DD wants to be a midwife not a doctor

[SingingAvocado]

Please don't condemn this post for bragging, as it isn't the intention at all. My DD (y12) wants to be a midwife and I think she'll be a great one. I've seen her face light up in the skills rooms at uni open days and she has learnt a lot from listening to podcasts, volunteering etc. Her college (and DH) thinks she is underselling herself (flattering), she will quickly get bored and that she is getting the grades (she's taking bio and chem A levels) and could and should be an obs and gynae doctor. She says they are different roles, that she is fed up of midwives not having the same value as doctors, that she wants to see a woman through the entire pregnancy and develop a rapport, not just be parachuted in in an emergency, and that she doesn't want to train for 10 years to get to where she will be in 3 years as a midwife. But all this talk is causing her to waver ever so slightly. She'd hate them to be proved right. Has anyone experienced something similar?

I think it all depends on where you are in the country… I’ve seen the same midwife for all my appointments and if I had opted for a home birth it would be her or one of two other colleagues.

My midwife did.

Good for your daughter, she should follow her passion despite anyone else's input! The college are likely just interested in how it looks for them.

Agree with others that continuity of care isn't really there atm in the NHS but that doesn't mean she can't still make a difference. I had different midwives at each appointment for both my little ones, and it was the knowledge and expertise of 1 of those midwives that saved mine and my baby daughters lives. Likewise, the midwife who arranged for me to go on a tour of the NICU when I found out my baby would be delivered at 32 weeks and held my hand when I cried and panicked

I will never forget it. Good luck to her in her studies!

I agree, she should absolutely do what makes her happy. And being a midwife is a very valid career choice. But I expect her dad is maybe thinking about future earning potential. Life is hard and expensive, but it’s easier if you earn really well. He’s maybe just thinking that she’ll be better off financially in the future if she chooses the ob/gyne route?

She has chosen a valuable career that she's passionate about. I fail to see the issue.

I had a friend who went into nursing when all around her were pushing her to be a doctor. She stood her ground and became a nurse, is super specialised, has a phd and has spoken at conferences all over the world.

Best of luck to your daughter.

God this is snobby and you know it. Why is she underselling herself by becoming a midwife? Why would you find this totally snobby remark ‘flattering’? This isn’t a decision you need to have any part in - let her decide for herself and stop trying to butt in.

I’m fairly intelligent and a midwife. I’m now a senior midwifery lecturer. Friends of mine are matrons, consultant midwives and doing specialist roles so quite a few options.

I have a lot of intelligent straight A students, she won’t be the only bright student in the cohort.

locally there are a lot of teams working in a continuity model so currently that’s possible. Whether it’s sustainable or not is a different matter.
Even without that there is good continuity in community midwifery even if not there for the birth. Or even on an antenatal ward, some women are in for weeks.

Im sure as a consultant there is an element of continuity with high risk women. Definitely able to make a difference. But the training and f1 deanery allocation and then rotating round different hospitals in different cities with no say would put me off.

She might - she might not. The midwife I had at the doctors was at the birth - well part of it - it went on for days! A community midwife is present throughout the pregnancy - it is good she realises it is not just about the birth.

It's great she knows what SHE wants to do. If your husband is so keen on medicine - he can go and train to be one - as can the teachers. The only way they should be expressing that pov is if your daughter had said she would really fancy being a doctor but isn't sure she could do it.

I know a lot of midwives and of all the people I know doing their jobs - the midwives are the ones who talk about how much they love it the most.

Hi OP, I did grad Med moving from a lab based job previously. All through Med school I thought I wanted to do Obs and Gynae as I found birth so fascinating. However when I did the job properly in training I hated it for exactly the reasons your daughter described - no continuity, only entering the room when it had all gone wrong, not emotionally supporting women but just doing procedures to get the baby out. I now work in an entirely different medical specialty which I find fascinating but in hindsight if I’d had even the slightest bit of careers counselling at school it would’ve been obvious that I should train as a midwife. It sounds like your daughter knows her mind and has thought sagely about it. There’s lots of academic opportunity for bright people in
midwifery.

My DD is currently halfway through her nursing degree, and my DS is halfway through Medicine. I am very proud of both of them.

The reality is, though, when I say what DD is studying I get a lot of patronising twaddle about vocations, and what a special person she must be. When I say what DS is studying, people say “Wow”. And it can be hard to stand up against these kind of attitudes.

OP, I hope your DD chooses what is right for her.

I would let her qualify as a midwife.
She can get the doctor degree later in life if she wants to, after having worked in the arena.
I think we all know there are not enough doctors, so I do understand that they try to get her to consider the longer training if they think she can do it. But, at the end, it is all up to your DD.

A colleague had a daughter in this exact conundrum. I am afraid i felt compelled to point out to her that the difference between a midwife and a senior doctor is not all the fluffy stuff but the academic achievement, years of training and responsibilities that is recognised with an extra near £100k a year by the time you are in your late 40s. Honestly the life opportunities purchasable with that amount of money are really worth thinking about. Money seems rather irrelevant to teenagers but it may be worth asking her what kind of house she wants to live in etc
She may still decide she wants to ve a midwife and heaven knows they are needed but really it is a very specific job with limited roles for doing much variety or development after the first 10 years.

braced for flames

but really it is a very specific job with limited roles for doing much variety or development after the first 10 years

no, it isn’t.

a dr will only earn 100k+ if they do years and years or training and earn a consultant position. It’s all consuming, can be soul destroying, can ruin marriages. It’s moving every 6 months for rotations. Rarely do you get a consultants post before 40, especially in a competitive specialty.

factor in time off for children if that’s something she wants, and maintaining a work life balance, it can be tough.

m/w will earn more earlier, more into pensions earlier, and more established in their career earlier. If they do want to progress further there are masters, phd’s, academia, research, clinical trials. An academic nurse with a PhD running a research and teaching department can easily be on 100k.

as with every career the earning potential is always there, it’s the direction you choose.

My sister had a baby last week, delivered by the NHS midwife she’d seen throughout pregnancy, and who then did the follow up visits over the next few days. In London, so not just “in remote, rural areas”. Seems to be common for home birth. I saw the same midwife throughout my pregnancy ten years ago, in a different part of the country, and she only didn’t deliver DS because he arrived on her day off.

Don't forget Consultants pay a lot of tax and NIC on those £100K. 50% of what you earn about 50k goes on tax and NIC. Also, years of personal sacrifices and delayed earnings. Also, not every doctor will become a Consultant, it's not a given. I work shifts in a large metropolitan hospital. My earnings are 50k after 4 years in the job (Btw, nowhere near enough for the stress and responsibility of the job). However unlike my doctor colleagues I get an uninterrupted lunch break. I have two bright children. No way I would be encouraging them to train to be doctors unless they had a calling.

My son is a teenager now but when pregnant with him I didn't develop a rapport with anybody because every time I saw a midwife it was a different person. He is my youngest, with my first several years before, I did see the same midwife throughout.

I think your daughter should do whatever she feels happiest with though.

My single biggest regret in life is that I took the advice of the people who told that because I was clever and high-achieving in my personal life that I ought to have a high-flying, competitive job even though I wasn't interested in it.

I had a home birth with my 3rd baby and had the same two NHS midwives throughout pregnancy, delivery & the couple of weeks post natal. So it really depends where she works/lives.

I’d be incredibly proud (and excited!) if my daughter wanted to be a midwife.

I know lots of midwives. Super smart and do quite varied roles now they’re in their 50’s but most are still client facing. I’d be chuffed to bits if mine wanted to be a midwife. You carry on supporting her op. It’s such a different time to obs & gynae. She’s done her research!

The most academically able student at my DD's school, A* in everything, went into nursing. I'll admit that my initial reaction was that it was an odd decision. But half a minute later I thought 'good for her'.

I’ve a nursing background and midwives will get a tadge disgruntled if you call them nurses. I like doing it on purpose!

Why? That’s not their job.

why? do you call doctors nurses also?