Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued (2)

[Panicmode1]

The other thread is nearly full so I took the liberty of starting a new one...

Hi everyone. Well done to all your children!! I am a first time uni parent and am just coming down from cloud 9 after results day. My daughter will be starting at Oxford and I have a few questions if I may!

She's been asked to attend a pre course at a difference college the week before (she's doing a beginners language) it runs Monday to Friday and her actually moving in date is the Monday after. My question is whether she will have to come home for the weekend and then go back again to actually move in properly? We live 3 hours away. Curious as to whether anyone has any experience of this in others years? Am a bit reluctant to ask her to email yet as I expect they will be swimming in admin.

Also does anyone have a list of things to buy that she will need to take to Oxford for the first term? She's desperate to do the ikea trip but I have no idea what she will need!

Thanks in advance

@lullubell I'm still giddy, I want to cartwheel round Tesco's and yell at random strangers that my daughter is going to Oxford! ( Don't worry, I haven't. I can't cartwheel 😁). She's also booked on a course the week before, and we had the same question. We were told that yes, she could spend the intervening days in her new college, but may not necessarily be in what will be in her room. (As it turns out, due to the course structure, we're going to see if she can do this course next year, when it's more relevant, but we'll see.)

Hi @lullubell , a friend’s DD was in a similar situation a few years ago, and she had to make a request to her accommodation office for an early move in date - it wasn’t easy, as her allocated room wasn’t available until the scheduled date. She persisted and in end, she was put in a temporary room for two nights (and was charged for these, naturally!), and then was able to move into her allocated room .

Your DD’s college may be more helpful, but I would certainly suggest that she get her request in sooner rather than later.

I have a question about presents and post. There are a few threads and WIWIKAU posts about putting together boxes of treats with labels 'to be opened when...'. I think this is a lovely idea, but also know that getting post (that isn't bills!) is always exciting. I imagine getting stuff in your pidge feeds the Hogwarts/boarding school fantasy conjured from stories that is undeniably part of DD's excitement. So my question is, are pigeon holes much used or am I better to compile everything into a box to send her off with?

Hi @TenSheds ha ha I'm the same!! I can sort of cartwheel and may actually do it!! Did they say that she would be able to bring all her stuff with her to the college that she's actually going to and store it somewhere before staying at the other college for the course? It's all very confusing!!

No, what we're thinking is she'll just take what she needs for that week and go on the train, then I'll bring everything in the car on the allotted moving in day. This has the added bonus that I get to go to the parents' welcome event!

Ahh I see thanks @TenSheds we have emailed the college to see what they say but that's a good idea although I would probably bring all the wrong items lol

Hi thanks @LaundryFairy I will see what we get back from the college. One trip would ideally be better than several and I doubt my daughter would want to come home after being there a week! It's further complicated but the fact it's her birthday on the 5th!

@TenSheds i think it depends on each college. I sent DD some cake via cakebox for her birthday and the porters were very prompt in alerting her. Anything small goes to her pidge and she checks periodically, parcels she gets an email from the plodge. Works like clockwork for DD.

@TenSheds , @PettsWoodParadise 's experience is the same as ours. When she was living in college (years 1 - 4) we would send things there to her pidge. Now we tend to send stuff to her department as there are 4 in her house, but 2 are teachers so they aren't in during the day.

Don't forget to approach the Careers Service for support! They'll have careers fairs with employers offering internships, some kind of vacancy board and offer 1:1 support for applications, including over the vacation.

Post was handled efficiently at DC’s colleges just as explained above, including when DD (Oxford) lived in college houses away from the main college site. The porters get to know their students quickly and hand over items of post as they pass in and out of college.

DD took subfusc with her to Oxford. Her version was a very short black ex-school skirt, white fitted blouse from H&M, black tights and black ballet pumps. She wore this same outfit (with a gown and black ribbon) for matriculation and exams.

DS (Cambridge) wore a dark navy suit, white shirt and a tie for matriculation.

Hello @Malbecfan. All good thank you. Both DC are in London; DD is working for an engineering consultancy after a year with the UN Environment Programme. DS is almost a year into his grad job as an economist (at a rather well known bank). Both very much enjoying their post uni working lives, especially since so many of their uni friends are also in London.

For any new parents worried about their YP heading to new pastures I just want to say that I wish I had know about the Plodge network beforehand as I would have been less nervous and this is for a DD who is quite capable and streetwise. I only know Cambridge but it has been so lovely knowing that DD (at a college about 7 mins walk from the centre) still has access to every single Porter's Lodge wherever she is in Cambridge. In an emergency they will sort her out a cab to her home college or call for assistance if needed. She can pop into any Plodge and get help. How amazing is that?

A few Caius (and Cambridge)-specific things that may be useful (some answering later questions on this thread):

As all 1st years live at Harvey Court/Stephen Hawking Building and the two share bike storage space, you should be able to leave a bike before moving in, as long as you let the porters know. We popped in before moving-in date and there were plenty of bikes left over the holidays by students who would clearly not be there the next year or had not yet moved in, possibly.

Harvey Court appears to be the more desirable option for accommodation due to having balconies which are used as social spaces, while Stephen Hawking is quieter and more "hotel-like". One can state a preference and about half of all 1st years end up in the one and the rest in the other building. There is a nice café in Harvey Court. Both buildings offer storage space over the Christmas and Easter holidays. It consists of lock-up cupboards in the room, so bulky items like duvets, pillows, monitors etc do not need to be taken home. There is a continuous rental option in Harvey Court only, I think.

There is no charge for using kitchens (some colleges charge depending on the selected meal plan), due to the mandatory meal requirement. Kitchens are tiny, there is no shared seating space and only have fridges, hob, microwave, toaster, kettle. The idea is that most students eat in hall most of the time. The cost is around £5 per meal. Dinner is 3-course with two seatings - an earlier more casual one, "cafeteria" and a later "formal" one for which gowns must be worn. Most other colleges do not have a daily formal.

The gown can be collected on moving-in day and the cost gets added to the bill for the first term. Most freshers did this including DC. Most things get paid this way, including tuition fee, mandatory dining requirement cost etc. (termly in advance). Any other costs arising during the term get added to the bill for the following term.

Do ask away if you need to know anything else.

An Emmanuel-specific but probably general thing: the college is a machine designed to make students work. Anything that might prevent students working more is planned for and ruthlessly tackled, and that includes unhappiness and loneliness. (Example; the free laundry service). None of that necessarily prevents things going wrong, but the college is trying very hard to make it better, according to their own lights. A young person for whom things are going pear-shaped should talk to the college as early as possible.

I would add to the catering convos, that if you have an engineering (or STEM) student (DS is at C), he never seemed to get back from labs or the faculty in time for a meal in college in his first year, and found that even if he was back, it was late in the sitting, and he'd missed the 'good food'. And then would have to have supervisions - some of which were at 8 or 9pm. He has ended up self catering and has done so happily. I don't think it's encouraged really but he's found that several of his STEM students do so; I was worried that he wouldn't be meeting people etc, but that hasn't happened. He's managed to find a balance between rowing, socialising at formals and bops, whilst still getting his considerable work load done! It's also meant that he's not spent as much money on food as we thought he would - meaning that he's never asked us for any money for May Balls or Varsity ski trips etc.

(We bought DS his gown so he had it before he went up because I wasn't sure he'd be organised enough to get one for matriculation, but it's personal preference I think.. !)

Good point @Panicmode1 about being around for mealtimes. DD's college is hybrid (can eat in the college buttery or self-cater or a combination). She got involved in a lot of theatre in Y1 and rehearsals often meant she wasn't about for the limited buttery opening hours so she cooked herself more than she was expecting. Due to the theatre she has met so many lovely people from other colleges and has had formal swaps at a whole range of colleges. Only downside she has found is the tourists wanting to take photos of her in her gown as she travels from her college to another, it is the only time she wears her gown outside of college on her way to a formal at another college.

We also bought the gown ahead of time, it was something for DD to open on results day (I was very glad we didn't have to return it!!!).

Your DD sounds much nicer than DS @PettsWoodParadise - he just ignores tourists and wouldn't deign to stop for one to allow them to take a gown photo on his way to a formal somewhere 😂

@Panicmode1 oh she doesn’t stop, she is more ‘accosted’, pathway blocked etc. she doesn’t have much choice, a scowl or two for the tourists photographs are probably what they get rather than smiles. She has to allow extra time as a result. She will often have gown over arm now rather than run the gauntlet so there are alternatives.

@TenSheds My DD at Oxford had a course for 4 days the week before Fresher's week. Then a gap of 2-3 day before move in day. The course was residential in another college with all 40 of them doing that language being together. We live 300 miles away and her actual college were fine about giving DD her room three days early.

So DD went on the train with a suitcase for the pre term course and we went down in the car when she had access to her room with all her 'stuff'. We've got quite used now to chauffeuring stuff while DC travel separately. Uni Removal Services Inc. 🙂

@lullubell please see above - I think I tagged in @TenSheds instead of you - my apologies

Do DM me if you have any queries as I think only one ab initio language has this pre term course.

@Juja thanks that's great! That would be ideal. Another general question- do colleges tend to allow parents to make contact to ask questions or does it all need to be through the student?

@lullubell - in almost every situation it should be the student. I've never contacted either DS1 or DD's college. But if I needed to (illness, bereavement etc) I would and I know others who have.

Hi @HoneyMobster that's good to know thanks. I thought that would be the case!

I have only once contacted the college, when my MIL died very suddenly and DS had only been up for 3 weeks. He didn't think he would be "allowed" to leave because of the rules around the number of nights residency etc, so I contacted the college, found his pastoral tutor and emailed. The tutor was brilliant but DS was LIVID with me!!