Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued (2)

[Panicmode1]

The other thread is nearly full so I took the liberty of starting a new one...

@OnedayIwillgetarest my DD largely self-catered for her 4 years living in college. It's amazing how creative they can be with a microwave, small hob and toaster (they may or may not have smuggled in a table-top oven!) She was lactose intolerant before she became vegan and the college was absolutely fine with both for formal dinners - you let them know when you book the meal. DD has had formals all over Cambridge in the last 7 years and never had an issue. However, if in doubt contact the college's catering manager. The one at DD's college was absolutely lovely.

Many congratulations to all new joiners - my ds left Oxford this summer after 4 years and like @DahliaMacNamara I feel it's hard to disengage! I actually really miss Oxford too - I used to visit quite frequently as it was less than an hour and so easy to pop there for a coffee. I went last week to have lunch with friends and it was so weird! But nice.

@OnedayIwillgetarest I echo what @MalMalbecfan said - DS manages to self cater well with very limited kit, and then goes to formals perhaps once a week. DH and I have been up for a couple and the allergies/intolerances seem to be dealt with well.

Congratulations to your DS!

My DS has got his grades for his Cambridge place today! Very exciting.

Do any of you experienced parents know when he will need to be there for start of term? I can't work it out on line and might need to swap some work commitments. He's not had an email from the college yet...just UCAS.
Do universities still do Freshers week?

@WhamFantastic congratulations! They will get in touch soon. I see last year I took ds to college on 29 September. I hadn't actually realised my data on my diary isn't kept for more than a year, so im not sure what date it was the year before, but it will have been around that time.

And yes they do Freshers week! Very well planned with lots on.

Thanks, very helpful.
DH has found 5 Oct and I found 30 Sept (a Monday?!) but now it's actually happening we can't find either on line!
I'll hope he hears tomorrow... .

@WhamFantastic
Teaching starts from Thursday 10 October this year and full term starts on Tuesday 8 October; the latter is the date by which he needs to be in residence (university rules).
I imagine that most first years will be moving in on the weekend of 5-6 October. His college will email soon with more details.

We got an email from Caius suggesting move in is 1st Oct but I don’t know if that’s specific to Caius

Please may I join?
DS got his grades for Oxford uni yesterday. I'm a single parent on low income, he's a 'free school meals' child from a very ordinary comprehensive. He went on a school trip to the Oxford open day last year, loved the course and the college and so I'm really glad that he's got his first choice. And very proud, of course!

This will be my first and only time as a uni mum, so it will be good to have somewhere to come for advice etc. Many congratulations to all of your DS and DDs on gaining their A levels as well!

Welcome to the thread, @TheRomanticOutlaw , and very well done to your DS!

There seems to be a lot of variation in when colleges ask freshers to arrive. Last year I think DD was told to come around a week before the start of term but some friends in other colleges started sooner.
And freshers week is very much a thing - a lot goes on in colleges and there will be a freshers' rep tasked with getting in touch and telling them all what to expect as well as being on hand to answer all sorts of questions

Is anyone buying their gown in advance? We live very near to Cambridge so it’s easy to pop in, or do most people leave it?
Also has anyone been able to drop a bike at college a couple of days before the move in date - this would save us buying a bike rack for the car?

@TheRomanticOutlaw congratulations to your DS. That's a fab achievement.

I don't think anyone has yet mentioned college parents. They are 2nd years who "marry" towards the end of 1st year and are then allocated "children" who are the incoming 1st years. Colleges try to ensure that one parent studies the same course as a child, a bit like a mentor. DD started in 2017 so my memory is a bit faded now, but she was contacted by her college parent(s) and encouraged to ask any questions. I seem to remember different Facebook groups being set up too eg X college freshers 2017 and NatSci Freshers 2017. If not those terms, something similar. On the way to taking her, basically DD's phone pinged with incoming messages seemingly every 30 seconds that she had a phone signal so it was pretty lively. She's a bit out the loop now, so maybe someone with current 1st or 2nd years can advise on what happened more recently.

Remind your new freshers to keep checking their spam folders as their email will be the way that initial contact is made.

As far as dropping off goes, DD's college had a parents' tea party in the Master's Lodge where parents, grandparents and siblings could get a drink and piece of cake and hear a quick welcome from the Master. The students were all way too busy meeting people, so it was a nice thing to do and made us feel part of the college structure. I know this is not done everywhere (friends with a DD at Trinity were not impressed that they had "missed out"!)

@SOWK we bought DD's gown in advance and had it delivered to home as doting Grandpa paid for it. However, I know some students like to go en masse to collect them. DD thought it would be one less thing to stress about if she had it in advance.

Phone the college to ask about the bike. We ended up going in 2 cars: one with me DDs plus all DD1's stuff, the other was DH and the bike. He parked in the park & ride then rode it to the college. I drove him back after the aforementioned tea party to the P&R to collect his car. A bike rack might have been cheaper! If you are close by, take the DC on the Saturday then take the bike early on Sunday.

Both my DC bought their gowns in advance. DD bought hers in Oxford on a visit to look round her college (an open offer so allocated after results day). I ordered DS’s Cambridge college gown to home - it was Covid and we just didn’t know where would be open. But it’s absolutely doable to buy gowns during fresher’s week.

Thanks @Malbecfan and @ofteninaspin. This is going to be the first of many question posts!

@SOWK you are most welcome. This board has always been lovely and supportive and I hope the next generation of mums are as nice.

@ofteninaspin nice to see you here! I hope all is well with your DCs.

@SOWK - both DS1 and DD bought their gowns in freshers week. There isn't a 'right' answer - either is fine. I think they enjoyed going out with their new college friends to purchase the gowns.

For people asking about storage between terms. DD's college allowed her to pay to store boxes (very cheap) in vacs.

Most of us on this thread tend not to name the colleges DC attend as added with subject it can be too identifying.

DD is still at Oxford and is about to start 3rd Year Medicine so ask away about medicine.

DS1 has just finished and is about to start a finance job in London 😮

Well done on getting here everyone! It's very exciting, and you must all be so proud.
My child started oxford last year. They bought their gown in freshers week with their new friends - grandparents paid so they put it on for a zoom call to show us all.

I did insist on buying the shoes/shirt etc for sub fusc before they went.

Freshers week is well organised and this year my child is a freshers rep (frep). They have designed special t-shirts and a very illuminating program.....

If you are classed as a student needing 'support' (usually financial) there may be an invitation to come down earlier to allow the student to settle in and have some extra academic support. There is a small allowance and free accommodation for this. My child found this a great help, and made some great friends very similar to themselves in terms of outlook and experiences. Once freshers week started properly they made loads more friends.

Also it's worth learning some lingo (it's like going to hogwarts!)

Michelmas term (autumn term)
Hiliary Term (January term)
Trinity term (term after easter)
Battles - payment for meals etc in college
Bod card - id card used to purchase food/gain entrance to building (named after bodlian library) - more valuable than gold
Sub fusc - clothing to wear for matriculation and exams - white shirt, dark trousers and shoes, undergraduate gown,. black tie and morter board
Matriculation - ceremony to register a an official student - very touristy
May day - choir sing of magdalene tower on first of may while drunken students and tourists listen
Staircase - the section of college you are living in (eg i am room 6 staircase 5)
Plodge - porters lodge
Scout - the cleaner for your staircase

These are for Oxford - can anyone add any more or explain the differences for Cambridge?

Cambridge doesn't have sub fusc and I've never heard DD use the term "bedders" or "scouts". Her college has cleaners. Matriculation happens at C (get saving up NOW for the photos!) and they also have plodges and staircases.

Cambridge has supervisions which I think are called tutorials at Oxford. 2 or 3 students with one academic. In 1st year, they tend to be PhD students - my DD supervised in the first & 2nd years of her PhD but doesn't have the time.

Congratulations to all of your DC who will be starting Oxford or Cambridge in the autumn.

Sytron has covered most of the important bits so I've only got a couple of bits to add.

Both of my DC went to smaller Oxford colleges which only offered storage to overseas students during the Christmas and Easter vac so we had to empty the rooms every holiday. Ideally persuade DC not to take everything but the kitchen sink each time otherwise there are lots of journeys up and down stairs.

Oxford is a cycling city and they're not keen on drivers. The main A420 or High Street is buses and taxis only between around Queens Lane and beyond Turl Street. We have had a couple of fines unfortunately. Check for restrictions.

Yes my DC was not offered storage at college - only for the overseas students (not even the scottish ones got storage!)
Last year we dropped off stuff outside college, with porters permit, then DH drives off to westgate centre to park and walk back. Depending on where your college is (DC has quite a central college) it is easy to park there and a pleasant walk back through oxford.
Park and ride works if only a few suitcases.

DD4 was given storage at her central compact Oxford college (we live on a Scottish island).

Her older siblings have had a wide range of experience on the storage front over the vacs. It's pretty much luck of the draw. Some colleges are fine even if you're not 'over the water'; others are not.

I think terminology comes quickly to all Oxford undergrads - no need to learn ahead/ nothing daunting about any of these terms or traditions.

On the subject of dropping off, I have to say that I've always done my own thing right from the start. When we lived in Devon I was not going to arrive for a 10am slot simply because of where our surname fell in the alphabet when I knew full well that there would be dozens of London freshers with slots later in the day, simply because of their particular surname. I have to say that the porters were all completely chilled about my rule breaking and no-one ever batted an eye lid. This approach made for a much pleasanter day all round.

I thought it might be good to offer the perspective of my DS who started at Oxford 3 years ago, and who finds new social interactions difficult (diagnosis of ASD).

There will be plenty of DC starting who are in a similar situation, for whom the idea of make lots of friends on day one to go and buy gowns is very stressful, so it’s fine to order them ahead of time. Also stressful are the overwhelming number of social events that are laid on in freshers week. DC should know that they can opt out of anything that makes them anxious or uncomfortable, and to look out for ‘quiet’ events if that might help (Oxford have a ‘quiet hour’ on the first day of the Freshers Fair when there aren’t any colleges booked in).

College Parents aren’t mandatory either-DS met his parents and siblings once at pub meal out that made him extremely uncomfortable and he excused himself as soon as possible! Never had anything to do with parents / children business again.

DS did make a lovely group of friends at his college - unsurprisingly, there are plenty of people like him at Oxford! Board games were a great social prop for getting to know other like-minded people who weren’t into the party / clubbing scene. And special interest societies can also be good to help ‘find your people’. DS does drink in moderation, but since he still found some of the alcohol-free socials put on in the JCR to be more his speed.

It was quite an anxious time for DH and me when DS started, knowing all of the challenges he would face and how hard it could be. But we talked plenty, and visited as much as he needed in the early weeks. Best of luck to any other parents in a similar place.