Redirected from Oxford and Cambridge 2024

[MirandaWest]

Thought I’d start this thread in case anyone else with a DC who didn’t get an offer from Oxford (or Cambridge in a couple of weeks time) wants to say anything - I feel a bit out of place in the Oxbridge thread now but could be good to have somewhere to talk about how they are and what their plans are now.

@Jaxx that's funny, not a technical reject!

My DS has a girlfriend and she's a very stabling influence so I like your logic!

Sorry to hear about your son @Jaxx. We all have that little bit of hope right up to the 'no thanks' email. I was so disappointed for my son but looking back, it was a really long shot. It'll take time to process but hopefully he can start to get excited about other offers soon.

@mynameisnotmichaelcaine, if he gets into Imperial, there are likely to be a high proportion of ASD kids so hopefully the University will be able to offer support. London is a big place but it's as big as you need it to be if that makes sense? It's easy to have everything around you if you're not confident venturing further afield. His confidence navigating transport will grow.

Urgh, had to find this thread after an upset dd on the phone

She was redirected from Oxford last year, having got as far as being pooled, but her feedback encouraged her to reapply after A levles. She was having none of it, however, mainly because she was scared of rejection again and went straight on to another good uni with four A-stars.

Now she's just heard of a couple of friends who applied post A-level with worse grades than hers getting into Cambridge. Another friend reapplied to Oxford and was successful. She keeps saying, "I'm stupid." I pointed out she is obviously not stupid with her grades (she retorts no one cares about A levels only what university you went to) and chose not to reapply even when she was told she was a strong candidate, but obviously she's not consoled. She likes her university but doesn't (yet) love it and now she's beating herself up with what-ifs had she'd been successful and maybe she should have reapplied ...

I wasn't expecting this a year later!!! I'm worried she'll have a lifelong chip about this. All I can console myself is she might have reapplied and not got in and that would have absolutely have been the worst outcome.

Anyway, massive condolences to all on here, it's a tough day to get through whatever your expectations but life goes on - even if it occasionally comes back to bite you like this!

@clarissan that's really tough.

My DS has no desire to reapply thank goodness. I think all you can do is keep stressing that there was no guarantee and she made the right decision for her at the time.

Thanks very much @lifeturnsonadime - I didn't interfere with her decision, even though my feeling was she might as well give it another rolll of the dice - not least because she could then have had a gap year with her bf, but dd has always been extremely stubborn and I felt it had to be a choice that she owned, plus the rest of the family were all telling her to move on. And now she has to get on with it but I hate her calling herself stupid when she is at one of the best universities in the UK. Her confidence is quite low and this has dented it again. She's happy for her friends but very sad for herself.

That sounds very difficult @clarissan. Unfortunately I think there's not a lot you can do other than be a shoulder to cry on.

It's so hard when others/friends get offers, especially when they haven't achieved quite as well academically as yours. It's just luck on the day. She has another shot for post graduate if she's dead set on it but she perhaps needs to examine her motives. Is it just the Oxbridge name she wants? My dn went to Oxbridge and is a lawyer but she has colleagues from universities all over, all successful and achieving well. Employers are increasingly turning to uni blind recruitment. What can she do to make her current university be the place she wants it to be?

They're so young and don't have the benefit of hindsight that we do. All we can do is to try and make sure a rejection doesn't define them.

Clarissan - see if she will look at the MA courses. She can then apply to both ox and cam when she likes. She’d be there same time as her mates too if that matters

Thanks @Newgirls - i’ll remind her she can apply when the time comes. When this was pointed out to her last year, she declared that academia was not for her, but actually – I think it is. It would all be fine if she was having an amazing time at uni, but she’s had the second term classic thing of going back after the Christmas holidays and still not having totally found her feet and having seen her school friends, so is feeling wobbly. I don’t remember enjoying university particularly until the end of the first year so I’m hoping she will settle in and start feeling less grim. This will pass! I just wasn’t expecting to feel far more upset about her rejection today than I was a year ago.

Sorry,@Lightsabre i missed your kind message. DD actually wants to pursue a career where her university degree will have very little bearing . So ultimately it really doesn’t matter where she goes. It’s pure feelings of inadequacy when she’s already at a low ebb. Hopefully, she will be over it soon but she knows how to work me. Now her younger sibling is going to try next year – whatever the outcome, we can’t really win on that either, either we’ll have two disappointed DC or one very jealous older dc. Aargh.

DD is sad again today as some friends have got into Cambridge including ones she feels deserved it less than her (which is all obviously subjective but she is 18 and it is reasonable to be unreasonable). . Is very difficult (for both her and me). I suspected today would be a difficult day and I was right.

Have one yes and one no today. I don't even know where to begin or handle this. Haven't seen them as at school. It's just so brutal.

I suspect I will be in exactly the same boat @MirandaWest. Ds school usually has far more offers for Cambridge than Oxford so I think ds won't be able to avoid it. I warned him this morning he might find it a challenging day although I'm sure no-one will be 'rubbing it in'.

I hope no one minds me popping onto this thread. Even though DS2 got an offer at C today it was a double edged sword. DS1 is in his second year at university and he was always capable of an Oxbridge application was ear marked by his school as one since year 7. He never applied and didn't even take a place at another top tier university instead went to our local university which is a Russell group university so he could live at home. After starting university we found out he was ND which explained all the difficulties he was having. He doesn't know about DS2 I will tell him when he gets home from university. I must admit when I found out DS2 had got an offer I cried I was happy for DS2 but I know this will be upsetting for DS1 and that really hurts me. I feel like a bad mother on one hand so happy for one son on the other hand desperately sad for the other one even though he is doing fabulous at University. Not everything is always black and white but I wish all DC the best whichever path they take

Oh no @SeaofTranquility, i remember thinking how difficult this day might be for you. No words of wisdom but hopefully the successful one will be sensitive to his/her twin. It'll be hard for you as i guess you can't celebrate fully with the successful one. Maybe still do something nice for both of them for the equal effort they've made.

Really feel for you it must be so difficult.

@SeaofTranquility I feel your pain, it's such a difficult situation to be in. It was another no for us today so they are both the same boat now. I hope your DS that didn't get in takes it well and has some other good offers to focus on. We look like we might be heading to the same firm choice for both which is going to cause tension, they really need to separate now but it's not easy when they both want to study the same subject at a top uni. xx

Just wanted to pop on here to offer support for those of you who have had disappointing news today. This was me last year, DS didn't get an offer (was pooled) but his three best friends did. I still remember how horrible it was seeing him so utterly dejected. HOWEVER, he is now at St Andrew's (where two of his Oxbridge friends were rejected) and is having a total ball. Made lots of wonderful friends, loves his course and I've never seen him happier, absolutely thriving. All these kids are the brightest of bright, Oxbridge's loss is another University's gain!

Thank you so much for this. Yes, I would imagine there are many students with ASD studying Maths at the top universities. We're going to London during half term - I'm hoping he might have heard by then and we can have another look around. Failing that, he did really like Warwick. I work at his school, and we send lots of kids to Warwick every year, so he knows a fair few people from home there. 😊

It’s good for me to hear this today - 3 good friends of DD have offers for Oxford or Cambridge and she is pretty dependent today. She will keep on going but it is difficult today and good to know that happiness will hopefully be around the corner

So sorry to all of you, especially those with tough family situations

Just to add to my post upthread about dd bewailing her life being over because she didn't reapply to Oxford. She just called again to apologise for being a drama queen and to tell me about an exciting summer project she's getting involved with, which could really help with her intended career. I remember when she didn't get in a friend who was a reject back in the 80s saying how her going elsewhere meant she met people who changed her life and made her the incredibly successful person she is today - seems like dd might be having that moment too. She was just having a wobble. Teenagers. It all works out, today is just a tough day for many and it will pass.

Well my DS did not get an offer from Cambridge but he's totally fine with it as his heart is with UCL. I'm also relieved that he won't need to get an A star now.
I am ridiculously worried about UCL though. I'm convinced he's going to be poor and lonely and it's so far away from where we live that I'll only be able to help him move in. Then he will be dependent on trains if he ever wants to come home and the cost will be extortionate no doubt.

@losingtheplot999 - if your son is thriving at the local uni that's all you can ask for!

My DD was unsuccessful today and even though she expected it we had quite a few tears tonight. She's off on a Turing Scheme work experience to Lisbon next month which I thought would be a great distraction - til she pointed out that her friend she's sharing a room with is off to Cambridge in September.
She has offers from Durham and Glasgow and waiting to hear from Bath - she's PQA so should get an offer as well over requirements. Durham was a last minute add to her application and she hates the Durham reputation of being full of Oxbridge rejects. Like if she tells someone she goes there their first thought is 'oh she missed out on Oxbridge'. But if you say you go to Edinburgh people don't think that. She knows it's an excellent uni and is putting too much emphasis on appearances, but that's what she's feeling right now.
She almost wishes she never tried for C.

Hi all, joining as my DS got rejected from C today. He OK, but definitely upset at the rejection. He's even talking about taking a year out and reapplying, which is a bit of a surprise to me, I didn't think he was so keen to go that he'd want to take a year out. I'm really not sure I'd cope with going through all this again! He's lucky he got an offer from Durham a few days ago, so he's got somewhere else to think about. Also got offers from manchester and royal Holloway, with LSE still to hear from.

@SeaofTranquility Thankfully not twins (that sounds awful) but I do have a DD at O, so it's hard for DS thinking he's not as good as she is. Are your twins identical? How are they doing?

@clarissan , my DD had a massive wobble this time last year (her first year) too, decided she'd made the wrong choice, hated O and very nearly dropped out. My point is it's not just kids that don't get into oxbridge that stress whether they made the right choices. I guess it's something they all have to learn, that there aren't necessarily right and wrong paths in life, you just have to make the best of whichever path you end up on.

Joining as dd got rejected by Cambridge. Three applied from her school and the other two got offers so that was a little disheartening for her, but she loves Bath, has an offer and it’s not as far to travel so plenty of positives.

@SeaofTranquility i meant awful situation, not that having twins is awful!!