Just coming on to say that there is all sorts of people and all sorts of varieties of experience at Oxford and at Cambridge. All sorts of students too. The vast majority manage to get decent 2:1s after three years of it. Your average student is bright but not a genius.
There are people who work really really hard and make it their focus. There are people whose main interest is their choir/rowing/directing plays/doing journalism and they keep their work going as much as they need to make a respectable fist of it.
There are people whose main friends are outside college across the whole uni, people who make their best friends in their staircase in the first term and stick together for ever after.
It's not like boarding school though. No one tells you to get up and go to your lectures. Or checks up on you. In my day the role of the director of studies was so laid back as to be almost horizontal. He fixed my supervisions for the term and that was it. No one told me how to understand the lecture list or how to approach work. Guess it may be different now but Imagine kids still have to work a lot out themselves.
I have been wondering whether I'd encourage my eldest to apply in a couple of years. I guess she's the right level academically. I think it suits kids who are reasonably resilient and whose self worth is not entirely based on being the best all the time. And who have an enquiring mind and like to think and talk about things.
When I got to Cambridge I became a very ordinary student indeed - one of many many ordinarily bright kids headed for a 2:1. It was good - from big fish in small pond at school to tiny minnow in great big lake at cambridge. It relieved me rapidly of various narcissistic fantasies I had about myself which was def a good thing.
I also have had the experience of being both rejected and accepted - applied to oxford first and didn't get in not least as was way too immature for it really. I was totally gutted as had my heart set on it.
After a while the gutted feelings abated and I decided to work hard for a level and the apply again.
Applied to cambridge the following year and was accepted.
This might be something for DCs who didn't get into oxford to consider in the fullness of time. Just cos you didn't get an offer doesn't mean you might not next time around. Nothing is set in stone and if you want to go to Oxbridge - have another try if your results are good.