He got a Third.

[DoNoTakeNo]

Firstly, I know this is not about me.
Secondly, that doesn’t stop me being devastated for my DS.
I just need to get this off my chest I suppose; any coping strategies appreciated.
DS got his degree result today; as per the title, it’s a 3rd - he missed out by half a percent. He studied at a prestigious university but has told me he feels that his degree is a waste & he can’t even apply for jobs he wanted (his original plan was a Masters but that’s not going to happen now).
He has had so much trauma and tragedy in his life, I’m honestly devastated that he has been hit with this (& yes I know it was his work that got him the result, not just chance).
He lost his father to cancer as a teen, he recently lost a cousin to murder, and he has a rare & complex life-long illness.
He always has a home here; DH & his siblings & I love him very much.
How on earth can I help him?
I hope others who are getting results now aren’t going through this.

Yes @LiteralLunaticit was all at the same Uni & unfortunately they definitely won’t accept him - thanks though.
The subject isn’t really relevant to future jobs, it was more the grade in this case.
We will see him next week so will try to build him up as per your & others’ comments - there are so many little nuggets of brilliant advice, I’ll be writing some down & passing them on (appropriately, I hope!)

You're paying for the facilities, classes, access to library resources. Not a degree. You pay for the opportunity to be taught and interact with academics and engage.

I think he should take a breather and maybe self study a professional qualification like the CIMA, ACCA or the CFA.

But first and foremost a breather is needed.

Does he know what he wants to do? A third might rule out some graduate trainee schemes but I am sure plenty of people on here will have useful advice on alternative routes to getting into the career he wants via a different route,

If he isn’t sure, maybe some careers advice is the next step. He should still get support from the university as a graduand.

Perhaps a gap year of work and travelling might be a good idea after everything he has been through. He could look for a masters or a professional course that will accept him next year.

Good luck to him!

Just logged in to say that a very long time ago I too got a third. With no extenuating circumstances at all (basically partied too much in the first year 😳). 2 years after graduation i was accepted into a Masters - different subject (government incentive to get women into IT) but against very stiff competition. They recognised that it really wasn't all about the academic marks, but interest, drive and potential - I'd spent the interim two years temping as IT support and had found my niche. I've now had a very successful career in that field.

Not sure if that helps, but just wanted to provide an example of how life can work out, despite it looking a bit worrisome at the time. And he did great especially in the circumstances- but yes, try for the remark - nothing to lose.

Very best of luck .

This! My dad got a 3rd.

After University he joined a graduate programme, gained a professional qualification, he said very soon noone ever asked what class degree he got.

My boss is 10 years younger than me and never went to uni.

Far more important in my line of work is the ability to build relationships, get things done and have a growth mindset.

I suggest he spends a bit of time in person at his University careers service.t they will have lots to offer.

What is a growth mind set?

Just make sure your DS knows how proud you are anyway and that it is an amazing accomplishment that he completed his degree while overcoming so much in his personal life. Remind him that things always keep moving and that once he has a job no one will even look at his degree in the same way that no one really likes at your gcses and that the fact he stayed on instead of dropping out shows a lot of resilience.

I had to deal with a lot during my degree including a chronic diagnosis and when I recently graduated I was so bitter that I felt almost like I had been cheated out of the grade I knew I was capable of academically. I didn't even go to my graduation as I felt like I didn't have a grade worth celebrating. Maybe take him out for a celebratory graduation dinner and remind him that to get a third under those circumstances takes maybe even more effort than other people getting a first and that it's no reflection on him or his capabilities, and won't most likely won't affect his future as much as he might think. Congratulations and good luck to your DS!

The belief that intelligence and talent are not fixed but can be cultivated through learning and persistence

Devastated? Really?

So sorry to hear all he and you have been through - he's done amazingly well just to carry on and now he's got a degree.

I wouldn't worry about the third - I work in a field where my degree is required and only once has a grade been stipulated. Rest of the time they just test knowledge in an interview. Jobs go more on who can interview well, relevant experience and nobody cares much what grade you got. Don't even need to put it on his CV if he doesn't want to. I would still apply to ones stating a grade if he meets at least half of the criteria though things are competitive at the moment. Places do make exceptions. If he finds it a block getting into jobs then best advice is to get a job where he wants to work and then move onto the role he wanted, often easier to get jobs internally. Once you start work its qualities like working hard, skills required that matter rather than degree and this only increases with time.

I would also consider if he needs time out like a year travelling - I would not do a year just at home not doing anything - but if there's something fun he would like to do now could be a good time.

Same, and they didn’t even get that. Pass conceded as a sympathy mark for a fail in tough circumstances.

He has done incredibly well.

He got a third but more importantly he has a lovely mum and has overcome so many adversities that might have broken a less strong person. Life has many twists and turns and I'm wishing you and your son all the best for the future.

A gap year is an excellent idea.

Thank you so much for your examples & case studies & success stories, I really appreciate your honesty.

I swapped messages with DS earlier, he says he is feeling a little better today & is out with his friends. I was so relieved at that.

Thank you @Marylou2 - I’m feeling those tears pricking at my eyes again!

Yeah, the only time I think it materially matters what your classification is, is when applying for the postgrad. I started my MSc during lockdowns and knew my limitations; without actual face to face teaching, I was going to bomb a module. I wanted to change course. They were uhming and ahhhhing about letting me until I told them I got a first. I was on the different course within minutes.

I think if a grade boundary is so close, they will have done what they could to push it into the 2:2. They didn't.

But other than it helping me change course at the last minute? Nobody has ever asked, or cared what classification I got. Time out, some experience, and a cracking personal statement is what he needs now. And fwiw, I found masters easier, you're given more leeway to learn in the ways that suit you best.

Well done to your ds for all he's achieved!

An ex of mine got a third, with no adverse circumstances, just laziness. He got an incredibly highly paid job in the City and is now retired at 50, living on a huge olive farm in Greece. Another ex (a theme here) got a pass and also ended up in a decently-paid career, plus married to a very famous woman (not me!)

I got a first. DH and my closest friend both got thirds. They each earn around 3 times my salary.