Parents of Durham freshers 2025

[MillicentFaucet]

We've chatted on a different threads over the past few months so do any anxious/excited/slightly overwhelmed parents want to congregate here for Durham chat?
My DS will be starting an MEng next month and has been allocated to Cuths 🐯(but no confirmation of what type of accommodation he has yet).
He's slowly working his way through registration etc and fretting about the important things like what to wear for matriculation <sigh>
How's everyone else getting on?

She could put Durham instead of York and then you visit when you can? She doesn’t need to decide her firm for months yet, if you want to visit Durham.

My DS is state school (ex pit village) with a contextual offer due to our postcode and he has settled in really well. His new friends seem a diverse mix of backgrounds and nationalities, it's early days yet but I know he doesn't regret sticking Durham on his UCAS as a last-minute place filler (he was set on Newcastle)
It's no more remote or isolated than York and only a few stops further up the east coast mainline.
I'll admit to being very biased because a) I'm local & b) my DS is loving his course (engineering) and college (Cuths) 😁

That’s very reassuring. I know it’s an excellent university and particularly highly rated for geography. I was a bit put off by the mention of the formal dinners/balls, which DD would definitely not be interested in.
Perhaps putting it on for now and going for a visit is the way forward. At the moment York seems a wasted choice if she is doubtful about the course (even though I think she’d be happy in the location)

@Suffolker DD can list self-catered colleges as her preferences if she is offered a place (but formal dinners and balls are optional even in catered colleges)

I agree with @HelenDenver but also remember that formals = dressing smartly to eat a generic chicken dinner. It's not the Freemasons

Yes that would probably be best for her, although I read another long thread from earlier this year about very late accommodation allocation, which all sounded rather chaotic (and stressful)

I think that happened to about 10% of students? But not sure why.

I noted that the loudest, angriest, and most worried person on that thread never came back to say if her YP ended up in the initially allocated hall (as most did) after all. 😏

@SuffolkerFormals aren’t mandatory, though I think once YPs are settled it gives them a social activity option and excuse to wear their gowns if they’re in a gowned college. My DD didn’t enjoy her college Fresher’s formal (ended up bookended by the most unfortunately stereotypical Eton boys imaginable), but has since found a little gang in her college so I can see her opting to try again with her new friends.

Durham is small compared to some uni cities, there’s no question of that. My DD fretted about that, though like your YP she really liked the course at Durham. The smallness does have some advantages though - clubs tend to be universal touchpoints for students (she is already adopting Klute jokes), as are college bars. And she’s been out in Newcastle a couple of times, which is only a short train away.

It’s hard to get across to YPs that it’s only 3 years (4 if they take a placement or go abroad), it doesn’t have to tick EVERY box they aspire to in their future lives. My YP was devastated to be allocated a catered college (she loves to cook), but is now saying she kind of appreciates that she can focus on adjusting to her course demands this year and leave managing a food budget/cooking schedule until next year. I’ve kept my lip buttoned, as I’d raised that point to her but I know “I told you so” never lands well!

State school Dd who has just started and is having a great time. Opted for one of the hill colleges as sounded more her kind of vibe (only 2 in her floor of 10 are from private schools) and she is really enjoying it and made lots of friends. Been out a lot and finding her way round easily as it’s so small.
Anyone who says there isn’t a private / state divide is very naive - it’s most definitely a thing. But that doesn’t mean it needs to be an issue - it’s just often easier initially to surround yourself by people who have more similar backgrounds to you to begin with. Also a lot of the boarding kids all know each other (it’s very strange - my other Dd boarded and she knows everyone from every other school it seems - I have no idea how) so that may cause her to feel a little pushed out - again it’s not necessarily intentional but just the way it goes. I’d advise one of the hill colleges if you think it may be an issue.
it is very small - it’s not for everyone - other Dd hated it when she looked round and wanted somewhere much bigger and more anonymous - it’s only town sized (even though it’s officially a city) with hardly any shops and no proper nightclubs so that may be a consideration. The halls are quite tired when compared to newer uni accommodation so if she wants new and shiny it’s definitely not for her (unless some of the other colleges are better than the ones we have seen)!
anyway good luck to her and if you can fit in a trip I would - it’s definitely not somewhere you would want to go to without a visit first.

Just heard from DS, apparently "stash has dropped"
They're all going to be wearing identical rugby tops in Babs tonight aren't they 😀

My daughter was state school (rural Somerset) and has settled in amazingly - loves Durham so much. Her friends are a mix of state and private, she does say it’s amazing that the private school people all seem to know each other! After a stressful time at college allocation (I’m now worried I’m the “angry vocal” person mentioned earlier as it did make me cross!) she loves her college (Grey) which was her initial assigned college, although only her sixth choice, but I still feel that stress marred what should have been an exciting time after results day.

My son’s impression is that lots of the initial bonding between the boys is through sport.

I briefly met up with DS this morning (wanted to spoil him with flu meds & treats) & the number of tiny movember 'tashes in the cafe was very funny. He's feeling a mixture of relief and FOMO that he's not house hunting with his new friends, but has already been granted crash privileges by one group who have signed for a place near the viaduct.
Any DC living on the Bailey need to get their gold passes for Lumiere next week, and keep them safe or they'll have problems getting back in to their colleges during the restricted times.
I love Lumiere (even though it's absolutely rammed) and I hope your Freshers love it too.

You definitely were not! A bit of anxiety was completely understandable. The person I’m thinking of has never been on this thread at all!

Hi all, I can't believe it's almost the end of term, how are your DC feeling about it?
DS paid us a flying visit this evening to pick up his black tie, sounds like next week is socials & balls every evening on top of his usual timetable. I imagine he's going to be a bit of a husk by the time he comes home.
I'm really looking forward to spoiling him & DS1 over the holiday though, the little stash of stocking fillers has become a small mountain.

My daughter has exams next week. But has had Pantos etc this, and two more plays before the end of term.

Hello! DD is working hard but also seems to be finding lots of time to have fun. She is now well settled and also has a whirl of social events this week - the Winter ball, a friend’s theatre production, celebrating another friend’s birthday before I pop up to collect her for Christmas break. She missed the tickets for her Christmas formal but at the rate she’s going she might have had some trouble fitting it in!

I’m so looking forward to Christmas and getting a full download from her.

We had a flying visit to see DS on Sunday for the carol concert at the cathedral. It was lovely to be able to pop through for a few hours & sneak in some hugs. Of course, I’ve have radio silence since then 🙄
Like everyone else’s DC’s, he also seems to have a lot planned for his last week before he comes home. I expect he’ll sleep most of his first week back.

Is anyone else a little worried about the shift in dynamics when they come home for Christmas? They’re used to their own little routines now. I don’t expect him to slide right back into life at home in that parent/child relationship but it will be interesting to see how it works out.

@MollyButton sounds like a hectic end to the term, good fun though. Has she enjoyed her first term?

He’s doing great. I’m loving looking at the weather app. Temp: 2 Feels like: -3

I send him screenshots of my local sunny winter weather and he sends me the middle finger emoji. I miss him like crazy and can’t wait to hug him.

@Skybluegreen I do know what you mean - I am approaching this Christmas in the spirit of an explorer out to observe a new environment. 😂

More seriously, I’m anticipating that DD will be very keen to catch up with quite a lot of people in a relatively short period - we are just some of them! So it will be positive and interesting, if different than before she left home.

Are their other kids here who are in fully catered? My son says the food is pretty grim. Mostly pizza and burgers and greasy food.

Mine is but he hasn’t made that comment

DS is catered and says the food is mainly decent. Sunday dinner can be hit & miss but overall I’ve not heard many complaints.

My DD - who likes to cook, but is in a catered college - has described the food as “distinctly mid” but didn’t seem to think it was especially unhealthy.