No news is good news, right? How often do you contact your DC at university?

[ForkTines]

I dropped her off on Saturday and managed not to cry. Not heard from her - that’s normal, yes? Am I doing the right thing in leaving her to it? I’m kind of bereft and would hate for her to know or worry about me it so I’m leaving the ball in her court.

I’ve had to abandon the supermarket twice because I can’t pass the weird hippy junk that only she ate without welling up in public. I’m really not enjoying this very much.

@Theunamedcat I saw this the other day!

Ah bless you- I'm dreading mine going! My mum only told me years later how much of a mess she was in when I left!

I would think no news is good news, she'll be setting in and getting to know people.
I think a phone call once a week is about right, with messages in between maybe. A quick "hope you're settling in" message can't do any harm though if you're worried

We told ds that a condition of funding him was proof of life every other day. So far I have had a 'I'm alive' message every 2 days but no more. I send pics of the dogs/cats/chickens but with no expectation of response

We've messaged every day so far which might sound a bit over the top but it's what she's been happy with. We told her to set the tone for how much she wanted to speak with us but she's wanted to message everyday. If she's busy she will just put that she's out or in a talk etc. We say good night every night so I know she is safe back in her flat. We don't message loads, it's usually her telling us that she's met people, that the cider cost £4.50 (extortionate) and her asking what to put the hob onto as the oven is electric not gas is like it is at home. She also answers the family chat occasionally.

I've got 3 away at uni - most frequent communication seems to be them telling me what Wetherspoons they are in a long with their table number! Usually send them a drink or 2. Also have a family WhatsApp group where I regularly post pictures that pop up on my google timeline - "12 years ago today" type thing - usually get a response or 2.

Yup, totally normal! Family whatsApp is great as they get to check in with multiple family members at the same time.

We have no pets, but shamelessly used the neighbour's cute cats to get a response.
Photos of food/meals out usually engage too.

Felt stupidly relieved when I hadn't heard from DS2 for a few days but then got a 'proof of delivery' photo of a package I'd sent - I recognised his feet and sliders in the open doorway! Proof he was still alive!

@ForkTines - sending you a huge hug. It is right and normal that they leave home and have fun, and we are proud that they made it to uni, and it is all good and there is much to be thankful for - but OMG it is hard!! Thinking of you x

Exactly

I check in with DS at least every other day, hearing nothing this early would have me worried he was struggling. We also have a family group chat which helps.

DS has just gone back to year 2.

I don't have a reference point. My dc's generation is the first in our families to go to uni, so for some of us it's a huge unknown. My dd is messaging every day on our group chat, so I am keeping contact whilst keeping it lighthearted.

We've had this. It will be two weeks on Saturday since we dropped DS off. We've had more messages as time has gone on but the first couple of days he rarely replied to our messages, so I left him to it.

To be honest, after over two years of him having no friends and rarely going out I couldn't be happier for him. It's the best possible start

It's so hard though...I just want to give him a hug!

Left DD (fresher) Saturday and had weekly family FaceTime Sunday with DS too (Y3) - text messages yesterday and a FaceTime just with DD today.

With DS it’s much less frequent. Family WhatsApp with cat pics good or taking piss out of DH always gets replies. DD settling nicely but has lots of questions and it’s lovely to hear from her, she seems very happy.

So it’s led by them really. I’m not pestering them if they are busy and it’s lovely that they want to keep in touch in their quieter times. FaceTime Sunday they were both dreadfully hungover 😂

I found 'Putting a delivery together - wine or cider?' got the fastest response.

'Both. And Chocolate. I'm alive, by the way'.

Oh I just messaged my dd asking how it was going - every day to start with! She didn't seem to mind. (I didn't tell her how much I was missing her and certainly haven't cried into the phone).

And yes, she's part of the family what's app group and just adds to that whenever she can. If she's a bit quiet, I just post a picture of the dog.

I've face timed her twice since she's been (she's a week further into it than your dd).

I agree with those who say that being used to instant communication makes things harder rather than easier in some ways. When I went to University, 40 year ago, the only way to communicate was the one pay phone in each block in halls or by letter. My parents didn't expect to hear from me more than a quick phone call every few weeks, though my Dad wrote to me every Sunday after lunch and I looked forward to there being a letter in my pigeon hole every Tuesday. But nowadays we are so used to immediate communication 24/7 that we worry unneccesarily if our offspring aren't in constant contact.
That said DH and/or I hear from our adult offspring (2 students, one past that stage) at least several times a week even if it's just a quick WhatsApp asking how to cook something or sharing pet pictures. Our youngest started University 10 days ago and the first communication was later the same day as in a slightly odd role reversal he told ne to message him when we got home so he'd know we were back! I think new students need a bit of time and space to find their feet and it's not a good idea to be I touch too often, but I think if I'd heard nothing after a few days I'd send a quick "How's it going?" message.

We message and speak once a week as a rule. I'm aware that's very infrequent in this era but a weekly phone call is what I was used to as a student myself so ive just transferred it over. Seems OK.

DD is in 2nd year at uni. I message or ring her whenever the fancy takes me, which is quite often.

I don't understand this MN thing where 18 year old uni students are on this big adventure that mums mustn't thwart by contacting their DC.

We had a family WhatsApp group. We went from four of us living at home, to two with the DT’s both leaving for Uni in consecutive weeks. The house was very quiet.

We had more messages from them asking about the dog and cat than anything else! It’s not changed since they’ve graduated and DS lives in Amsterdam and DD in Brussels. We’re now in Montreal

Everyday. One call every evening.

I’m the OP. I sent a picture of the cat - she replied 🙂 it was nice. I’d never want to be the sort of person that requires or expects excessive contact from an adult child - that’s awful, but I’m struggling to know how much is giving her space to be her own new human and what is just tantamount to shunning her! I miss her very, very much, but I desperately want her to be so happy as an adult and never look back. She’s having a blast. My bottom lip is wobbling a lot.

That's good you've now heard from her OP! I dropped my DS2 on Saturday and haven't heard from him yet either. But I do know (from the family Uber account) that he has been out clubbing late in his uni city three times already!

Chi Joffy73 - we’re both in the same boat on the contact front, but as lots of people on here have suggested and I took their advice, a picture of a pet might help? Seemed to work.

Mine says she’s become almost nocturnal - she’s always been a ridiculously studious teetotaller that, to my knowledge, never been on a date and has always lived in the middle of nowhere - I always tried to kick her into getting out, but she liked the sofa and her bedroom. 😬

I’d never want to be the sort of person that requires or expects excessive contact from an adult child - that’s awful

Well, that would be extreme but - given that she's probably got her phone on her 24/7 - you can ring her for a chat. She'd probably appreciate it and you'd feel much better.

She's not a "new human" - she's your daughter!

Maybe weekly.

Pets, what can we say? They always respond to photos of pets.

It’s your secret weapon for contact