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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Leaving home and moving to uni countdown

314 replies

Claymoreiron · 18/08/2025 05:09

Is there a thread for this? In a matter of weeks many of us will be packing our DCs off to university. I am thrilled for my DS who has worked so hard and is so excited to start university life. However, I am also dreading it in equal measure and know that emotionally this transition will be tough for me.

How is everyone?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
RedTreeLeaf · 13/09/2025 19:45

We dropped off youngest DS today, there have been a lot of tears this evening. The house feels horrible, so quiet and empty. I feel much more bleak and sad than I expected to!

Howmanysleepsnow · 13/09/2025 20:03

Dropped DD, everything unpacked and set up. She’s out tonight with 2 of her flatmates and a friend from high school, and has already been shopping for “house stuff “ despite taking so much she nearly couldn’t fit in the car.

SockFluffInTheBath · 13/09/2025 20:08

Hugs to all the parents, it’s a tough day.

Ineedcoffeenow · 13/09/2025 20:13

RedTreeLeaf · 13/09/2025 19:45

We dropped off youngest DS today, there have been a lot of tears this evening. The house feels horrible, so quiet and empty. I feel much more bleak and sad than I expected to!

Sympathies. We dropped DD off a week ago and I’m still bursting into tears. It’s hard.

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 13/09/2025 20:27

I’m actually a university lecturer so I am seeing it from both sides this year. Monday morning my new students start. Am glad I will be bonkers busy for the next few weeks.

Ineedcoffeenow · 13/09/2025 20:36

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 13/09/2025 20:27

I’m actually a university lecturer so I am seeing it from both sides this year. Monday morning my new students start. Am glad I will be bonkers busy for the next few weeks.

Same here!

caringcarer · 13/09/2025 20:46

We have been to Argos today to buy mattress topper, duvet, duvet cover, pillows, duvet cover and pillowcase. He had a voucher so used that. On order to collect tomorrow chopping board, cutlery, pizza tray, baking sheets, pedal bin, toilet brush. Bought last Thursday 2 bath sheets, hand towel, bath mat, wok, small air fryer as they are permitted, tin opener, pizza cutter and a few tea towels. He can have 4 mugs from home and a baking tray and saucepans, plates and cereal bowls and a couple of wooden spoons and spatula. I'm letting him take hand wash, washing up liquid, tin foil, air fryer greaseproof sheets, kitchen spray, a couple of cleaning sponges and a couple of older storage containers for teabags and coffee. We took him to Worcester today to get his keys, get his ID pass, sort parking and He took his huge cricket bag and clothes. He came home tonight. His last night at home. He's off to Worcester tomorrow with car packed full of the bedding stuff and household things. I think we might have to take 2 cars. I'm taking him to do a basic food shop to get him started. Then we are coming home and leaving him with his housemates. He's so lucky he has his own whole shelf in fridge and a whole shelf in freezer too. He likes to cook and can cook about 4 meals really well. I'm not worried about him feeding himself well. I will advise him to wash up his pots as he goes but not sure he'll do it. He often leaves the kitchen messy at home. I've told him he will be unpopular in halls if he doesn't keep the kitchen tidy. DH doesn't help, he's told him because he can cook well he'll be fine. I'll miss him though because we are very close and he's good company. We have upgraded his internet data. I'm hoping we are back in the car before I cry.

caringcarer · 13/09/2025 20:48

Paddlinglikehell · 13/09/2025 17:17

All done too. Took her for lunch as thought need to feed her before going! Another student she knew passed by and joined us, so we fed both of them and they’re going for drinks with a few freshers tonight.

Before and after photos.

Your DD looks like she's made herself at home quickly.

RedTreeLeaf · 13/09/2025 20:54

SockFluffInTheBath · 13/09/2025 20:08

Hugs to all the parents, it’s a tough day.

Much appreciated!

BerryTwister · 13/09/2025 23:52

DS1 has just gone back to uni for his 3rd year, but I still feel sad. I thought I’d share the classic Pam Ayres poem “A September Song”, so we can all wallow a bit!

A September Song

He is off to university, all is now in place
there is fear, anticipation and excitement in his face.
An overstuffed enormous bag and rucksack in the hall
and a ghastly leaden feeling like the ending of it all.

I cannot let it show this selfish aching in my heart
for the sweet chaotic years in which you played the major part.
I am fearful of the emptiness when you depart the room
and silence settles round us like the stillness of a tomb.

At your bedroom door I used to stand and shake my head
the mess was unbelievable, the floor, the chair, the bed.
The place was never hoovered, never felt a duster's touch
but now it's neat and clean and I don't like it half as much.

I loved you going out, so young and eager and alive
and I loved you coming home, your little car, turned in the drive.
The energy, the racket, all the songs you loved to play
and I won't know where to turn to when the music dies away.

There was ringing of the mobile, there was tapping of the text
the ipod and the ipad and the new thing coming next.
There was passion, there was fashion, with your father in despair
saying, “In the name of God, what has that boy done to his hair?!”

Now parents realise that all between them that has dwindled
can be resuscitated and romantically rekindled.
Old passions reignited, sexual energies uncurbed
but looking at your Dad, I think I'll leave him undisturbed.

My son is ready, independent, eager, fit, he has to go.
He must take his chances now, I know, I know, I know, I know
He will make so many friends, he will be having such a ball;
it may all be so exciting that he won't come home at all.

I am looking at a life which seems so drained of all it's colour;
the heart is gone from us, we are older, we are duller.
Now when people ask us, we'll show photographs and say,
“Our son's at university, that's right, he lives away...”

ShmartyPants · 14/09/2025 07:14

Is there a really good list of things to consider taking anywhere online?

MyOtherProfile · 14/09/2025 08:00

ShmartyPants · 14/09/2025 07:14

Is there a really good list of things to consider taking anywhere online?

Yes on the wiwikau website. The Facebook group is quite helpful too.

Stargazetrampoline · 14/09/2025 08:16

Perhaps a different thread, but anyone finding their DH/partner is just not as emotional about their child leaving?!

Paddlinglikehell · 14/09/2025 08:26

PinotPony · 13/09/2025 19:35

Dropped DS at Brookes and got him unpacked before we went for some lunch. He’s out for drinks with his flatmates tonight so I know he’ll be fine.

I’ve just sat in his empty room at home and bawled my eyes out.

Me last year, dropping off on Foundation year - it was a short year too. I didn’t change the bed for ages. 😕

Paddlinglikehell · 14/09/2025 08:29

BerryTwister · 13/09/2025 23:52

DS1 has just gone back to uni for his 3rd year, but I still feel sad. I thought I’d share the classic Pam Ayres poem “A September Song”, so we can all wallow a bit!

A September Song

He is off to university, all is now in place
there is fear, anticipation and excitement in his face.
An overstuffed enormous bag and rucksack in the hall
and a ghastly leaden feeling like the ending of it all.

I cannot let it show this selfish aching in my heart
for the sweet chaotic years in which you played the major part.
I am fearful of the emptiness when you depart the room
and silence settles round us like the stillness of a tomb.

At your bedroom door I used to stand and shake my head
the mess was unbelievable, the floor, the chair, the bed.
The place was never hoovered, never felt a duster's touch
but now it's neat and clean and I don't like it half as much.

I loved you going out, so young and eager and alive
and I loved you coming home, your little car, turned in the drive.
The energy, the racket, all the songs you loved to play
and I won't know where to turn to when the music dies away.

There was ringing of the mobile, there was tapping of the text
the ipod and the ipad and the new thing coming next.
There was passion, there was fashion, with your father in despair
saying, “In the name of God, what has that boy done to his hair?!”

Now parents realise that all between them that has dwindled
can be resuscitated and romantically rekindled.
Old passions reignited, sexual energies uncurbed
but looking at your Dad, I think I'll leave him undisturbed.

My son is ready, independent, eager, fit, he has to go.
He must take his chances now, I know, I know, I know, I know
He will make so many friends, he will be having such a ball;
it may all be so exciting that he won't come home at all.

I am looking at a life which seems so drained of all it's colour;
the heart is gone from us, we are older, we are duller.
Now when people ask us, we'll show photographs and say,
“Our son's at university, that's right, he lives away...”

Oh Goodness! I was pretty okay until I read that!

topcat2014 · 14/09/2025 08:36

@Paddlinglikehelloh Christ I feel older and duller now! DD still here for a few more days but is just getting more anxious

Wherehasthecatgone · 14/09/2025 09:25

Now parents realise that all between them that has dwindled
can be resuscitated and romantically rekindled.
Old passions reignited, sexual energies uncurbed
but looking at your Dad, I think I'll leave him undisturbed

😂😂😂😂

Gassylady · 14/09/2025 09:36

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 10/09/2025 12:08

Can I ask are people planning on having a conversation with their dc about budgeting?

dd is a bit older at 24yo but this is the first time she will have lived away from home and had to budget. In all honestly she is a bit of a spoilt princess and I hold my hands up to not saying no enough. But she also has a tendency to kick off if I do try and say no and scream and shout at me and I try to avoid conflict so back down. The few times I haven't backed down she runs to dh who says yes and then I get the silent treatment for ages.

Anyway we will be paying 1k a month for her accommodation. She will get her student loan and I am hoping she realises she needs to work out a weekly budget and stick to that. Because with the extra 1k a month we are shelling out we won't be in a position to bail her out unless we raid our savings.

Yesterday I had to pay £150 for a hairdresser appt for her (she texted me mid appt so I couldn't say no) - I don't pay anywhere near that for my own hair. And then asked for £33 for a puppy yoga class which I said no to! I pointed out I am having a very expensive month this month buying her stuff for the flat/will do a massive shop for her at the weekend. Nor would I pay £33 for a bloody yoga class for myself.

I worry if I don't talk to her about budgeting she will be ringing me mid Nov having run out of money. If I do mention it I know there will be fireworks and I will be shouted at. She's accused me and dh before of being really tight with money which isn't true. My friends can't believe how much we give her/buy for her financially.

Whilst they were applying for student finance we sat and looked at the numbers. The amount of maintenance loan, the accomodation fees for their preferred accomodation (bills all in) and looked at a reasonable weekly shop for food plus travel within the city. They love to cook so could easily work out a weeks worth of ingredients. We then agreed a top up amount and arranged to transfer that by standing order on the first of the month.
They understood that that was that. Any haircuts (he just never bothered!), nights out, phone, spotify etc needed to come out of that and there would be no more. On a visit up I did pay for a decent waterproof coat as a gift but no more was asked for or given.

Should say this was departing for uni three months after 18th birthday not at 24 - sounds like six years of not hearing no may cause a lot more discussion. Our top up was about £300 a month I think.

Ineedcoffeenow · 14/09/2025 11:04

Stargazetrampoline · 14/09/2025 08:16

Perhaps a different thread, but anyone finding their DH/partner is just not as emotional about their child leaving?!

Yes! DD has been away a week—he goes into her empty bedroom every night to say good night

SockFluffInTheBath · 14/09/2025 12:19

Ineedcoffeenow · 14/09/2025 11:04

Yes! DD has been away a week—he goes into her empty bedroom every night to say good night

My DH is like yours, he was the same when DS left, too.

KimHwn · 14/09/2025 13:51

BerryTwister · 13/09/2025 23:52

DS1 has just gone back to uni for his 3rd year, but I still feel sad. I thought I’d share the classic Pam Ayres poem “A September Song”, so we can all wallow a bit!

A September Song

He is off to university, all is now in place
there is fear, anticipation and excitement in his face.
An overstuffed enormous bag and rucksack in the hall
and a ghastly leaden feeling like the ending of it all.

I cannot let it show this selfish aching in my heart
for the sweet chaotic years in which you played the major part.
I am fearful of the emptiness when you depart the room
and silence settles round us like the stillness of a tomb.

At your bedroom door I used to stand and shake my head
the mess was unbelievable, the floor, the chair, the bed.
The place was never hoovered, never felt a duster's touch
but now it's neat and clean and I don't like it half as much.

I loved you going out, so young and eager and alive
and I loved you coming home, your little car, turned in the drive.
The energy, the racket, all the songs you loved to play
and I won't know where to turn to when the music dies away.

There was ringing of the mobile, there was tapping of the text
the ipod and the ipad and the new thing coming next.
There was passion, there was fashion, with your father in despair
saying, “In the name of God, what has that boy done to his hair?!”

Now parents realise that all between them that has dwindled
can be resuscitated and romantically rekindled.
Old passions reignited, sexual energies uncurbed
but looking at your Dad, I think I'll leave him undisturbed.

My son is ready, independent, eager, fit, he has to go.
He must take his chances now, I know, I know, I know, I know
He will make so many friends, he will be having such a ball;
it may all be so exciting that he won't come home at all.

I am looking at a life which seems so drained of all it's colour;
the heart is gone from us, we are older, we are duller.
Now when people ask us, we'll show photographs and say,
“Our son's at university, that's right, he lives away...”

Never in my life did I imagine crying at a Pam Ayres poem!
We have a week to go. Everything is ready except me, and I don't think I'll ever be!

Paddlinglikehell · 14/09/2025 14:28

Gassylady · 14/09/2025 09:36

Whilst they were applying for student finance we sat and looked at the numbers. The amount of maintenance loan, the accomodation fees for their preferred accomodation (bills all in) and looked at a reasonable weekly shop for food plus travel within the city. They love to cook so could easily work out a weeks worth of ingredients. We then agreed a top up amount and arranged to transfer that by standing order on the first of the month.
They understood that that was that. Any haircuts (he just never bothered!), nights out, phone, spotify etc needed to come out of that and there would be no more. On a visit up I did pay for a decent waterproof coat as a gift but no more was asked for or given.

Should say this was departing for uni three months after 18th birthday not at 24 - sounds like six years of not hearing no may cause a lot more discussion. Our top up was about £300 a month I think.

Edited

This!!!

last year DD had her maintenance which worked at £110 a week for food - she has some work savings and we pay for books/Equip.

Went and did a big shop yesterday - on me obvs. She said at the checkout that, usually she felt sick when she got here to pay as she always worried she had spent too much of her budget. 😳. I was horrified, I had no idea she felt like this, she never said!!!

We’re going to top it up. I don’t want her worrying about feeding herself. Feeling awful she was worrying about it last year.

Wherehasthecatgone · 14/09/2025 14:40

Paddlinglikehell · 14/09/2025 14:28

This!!!

last year DD had her maintenance which worked at £110 a week for food - she has some work savings and we pay for books/Equip.

Went and did a big shop yesterday - on me obvs. She said at the checkout that, usually she felt sick when she got here to pay as she always worried she had spent too much of her budget. 😳. I was horrified, I had no idea she felt like this, she never said!!!

We’re going to top it up. I don’t want her worrying about feeding herself. Feeling awful she was worrying about it last year.

I presume gluten-free stuff is quite a bit more expensive because that is more than we pay for everything (except accommodation).

We pay for the whole semester but if they are struggling to budget then monthly makes more sense.

I have said if they go over we will give them more but we would also want to look at their spending if we did so.

Paddlinglikehell · 14/09/2025 15:03

Wherehasthecatgone · 14/09/2025 14:40

I presume gluten-free stuff is quite a bit more expensive because that is more than we pay for everything (except accommodation).

We pay for the whole semester but if they are struggling to budget then monthly makes more sense.

I have said if they go over we will give them more but we would also want to look at their spending if we did so.

Yes gf is crazy £3.00 for a loaf of bread! I didn’t really factor that in.

I had said to her about budgeting too and did t just want to give her so much she wasn’t bothered about being careful, but she never said!

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 14/09/2025 18:14

So we’ve left dd. Her room is nice. Looked more homely by the time we left.

Spent £200 on groceries in Sainsbury’s.

Shes also gluten free so yes price of food is crazy. Her budget is £95 a week after rent. She has no bills or transport costs so am hoping it’ll be enough

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