Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued (2)

[Panicmode1]

The other thread is nearly full so I took the liberty of starting a new one...

On the bikes issue, DD left hers in her college for the entire 4 years she was there and with permission, over the summer after graduation. We dropped her there to collect it so she could ride it over to her rented house when she started her PhD. That bike died - it only cost us £8 from our local recycling centre - and she spent £50 on one from FB which she rode from her old house to her present one. I'm pretty sure you have to get your bike stamped with your college, so that is something to check out.

@IThinkImAMathmoMum , I presume C if it says "dark suit". I agree with @SOWK . Dark grey or navy is fine. You may be able to get gowns second hand but make sure it is the correct one for the college. I hadn't appreciated that following graduation, you need a different gown - @Ironoaks in case your DS hasn't warned you.

Formal wear does seem to be different between O and C so please do ask with the institution named (but not the college!)

@HoneyMobster thank you, good to know!

Sorry I should have specified yes it is Cambridge :)

@IThinkImAMathmoMum it can depend on the college.
DS's college allows any dark coloured suit with white shirt and 'sober' (non-novelty) tie, so navy or dark grey would be fine.

@Malbecfan - thank you for the heads up. DS is equipped with an MSci gown ready for Michaelmas and beyond.
He was hoping to donate his undergraduate gown to the college (thinking they might have some Freshers who'd prefer to buy second hand) but they don't have a system in place for this.

He hasn't yet received any information about when his course starts, so has arranged to move back to Cambridge at the end of September.

@Ironoaks obviously don't mention your DS's college but when my DD started her PhD, she was on the MCR committee as a Green officer. They managed to persuade the Director of Development (I think) to hold a swap event whereby you bring a number of items of clothing and can swap them for the same number. He was very dubious but let them go ahead and it was really successful. Lots of formal wear was exchanged and DD's wardrobe was revamped as a result. Her approach was environmental plus financial - is this something your DS could approach his college about, especially as the CoL is still rising? You are welcome to PM me if you want to know more - DD has completed her coast to coast walk from Cumbria to Robin Hood's Bay so should be contactable.

@Malbecfan I'll mention this idea to DS, thank you.

That's a great idea @Malbecfan .
In case helpful for Oxford freshers, a couple of suppliers are doing deals for gown, neck and headwear for under £40.

DD's had a flurry of emails lately. She's sent in an accommodation preference questionnaire, been contacted by her college parents and her course tutor, with yet more reading and an outline of what to expect in weeks 0&1. It all sounds brilliant. (Her course overlaps my field of work so it is extra hard to find the balance between standing back and helpful pointers!)

Very happy to hear about all the people starting. It seems about two minutes ago.

Ds is home for a month following his 2nd year summer internship - having said that, he's off on holiday with his girlfriend almost immediately. He really enjoyed the internship and is hoping for a job offer from them to start in 2025. It's really hit home what he has achieved doing his course, because if he does get the offer he would be set to earn more than I ever have in my life. A big if of course. I'm a bit unsettled by this and want to prod him to put himself about a bit and look at other options. I wonder if this is sheer envy on my part - he's worked hard and planned carefully and should be able to really enjoy his first years of work, whereas my early 20s were chaotically difficult and comically low-paid.

I hope by saying it all here I will have the sense to keep my mouth shut to ds!

I can't believe that DS is heading into his 3rd year - where does time go?!

Great news about your DS @PermanentTemporary - he's always sounded extremely impressive so no surprise that they will want him back. Well done to him.

DS has had a horrible summer internship (it wasn't really what he wanted to do, and they didn't really give him enough work - and when they did, DS whizzed through it) so he's been utterly horrible to live with all summer as he's been frustrated and bored. I don't know where my lovely son has gone 😥, but if I'm being honest, I'm quite looking forward to him going travelling at the end of this week and then back to C at the beginning of October

Your poor DS @Panicmode1 - at least that's one organisation off the list I guess! Hate being bored and too quiet at work. He did well to stick it out. Ds won't know if they want him for a couple of weeks - we'll see.

Will keep fingers crossed for him @PermanentTemporary - even if HE chooses somewhere else, the fact that they choose HIM (if they were to) is a huge endorsement for him!

(DS almost quit on day one....I did convince him that it wouldn't be wise to pack it in quite so soon, and his bank balance would be happier - but it's been a VERY long 10 weeks!)

What a shame @Panicmode1 - at least it was just an internship and not a job he'd committed to.

Good news about your DS @PermanentTemporary - DS1 enjoyed his internship last summer and it cemented his future plans. He started his 'proper' job this week. Poor thing has his first exams in a month 😂

DD is enjoying the last month of her vac. She's off to stay at a friend's house in the Balearics and then will be back for a few days before heading to Canada with other friends. She's even managed to squeeze in a trip to see DS2 at his US college. She'll head back to Oxford a week before term to do some work on her project.

@Panicmode1 whilst I'm sorry for your DS, that was DD's experience at a local university, beloved of MN, but not in the Malbec household. However, it doesn't seem to have done her too much harm. She got a really nice internship after her 4th year - Covid was after y3 so there was nothing going - and whilst the majority was working from home, there were regular social hangouts.

Thanks @Malbecfan - I think I remember you posting about it before - does the uni begin with an E (poss my old uni.....!)?

It has helped him, in that he has crystallised a bit more what he DOES (and doesn't!) want to do and I think he's also fired up to start applying far earlier for next summer than he did for this. That said, he mentioned aiming for consultancy - DH and I gave him 3 or 4 contacts to have a chat with (with their permission, and some are VERY senior in their consulting firms) and he's not done anything with them. Which is frustrating and irritating, but after the way he has spoken to me all summer, I'm leaving him to it and just keeping my head down.

You're correct @Panicmode1 . It is a pain when they won't listen to you. I currently have DD2 with a job that starts on 30th September and nowhere to live. She seems to be extremely laid back about it all. In her defence, the LA she has contacted won't answer her questions directly, but she seems far more keen on her minimum wage waitressing than sorting it out. In the meantime, I'm back at work on Tuesday, we're all away next w/e at a family event and time is marching on. However, I refuse to do anything for her. She's also exhausted and REALLY grumpy and I seem to get the brunt of her strops. When does it get easier?

The thing is @Malbecfan that they know EVERYTHING and we know nothing, and so it's better to let them get on with it without interference. That's my takeaway from this summer....;-)

I hope that it all works out for your DD - annoyingly, it probably will somehow. I'm sorry you are also having to deal with a grumpy young person - I really thought that at nearly 21, we'd be through this teenage behaviour. (Although, to be fair to my 4, we haven't really had a difficult time with them on that front - just this summer, and he's p'd off all of his siblings too, so it's not just me being sensitive...!)

I've been following this thread for a while and now I can join in as my DS is starting at Oxford in October. I've learnt lots already from you lovely people 😊

I have a question about drop off at college on the first day.

We're planning on staying over the night before to get to college early as apparently parking isn't great.

I've just discovered that college have tea for new students and their families mid/late afternoon.
Did any of you have this and would it be worth staying? I'd imagined we'd leave by lunchtime to enable DS to settle in without us hanging round all day and cramping his style. But I'd quite like to stay for the tea. Any thoughts?

Welcome @Manahoy!

DS is at C and we only live an hour and a bit away, so we dropped him early ish, and then did a quick tour of the college where they had refreshments in the dining hall all day, so we did go to the 'tea', but tbh it was no big deal.

It was very obvious that DS didn't want us there and just wanted to crack on and get stuck in without us. So, DH and I went for a wander through Cambridge and had lunch by the river, watching the punts, and came home!

Maybe the Oxford parents can advise if it's more of a 'thing' there. We have been to a couple of formal halls, which are by candlelight at DS' college and those have been very special and made up for our cursory dismissal on drop off day 😁

@Manahoy I did go briefly to the afternoon tea at C. Tbh i felt it was partly a way of getting us to leave our dc alone 😁 but it was also a nice acknowledgement. In my case I met a really lovely couple of people, then found myself talking to two competitive dads in a row, and skedaddled.

@Manahoy - I'd stay for the tea. DD's Oxford college has organised a few of these kind of things (including a lovely afternoon tea and drinks reception in the summer) and they're a nice opportunity to see a bit of the college. No need to spend time with your child, just eat cake and soak up the atmosphere.

Question for medic parents.

DD is going into 3rd year and will graduate with her first degree next summer. I'm assuming this is treated as a standard graduation? Just thinking about summer 2025 plans and how things will fit together. I think she'll want to graduate with her non-medic friends.

Yes HoneyMobster - it's a full graduation, as is the graduation at the end of the clinical years.

Thanks @pivoinerose - crazy to be thinking about next summer but with DS2's sporting commitments and potential international competitions there are lots of events to factor in!

Not crazy :)