Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued (2)

[Panicmode1]

The other thread is nearly full so I took the liberty of starting a new one...

My DC had gone down early to oxford (because they are deemed a student needing extra support) and so we went down to visit with any extra stuff the yneeded.

The welcome tea is a device to separate students and parents in my opinion. The rector was very lovely and we got to sit in a very old hall eating cake, discussing with other parents how very proud we were (and of course it is hard to bask in this moment with other parents whose kids are doing something different). The students have to go and do a quiz or a pizza tasting or something, to start building friendships.
So i would say you should go. You won't get many opportunities to be so proud, if i am honest, and it is just nice to recognize that you have done a good job helping your DC through a very difficult process.

It also is possibly a fundraising exercise - it certainly has encouraged me to donate to the college, so it worked in that respect!

ps well done to your daughter @Malbecfan
well done to everyone who worked hard this summer at internships.

i have been on holiday so sorry this is late

sytron the teas are most definitely a signal that directly after they're over, it's time for proud parents to leave. Not all colleges offer a gathered tea - some just have mugs of teas available for weary parents as they come and go.

A number of fellows from Wadham came down to our village in 2010 for the gentler end of the 400th anniversary celebration (Wadham was set up by Dorothy Wadham from her house in the village) (the noisier celebration was the 400th anniversary ball happening in the college the same weekend). The Warden told me that it amused him each year to watch the students, the vast majority of whom appeared to be very pleased with themselves, and carried very few of their own belongings, as opposed to the proud/ weary parents, the vast majority of whom were lugging enormous quantities of their child's belongings. He felt the least he could do was to offer the latter tea and cakes as a gesture for their long endeavours.

A very big - and belated welcome - to all those joining this thread for Oxford and Cambridge and congratulations to all your amazing DCs! It's lovely to have new people on this thread and I hope you get all your questions answered.

I've only just been catching up on here and the one thing I'd say to parents is make the most of all opportunities to enjoy your DCs college and university life - welcome teas, formal dinners etc because the time goes so quickly.

Meanwhile, @Malbecfan congrats to your DD2 starting her first proper job and I hope she finds somewhere to live very soon. @HoneyMobster also very good luck to your DS1 starting his first job and to your DD2 continuing at O and fully enjoying all her extracurriculars. @ofteninaspin your DS and DD are doing brilliantly with their first jobs and I hope they're having a great time stepping out into the adult world of work.

@Panicmode1 how awful for your DS with that horrible internship and well done to him for enduring this. I hope he has a great term back at C shortly.

@beeswain I'm still thinking about your DS and wishing him well in the next stage of post-uni life. Best of luck to your DS4 too, @pivoinerose in her first graduate role.

@Ironoaks I hope your DS has a fantastic next step at uni., further specialising in his subject.

I hope I'm getting all these facts correct by the way, as their are so many people I've followed along with on this thread. There are others too of course who rarely post but I hope everyone's DC is still thriving.

My DS1 and DS2 are about to start their second year of 'law school' having done the law conversion course last year, post O & C and are doing the SQE1 and SQE2 this year. Sadly, neither has yet secured that very elusive Training Contract at a commercial law firm, after a few years now of applications.

DS2 got 5 Vac Scheme offers this year, however, although could only do two of those as the others clashed with ones at different firms. Feedback suggests he did great on the Vac Schemes, clicked really well with partners, trainees, his cohort and with Grad recruiters yet didn't get selected for a TC. None of the feedback was really that helpful as there was nothing much he could have done differently apparently, so he's not sure what to do to 'improve' but he'll just keep on trying.

DS1 got 2 Vac Scheme offers this year but could only do one of these, as they also clashed - very frustrating after all the work put into getting that far. He's got to the next stage for that VS and is 'allowed' to do the TC assessment day but this isn't until next year and it'll be a level playing field with anyone applying directly for the TC.

I wish I knew what more is required to make them stand out and secure a TC. It does seem a lot more competitive than anything else they've ever done and there's only a 1% to 3% success rate. Hopefully, persistence and continuing to improve their knowledge of commercial law and also get through the SQE1 and 2 will help.

I think feedback for both was along the lines of "you're great but you have to be absolutely perfect in everything at this stage" and what one firm wanted, in terms of qualities at the interview and assessment stage, another firm didn't want. What's clear is that on paper, they seem to be progressing but something doesn't 'fit' with what's required for a TC offer at the final assessment stage.

Life at O & C seems a long time ago now - one year post graduating and whilst I'm enjoying having them both back living at home, they're desperate to be able to move out and live independently but of course can't afford this.

Hope others who have DCs back at home are managing this next stage where they've flown the nest but then had to return.

i know i thought i deserved a cake after all my carrying up rickety stairs! and it was only to the first floor, so lord knows how the parents on higher floors felt!

@mutterphore i wish i could help but i am afraid i have no knowledge of law training at all.

@mutterphore that's kind, thank you for remembering. DS has been working a month now and says he feels he's grown up 3 years in that time! He's also moved into a flat in London sharing with an old school friend. We aw him at the weekend and he looked well but it has been a huge adjustment.
Fingers crossed for your ds's - it's so hard securing a TC but they seem to be doing everything they can so hopefully something will transpire.

Interesting post @mutterphore. Your dc are showing huge resilience and determination x

Thank you so much for your insights regarding tea on drop off day.
I think we'll stay for the tea, and hope we can avoid any competitive dads 😆

I'm incredibly sorry to hear that neither DS1 or DS2 have secured a TC this summer mutterphore. I'm not convinced about perfection - unless what was meant was ticking all the boxes for that particular firm. I expect your boys have both done this, but most of the top firms have a slightly different vibe/ different boxes to tick and so going into interviews knowing how the firms differ is probably a sensible approach. If they have friends in the firms try to wring advice from them as much as possible. Most people are very willing to help. All the best to both of them.

@mutterphore sounds tough for your DC - so much resilience required. It may be that it is rather like O & C interviews - who they select for a TC is a bit random with so many v talented candidates. Doesn't make it any easier to face rejection I realise.

My DC1 is just starting on the post graduation job hunt front, though a different and less competitive field. He's excited to have 1 interview from 10 applications and while I so hope he succeeds we are encouraging him to be prepared it may not happen.

I find it as a parent to be positive and realistic at the same time.

@mutterphore - it sounds like your two are doing all the right things. As @Juja says it probably is a bit like their O/C interviews - and you know better than any of us how up and down those can be. For newbies - these two DC were successful reapplicants.

Good luck to your DC @Juja - DS1 is in his 2nd week of his new job. I'm already fretting about his first professional exams next month. DH took the same path and it wasn't a smooth passage to begin with...

Thanks for those kind words, @beeswain, @pivoinerose, @Juja, @PermanentTemporary,@sytron and @HoneyMobster .

@Juja very good luck to your DS with his job applications. @HoneyMobster good luck also to your DS1 with his professional exams.

@pivoinerose DS1 and DS2 don't know anyone who already works for these law firms, unfortunately but they have done lots of research about each firm, reading extensively about their ethos, ideas of business development and expansion, niche fields of interest, publications by various lawyers at each firm etc etc.

Yes, I do think it's a lot like applying to O & C and there were lots of applicants from their school who we think were much cleverer than either DS1 or DS2 and yet didn't get offered a place. Once again, it's very difficult to know what sways it even for candidates who are all more or less equally qualified. At the TC application stage, there's even more emphasis on things like personality, interpersonal skills, whether the recruiters just basically 'like' you more and feel you're a good fit for the firm and then of course - quite rightly - the need to ensure there's more diversity these days.

Additionally, contradictory feedback, even from different parts of the assessment day, makes it tricky to know what exactly they need to change. DS2 had very complimentary feedback about how he was on his various Vac Schemes (I should have said that this summer he did 3 VSs not 2 but couldn't do all 5 because of clashes). He thought it was a good sign that some of his partner interviews ran on longer, as he was able to discuss areas of commercial law enthusiastically and extensively with his interviewers.

However, one of the 2 bits of negative feedback that meant he didn't get a TC was that he hadn't been concise enough when answering questions. Perhaps being used to the tutorial system at Oxbridge isn't the right preparation for being interviewed for a TC.

DS1 was told by one firm that he needed to show more leadership in the team task but by another firm, that he needed to show less leadership in the team task! He doesn't really know how to 'pitch' it next time around with a different firm.

I can't tell if it's just that recruiters have to come up with some concrete reasons why it's a No but they just don't 'like' those they reject as much as those they accept (all other things being equal) or whether the feedback is very relevant and there really are things that DS1 and DS2 can change, to increase their chances on the next round of applications. I'd love to be a 'fly on the wall' in some of these assessments!

Sorry mutterphore - obviously preaching to the converted. I just thought that possibly your boys were approaching it with more of a one size fits all firms mindset - clearly not. Tbh I was racking my brain, because they do seem to be doing a huge amount to secure a TC. This summer's vac schemes do at lest mean that both are far more versed in what's expected and required than they would have been prior to completing them. Hopefully the upcoming round of applications will pay dividends.

I can't tell if it's just that recruiters have to come up with some concrete reasons why it's a No but they just don't 'like' those they reject as much as those they accept (all other things being equal) or whether the feedback is very relevant and there really are things that DS1 and DS2 can change, to increase their chances on the next round of applications

I'm sure that this will vary between firms. I certainly think that some recruiters (speaking from experience in a different field here!) will devise some legit sounding feedback to assuage unsuccessful applicants, when the reality is that they just preferred the chat from more successful ones. That's the way of the world. I'm sure there are also open and honest interviewers too, who do try to be genuinely constructive.

@mutterphore I have no advice as I know nothing about legal training or working in London. However, your DSs are a credit to you and I really hope things change for both.

@pivoinerose your DC featured in a talk by our current HT yesterday with a photo of your DD4's graduation. I was one of the only ones who could name them all - obvs been there too long! I hope all is going well with all of them (and you).

My DD1 is coming home tomorrow following a serious amount of gallivanting. We are heading to the ancestral pile aka my dad's flat in S Manchester on Friday as my cousin has organised a surprise diamond wedding celebration for her parents, my dad's DB and DSIL. We are all invited, and the DDs are really excited (bless!) DD1 heads back from there to C on Sunday. DD2 needs to sort out somewhere to live, but the bloody LA she has dealt with refuses to answer straight/direct questions. I don't want to take over as she is an adult but it is driving me mad.

Really Malbec?!!!! I did get a warm message from The HT and from a predecessor recently but nothing apart from that. Would love to know by PM what the talk was about. Many congrats indeed for knowing all their names :) Full marks :)

*when/ if you have a moment to spare, of course.

Well. Ds got the job offer from his internship. He may or may not take it up but it's a very nice thing to get. V proud of him.

Hello all, may I join you? DD off to Oxford in October and I could do with somewhere to ask foolish questions! Can’t believe, after joining MN to look at pushchair reviews 18 years ago that I’ve reached this point!

Great news @PermanentTemporary - DS1 had an offer after his penultimate year internship and it really took the pressure off. Ultimately he didn't take up the offer but it really boosted his confidence and (I think) helped him secure a number of other offers. It was good to be in a position to choose.

Welcome @FreddieStandensBFF

Hello @FreddieStandensBFF, good luck to your DD.

Thank you!

Thank you!

Huge congratulations to him @PermanentTemporary. Fabulous news!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/higher_education/5159139-current-oxbridge-students-continued-again

New Thread - we were at 999 posts!!