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[MirandaWest]

Thought I’d start this thread in case anyone else with a DC who didn’t get an offer from Oxford (or Cambridge in a couple of weeks time) wants to say anything - I feel a bit out of place in the Oxbridge thread now but could be good to have somewhere to talk about how they are and what their plans are now.

Hey you lovely lot 👋, I am joining you guys now. Marking place while I go and read the thread!

Sorry to all the new joiners from Cambridge yesterday but hope you find this thread supportive. We've all been through it and it is a horrible experience as a parent seeing your child so disappointed after putting themselves out there. It took a good week of feeling 'flat' before ds was himself again.

I think, for me, I was amazed he tried and got as far as he did. I think it would have been a great place pastorally for ds as he is a quiet, shy person and I felt that Oxbridge does 'cocoon' the kids so the step up to uni isn't such a big deal. So I was disappointed for that reason really plus the accommodation was reasonably priced!

We are two weeks on now - yesterday was difficult for ds as some further friends got offers from Cambridge but there were rejections also. It's tough when people of the same standard (or even lower grades/effort) get an offer. Ds was a bit 'what's the point of working hard' for a couple of days after his O rejection but had mocks so they were a distraction. He's now hoping for an offer from his next favourite (really hoping that comes good) but it will be a totally different experience than Oxbridge. It will be an exciting place to study and the course is less traditional than the Oxford course.

She might even be eligible for scholarships from Bath @ShanghaiDiva, depending on the course. We loved Bath and it was actually my favourite out of all of the universities ds was interested in.

Have a chance to write a bit more now. DD rejected from C for English lit yesterday. She seems okay about it. The one other C applicant from her school, who is also a close friend, had a rejection and another girl from the local private college who applied for English at C was rejected. So while you wouldn’t wish rejections on anyone it has helped DD to feel better about it.

DD says it’s more the idea of Cambridge, and the fact that it’s always been there at the back of her mind since she was young, that she is mourning now. The reality is that she wasn’t 100% convinced that it was the right place for her and it wouldn’t have been an automatic yes if she had received an offer. I think this in itself demonstrates that the right decision has been made.

I don’t think she will want to request feedback. She does have the option of putting herself forward for the August reconsideration pool come results day and they will reconsider her application but I think (hope) she will have fully moved on by then.

She has 3 offers from Exeter, Warwick and Lancaster and is now focusing on hearing from Durham. The Exeter offer is a really good one and she would be totally happy to go there. She would definitely get the grades too, even on a bad day. A rejection from Durham would sting more than the Cambridge one so hoping that doesn’t happen!

A few more tears today - I guess she was more invested than we both realised. She always knew it was a long shot and has been saying she definitely wasn't going to get in, but the reality of a rejection has hit hard. And it's not like rejection is at all a new thing; today she pointed out the she didn't get her first choice sixth form, didn't get accepted on her first choice Art Foundation course, and now her first choice university. She works really hard and it's been an uphill battle all the way for years (and her MS diagnosis does explain part of why it's physically felt so hard too).
She loved the course options and modules the best. She does have options but I think she feels they are so far below Cambridge. And it's true in reputation if not in actual outcomes: when her current classmate told the others she was going to Cambridge (she has deferred to this year) all the other kids' heads popped up and went 'wow'. And then the teacher went over to talk to her about it. I guess for once my rather quiet self contained DD wanted a bit of that. I recognise - as does she - that it's an odd mixture of vanity and wounded pride and conversely also feeling that yet again she's been told she just isn't good enough, no matter how hard she tried.

Thanks @Cx5, it's been an impossible situation at home and I don't really know what I should be saying or doing and it's so heart breaking. I'm so sorry to hear about C yesterday for you too. Wishing you and your wonderful DCs all the very best with their A levels and uni choices. They really all are amazing kids xx

@Ragdollcharlie Yes, they're identical and doing badly so far. Not sure what to do. Thanks for the thoughts XX

Just wanted to say we're lucky to be able to support each other on here. Thanks for all of your posts, it does help us parents to realise we are not the only ones. I also think it's OK to acknowledge just how much effort and commitment our kids put into the Oxbridge application process and I know from my own current situation just how fine and arbitrary the offers/redirections are. It's going to hurt and sting and it should do because I'm sure it meant so much to them all. As adults we also know that eventually all will become good and that they are all outstanding students. I just hope that this phase of hurt doesn't last long. XXX

I agree @SeaofTranquility . DS1 is very rational and whrn hendidn't get an interview from Cambridge struggled not so much with the disappointment but with rationalising the why. Especially as many of his friends got interviews and some with lower predicted grades and TMUA scores.

Having said that, we are a few weeks on noe and he has never really mentioned it since and seems quite enthusiastic about Imperial and started working on STEP (hopefully not too late!) and going to have a think about insurance betwen St A and Durham. He really is spoilt for choice.

Personally I wasn't keen on Cambridge at all for his subject (I am in the industry) and I felt from day one that Imperial was a much better fit for him and has much higher employment stats etc... but he went for it anyway. So deep down we both know they did him a favour!!

Hopefully time will heal, especially if he still has more offers to come in? I remember thinking this would be my worse case scenario, but by the time yesterday came around I would have preferred a better outcome. As a parent of twins you do your best to keep everything fair an equal for them but then things like this come along and suddenly it's all out or our control. My two (also identical) are equally as clever as each other so I struggled that one was interviewed (and pooled) but the other didn't even reach interview stage, it seemed really unfair that he wasn't giving the opportunity to prove himself but there are so many other strong applicants for so few places. Are they applying for the same subject?

@Rollergirl11 Sorry to head your DD didn’t get a C offer. Sounds as though we are in a similar boat. DD didn’t make it to interview at Oxford - no big surprise as it was a long shot, but a friend at school also got rejected for the same course at the same stage which I think made them both feel better about it! DD also has a very achievable offer from Exeter, and is waiting / hoping for an offer from Edinburgh. Oxford would have been a huge confidence boost, but Edinburgh is where her heart is. 🤞they both get the offers they want.

Having had an Oxbridge acceptance and rejection in consecutive years, that was hard enough. I can’t imagine what it’s like managing the dynamics between twins. It does feel like a sting for the rejected child.

I think the thing to do is take a massive step back and see that in the scheme of things, where somebody went to university should not define them for their entire lives. There is so much more to being a fulfilled person, and who knows where life will take our young adults.

It feels impossible at 18 to imagine that. And we feel the pain of our children. But of course there is life beyond Oxbridge. I have to say, I quite like the fact my two are at different universities. I have two places to visit for mini breaks now! And there are definitely pros and cons to each institution.

Welcome roller 👋

is anyone waiting for feedback? I thought it might come by now tho I imagine they have a lot to do. Dd might consider reapplying if the feedback is encouraging in some way. Though it might be very old news by the time a level results come out.

My DD is still waiting for feedback but they did tell her by the end of Feb she will hear so still some time to wait.

End of Feb! Ages then. Thank you x

@MirandaWest thanks for starting this lovely thread. I see so much of my own emotions echoed in the posts here.
DS was rejected yesterday and was very upset. I think because he'd spent 2 nights at the college (open day and interview) and because his interviews went well a small part of him believed that he might just pull it off.
He had an interview for Imperial last week and would be happy to go there if he gets an offer. I am less happy at the prospect of my shy northern DS on his own in London with no money to go out because he's spent it on travel and accommodation! I've been on Zoopla to see if DH and I could help but am shocked to find that we could just about afford a garage/parking space in central London (maybe he could put a tent on it!). However I think DS likes the London vibe so maybe my reservations are just because it would be my worst nightmare.
He has an offer for Nottingham which he is lukewarm about (partly because "they just give them to anyone with the predicted grades"). He's waiting for a Manchester interview and to hear from Bath. I'm strongly encouraging him to take advantage of offer holders days.
He's not ruled out reapplying and intends to ask for feedback.

@ladsmum I also have a shy northern DS that's waiting to hear from imperial. The thought of it fills me with fear but I'm hoping he gets an offer. It's comforting to know so many of us feel exactly the the same way about London and reminds me that there will be many others starting that are just like him if he's lucky enough to get a place.

We'll have to have a chat if they all decide on Imperial. My DS is not particularly Northern (we're in the Midlands), and isn't shy but is autistic, so finds it challenging to build community. Accommodation is slightly less of a worry for me, because of his disability, which would make it more likely for him to be entitled to college accommodation beyond his first year. London, and its size and busyness worries me. We visit regularly, but visiting somewhere is very different from living there.

I am regularly in central London around Imperial (also around King's/UCL). The areas are full of happy-looking students, sounding and behaving in studenty fashion, like they would be anywhere, you can stay in your bubble in London and can embrace it more widely only as and when you wish. I totally understand the worries, have a child almost certainly going to UCL but honestly it's no more scary and alien than any big city university and the peer group will include every type of student: shy, ND, outgoing just as it would elsewhere

Hi everyone, my DS also pooled at C but did not get an offer. He has an offer from Imperial for Engineering so is grateful for that and will likely go there instead. He had straight 9s in GCSEs and predicted all A* in 4 A levels so goes to show just how tough it can be to get in to O or C. I share a few of the same concerns about Imperial as expressed here already but thank you to @mumofthree22 and @Waitingfortulips as it has been reassuring to read your childrens' experiences there which sound very positive and make me feel better about the choice. My DS enjoys playing football and various sports so sounds like it will be important to sign up to clubs on joining to try to meet kids with similar interests to try to get the most out of the social side of the University so as to have a more balanced experience. Grateful for any other advice re Imperial which may be available. Good to luck to all your amazing kids at all the Universities they end up going to!

Honestly guys London is a fantastic place to live! Though she was born here, my DD grew up mainly on the very sheltered Isle of Wight with a five minute walk to school. We moved back here for sixth form and suddenly it was a long walk and tube in to central London every day, learning at 16 how to negotiate drunk football supporters and the odd creepy man. Missing her stop or going the wrong way round the circle line... she's quite self contained though tends to panic a bit but she managed. Now at 18 she's off to Portugal for a four week work experience adventure.
If your kids end up at uni in London they will find it a fun vibrant and dare I say friendly city! Street smarts needed of course, and a reminder that those international students will be having to cope with a lot more issues! Coming from abroad myself a kind word from a native helps a lot.
Aside from that, my DD would be a bit happier if Bath pulled its finger out and made her an offer...

@Lightsabre given the cost of accommodation in Bath I shall encourage dd to research scholarships!

My DD actually got her feedback today and even though she thought the interviews went well obv the tutors didn't think so lol. She scored high in the ucas form and written work so she lost out on a place with her interviews. She said UCL clearly think she is good enough without an interview and said their loss. She said she'll actually enjoy uni now without all the extra added pressure.

This really worries me - my DS hasn't decided whether to ask for feedback yet. He also thought his interview went great, especially as one of the interviewers ended it by saying she 'could talk to him all day about x' . He really thought that meant he'd get an offer, I think he'll be crushed if they scored him poorly. Equally, given he is considering reapplying, he does need to know where he went wrong. Any suggestions for how to help him manage the feedback?

catmum so it might appear any day. Does the feedback make her feel relieved and ready to move on? I do wonder if a year older and they’d do better in the interview but who knows really.