Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

I'm sure she knows what she wants but have you been able to identify that it's definable not just severe homesickness etc? Is it just the whole experience she hates?
Perhaps she hasn't clicked with anyone and needs a bit more time to make good friends, but you can't make her stay longer.
As others have said there are lots of paths she can take and perhaps just needs a year to consider what she wants.

@Delphigirl wow, that must have been a shock! My eldest DC really struggled through uni and there were times when she didn’t really want to go back. It’s a big adjustment. I hope that your DC is ok and that you get to the bottom right f what has happened.

Just been to visit DD in Sheffield and all her flatmates and friends. It was lovely to see her today. I felt a little sad driving home. I thought ‘this is it she’s really launched’. Happy but also a little sad.

Def not homesickness, she has had a gap year and travelled for months without ever looking back. She says it is the wrong course at the wrong uni, can’t see herself studying the subject for 4 years (ab initio language), finds Exeter the town boring, hates the Surrey-type vibe. When we said she should go back and finish the term, maybe sit in on other subject lectures to see if there was something else she might prefer, she flatly refused and then cried and said she just couldn’t. I haven’t seen her cry since she was 12. She is not a drama queen, she is normally very sorted and very independent but doesn’t volunteer information, you have to drag it out of her.
She has said about 5 times since she left how relieved she is.
I just don’t know why she never said anything before crisis point. We are a very open family and talk about all sorts. Her 3 older siblings were shocked too.

DD is in Y1 at University of Manchester. She hasn't really made any friends yet, so I can't imagine she'll be in a position to share a house with others in Y2 if things have to be organised this early. Does anyone know what other options are there?

@Delphigirl, I worry that's where my DD is at. It's such a worry.

Hi @QuietCorner. I hope things pan out ok for your DD. Although students often panic and want to lock things down early the student rental market in Manchester is fine if she joins a group further down the line. There are also lets available on Manchester student homes where you just apply for the room IYSWIM. And in the summer term there will be people advertising vacancies as someone from their established group has dropped out. There are also private halls, although some are aimed at international students with lots of money to burn. Second and third years students can also apply to stay in halls, but there's no guarantee that an application will be successful.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew I appreciate your answer, many thanks!

I’m coming back to this thread as I don’t know where else to go.

DD disclosed tonight that she’s not enjoying uni and wants to leave. I’ve told her not to make any hasty decisions but she’s coming home this weekend and we’ll talk through the options.

i know she needs to make the right decision to her and will support that but can’t help feeling really sad for her. And disappointed. I’m also worried as she is incredibly stubborn and hasn’t really given it a chance. Shes not enjoying the study side and feels overwhelmed. Namely as she’s been focussed on training in her sport and the gym rather than studying so now has lots of backed-up coursework to do. She hasn’t made any effort to socialise really so no wonder she’s not enjoying it.

Im not really sure what to say for the best. She seems to think she’ll come home, land a decent job and then can hit the gym in her spare time. I feel like the real world is about to bite her…

what should I say?!!!

It’s so difficult @madameimadam. I asked my dd yesterday what she thinks she would have done if she hadn’t met her friends in her flat. She said I would probably have dropped out. In the end she has to walk her own path. I dropped out of my uni course. A year later I started nursing in a different city and never looked back.

Mill point let second year students rent rooms. Is she in shared accommodation this year? My DD made friends with flatmates early on but it’s taken her till now to make course friends. If it helps, none of her friends are thinking about next year yet.

@QuietCorner I thought Manchester was one of the only universities that could offer accommodation for everyone, but maybe I got that mixed up with "everyone who is an international student"? I don't know.

My DS is in a similar position and he is looking at Student Castle and Fusion in the city he's based in.

Might be worth a look for your DD.
I see there's a Fusion, but not a Student Castle (yet)

https://www.fusionstudents.co.uk/property/manchester/

Thanks @GirtyPlunder
That looks amazing but way beyond our price range unfortunately.

Yes she's in shared accommodation but hasn't made any meaningful connections with anyone just yet. She's friendly and lovely once you get to know her, but extremely shy and not a party goer.

The whole accommodation for year 2 thing is really tough. My ds has settled well into uni - in a flat of 9 all of whom are friendly and they’ve cooked flat Sunday roast dinners but they are all very different and he hasn’t made a close connection with any of them. They all seem to have their own friends.
He’s really gone out of his way to make friends on his course - one of whom has expressed an interest in sharing next year - others have already decided to move in with their own flatmates. He has a friend from school at the same uni who would also share - so he’ll be fine (he’s not worrying) but it’s such an eye opener. He’s v sociable, friendly and loves a night out - but the lottery of your first year flat seems instrumental in year 2 houses. Madness this is just 6 weeks in!

My daughter masks autism and spent time making friends and she also needed flatmates to book year 2 flat. Unfort she then fell ill and then fell behind in study.

I found her a second year student who is helping her get on top of academics. I think if your daughter talked to her personal tutor / subject teachers she’ll find most kids feel overwhelmed. My daughter was anxious about asking for an extension but her lectures said no problem and gave her a few more weeks

try and nut out what is bothering her the most and see if you can solve it together

I think guilds offer peer mentor support

Hi @Woollyguru My DD is first year is there and she and a few of her flatmates from her halls are already looking for something together. It’s my understanding that this is unnecessary and that there will be options available later but 🤷‍♀️
Many do head to shared houses in Leamington but that then involves a 30 min bus ride to campus. Key is ensuring the house is on/near the bus route to campus. My DD isn’t a huge pub/club goer so being in Leam isn’t particularly useful for her, but I think her flatmates are more keen. The private halls just off campus ie close enough to walk seem fantastic and price wise (I’ve just crunched the numbers ) by the time you factor in travel costs and bills etc are pretty reasonable with great amenities. You can opt for this as an individual or with a couple of friends and they’ll put you in the same flat. This is my preferred option for DD but am trying not to interfere (much, haha).

@Justlurkingmostly thanks! I have no idea what DS is doing. I think we'll find out if he gets in touch asking for a deposit for a house!

I have also looked into the option of private halls and agree they do look good. The ones I saw have nice communal areas. I think it's worth paying a bit extra for convenience to get to campus.

It also depends on everyone's budget which could differ within the group. That's what DD found but they found something that worked for all of them.

I'm just going to have to leave DS to it but I've heard from several people that there's no rush so if he leaves it lateish hopefully he should be ok.

I'm also assuming that DS will let me know as and when he needs to organise next year's accommodation. Looking forward to seeing him this weekend for the first time since he headed off - I'll ask then.

@Changed18 dd home this weekend to for the first time. I may mention it as.well. In the last 8 weeks she seems.to have grown so much, made firm friends in her house, found her first boyfriend , also in her house and started a course shes enjoying, Im just waiting for somthing to go wrong, but that maybe the worrier in me!

jamimmi I think there's an accommodation fair next week in Lancaster (maybe the 18th Nov?) where students can meet landlords etc. I think the Uni want students to register their interest.

I am "slightly sad mum" today.
My DS is at Lancaster. He isn't diagnosed but we think he's autistic; his sibling is, and he tends to have ND friends. But he's a lovely guy - witty, kind, clever, hard working, tidy, well organised, responsible.

He did the fresher's week stuff but isn't a big drinker or clubber. He enjoys quiz nights, films, a chat in the bar. He is in a flat of 7, 3 girls, 4 boys. One boy is really struggling and never comes out of his room, but my DS does, feels he gets on well with the other 2 guys in particular. He says they are nice guys, and get along, though he recognises that they aren't "soul mates".

Anyway we spoke yesterday and it turns out the 3 girls and other 2 boys have leased a house next year. They have left out the guy they never see, and also my DS who they do see. DS thinks it's because they have a WhatsApp group where they organise nights out that he was never added to, because after going out clubbing 3 times the first week, he decided it's not really his scene.

I am disappointed in them whilst at the same time recognising that it's probably for the best; DS will be better with a couple of other mathematicians or computer scientists and it will all work out. But I wish they would have talked to him about it rather than just slyly excluding him.

I hope he finds someone on his course or at a society who wants him to share. He's just a lovely guy.

That is sad @Millionsofmonkeys ame not how you’d hope people would treat your son. In the long run he might be better off if it’s a going-out household and it’s not his thing; as you say, he can find similar people. But it’s just the sting of being left out. It’s not on. How is he taking it, is he ok?

It’s so hard not to take these things personally and feel hurt for your kids. He will find his tribe. Sometimes it takes these situations to spur them on to find their people.

He's taking it better than me!
I think it helps that he has a very close group of friends here at home from sixth form who is is in touch with still, so not lonely. I have suggested he talk to a couple of the guys he has met on his course.

One complaint I have - my older DS was given lots of group projects for the first term on his course. They had to switch groups and do fortnightly projects. This forced the course people to start communicating and getting to know each other. DS1 found his tribe there. I wish DS2's course had a few more group projects planned for this first term.