DD wants to be a midwife not a doctor

[SingingAvocado]

Please don't condemn this post for bragging, as it isn't the intention at all. My DD (y12) wants to be a midwife and I think she'll be a great one. I've seen her face light up in the skills rooms at uni open days and she has learnt a lot from listening to podcasts, volunteering etc. Her college (and DH) thinks she is underselling herself (flattering), she will quickly get bored and that she is getting the grades (she's taking bio and chem A levels) and could and should be an obs and gynae doctor. She says they are different roles, that she is fed up of midwives not having the same value as doctors, that she wants to see a woman through the entire pregnancy and develop a rapport, not just be parachuted in in an emergency, and that she doesn't want to train for 10 years to get to where she will be in 3 years as a midwife. But all this talk is causing her to waver ever so slightly. She'd hate them to be proved right. Has anyone experienced something similar?

I did midwifery after a science degree from Cambridge. I didn’t feel that I was ‘too clever’ or bored. I did find the responsibility a bit much and I also felt that here wasn’t much room for manoeuvre if I wanted to do something different. I think the working hours and conditions are better for midwives than doctors. I gave it up 6 years after qualifying. My advice would be to train as a nurse and convert if that is still an option. You have more of a background in other illnesses and you could go back into nursing if you didn’t like midwifery. It is such a privilege to work with people at this point in their lives there were some amazing times. But the NHS is struggling and the midwives I knew are not very happy with changes.

what a crappy school your daughter goes to

I would support her in whatever she wants to do but equally help her consider how it might affect her life outside work.

e.g Where might she want to live? When might she want to retire? Are there any experiences or things she wants in life?

At 17/18 most of us don’t consider these as important questions but it doesn’t take long into adulthood for people to realise that we work to live so if she is sacrificing a higher earning potential and other career paths, she should understand what that means to make an informed decision. If she still thinks having this job will make her more happy than having more money, flexibility etc then that’s great.

Completely different jobs- as an ex obs and gynae doctor I would have much preferred to be a midwife. My skill set much better suited to midwifery and I think we all forget that it’s not just about academic ability- your personality and natural interests and aptitudes are so important when it comes to happiness.

I was persuaded out of nursing/vet nursing at 18 for the same reasons- I should be a dr/vet if I wanted to work in that field.

i have regretted it since. I didn’t want to be a dr, or a vet, I didn’t want the pressure, shit life/work balance, competition and constant exams and training.

i ended up in research, but am limited as I am not clinical. If I had done vet nursing/nursing I could have still gone into my research field, but had so many more opportunities in the clinical side.

tell her to follow what she wants. As pp have said she can do graduate medicine later if she changes her mind.

Unless she moves to NZ, and no doubt lots of other places where continuity of care is valued. I selected a midwife whose values aligned with mine, had all ante natal appointments over a cup of tea at home and had the same midwife delivery my baby, and continue with regular home visits for 6 weeks after the birth. Didn't cost me a penny. I thought at the time what a lovely job it must be, and how utterly different from the role in this country.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I'm totally behind her wanting to be a midwife. I will show some of your comments to her – thank you for sharing your stories. She does know that continuity of care happens rarely now but all the midwifery presentations at university open days were saying that it is something they are striving for (I saw the same midwife during each of my pregnancies but a different midwife delivered my babies). I had my second DD at home and at that point seriously considered retraining as a midwife myself (I appreciate that it was a 'rose tinted' experience and the reality of no income for three years while training put a stop to it) so I do understand the passion she feels. I remember all the midwives who were part of my pregnancies and childbirth – special people.

In some areas of the UK you might get midwives who see women throughout their pregnancy, birth and after, but aren’t they remote and rural? She might want to check this out, if this is something important to her.

Allied health careers need bright young people. Sounds like she’ll have the capability to become a clical specialist or go into leadership if that’s what she wants.

In 10 years time she could be at the top or almost at the top of band 6 rather than basically still training.

I'd be very proud of her and support her.
My df is a midwife, she's not keen on babies but became a midwife basically for the same reason that your DD said.
Df is a great advocate for the care of women at their most vulnerable time

I have one friend who is a very happy midwife.
I know lots and lots of doctors who are bloody miserable - one who tells me every time I see him that he wishes his parents had not forced him into it and another dr friend who is on antidepressants.
Midwife friend has less money but is a lot happier.

@Cheeesus This isn't always the case.
With my 3rd, I had the same midwife throughout my pregnancy and throughout my labour until things went wrong at the last minute and I had to be transferred.
If things had gone smoothly she would have been there for the whole thing, she also did my home visits afterwards too.

Have you or she watched the BBC drama “This is Going to Hurt”? Paints a very sobering picture of being an obs and gynae doctor. Not saying it makes midwifery look significantly better, but the doctor role looks awful.

The admissions process for medicine is brutal, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who isn't totally committed to a career as a doctor.

We need talented people in midwifery and if that's what your dd is interested in, I think it's a great option.

This.

I fear your daughter has a very misplaced idea of a warm fuzzy role here.

Even after all the recent maternity horror stories coming out of various NHS trusts, she still thinks midwifery is an area where care of individual patients is a priority?

I would try to dissuade her, frankly. Somewhere along the line, she has developed a philosophical stance that is at odds with reality.

Yes, OB/Gyns in the UK tend to be consulted only in emergencies or complex cases.
No, that doesn't mean an OB/Gyn is some stuffy 'man who knows everything better than anyone else' and has a massive chip on his shoulder to prove it.

It is entirely possible for an OB/Gyn to deliver medical care in a way that empowers and uplifts her patients.

Is it possible that your daughter is, in fact, experiencing a crisis of confidence?

This is excellent advice.

The RN qualification is one that will enable her to progress to midwifery, perhaps even do the masters qualification that is required for midwifery in the US, where she would be assured of seeing women all through pregnancy and delivery.

The NHS is on its knees. The RN qualification will give her far more options than the British midwifery training on its own.

She needs to be strategic here.

Why on earth do you think she would be bored as a midwife? No two days are the same. You never know what each day will bring.
I find your post pretty offensive.
Plus your daughter is 12, I’d be very surprised if she had a good understanding of the role as a child

@ChickpeaPie
She's in Year 12, not a 12 yo.

Our daughter is a happy midwife going for a Master in september.
Our son studies medicine and is happy.

Two different choices and two very different lines of work.

Support your daughter.

@Cheeesus and others that are commenting on the continuity of care from midwives. This is actually happening in a lot of UK NHS units. It is becoming more popular and is considered to be the Gold standard of care. The hospital where I trained and worked as a midwife had this model of care way over a decade ago. It is a definite option to work in this way as a midwife.

@OP, I'm a midwife and it sounds like she has really thought about it and actually understands what she wants. There was a lot of highly intelligent women on my course and they are now working in all areas of maternity care, many of them in senior management or academic positions. There is a lot of scope for professional development and travel. I work in a specialised role and absolutely love it.

I know an obstetrician who wishes she'd been a midwife.
Obstetric training is long, with lots of relocating, it has a big impact on life and things like buying a home, having a family etc.

Adam Kay is not wrong!

Honestly they are two totally different career paths. Both are valuable.

If she is more academic, wants to be more challenged, wants to have final responsibility for a patient, wants to be able to provide the full range of care for pregnant women in all situations (including providing c-sections), she needs to become a doctor.

It sounds like she already has the stereotypical midwife view towards things though.

I would be wary of what influence she has received from midwives she has been shadowing - as they often speak disparagingly about doctors and “medicalisation”.

Is she fully aware of the pay difference between community midwives and hospital based? The on call basic retainer if you’re not called out but can’t be further than X miles from work etc?

She's right, it is a different job. Imma nurse, I wouldn't want to be a doctor for all the chocolates on the nurses station!

Home births you also see the same woman 😊

Regardless, you can see women from all different stages.