withdrawal they require evidence from Uni that he's withdrawn on medical grounds (Uni have advised they would accept his Dec 24 PoTs dx) so OK but also a recent GP letter with dx stating that 'there has been a change since he moved into IQ impacting his health further'. Not easy to obtain (old GP entirely unhelpful, but we could see a new one in Dundee perhaps)

I hope it works for him as his student loan (which he has still not applied for) will not cover a years rent if he leaves soon. I will have to pay it. Fingers crossed.

I've just read all your posts, it seems the support plan has kicked in but thought I'd say this anyways, just in case.

Make sure he has meetings with the university Disabiltiy service, they are often called disability advisors, they can make him an LSP/ISP and that will have details on exam arrangements, teaching arrangements etc.g lecture material 24h before etc, not asking questions on the spot, arrangements for things like coursework, presentations etc.

The LSP should 'follow him around', so it will be sent/accessible on a system to staff who are teaching him, academic/personal tutor (make sure he books in with them, talks to them, they can coordinate loads for him), and then as he moves onto new modules etc, those old staff lose access and new staff gain it. Make sure they have some system in place for this, so that he doesn't have to constantly explain to them.

Also going to office hours is a good idea when he can as it means he can still discuss key topics, reading etc and go over anything he didn't understand or missed.

They'll likely have extra library induction and study support workshops for disabled students as well. Ask about these, and book them in.

Contact the GP about getting the therapy for the PTSD. Think about starting meds like antidepressants as well.

Has he got any longer therapy available as the university services tend to run out after a while. He needs to register with a new GP ASAP, tell them all the history, everything that has been going on, you can still be under secondary care at hone and have a new GP at uni, it's the advice from all unis to do so. The new GP could also get him secondary cardiology care from a nearby hospital.
Has he seen any doctors at a nearby GP yet?

I think he can really thrive in univeristy like you said, and slowly take more on, gain more independence, cooking, forms etc. What course is he doing? Not sure if I missed it.