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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Teen son has absolutely no idea what he wants to do

92 replies

Kvec1507 · 18/05/2025 19:31

Hi all
My son is in year 12 and just had his mocks. They went really badly. We're trying to get him to focus on an end goal so he knows what to aim for for achievement. The thing is he has absolutely no idea what he wants to do after a levels. I completely understand this as I'm 41 and still don't know what I want to do with my life lol.
I think he's getting overwhelmed with all the options between unis, apprenticeships, travelling, work. I don't know how to help him.
I imagine lots of kids feel like this.
I want him to visit some unis but he doesn't know if he wants to move away or stay home.
All he says is that he wants to earn well. He has an interest in sport, biology and weirdly sales.
How can I help him? He's at a complete loss. I don't want to travel up and down the country looking at unis when deep down I don't think that's for him
He's a very stubborn person but I am getting frustrated with 'i don't know' as his answer for everything.
The school doesn't have careers guidance.
He's done tests online to see where his interests might be but it always comes up as police or teacher, neither of which he wants to do.
How did you help your teens navigate this time in their lives when they didn't have a focus?

OP posts:

Fearfulsaints · 18/05/2025 19:37

We sort of went with doing the best you can do now, will keep as many doors open for you in the future. It's been more
A focus on the process not the result which you get told a lot in competitive sport too.

My sons is planning a gap year to try out a few things and then hopefully he will be inspired to do more job training in a specific field.

cryinglaughing · 18/05/2025 19:41

If he isn't sure what he wants to do, I would discourage him from university.
Why have a whole heap of debt doing a course he isn't passionate about?

AlwaysFreezing · 18/05/2025 19:44

That's tough.

I'd totally take him to a couple of unis. One within commuting distance and one further out. Perhaps look at sports coaching type courses.

He doesn't have to want to go to uni but he does need to have some idea what going to uni could look like, so he makes an informed decision.

I'm a fan of a year out, working. He can apply to uni in the next cycle, with grades in hand. He can earn some money for uni and he will learn so much about the world of work. But, he also doesn't have to apply.

I think I'd be asking him how he would like to fill 40 hours a week. That's the reality of a career or a job. So you really need to enjoy your work if you can. My husband did a year at uni and hated it. He then went and worked in an office job for a year. Amd hated that. So he knew what he didn't want. He decided he wanted to work outdoors and set about getting various qualifications and starting a small business (along the lines of tree surgery).

So sometimes finding out what you don't like is just as much a part of finding out what you do like.

It's hard being a teenager. Such massive choices that feel so pressured when really all you wanna do is go out/game/whatever it is teenagers do. Sometimes they just need some time! Good luck to him.

Littletreefrog · 18/05/2025 19:44

It's very common for people to have more than one career these days so he doesn't need to know what he wants to do for the rest of his life just what he wants to do in the next few years. Plenty of opportunity for adults to learn and change careers so deciding something now doesn't close any doors. I think if he starts looking at it that way it will seem less daunting. I wouldn't suggest going to Uni with absolute idea what you want to do as it's an expensive way to spend 3 years. But he could look at apprenticeships or jobs in something he's a bit interested in and see where that leads him.

Itseatingmeup · 18/05/2025 19:47

I wouldn't encourage him to use up his uni finance on a course he isn't sure about. Far better to wait until he knows what he wants to do. They only get one shot.

verycloakanddaggers · 18/05/2025 19:49

I think loads of kids are uncertain at this stage. Your job is to help him and encourage him.

He's a very stubborn person but I am getting frustrated with 'i don't know' as his answer for everything. Do you want him to lie just so you feel better? He's not being stubborn, he's being honest that he doesn't know, it isn't unusual. The best thing to do is support him to do the best he can now and reassure him that he has plenty of time to make choices.

he doesn't know if he wants to move away or stay home. I don't want to travel up and down the country looking at unis when deep down I don't think that's for him Just visit the unis in your region, there's no need to go further at this stage. Ask him if he'd like to look at anywhere in particular and if no suggest three or four, including your local uni, and make a nice day of it.

ETA: also help him research other routes, apprenticeships and work. He doesn't have to go to uni soon or ever.

He has an interest in sport, biology and weirdly sales. Help him research these - he has given you three ideas which are worth pursuing.

just had his mocks. They went really badly. How badly, and what can you do to help with this - what does school say?

mondaytosunday · 18/05/2025 20:06

My son didn’t d well at all on his exams. He went to vocational college. Had no desire to go to uni.
Getting some sort of qualification may be far more useful than uni. And definitely agree a year out to work/travel/mature is worth it.
There’s too much pressure to decide they’d career from such a young age. Most have no idea. But going to uni and getting in to debt is pointless.

Smoronic · 18/05/2025 20:10

Has he had a job? Working in a shop for crap pay certainly focuses the mind.

tripleginandtonic · 18/05/2025 20:14

I would go and look at some unis bear and far juat to be certain that's not for him.

Skule · 18/05/2025 20:22

Honestly, nurture that interest in sales! There are really good companies that offer sales apprenticeships - some to degree level - and even if he moves on to do something else, good sales skills transfer to so many things. https://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and-work-experience/job-sectors/sales/sales-apprenticeships

Toootss · 18/05/2025 20:25

I’m a long way from helping DCs decide a future but I did go on uni open days with them and you (they) quite quickly get a feel for whether a uni or course suits them by visiting, doing tours, seeing possible future colleagues.
Also any chance of a visit to a police station, gym, ? Sales dept and spending a day shadowing someone. Maybe everyone’s too busy nowadays.

Hairyfairy01 · 18/05/2025 20:25

If he hasn’t done well on his mocks is it worth considering leaving sixth form and doing something more vocational? Sports science or public services level 3 spring to mind. Maybe a levels aren’t for him? I agree with others, I wouldn’t be encouraging uni just for the sake of it. He needs to wait until he knows what he wants.

Powderblue1 · 18/05/2025 20:26

I work in a College and my advice to students who feel this way is to study or train in a subject they really love. Sport is a great one ☝️ and there are fantastic career options from working in the leisure industry to physio, sports lecturer etc. A broad sport degree can open up many careers

Original poster

Kvec1507 · 18/05/2025 20:26

Thanks everyone
To answer some of your questions he does have a job. He works as a lettings assistant part time at a private school. He doesn't have to do much but he earns a fortune and he loves it.
Quite a lonely job though as he works on his own.

We know he has failed 2 of his mocks so far and the other one is his worst subject so not holding out much hope. The school said they were surprised. There is issues with his writing so they are pushing for him to use a laptop

Just to note when I said he answers I don't know to everything I didn't mean that was because he was stubborn. I know he genuinely doesn't know but with the stubbornness means when I tell him to research, or write down some things he enjoys , or ask questions at school his stubbornness gets in the way of this as he doesn't believe it will help

I think I agree that we should visit one uni near and far so it gives him an idea.

It's just so hard all I want is for him to be happy but also do a job which allows him to afford to live in this world. I don't ever want him to struggle

OP posts:

Mischance · 18/05/2025 20:28

I organised a private appointment with a careers adviser for my DD. The conclusion was that she would make a good careers advisor! Seriously ....😂

Original poster

Kvec1507 · 18/05/2025 20:31

Mischance · 18/05/2025 20:28

I organised a private appointment with a careers adviser for my DD. The conclusion was that she would make a good careers advisor! Seriously ....😂

I have been trying to find one on Google but it's a minefield. How did you choose one or were they local to you?

OP posts:

WitcheryDivine · 18/05/2025 20:39

Skule · 18/05/2025 20:22

Exactly what I was going to say. Depending what sports he likes there may be related apprenticeships as well.

I really wouldn’t waste time with uni if he’s unmotivated at school and unsure what to do in life. At least with an apprenticeship if you change path later you’re not thousands in debt.

Needmorelego · 18/05/2025 20:47

What does he enjoy doing in his spare time or did enjoy doing when he was younger?
An interest he had at say age 10, 12 or 15 might be something he doesn't do now simply because he outgrew it but really it could be something that could be a future job.
For example I wish someone had told me that toy designer is an actual job. Sounds daft that I wouldn't have known that as a teen but when you are 16/17 and someone asks your interests (as part of careers advisor) you don't think to mention something you were obsessed with at age 10.

Original poster

Kvec1507 · 18/05/2025 20:54

He was always really into sharks, dinosaurs, animals in general. I did mention to him about then pursuing that but he doesn't seem interested now.
He does Brazilian Jujutsu in his spare time when he gets the chance.
I like the suggestion of nurturing the sales aspect. For a shy kid he thinks he can sell ice to the Eskimos.

He loves sports and he loves biology. We've been discussing physio as a career and its the only one he seems to ask more about. But then he does say he's not sure if that's just because it was the first ever one we discussed. He also said he doesn't want to work for the NHS so would have to become a private physio.

All of your advice has been so good thank you! Off to look at that prospects link lol

OP posts:

Octavia64 · 18/05/2025 21:00

This is very very normal.

taking him to uni open days can actually be really helpful because he then may well feel either this is what I want or this is totally not for me.

you might be better thinking about this as a process - he’s working out what he likes doing and what he doesn’t by trying things out.

did he do work experience with school? What sort of thing did he do?

you could encourage him to look at things he might be interested in and work out ways to trying them - he might be able to get a week shadowing a physio for example.

many teens change their ideas about what they want to do radically in their early twenties. My DS wanted to be a doctor, didn’t get in to med school and is now a music teacher.

thesandwich · 18/05/2025 21:11

https://notgoingtouni.co.uk Might be worth a look. Sports physio? Any careers fairs coming up locally?

TreesOfGreen99 · 18/05/2025 21:14

Another saying nurture his interest in sales. Very well paid, enjoyable (if you enjoy sales). And plenty of roles available.

DD took a gap year, worked in a couple of retail jobs, then got a job in sales with 3 mobile. The training was excellent, great team of staff. And bonuses linked not just to individual sales but to sales across the whole team.
The skills she learned have been invaluable in her grad role as a project manager as she works really well with clients (establishing trust and rapport) & identifies additional services (upselling) that would create a stronger campaign - she works in marketing.
A friend’s son went from working on the shop floor at a major sports retailer to becoming European director within a few years as he genuinely loved sales.
There are so many opportunities out there, and it will give him a breathing space at least to decide how he wants to move forward.

GoldLash · 18/05/2025 21:14

This is completely normal

Especially for post covid DC

Get him to focus on just his A levels for now

sound like he needs a gap year to work and stay at home

he can then apply next year with grades in hand if he wants

mixedcereal · 18/05/2025 21:16

When you say he’s into sales, what do you mean? Could you nurture this…if he wants to earn well then someone with good sales skills / knowledge personality type feels a good route to go down.
its really such a young age to have to make big life decisions!

Dreambouse · 18/05/2025 21:20

It's not uncommon at all to not be sure what to do! I agree with others that I'd take uni off of the table until he's sure, lots of people take time out and it saves a lot of wasted time and money. Being a private physio straight from uni is really hard work by the way, especially one that wants to make more than they would in the NHS off the bat.

All he says is that he wants to earn well.

I know this is depressing, but if this is his priority I'd disregard what he enjoys and look into stuff that is pretty future proof and will likely be a solid career financially. Sales is fine but lots of elements are already being automated with more to follow; whilst human sales people will likely always be required, it's not the career it once was.

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