Current Oxbridge students - continued again...!

[Panicmode1]

Think the other thread is full....!

I’m stupidly upset. It’s ridiculous. He’s not doing a 4th year and he would have liked to, and I always want him to have whatever he wants. Probably the main problem is I didn’t sleep much last night… hope things look more positive tomorrow morning. I’m obviously incredibly proud of him: his results are good! But my 20s were a series of miserable jobs, terrible house shares, sequential pay cuts and disastrous relationships and I think I’ve slightly lost track of the fact that we are different people. I’ve been secretly reliving life via him, and that’s suddenly deposited me mentally back at that time. Time to get out of that mindset.

Next step is his summer internship. Then we’ll see what happens.

Oh dear, I really feel for you PermanentTemporary. It takes some grit to get out of a hole you go back into mentally. Try your hardest not to let your DS know how you're feeling.

The biggest sympathy, genuinely.

@PermanentTemporary - I'm sorry you are feeling so low about this - I can completely understand. Is this because his results weren't quite as required for a fourth year. The Oxbridge bubble is so intense that it is very tough when results aren't quite what our DC were looking for especially if friends do that bit better giving them different options. Very shortly it will not matter.

If it is any comfort last summer my DC1 didn't get the results he wanted in his third year - a very good 2.1 but not the 1st he'd hoped for / worked towards. We were relentlessly positive about his future while also acknowledging his hurt. Within three months he'd found a good job and is loving his work.

Do look after yourself and lots of big hugs for all. It will all seem a lot better very soon. And sleep helps.

I echo everything that Juja has just said. Been there and done that too. It's so hard because at the root of it is simply wanting them to have what they want, and for them not to hurt. But life sometimes just isn't plain sailing.

You've been incredibly honest PermanentTemporary - all credit and very brave - but there's a whole pack of posters on these threads who've been where you are now, I'm absolutely sure of that. Get some sleep, power through, feign positivity as best you can. Know that you're in good company. Ultimately it will all be fine x

@PermanentTemporary you can be incredibly proud of your DS and the resilience he has shown over the years. I think the phrase is "you cannot change the wind, but you can adjust the sails". Hopefully he will enjoy his summer internship and you may find that he is all Oxbridged out afterwards and ready to move on to the next stage of his life. He will always have the wow factor on his CV and most won't look beyond that.

It's totally understandable that you have an "is that it" feeling. It's sad that so much depends on so little and we can't swoop in and make everything right anymore. You will still burst with pride at his graduation and a few tears are acceptable.

@PermanentTemporary sorry to hear that you are struggling. I have certainly found my DCs’ finals infinitely more stressful than my own. Massive sympathy. (“See you” at Senate House next week!)

@Dearover what a wondeful saying 😍

@Dearover re costs Oxford v bath I'm amazed that Oxford with meals included seems to be about 2 grand cheaper than bath

Good morning and hoping to hear more about good results and future plans.

I’m now focusing more positively on that thread perennial… graduation outfit! Feeling like splashing out, though I do have a pale pink linen dress which could work, though is sleeveless too informal? Feels a bit odd not to wear some sort of jacket or shoulder covering.

@PermanentTemporary- it’s totally natural to feel a bit discombobulated. Your DS will find his feet very quickly I’m sure. Uncertainty and transition can be difficult but if you flip your way of thinking it’s a time of opportunity and potential. That’s how I try to see it.

DS1 is actually back in Oxford tonight to join DD at her college’s big ball. I’m looking forward to the photos of them together. Oxford has brought the pair of them together.

DD has finished the first half of her medical degree. Next year will be very different I think.

The ONLY requirement is comfy shoes. Take a jacket though as those quads and gardens can get quite chilly when the sun moves around.

Did any of your offspring play varsity tennis today? DD came down to watch as it will be the last year she knows players in the blues. She ended up at the Hurlingham Club watching Ben Shelton practising for Wimbledon. Not sure which side won the varsity matches though.

Odd feeling. Just picked DD up from Oxford and that is it. Back for graduation obviously but DD is really sad to be leaving - and so are we. We’ve been coming for 7 years and are really going to miss it.

Normal service resumed here. Yesterday I was the hero, bringer of snacks, chauffeur and removal service, after party rescue, audience for all the term's excitement. DD has been back less than 36 hours and we are already once again the annoying parents saying and doing all the wrong things. She's back to work at the open days this week so gets to dip back into Oxford life for a bit, and save all our heat frazzled sanity.

Seems a lot of people on this thread are coming to the end of their Oxbridge era. I hope there are enough of us relatively early into the course who are sticking around to share the experience with kindred travellers in this rarefied world. This thread has continued to be a haven of loveliness amongst the prickliness that can infest MN at times.

Drop into the applicant's thread just after results day to nudge them to move over. This thread has been running for so many years that it would be a shame for it to dry up completely.

DD will finish her masters in Aug/Sept and will need another year or two out before potentially heading back to Oxford for a PhD. It's such a shame that non-integrated masters don't align with the start dates for the next stage.

Well, we survived Year 1! She still didn't join any societies or make any friends but seems to be on course academically. She was offered a small amount of mental health support but the main anxiety management group she was referred to was full up so that was pretty pointless.

She has stuck it out and I think she's grown in independence and psychologically, a bit, so...

She's just on a different path to your average Oxbridge go-getter, I guess.

Thanks for the support from this thread at the start of the year. I'll be sticking around. Hope you all have good summers.

Can I tell you guys - I can't tell anyone else yet because he can't get hold of DH, but I've just had a very incredulous DS on the phone - he got a first! He's totally ecstatic and thinks it must be a mistake, but he had to dash back inside to work as he also started his summer internship today. I'm SO proud of him because he has struggled with 'not being clever enough' over his time and really didn't think this was possible. So he will be back for his fourth year :-) to do the MEng which he really was worried about!

@PermanentTemporary I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad - I think it's a HUGE achievement for them to have got to Cambridge, survived its rigours and be ready to graduate and move on. I love that phrase @Dearover - as someone who had to severely trim my sails after my (shockingly) bad A level results and reroute to something completely different, it resonates. I am sure that your DS will find his wind and sail happily off, PT.

@PermanentTemporary - I've been thinking so much about you and sending lots of love and support. We were talking with our DC last week about results, and they explained that some masters only allow you through if you got a 1st in 3rd year. I couldn't believe it, and said how brutal that is. It seems so tough... My DC wouldn't have made it through, but luckily their course "only" needed a 2i. But you should be so proud of him... anyone who makes it into and then through Cambridge is pretty amazing in my books! And as a parent it is so hard to watch our children's disappointments... whatever they are. I do hope that you are starting to feel a little better, and thinking of the future.

@Panicmode1 This is wonderful news ... well done to your DS....

Meanwhile, we are still waiting with bated breath. We spoke at the weekend, and they did (finally!) tell us that the results for their bit of NatSci come out today, but no news yet. A big part of the reason that our DC is distracted from the results, is that their boat qualified for Henley... It surprised us, but we are pretty clueless about rowing... So now I've been moving things around at work so I can go up, and have to work out what to wear to Henley, as well as what to wear to graduation...

@DownTheStream congratulations about qualifying for Henley - that’s fantastic news. DD was at Henley Women’s last week qualified and got through one round which was fun. They are now researching Rome rowing clubs for their year abroad: Have a brilliant time at Henley and fingers crossed for NatSci results.

@Panicmode1 many congratulations to your DS - and their parents. Lovely they can do their 4th year.

@PermanentTemporary i hope your DS is feeling a little better - the Cambridge system seems very tough - I think at Oxford you only have to get a 2.1 to progress on an integrated masters.

I'm so sorry, I realise I may have been horribly insensitive by posting, I didn't mean to be, but I was so excited for him as we haven't seen him really since Christmas as he's had his head down every day since then...(DS would have been able to do his 4th year with a 2:1 so he wasn't in quite the same competitive storm...)

@PermanentTemporary sorry that the results were not as hoped. Just wanted to check that you are aware that it’s possible to make an exceptional case for continuation to part III for some courses? PM me the name of the course if you want information about it.

@PermanentTemporary I hope you are feeling a bit better. As others have said, anyone graduating from Oxbridge has done amazingly well and DS will have a bright future.

@Panicmode1 Amazing news! Congratulations to all.

@FreddieStandensBFF it sounds as if you have a fabulous DC there. I don't know whether @mutterphore is still reading, but one of her twins (the one at C) had a challenging start due to Covid but did go on to meet people etc and enjoy his time.

@DownTheStream congratulations on the Henley qualification. Hopefully the results will be out by now.

Nothing further to report other than I am on a school residential in NW England. It was way too hot last night, so hoping it is cooler today and I make it through tonight's play despite hardly getting any sleep!

@DownTheStream
DS got his (Part III) results on 22 June last year.

@Panicmode1 congratulations to your DS!

Apologies as I am a complete interloper on the thread as my five children have all graduated (and the last ones, twins, qualified as solicitors last year), but congratulations to everyone on here with a first or otherwise. We had a wider family member at Oxbridge get a very good 2/1 yesterday who I think hoped for a first, but it really will not matter. In my day only a third of us got 2/1 or higher and my future job offer was conditional on a 2/1 so I remember the relief of that 2/1 result (not Oxbridge).

On the comment about next phase of life it is a very good one - I do think what to do after university and finding your feet in your 20s is not easy at all and I only felt happy about my children last year when the twins (who still live at home but are financially independent other than not paying me rent) qualified. It can be a difficult stage of life compared with the years before of a kind of "easy" conveyer belt of good school, working hard, A levels, getting into Oxbridge or somewhere else good, but then the big cliff edge emerges with less certainty.

We have the last wider family member of the 9 cousin group starting medicine in September 2025 (post A level so has the place) and by the time that is finished my oldest grandchildn I suppose will be taking GCSEs. Of the 9 cousins I think we will have in due course if all exams are passed etc seven lawyers, a doctor and my outlier oldest son.

Anyway good luck to the off spring of all of those on this thread for the next phase of life/studies.