Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued (2)

[Panicmode1]

The other thread is nearly full so I took the liberty of starting a new one...

Exciting news here - some old timers may remember the huge challenges DS1 had with organisation in Year 1. Now a 3rd Year and on Sunday he handed in his dissertation 15 hours early. Miracles can happen!

Now he merely has three 5,000 word assessed essays plus 5 tutorial essays to do this term... then straight into finals in May...

Where did those three years go. Fortunately DC1 only in Year 1.

Brilliant news juja and a great start to the term for your DS.

Gosh well done to your DS Juja!

@Juja WOW! Well done your DS! He's really progressed!

Good-ish news here today: DS2 has secured a second Vac Scheme with another law firm, although it doesn't mean it'll lead to a TC afterwards - but he's very pleased. Nothing yet for DS1.

I’ve been hoping there would be good news for your boys soon mutterphore. Fingers crossed for DS1 now.

@ofteninaspin @mutterphore @goodbyestranger Thank you. Its been great to see him progress - mid way through his second year he told us he thought he might do some work as he'd heard that O was quite good for the academics and he could do other stuff after uni. As you can imagine much eye rolling from parents but it required him to see it himself and find his own way to find approaches that worked for him.

In December he had his first positive Principal's collections last term and is now self motivated. Parenting is a continuous journey....

@mutterphore all the very best for your two - it must be hard work keeping positive and engaged with all the process and grind of applications.

So sorry to see your news @HoneyMobster and @Malbecfan

Oxford costs @WobblyLondoner - we too were alarmed by the 'average costs' figures D1 received before starting - but she managed on much less. Her college food was good value and payg. In 1st year the kitchen was basically a cupboard with microwaves and fridges and a toaster in it. A much better kitchen in 3rd year so she was able to do lots of her own cooking. She was easily able to manage a few meals out, deliveroos to the plodge and trips to London. It helped that she barely drinks and buys most of her clothes 2nd hand. It's going to be a completely different story for D2 who is hopefully going to university in Sept - the accommodation costs compared to Oxford are very high.

@TenSheds D1 had a few internships, a couple of these were only paid as she got a bursary and could claim pay at the Oxford living wage rate from the university. The other came with a generous stipend and free accommodation, it does vary a lot. It would definitely be possible to work in the summer vacation, but maybe not very much in the shorter vacs, depending on workload. There are a few opportunities for earning money in college - barwork, open days etc. Several of her friends managed the odd waitressing shift, tutoring etc in term time.

@couchparsnip D1 lived out in 2nd year (and is renting in Oxford now, having graduated last year) and it is expensive. She has been paying £600pm-ish. She really loved the experience of sharing a house though, slugs and all... (Latest house has rats! Oxford landlords are robdogs imo).

Good news @Juja @Ironoaks and @mutterphore ! I love hearing everyone's updates.

@Juja that's brilliant.

@mutterphore good for DS2. Hopefully something good is round the corner for both DSs.

@JulesJules thanks and I share your pain on the cost of private renting. DD1 is pretty much financially self-sufficient but her living costs went up a lot in September when she moved house. Her room is one quarter the size of her previous one, which was en suite - this one isn't. However, the previous landlord wanted to almost double the rent which they refused, so there wasn't a lot of choice. On the flip side, the area might not be great but there is an Aldi 5 minutes away, so food shopping is a lot easier than when she lived in college.

@Juja that great news, well done to ds.
@mutterphore fingers crossed for both ds now, I'm sure their persistence will pay off.
DS struggling a bit to pin down his dissertation, hs wants to fo something original buf all his ideas have been covered or the preliminary work (STEM) doesn't work out. He's not met his supervisor yet, I've told him yto chase him down!

Congratulations to your son!

Poor DS has had a rubbish start to term - his mock results were significantly worse than he thought , he's been turned down for two more internships and he's now got this HIDEOUS bug that is going round and so is super stressed about everything he's missing because he's too ill to get out of bed. (We've had DD home since she came home for Christmas and have nursed her through the same bug and a break up with her boyfriend, so I'm feeling bad that I can't offer the same nursing/emotional support skills directly to DS!!).

Hopefully we're going to go and see him next weekend and cheer him up a bit, but he's not a very happy bee at the moment.

Catching up with the good news from @Juja and well done to @mutterphore 's DS1 - fingers crossed for DS2.

@Panicmode1 it sounds like your DD has had a number of things to contend with, it is hard to deal with disappointment on its own but when there has been a series of them and are feeling grotty it is horrid. Does he have some support where he is as well as your long distance TLC and planned visit?

It was so much easier when they were babies and all you needed to do was either change a nappy, feed them or let them sleep.

Congratulations to @Juja and @mutterphore vicariously.

Ds sounding very settled. He has got a really interesting group project this term with a group he's never met before but likes, so that's a new world. And he was selected for the college first men's boat again, which I was not expecting. Admittedly he is solid muscle these days.

So true about it being easier when they were babies @PettsWoodParadise - that adage about you only being as happy as your unhappiest child is spot on...and with four of them, there's always a challenge on that front!

He will be fine - he'll dust himself down. He has a lovely group of friends and they are supportive of each other, although the four close school friends he has in other colleges are all scholars and doing amazingly so he's finding it annoying ;-). He says he understands where it went wrong (for his mocks) but is just finding the time to catch up and put things right, difficult alongside the project work and labs he has to do this term. And I think this is really the first time he's ever struggled academically, ever, so it's tough if you've been top of the tree all the way through your educational journey to date, to suddenly find that you are really rather bang average - albeit in a rarefied group of not average people!

You poor DS @Panicmode1. I hope he can shake off the wretched bug quickly as that will make it so much easier to contend with everything else.

DS got horribly run down this time last year trying to do everything and ended up with a nasty bout of shingles. Have to say his friends, the college nurse and GP were fantastic. DS had to get an extension for his dissertation deadline which reduced revision time for finals but it all came good in the end. As I am sure it will for your lad too.

Thanks @ofteninaspin - I am sure that he's feeling all doom and gloom because he's so ill, the weather is so depressing - and I know he thought the exams hadn't gone brilliantly for him, but they were rather worse than he was expecting...! Glad all came good for your DS in the end - I think mine may have to ask for one for a team lab project that they have due in on Monday...although he's done most of his bit, it's the other members of his team who are being a bit rubbish, which is also adding to his stress levels.

@Panicmode1 your poor DS, I hope he feels better soon.

Thanks @Ironoaks - he's just messaged to say that he's feeling able to get out of bed today, which is progress, and he feels if he doesn't, he's letting his lab team down. So, hopefully he's slowly on the mend!

Thanks to everyone for their kind messages. DC1 is also now ringing regularly and being a decent young man. I feel we are coming through a delayed adolescence even if he remains a little chaotic. He is planning to go and get some counselling to sort out some stuff from school which all sounds quite healthy.

A super heavy workload for the next 5 months but that is what they all sign up to. And he seems to have a plan...

Thanks to all on this thread for their support over the last couple of years.

DC2 is flourishing and sends us lots of little messages, photos and videos such as last night of the haggis being carried into formal hall. I shouldn't stereotype about gender but my two certainly fit the stereotypes 😀

Not a Cambridge parent yet (Dd has just had an offer) but hoping it’s ok to ask a question on here. A bit niche but I thought it worth seeking your advice.

Dd has adhd (declared in application) and will be applying for DSA etc. Related to this she has always had sensory issues around food and eats a restricted (in terms of types of food not quantity) and repetitive but healthy diet. She has an offer from one of the more traditional older colleges with formals and relatively small kitchens. I know that colleges cater for the usual dietary restrictions etc but in her case it is more that she will eat certain things and that’s literally it. She will be able to supplement her diet via the small kitchen but obviously socially the situation is going to be much more complicated for her, and she doesn’t want to miss out.

How much help is she likely to get from catering and at what point should she try to approach the college about this, or should she approach the main disability team? It isn’t something she’s ever been treated for because she is perfectly healthy, but socially it’s a problem. I assume we shouldn’t wait until after she knows she’s actually got her grades?

Any thoughts or related experiences with neurodiversity much appreciated. Thanks

Congratulations to your DD.

DD is at college which is complexly flexible (could be mostly catered, can self-cater with good quality kitchens, most of a hybrid of the two) she has friends at a large range of colleges with a large range of needs. I would say that colleges are totally used to this type of scenario and so for your DD to contact her college. She should be assigned a Director of Studies and a tutor/pastoral carer. There is also the college family system with those in years above able to help her navigate all aspects of. College life.

On the aspect of ND we suspect DD is ND but never had her tested and she has found her tribe at Cambridge, of 7 doing her course 5 are diagnosed with ND conditions. It seems at Cambridge if you are not ND you are in the minority so they are well versed in supporting such students.

@PettsWoodParadise thanks for the reassurance. Glad your Dd has found her tribe. So would you advise speaking the college over the next term or so before results ? I worry that they won’t be able to supply separate food that she can eat socially with others eg at formals or at least at the beginning. It seems a tall order to ask but I don’t want it to affect her socially any more than it has to.

I don't have experience of my DC needing to adjust anything on the catering front, although four of them are vegetarians, but the colleges do offer quite a range of options. Certainly for informal meals she should be able to find her own way around the problem.

I would tend to say your DD should leave any conversation with the catering staff until she has her grades.

Also, this probably sounds incredibly trite and as though I completely lack understanding, but with the offer in hand could she diversify even a little over the next few months? There's quite an incentive - and it's not a given that the college catering staff will go much beyond catering for allergies. Trying to at least be able to shoehorn her diet into a vegan/ vegetarian/ gluten free type of bracket would help enormously, even if she excludes a few key hates. Basically anything to make things more straightforward for the catering staff. Perhaps I'm underestimating them, but my guess is that focusing on formals and trying to keep the rules simple will create the least stress overall for your DD and be the best way to get the catering team on board.

maybe respond to offer holder day and ask if there will be opportunities to talk about concerns. However all colleges operate as business too and are familiar with a variety of needs so don’t think there will be any issues.