Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

Hi everybody. We dropped off DD Friday and everything went well. We had enough time to help her settle in a bit and then we left her to it. Luckily we had plans of our own to visit friends not too far. Saw her again yesterday for a big food shop, lunch, and a final goodbye.

I haven't caught up with all the posts, but I'm struck by all the comments about how often to contact them, because I'm also trying to figure this out. I would naturally be very happy to know every single detail, but of course I don't want to be a pest. One to mull over and figure out with DH and her.

After feeling relatively OK for most of the weekend (bar a dodgy moment on Sunday morning), I am feeling pretty ropey today. Mondays are never great, are they? So I'm looking forward to reading everyone's when work permits, because they really help - thank you all again for sharing.

I've had to complete a form to say that they are in full time education in university, it goes up until the summer after are 19 iirc

I've just been googling mini fridges, inspired by your post...

It has been over a week for me now and it does start getting easier. Those first few days for me were awful. I think its the unknown. Not knowing how she is and what she is doing. Is she sleeping, is she eating, is she going out, is she socialising? My mind was whirring with it all. I did nothing but think of her. Texting daily has helped but like you, I was unsure how much contact was too much or too little. I was overthinking everything. If I contact her too much am I a nuisance, if I am not contacting her enough is she sat wondering why I haven't contacted her? It was awful. DH said to me 'why not just ask her?' So we organised a facetime call and I told her I was struggling with how much to contact her and she just laughed at me! 😂She told me it was fine to contact as much as I like and she will answer when she can or when she see's the message. She told me she likes seeing I have messaged her.

My DD seems to have settled well. She has made good friendships already with both flat mates and people on her course and has been out with friends from college who are also at the same uni. She has been out for meals, to Wetherspoons, out clubbing and shopping. She has cooked, shopped, cleaned, done laundry and told me all about having to teach one of the boys how to cook pasta. 😂She told me she loves it and it has made me feel so much better.

I miss her like crazy though and although its getting a little easier I now feel like I am 'retired'. Both DD's have left home now so I know I need to find other ways to fill the time that being her mum took up. Making plans at weekends with DH is helping and we are feeling the emptiness together. I have mostly good moments now as I feel proud and excited for her but I still get the odd blip and odd low moment when my heart feels heavy. But I am on countdown to Christmas now and her coming home for that, so that gives me something to look forward to.

How does your DD seem to be doing at the moment?

@Lulubellamozarella so pleased to hear how well your daughter is doing.

@PicklerOfCrochet sorry to read that your son's flatmates are excluding him. I've heard of problems like this at universities with big international populations. It is a shame, but it sounds like he's really trying to engage with them, which is more than what they're doing. Very mature of him.

Dropped DD1 off yesterday afternoon. She was planning to head out to the fresher's party yesterday evening. Just sent her a text now.

I am used to her not being here as she was working very hard in her job during her year out but I am feeling bereft and slightly odd this morning.

Its a strange feeling isn't it? My DD was often not home and was out and away a lot (boyfriends house/festivals etc) so I was used to her not being home much but this feels different. This time she is not going to be here at all for a few months and it does feel a little odd.

@Karmaisagod check the uni policy often it covers things like fridges in the rooms. some allow them and some don't.

Contact is personal, I told Ds2 that he doesn't have to give me a witness statement just I'm off to Tesco that sort of thing. With Ds1 and it will be the same with Ds2 we will facetime him on a Sunday for an hour and then throughout the week we are on a family chat and a specific me, Dh and Ds2 chat. That is where he asks things like (actual example) do I not have a tivit for the kitchen? Me oh didn't realise you would need one. Use the hob for now and I will bring one at the weekend. Ds1's was built into the worktop. Basically cooking advice although he has cooked here loads, I took a photo of the oven serial number and sent him a link to the manual just because ours is a digital display with words telling you what the picture means like convection oven whereas his uni one is basic.

My niece would facetime my sister all the time, phone propped up whilst cooking, walking to lectures etc. I suppose it depends on what it was like before they went too. We are a close family so Ds has messaged us several times a day but that is normal, we share memes or things we have read etc.

@Lulubellamozarella, I wrote my 10:42 post before I saw yours at 10:47.

Your DD is doing so brilliantly. She has been out for meals, to Wetherspoons, out clubbing and shopping. She has cooked, shopped, cleaned, done laundry and told me all about having to teach one of the boys how to cook pasta. Tick, tick and tick! I can imagine what a relief that must be for you.

She told me it was fine to contact as much as I like and she will answer when she can or when she see's the message. She told me she likes seeing I have messaged her. This bit made me cry a little (I am VERY soppy at the moment). I hope it's the same for my DD.

She was ecstatic when we saw her yesterday. She'd been out for the previous two nights and looked exhausted, but delighted. Has met people and made friends (don't know how long these will last, but she's not lonely, and they're all on the same boat). She said that she had not met anyone she did not like yet, and that she is more convinced than ever that particular university is the right place for her. Both reassuring. The place is known for its pastoral care.

At the moment it's like I have a personality disorder. One Karmaisagod is over the moon and excited and proud and thrilled. The other misses DD so much it hurts, worries about her, regrets every parenting mistake and every missed opportunity to redress them before she moved out and it's now too late. Both coexist unhappily and I flipflop from one to the other to the point of whiplash. I guess I just have to sit with it all. Ugh.

@rainfallpurevividcat and @Lulubellamozarella - exactly that, the difference between not seeing the but knowing they're around, and now.

DD1 hasn't replied though she was online when I sent the text. I'm assuming she is quite hungover!

We also dropped our youngest at Birmingham on Saturday - felt a bit strange as it was exactly 40 years ago that my parents dropped me at the next door halls. It was super busy but well organised. Quite literally a drop and run though - I was allowed to look at the kitchen but not linger because the flatmates were in there and it would be just too embarrassing 🤔

He says the room is a bit noisy being near the lifts, but doesn’t want to move because so far he likes the flatmates (mix of boys and girls). And that’s all I’ve heard so far. He’s had a year out and spent several months living with his brother so he’s used to cooking / cleaning / shopping / laundry etc - his biggest worry is having messy flatmates (his brother trained him well 🤣). He has induction stuff today I think, but he’s taken responsibility for organising everything so I’m a bit out of the loop.

I’ll be up and down to ill family that are a couple of hours away from him so will have the opportunity to suggest I drop in / bring any forgotten items / take him to lunch / take him food shopping if he wants.

And, thanks to a PP, I suggested FaceTiming the cat as she’ll miss him!

It seems like she is doing well and settling in nicely. It definitely helps us when they seem okay.

The swinging between being excited and missing her and feeling worried I am sure is pretty standard. Like you say, something we have no option but to sit through and get through. Although my DD seems great at the moment, I feel on tenterhooks waiting for the 'wobble'. I hope it doesn't come but I feel like it could at any minute. I hope as more time passes and they continue to feel more at home that things will just feel easier and easier. And obviously the more weeks go by, the closer they are to coming back home. My DD informed me yesterday that she has a reading week early November. I assumed she would want to come home for that but she said at the moment she doesn't know if she will. She was thinking about staying. I guess that proves at the moment how 'at home' she feels there.

We are both trying to adjust to this new way of life and rightly so, she is adjusting to it better than I am. I know it will take a little time for me to feel 'settled' about it all.

I had a 3am WhatsApp message this morning, so I obviously thought the worst. However, DD excited to tell me that the maintenance loan has arrived in her account. I did say to let me know when it arrived, so I suppose she did (although perhaps during daylight would have been better!)

She's getting on really well with her only flatmate, plus a wider network of people. I presume others are due to move into her flat over the next few days as it's Freshers/welcome week.

She seems to have settled in really well and is excited to start her course next week. We miss her but currently having daily contact through WhatsApp and email. So not much different to when she was at home (she was never in).

We're off up to see her at the weekend. It'll be fun to catch up.

I'm alive to the fact that my DD may choose not to come home for Reading Week (if indeed her course does have one). I will be gutted, but will cross that bridge if and when needed.

A friend with an older DD said to expect a potential (not certain) wobble about 3 weeks in, when all the excitement and novelty have finally worn down and the reality, day-to-day drudgery and lack of home comforts kick in. I would want DD to share this with me if it happens, and to get the chance to help and comfort her. But she can be very private, and often finds it hard to talk about difficult times as they happen - she needs to wait and process them herself first, as is her right and prerogative. So my worry is more that she might be unhappy but I wouldn't necessarily know.

Relating to all these posts!
DS1 gone for 2 days now and it's just so strange. I feel like I've lost one of my kittens and am mooching around looking for it. He's the noisy one and I'm actually missing him clomping about the house 😂
I was about to shout "boys, fooood!" up the stairs yesterday then remembered there's just one up there...
He's adjusting well I think. His room in halls looked great (Cardiff Met) and he's been out with his new flat mates, played cards, cooked together and got his bearings in the city with supermarkets etc. I'm so grateful for that.
First uni day today so fingers crossed.
Stupid things are making me cry too. I haven't actually been in his room yet because I know it will look bare (and probably need a bloody good clean)!
I thought I'd adjust to him going easily, but I've started to really understand those 'empty nester' posts I've read here over the years...
DS2 will be off next year. I worry a little more about him as he's ASD and has struggled to adjust to new things and people, but we'll navigate that at a later date though!
So it's all a bit of a weird mix of sadness, excitement, relief for every good bit of news from him and also a dose of trepidation about his ongoing happiness, safety etc. Normal I think!

I know the feeling of waiting for ‘the wobble’ - I’m sure it will happen at some point (it did for me, although having glandular fever at the time didn’t help, and his brother had one during the first term due to a horrible combination of things happening all at the same time) but DS is under strict instructions to call us or his brother if he’s worried about anything. Suspect he’ll speak to his brother, or go and stay with him for a few days if need be.

Your DD sounds exactly like mine and I am expecting that wobble once the novelty has worn off. Like yours though she is private and will process things herself first before sharing anything with me. I also worry that she will unhappy but won't let me know that straight away. I would like to know if she is having a wobble and want her to tell me about the bad moments too as well as the good so I can be there for her and offer some words of wisdom. I am happy to go up and see her and stay close by if she wants me to and she knows she only has to ask. Whether she would or not I don't know.

I am finding this thread so helpful. Thank each and everyone of you for sharing - every post feels soothing.

@Threewheeler1 on the subject of little things: I just welled up at the little dish I had been putting DD's daily vitamins on to make sure she remembered to take them, in a (probably fruitless) attempt at staving off freshers' flu.

@SabrinaThwaite we made DD promise that she would always come to us if in any serious trouble - the bargain is no pointless after-the-event recriminations from us if she's fucked up, no matter how badly. Sometimes we all mess up and in trying to fix things ourselves we make things ten times worse.

@Lulubellamozarella yes, all that exactly😢

@Karmaisagod Yep - that’s what we have said. DH is more likely to fly off the handle (although having known him since school I am always happy to remind him of the myriad stupid things he has done in the past) but both DC know that I’ll roll my eyes and help them sort things out. The eldest is way more of a liability (famous last words).

It's been 10 days here since we dropped off DD, it feels much longer!!
She seems to be doing OK. I've messaged her a lot! 27 whatsapps the first day....down to 5 yesterday
We also face timed her yesterday

I can relate to the shouting food comment 😂I used to shout up the stairs 'girls tea!' then my eldest left home and it became my 'daughters name and tea' and on that first night she was away it felt so strange not calling her name upstairs to tell her tea was ready. The silly little things hit me too. Her toothpaste not in the holder and her shoes not on the shoe rack next to mine as usual. Its a really strange unsettling feeling knowing she won't be home for a while.

@Lulubellamozarella
That's exactly it! It's the missing possessions (that I'm usually tripping over!), as well as the missing human, that are giving me the sniffles 😂
I think I have to retrain my brain to stop shouting "boys!" too!
This thread has really helped me today, thank you all x

Another thing that makes my heart swell is that I get up in the morning with the dogs (they sleep in our room on the floor) they go past DD's room and stand outside waiting for her to open the door for a cuddle (which she did every morning)😪They don't understand that she is not in there. Heartbreaking!!

@Lulubellamozarella
😢Oh no, that would set me off! x