He got a Third.

[DoNoTakeNo]

Firstly, I know this is not about me.
Secondly, that doesn’t stop me being devastated for my DS.
I just need to get this off my chest I suppose; any coping strategies appreciated.
DS got his degree result today; as per the title, it’s a 3rd - he missed out by half a percent. He studied at a prestigious university but has told me he feels that his degree is a waste & he can’t even apply for jobs he wanted (his original plan was a Masters but that’s not going to happen now).
He has had so much trauma and tragedy in his life, I’m honestly devastated that he has been hit with this (& yes I know it was his work that got him the result, not just chance).
He lost his father to cancer as a teen, he recently lost a cousin to murder, and he has a rare & complex life-long illness.
He always has a home here; DH & his siblings & I love him very much.
How on earth can I help him?
I hope others who are getting results now aren’t going through this.

First things first OP at least your DS has a university degree (and from a prestigious university nonetheless).

Your DS has suffered a lot of adversity growing up and to even complete university is awesome.

I'm not going to sugarcoat things. A 3rd isn't ideal but it's not the be all end all. Some companies do still want graduates to have a 2.1. I know this from working with DS during this application process.

But not all companies care these days. Pwc is grade blind. So is DS's company that he works at now. He didn't even need to submit his transcript at all. None of his fellow grads were even asked for their university transcript.

My advice to make up for this would to perhaps self study a professional qualification. Like cima or the Cfa.

I agree with remark, but also a uni friend of mine got a 2:2 and went onto get a masters and a PhD, so it might not be the end? As others have said, self-study might also be a possibility?

A good friend of mine got an Oxbridge third. He went on to publish many books and obtain a chair in a London University.

A friend got a third and still got a job. And went on to do her masters at a later date.

What an incredibly kind and thoughtful post.
@ThisTicklishFatball Your friends are lucky to have you x

I read your post as a young man who’s done extremely well given everything he went through.
Surely his circumstances can be taken into account with a masters application?
I know things seem a bit bleek now, but your son has shown immense resilience and determination to get this far. These traits can continue to carry him on his journey.
Wishing you both the very best

What kind of career was he hoping to find?

I'm sorry for your ds. That sounds so rough after everything he has experienced.

I's recommend he applies for any job he can get. It doesn't have to be a graduate role. There are many well qualified graduates stuck working in non-graduate roles. A good dose of luck might mean some of those who show aptitude get to move on up in whatever field they've got employment in. No-one will care about the degree in those cases.

There's a skills shortage - so we're told - in many areas. Perhaps he can do some additional short courses, rather than the masters, and gain something particular that employers value.

He's had many obstacles to contend with and still completed and gained a degree. I am sure he is capable of much more to come.

All is not lost! See if it can be remarked due to exceptional circumstances or if he can resit the final year. Congratulations to him though, considering everything he’s been through to get a degree from a prestigious university.

I just wanted to say your son sounds like an amazing young man to have come through so much. I'm sure he learned and grew an awful lot through university, it isn't all about the mark but I appreciate it doesn't feel like that at the moment. I can feel your love and pride for him in your post, how lucky he is to have you ❤️

Well I am blown away by your lovely supportive wonderful comments - so much so that I’ve had to stop reading twice to have a little cry! Still a few more to go & then I’ll reply. Meanwhile, thank you 🙏

These replies are the best of Mumsnet - so much kindness and love and good sense. @DoNoTakeNo I hope you and your boy can take heart from the comfort and practical advice. He has done so well, and there are many pathways open to him. He deserves a wonderful future.

Have his his medical circumstances been taken into account when deciding his grade? Also, a third from a prestigious university may not be that bad. If he talks to the masters programme and explains about his circumstances is there a chance they might consider him under extraordinary circumstances? Not sure.

Such a great shame they couldn't find n extra mark or two out of kindness as a third from a good university is a bit of a stigma. Standards are not as high as they used to be. I assume he has disclosed his circumstances?

I really feel for him. Poor lad. Try also for a re mark.

Agree with all the comments here, but I will underline one set...

Remember how the world would end if the A levels weren't exactly just so? Can anyone remember the results now? Same with GCSE's - world ending because a grade wasn't right, wasn't it? Can you even recall the subjects now? This too will pass. He has a degree, so his time was not wasted at all. He may need to reconsdier his options now, but in the grand scheme of things, this could turn out to be a good thing. Too many young people drift from one thing to another because it is what is expected. Now he needs to double down and think through where he is going, why, and how he gets there. He has an entire life ahead of him. This is just a blip. But it can be a positive if he turns it into one.

My husband got a third well over 30yrs ago. Nobody ever asks him the grade. I have to say it has dogged his life in how he feels about himself (although he has his own management consulting business so he’s done ok). I think if he can appeal or re-take that’s the better option. Something like this is very self-defining lng term, no matter what other people think, he’ll feel better if he sorts it out.

I know if someone who got a third. She did not know she was pregnant in her 2nd year until giving birth. She went to complete a Social Work Masters and is now a team leader. Speak to the University disability and welfare department, course leads and admissions. There are exceptional circumstances. I would also speak to your his medical team and the rare disease network for additional support. Completing a Masters is partly having an absolute passion for subject not just the grades you receive at undergraduate level. It took me 3 years to complete my masters due to my rare disease and I am now working on my doctorate.

OP, I totally agree with others. Your son has done amazingly. And the grade you get in university- even if he doesn’t appeal or resit really isn’t that important.

Most important for him will be to feel your genuine pride. Don’t catastrophize. Some terrible things really have happened to him. But this is an achievement. Sure he is disappointed because he has really high standards and drive. But He got to a top university,. He stayed the course. And he has now graduated….. so many people would have given up, or worse got knocked so far of course onto a really bad track. He must be very able, extremely resilient and self disciplined to have achieved this. Seriously. What a guy. You should be very very proud.

Sorry he's coping with so much, his illness alone would make it difficult without his family losses. I agree with others re seeing if he can re-take it if he can face it. He should probably talk to the university student support service.

Thank you @shrodingersvaccinethats really useful.
His Uni & tutors have been amazing re his father; I honestly don’t know if he has told them about his cousin or his illness.
(His father & I divorced when he was 1 and tbh there was a lot of animosity. His family dripped poison into DS’s ears for much of his life so getting him to open up to me can sometimes be impossible; I have to wait for him to come to me else he just clams up. In itself it is heartbreaking.)
When he contacts me next I’ll try ask about the situation.

Jeepers its starting again - @financialcareerstuffamongst others, you’re bringing back the tears!
Back in a bit for more of your practical wonderfulness xx

@DoNoTakeNo what was the subject?

I was half a percentage point from the classification above and it automatically went to review and they bumped me up. Wishing you best of luck that can happen for DS

I would tell him not to worry too much. Employers are far less interested in exam results than you may think.

All he needs to do is get an understanding employer to give him an initial chance and then any subsequent jobs he goes for will not be interested in his previous work experience and not his exam results.

I hold a very senior role attracting a huge salary yet have never been asked about my exam results by any of my employers.

Even when I recruit graduates myself I pay more attention to character and personality than what uni degree they’ve got not least because degrees have become pretty much ubiquitous and aside from a few exceptions aren’t really any indicator of ability anymore.

He’ll do just fine.

I think most, if not all, unis automatically review marks when students are so close to a grade boundary and I believe it’s normal to try and push classifications up where possible.
OP what sort of thing is your son thinking of doing?
One of my kids dropped out of a masters and was worried it would make them look flakey but it didn’t seem to bother any of the companies that they applied to. They managed to get to the partner interview stage at one of the big 4 and whilst they didn’t get an offer the fact they had dropped out the masters was a great talking point.
My kids are in their late 20’s and early 30’s and know plenty of people who didn’t do well in exams or at university and all are doing something worthwhile now. I

Try not to worry as he still has plenty of options even though he can’t see that at the moment.

My DS dropped out of Uni during his final year of a 4 yr Business with French degree saying he was bored.
He fannied about at home in his room for about 6 months then got a crappy job in a call centre and then a crappy one bed flat in a dodgy area of the city BUT he worked hard for about 18 months and solved problems and was noticed by the management. They offered him a better job in a different city and he moved there and has since been headhunted twice.

He’s now earning mega bucks, flies business class and has a wife and two children and is pretty content with his life.

OP. The important thing is for him to keep moving forwards and to keep trying things. It will work out okay. 👌