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DD wants to be a midwife not a doctor

123 replies

SingingAvocado · 12/03/2024 11:29

Please don't condemn this post for bragging, as it isn't the intention at all. My DD (y12) wants to be a midwife and I think she'll be a great one. I've seen her face light up in the skills rooms at uni open days and she has learnt a lot from listening to podcasts, volunteering etc. Her college (and DH) thinks she is underselling herself (flattering), she will quickly get bored and that she is getting the grades (she's taking bio and chem A levels) and could and should be an obs and gynae doctor. She says they are different roles, that she is fed up of midwives not having the same value as doctors, that she wants to see a woman through the entire pregnancy and develop a rapport, not just be parachuted in in an emergency, and that she doesn't want to train for 10 years to get to where she will be in 3 years as a midwife. But all this talk is causing her to waver ever so slightly. She'd hate them to be proved right. Has anyone experienced something similar?

OP posts:
Mountainclimber50 · 12/03/2024 12:08

I tried to talk my son out of being a Dr! He was not impressed and I felt bad so I put my fears behind me and accepted it was his life and fully got on board in Year 13.

He is loving it!

Maybe your DD can take a gap year. Get a job as a midwifery assistant and then decide.

My son was only just 18 when he started his medical degree. He is one of the youngest on the course. I felt it was too young but he has proven us wrong.

The most important thing now is her A levels and maybe let her take the UCAT to see how she does.

Loads of students on the medical degree are 20 plus and have done work experience and gap years.

yikesanotherbooboo · 12/03/2024 12:12

Schools and colleges feel they kudos from numbers doing medicine/ oxbridge/ law/ vet etc . It drives me mad and does not take into account the young persons wishes or indeed their aptitude. Getting good grades in science is not a guarantee that medicine is the course for a particular young person. Are the career advisers doctors or midwives? Not very likely. She should do what she is motivated to do and btw the jobs are completely different .

CombatBarbie · 12/03/2024 12:14

But she can have a great career path in midwifery, it's not just being a midwife and delivering babies for 40yrs.

Mine has gone from radiography to paed nursing to midwifery and is now (and has a place) for radiography.

Droolylabradors · 12/03/2024 12:17

Cheeesus · 12/03/2024 12:03

She does know that she won’t see a woman through her pregnancy and then at the birth?

I was fortunate to be able to pay for independent midwives in my first pregnancy, they did indeed see me from start to finish and one of them was present when I gave birth in the NHS hospital.

They also brought me a hot meal when I came out of hospital and did all aftercare.

It was a lovely experience and they thoroughly enjoyed their jobs.

Sparklybutold · 12/03/2024 12:17

As an ex medic, support your daughter in becoming a midwife. She sounds like an extremely caring person and medicine will kick that out of her. I've known nurses who go into research and run whole departments. Personally I think youre undervaluing midwives and I think you need to seriously reflect who this is for, because it comes across as a status thing for you and her dad.

Kwasi · 12/03/2024 12:17

She may not have the opportunity to built rapport. In my trust, women aren’t assigned a specific midwife for their pregnancy. They literally see whoever is on duty that day. I had a high risk pregnancy, so more visits than most, and never saw the same midwife twice.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 12/03/2024 12:22

What an awful attitude by the college, I'd be so unimpressed by that. It's her choice, nothing to do with you or the college. There are many other options for her career if she wants to progress once she's a qualified midwife. But just to check she knows that the midwife you see for checks during pregnancy won't be the midwife who does the delivery? Most midwifes do one or the other, and even then, it's just who is available to see you.

KidsDr · 12/03/2024 12:24

Someone bright and capable can do very well in midwifery and go on to earn well in senior specialist / management roles as well, though perhaps not as well as an obstetrics consultant. There is a lot of academia to be done in midwifery and also increasingly senior / responsible clinical roles - there is no risk of not being adequately intellectually challenged.

I think the higher pay in clinical roles is the main reason to go for medicine. For example, you might find a midwife consultant is doing a similar clinical role to a fairly senior obstetrician but they wont be paid as well for it and they cant access the same kind of locum opportunities. Obstetric trainees even at SHO level will be earning better than most of the shop floor midwives they work alongside.

It is also easier to have your qualifications recognised and work in a senior clinical role in other countries as a doctor than as a consultant midwife / advanced practitioner as some of these roles are not recognised elsewhere. If that is a factor.

If being the boss / ultimate autonomy in a clinical role is also important then that's probably easier to achieve through the medicine route but it's not as though senior midwives are powerless or just do as they're told(!!!). That said I think sometimes nurses are kind of treated like morons relative to doctors and that must be frustrating, especially if the clinical hands on stuff is what you really enjoy. Doctors are trusted more to just go and learn how to do stuff under supervision and then fairly quickly crack on. But even for low risk tasks / procedures midwives have to do ridiculous over the top logbooks of being watched 100 times etc. I also feel like midwives are more likely to be bullied, blamed and scapegoated than doctors, which isn't insignificant.

However, comparatively the medicine route is a long hard brutal and very expensive slog. Realistically it's 15+ years and a 5/6 years of that going unpaid and accumulating substantial student debt. And at least 2 more years working jobs you don't like as much / haven't chosen that mostly won't even be in obstetrics. And obstetrics training like all medical "training" is more or less absolutely shit. Just being thrown into the fire wherever they send you every 6-12 months, usually working 2 people's jobs and feeling like you're letting everybody down all the time even though you're giving it 200%. Nearly everyone works LTFT and/or takes breaks because it's so intense, but that can make training even longer. That said, being a midwife is hardly a barrel of laughs but I suppose you have a bit more freedom sooner in what direction to take your career. Medicine is much less flexible, you can't just change tack the way you can in nursing careers.

My advice would be, let your daughter decide. If you are going to encourage or nudge her, only do so to get her to do as much research as possible, ideally speaking to people who are in those roles.

Cheeesus · 12/03/2024 12:26

Droolylabradors · 12/03/2024 12:17

I was fortunate to be able to pay for independent midwives in my first pregnancy, they did indeed see me from start to finish and one of them was present when I gave birth in the NHS hospital.

They also brought me a hot meal when I came out of hospital and did all aftercare.

It was a lovely experience and they thoroughly enjoyed their jobs.

That is an unusual setup.

nocoolnamesleft · 12/03/2024 12:27

If she doesn't want to be a doctor with every fibre of her being then pushing her into medical school would be cruel. It sounds like her vocation is for midwifery, so let her follow it.

Orangebadger · 12/03/2024 12:28

Puddlelane123 · 12/03/2024 11:39

I had the grades and academic abilities to be a doctor but wanted to go into nursing instead. Never once have I regretted it. The roles are entirely different despite having a common core of clinical care underpinning them. It is an awful message to send a future generation that being a nurse or midwife in favour of a doctor amounts to underselling yourself.

This is also me and several other nurses I know all of whom have had amazing careers in nursing. Sadly it's a very common misconception rooted in a long history of class divides and snobbery regarding the medical profession. Have been waiting over 2 decades for this attitude to shift.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/03/2024 12:29

Do we really want to disuade intelligent, passionate women from becoming midwives and nurses because doctors are traditionally men so it must be a better job?

Droolylabradors · 12/03/2024 12:30

Cheeesus · 12/03/2024 12:26

That is an unusual setup.

Well it was 15yrs ago, but I had a choice of several indie midwives in the part of the country I lived in then.

Presumably the OPs DD could also work in private hospitals where continuity of care is what you pay for.

Midwifery doesn't just have to be NHS.

Orangebadger · 12/03/2024 12:32

SleepingStandingUp · 12/03/2024 12:29

Do we really want to disuade intelligent, passionate women from becoming midwives and nurses because doctors are traditionally men so it must be a better job?

It's now over 50% of Drs are women but it's probably this gender stereotype that leads to Drs being held in higher regard!

Cheeesus · 12/03/2024 12:37

Droolylabradors · 12/03/2024 12:30

Well it was 15yrs ago, but I had a choice of several indie midwives in the part of the country I lived in then.

Presumably the OPs DD could also work in private hospitals where continuity of care is what you pay for.

Midwifery doesn't just have to be NHS.

Ok. Let me reword it then. Is the DD aware that in the NHS the model isn’t for continuous care of a woman?

Kosenrufugirl · 12/03/2024 12:38

I was training to be a doctor in my home country. Then fell in love, left half way through the course, came over to the UK, had my children and decided I didn't want to spend the next 10 years starting my doctor training all over again. So I trained as a midwife instead. I have only been qualified for a few years, still in Band 6 NHS pay scale but already in a 40% pay bracket. I am very happy in my job too. Immense job satisfaction. Hoping to start on a fully funded PhD in a few years. Never once regretted being a midwife. Would not advise any of my children to train as a doctor, would tell them to go into accountancy or law or engineering instead. I say this looking at my fellow doctor colleagues rushing all day and night shift long from one emergency to another on the labour ward where I work. I would say let you daughter look into midwifery course at King's College London. The course is very academic and designed to train the midwifery leaders of the future, not just midwives. I hope it helps

Mummymidwife33 · 12/03/2024 12:59

I'm a midwife with an MSc and almost finished my PhD. I have worked my way up pretty quickly into a more academic role as this is where my passion lies, although I still bank and deliver babies.

I was also told to become a doctor and sometimes I do wonder if I would have preferred it but then I look around me and know I made the right decision. A midwife is an autonomous practitioner who is with the mother through the whole labour and makes decisions about care but escalates when obstetric input is required. The knowledge and responsibility a midwife has is actually astounding when you think about it.

As for money, my current wage is comparable to most consultant obstetricians.

sendismylife · 12/03/2024 13:02

Be careful - my parents did the same to me so I rebelled and became a primary teacher. Have stopped teaching 20 odd years later and would still love to retrain as a midwife if I could afford it!

SisterA · 12/03/2024 13:04

I always wanted to be a teacher but school and parents told me my grades were too good and encouraged me to do something else. I felt pushed but I was young and not headstrong enough to go against what the adults said. I ended up in engineering but I’ve never enjoyed it and have been looking for an out for years. I’m really unhappy in my work life.

its not easy at that age to go against the advice of trusted adults! She sounds so smart. Hope she follows her own interests!

mitogoshi · 12/03/2024 13:06

I will never forget my midwives, all the drs I've seen not so impactful.

If "suitable" jobs are only measured in money then yes midwifery doesn't pay as well as being a ob gyn dr, but job satisfaction, the nature of the role, the training are all different. Follow your heart is my advice, I wish I had 10 years ago to retrain as a midwife but life got in the way...

Heyheyitsanotherday · 12/03/2024 13:10

Midwifery is an amazing career choice (I’m a nurse and I sometimes flirt with the idea of retraining as a midwife). I know a few nurses who ended up going to medical school later in their career. Not sure if midwives can do this too? So the doors not shut for her on medicine but she tries the career she seems to have her heart set on.
medicine is a hard and expensive slog (where rewards are only seen after a long period). Midwifery may help her test the water and give her a huge head start should she decide to peruse medicine later?

Moveoverdarlin · 12/03/2024 13:13

I don’t think I saw the same midwife twice during either of my pregnancies.

Springisroundthecorner · 12/03/2024 13:16

I remember the names of all my midwives , even from 20 plus years ago, but no clue who the docs were. The support of good midwives made tricky pregnancies and births much less stressful. She should go for what she's interested in, rather than what you think she should do. She can always go into academic midwifery or med school later.

WhatDoesThisMeanForUs · 12/03/2024 13:20

This was me as a teenager. I wanted to be a midwife, parents persuaded me not to, and to apply for medicine.

I didn't get in to medicine. I ended up as a lawyer and have absolutely no regrets but I wonder how life would have turned out as a midwife.

There are some incredible career pathways available to bright and hardworking midwives. Good luck to her.

IamaRevenant · 12/03/2024 13:26

They're completely different jobs! Midwife is a great career and your DD seems to have worked out exactly what she wants and why.

Not exactly the same but I chose corporate law in a big international firm (basically for the money). I wish I'd gone for something I was actually interested in and cared about tbh.

My nephew was also persuaded to go the medicine degree route because he had the grades etc and had an interest to some extent. Got offers but against all advice went with his offer for biomedical science as he realised that scientific research was far more suited to his interests. The disappointment from some quarters was immense, I think certain people were just more focused on the 'prestige' of having a doctor in the family. However he's now halfway though a fully funded PhD (don't ask me exactly what on, it goes right over my head!) with the promise of a job at the end and absolutely loving it! And we'll still have a doctor in the family, just not the medical sort 😅

Good luck to your DD 😊

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