Teen son has absolutely no idea what he wants to do

[Kvec1507]

Hi all
My son is in year 12 and just had his mocks. They went really badly. We're trying to get him to focus on an end goal so he knows what to aim for for achievement. The thing is he has absolutely no idea what he wants to do after a levels. I completely understand this as I'm 41 and still don't know what I want to do with my life lol.
I think he's getting overwhelmed with all the options between unis, apprenticeships, travelling, work. I don't know how to help him.
I imagine lots of kids feel like this.
I want him to visit some unis but he doesn't know if he wants to move away or stay home.
All he says is that he wants to earn well. He has an interest in sport, biology and weirdly sales.
How can I help him? He's at a complete loss. I don't want to travel up and down the country looking at unis when deep down I don't think that's for him
He's a very stubborn person but I am getting frustrated with 'i don't know' as his answer for everything.
The school doesn't have careers guidance.
He's done tests online to see where his interests might be but it always comes up as police or teacher, neither of which he wants to do.
How did you help your teens navigate this time in their lives when they didn't have a focus?

12 and your talking about universitys,wow, thats alot of pressure, ease off, let him find his own way

Year 12 not age 12

Hello. My job is to help teens in this situation. I also have my own Sixth Former who is pondering his options!

With my professional head on, I’d say go and visit Unis on some open days. Find the courses he is interested in on UCAS. You can just pick a couple and get an idea. Often going to the Uni either completely rules or out, or they decide they really want to do this - it can be fear of the unknown! At least give it a go. Also, if you have a Uni near you that does the courses he’s interested in, he can still live at home.

It’s a shame he doesn’t have careers guidance, but is there a Head of 6th or similar who will go through your son’s options with him? You say he wishes to earn well - Uni grads usually get paid higher than those who don’t attend Uni (can’t recall the stat).

However, I’ve had a student in last year’s cohort who is doing an AMAZING degree apprenticeship! It’s outing if I give details, but he’s guaranteed a job at the end of it, is already earning, and is currently working on his degree! This is a fantastic option for those who don’t wish to stay purely in academia (and who want to be earning!)

When looking at regular apprenticeships, do check they are level 4 as A levels are level 3 and he’s already studying at level 3. (No point repeating level 3). Tell him not to worry too much about Mocks, BUT he must put in the work now. My advice is whatever you find yourself doing at the moment, do it to the best of your ability. So many students regret not making the most of 6th form, and other students thrive from the effort they put in.

Sorry this is long, but I feel passionately about young people understanding the opportunities open to them! (I guess that’s why I’m doing the job I do)!!

As a parent - good luck! I know exactly how teenage boys are!! Work with him though, as you seem to be doing already, and it’ll come good 😊👌

so why not get a sales job? Maybe that is his thing. In this day and age I would not encourage more education unless it was for a specific job.

Ask him some questions and write down the answers:

When and where is he at his happiest, doing what?
(Even if it is gaming or playing footie, that's a start - there are jobs for game testers; jobs training children to play football etc)

What does he find easy that seems to impress other people?
(Again, it could be something really small and niche, but I made a career out of something I took for granted was easy when I discovered lots of people found it hard.)

Does he prefer being alone, actively in a group or on his own but within a sociable environment?

Does he prefer to be physical or sedentary? Does he like using his body or his brain more, or both equally? (You might already have noticed some of these things about him.

If he had only six months or a year in which he had to complete everything he's every wanted to do, try or find out about, however small, what would be on his list. Encourage him to think small as well as big. It doesn;t have to be all paragliding over Niagra Falls. It can be having a coffee in that new cafe he thinks looks nice. Encourage him to get into the habit of doing some of this easy stuff, so he builds the habit of having a go at things, and discovering what he likes. These will help him decide what he wants to do next in life.

Remind him decisions don't have to be for a life time. They can be for a weekend, or a week, or temporary while on the look out for something better. meanwhile, help him build a full life, ensuring he has regular exercise he enjoys, does something to contribute to the world around him and earns some money of his own to save for things or experiences he'd enjoy, and so he can acquire important skills like driving or improving at a musical instrument etc.

1. Sharpen his mind by telling him you’ll start charging him board and lodging the second he turns 18. If you don’t kick the crutch away he’ll forever lean on it.
2. No point going to uni if he doesn’t have an idea what he wants to do at the end of it, and therefore can’t explain how going to uni will help.
3. Nothng wrong with experimenting in the early years. Plenty of people don’t hit the right career first time round.
4. If he doesn’t “want” something (e.g. a specific apprenticeship, job, etc) he’s very unlikely to get it as he’s competing with people who do.

Those should get you started.

The only thing he is interested in that will enable him to "earn well" is sales, l suggest you ask around your friends, family and acquaintances for a salesman and ask if he could sit in with them for a day. Also look into driving lessons as 95% of sales jobs require being ae to drive. I have known great salesmen and women who have no real education or skills, it's a gift, and if you have it it's very lucrative indeed. You need no higher education, really. Get him to sit in and see if it appeals. Good luck.

If he genuinely has no idea what job/career he wants, I’d advise him to study subjects he finds interesting. Do A levels that he wants to study, pick a degree that interests him. He can figure out a job after he’s graduated.

Has he ever experienced freedom away from home? My DC went on school holidays, residential courses, expeditions and adventure holidays all without us and in groups of their peers. They couldn’t wait to move out 🤣

Maybe he needs experience more freedom and independent experiences away from home.

Sales is a great career for those wanting to earn well (who are good at it).

Just to give you some hope OP, my 19 year old DS bombed his A levels (frustrating as he is bright but just didn’t work). He was adamant uni wasn’t for him, I said that’s fine but you need to get some kind of job. To his credit he’s got 3 part time jobs this year. Can’t remember exactly how we came to it but I took him to a uni day. As posters above have said I just wanted to put the option in front of him. He now has a place (foundation year) and is off in Sept.

Obviously uni is only one option and may not be right for your son (or mine either - waiting to see!) However I just wanted to give you hope that a lot can change in a year. My DS has grown up a lot and is so much more focused after this year.

My sympathies@Kvec1507 but it's really a bit early to start worrying, just make sure that his exam choices leave his options as wide open as possible.
I have a son who is nearly 46 and has never really figured out what to do with his life. He's got two degrees but zero desire to do a 9-5 job which is what he needs to make ends meet. He scrapes a living doing odds and end and winges, it drives me quite mad.

I should add that my most academically able child decided uni was not for her and has always had satisfying office work.

Now an EA at 39 she earns a more than decent amount and has never been out of work for more than a couple of weeks. Office work is sometimes derided but comes with all the private health insurance, good salary, pension and bonuses if you work for a decent company. Not everyone is desperately career driven, she works to live rather than lives to work, and has a good life.

Goodness thank you everyone.
Most of you have certainly made me feel better about things.

I will definitely take feedback on board. I have booked one uni visit so far!
Fingers crossed for a happy future for him whatever it is.

Totally agree with @Littletreefrog and I have often said the same myself- that it is much less common now for people to work in one role for their whole lives. It’s also more common now for people to have more than one job- so two part-time roles, or a part-time role and some self-employed work for example.

My DD doesn’t know what she wants to do either. She has got ADHD and A Levels were a struggle. She passed them but not with brilliant grades. She is still contemplating University but isn’t sure and I’m glad actually that she didn’t just blindly go to Uni just for the sake of it last year. She is effectively having a ‘gap year’ at the moment but not doing anything exciting or adventurous. She is working part-time in care. She is paying some rent and paying for her car, car insurance, phone etc. so really she is just easing herself into adulthood while she works out what she wants to do next and we are fine with that. Initially I felt a bit anxious when her friends were all heading off to University or going to Costa Rica to build Orangutan shelters etc! All these exciting things and I did wonder if we had failed her somehow- why doesn’t she have any grand plans? But she is who she is- ADHD and all- and I have faith she’ll find some sort of path for herself. I think she still has plenty of growing up to do and I’m happy for her to have the space and time to do that.

Hi, I’ve not had a chance to look at all the replies but some good ideas.

one from me ‘sports medical sales’ rep??

He will get there I’m sure, it takes some longer to work out what they want to do, both mine have SEN & in primary school so 🤞🤞 for the future

Realistically, he’s going to be working until he’s at least 70, so don’t worry about it.

My DS2 is in the same boat. His sixth form suggested looking at the courses of a local uni. This uni has a good selection. They said quickly narrow down the ones he doesn’t want until he gets to some he’s more interested in. Once you have that then look at other unis for that subject and go from there.

I think his problem might be that he things he's got to decide what he wants to do for the rest of his life. I think few people know what they really want to do and many adults change what they want to do.

As others have said, going to uni for the sake of it probably isn't the best idea for him at present. He can always go later and will probably do better in his studies when he knows what he wants to do and he's had a few years to mature, focusing more on his studies than spending most of his time in the uni bars.

Could he do an apprenticeship in sports coaching or something like that? He can earn a bit of money, will have some skills so he can do a bit of work in the holidays if he did decide to go to uni later and gets a taste of working life. He'll also find our if he wants a career in sports. He might also decide that he wants to do something completely different, that he'd not even considered, in a few years time.

My partner's daughter didn't go to uni, even though all of her did. She did an accountancy apprenticeship and now, at 26, she's got her accountancy qualifications. She has no student debt, has plenty of work experience and she's buying a house with her boyfriend

If you are looking for an independent careers advisor, the CDI website has a list of qualified advisors. They will be at least level 6 trained in Careers Guidance. www.thecdi.net/professional-register/list-of-registered-career-development-professionals

He’s not getting on an engineering apprenticeship if he’s failing his exams!

Sales sounds like the way forward, I’d encourage him to look at tech or cyber security and think he’s sensible to want to earn lots of money as his end goal.

Try to get work experience even 1 day can be an eye opener. Go to a local uni (so more time) and visit every dept he could possibly be interested in. Think tangently - sales= marketing or business? What’s his A levels subjects- that can limit options (but there are foundation degrees). Look at govt website for apprenticeships ( not. An easy option working AND studying). Break it down - want to travel, work in office or not, computer based , creative etc. Definitely year out but some courses only accept 1 year gap some 2 after that he will struggle.

Medical sales, selling pharmaceuticals? Orgabusing medical trials? Loads of cool
jobs.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it but there’s a company called springpod (online) who are a platform for virtual work experiences from about 40 different companies - this may give him an insight into different careers and may spark an interest in a particular area.

My son didn’t know at your son’s age too but worked it out around Easter Year 13 and is flying now.
I would reassure him that if he doesn’t know then working after A-levels is the smartest thing to do. It’s a waste of money enrolling on a uni course that you’re unsure of (save the money for when he knows) Working allows him to meet new people and learn new skills that may help him find his strengths and interests. If he’s not got his driving license then that will help him get work and is a life skill for adulthood.

Just to add - from what you and everyone else have said, uni isn’t necessarily the best way forward to make him happy. But if he or you did want to look, sports science courses could be a really good fit for his interests.