Current Oxford/Cambridge students support/chat continued (2)

[Panicmode1]

The other thread is nearly full so I took the liberty of starting a new one...

So sorry to hear about your father @Malbecfan

Thanks @goodbyestranger and @Panicmode1 . Trying to get him into a convalescent place as it turns out his shoulder/upper arm is broken in 3 places. He can't do much for himself. However, I am quite practical and resourceful. My sister meanwhile is sending a million WhatsApps that DF can't open, weeping and wailing from her home on the Costa del Crime. He's in some pain but not too bad considering and has just wolfed his lunch down. There has been a steady stream of visitors to his tropically hot flat this morning - I am escaping to the shops for an hour to give me some headspace!

@Malbecfan so sorry to hear about your poor DF and it sounds like you're the one doing all the practical help, not your sister. Hope you can get some convalescent care for him and manage some time for yourself. It's so hard when parents start to age and ail.

@Malbecfan - sorry to hear about your DF, it's tough supporting aged parents.

My DM died on Boxing Day after 9 months on a nursing home with vascular dementia. The funeral is on Monday, DS1 and DD will travel to the funeral direct from Oxford as it's not too far away, I'm pleased they'll travel together as it will be a difficult day for them, their first death on the family.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that HoneyMobster. My DM died a very long time ago; the early days are hard.

@HoneyMobster I'm really sorry to hear about your sad news. It must still feel like a shock and I hope the funeral can bring all of you together to support each other. Hope your DCs manage to cope, along with the usual academic pressure of this term.

My parents also died long ago too when my DCs were very little, so it was easier for them than it must be for your DC, as they didn't really know what was going on. Wishing you all the best for Monday.

My sincere condolences @HoneyMobster to you and your family and will be thinking of you on Monday. I hope that the sun shines and that there are lots of happy memories to help you through the sadness of the day.

My MIL died last year, in the first term of DS's time at Cambridge, which was also our first (close) family death. It was hugely unexpected and a real shock to us all but they seem to have coped and DS read beautifully at her funeral. Weirdly, tomorrow, her house sale is completing and DH and his sister are going there for the final time to ensure it's all cleared out and ready for its new owners, and hand over the keys. I think it's going to be an emotional day for them both, but it will be good to finally have closure - it's been a bit of a millstone having an empty property for a year and I think hasn't allowed them to properly grieve.

So sorry for your sad loss, @HoneyMobster and best wishes for Monday.

My MIL died in September last year with bowel cancer and dementia. My DC are very grateful to have lots of memories of her before she became unwell and I hope that is the case for your DC too, HoneyMobster.

Sorry to read this and my condolences @HoneyMobster .

DF is making some progress and managed to get himself out of bed unaided this morning (despite me telling him to stay put!) My wonderful cousin came over this morning and after I taught one of my classes remotely, she & I visited a care home. It was awful. DF would detest it there. Luckily we both agreed and I'm heading off shortly to visit another which looks nicer. It's looking as if I am going to be here for the foreseeable...

@Malbecfan, this sounds very tough for you and your family. Finding suitable care is so difficult. Sending best wishes.

Morning everyone. So sorry to read all the bad news. You are all strangers but some usernames are familiar and you do feel you get to know people over the boards. It's good to see this seems to be a warm nest of support.

I've come here to ask about working in the holidays. There are really mixed reports of how feasible it is, given set work away from college. DD will be doing a language and literature based course and I fully expect her to be worn out the first Christmas. But we can only afford to support her for the first year - we are now just above the threshold for most bursaries but had a low income for a long time and haven't been able to build up much in the way of reserves. So she will need to get a job from the first summer onwards at least. Are any of your DC managing this? Thanks in advance.

Hello all

Another finance question from me, to those with direct experience. I was looking up the Oxford website to see if there was any guidance on student costs. I found this: www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/fees-and-funding/living-costs

The key part is:

Your living costs can vary significantly dependent on your lifestyle. These are estimated to be between £1,345 and £1,955 per month in 2024-25. Each academic year usually consists of three terms of eight weeks each, but you may need to be in Oxford for longer.
We provide the cost per month so you can multiply up by the number of months you expect to live in Oxford. As a guide, you may wish to budget over a nine-month period to ensure you also have sufficient funds during the holidays to meet essential costs.
Does this tally with your experience?

@TenSheds - I noticed this section via the same link. Worth a look? www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/fees-and-funding/oxford-support

Sorry if this is the wrong forum but DS just got an offer to do Physics at St Edmund Hall! He's offered 2 As plus the A* he already has in Maths. He's doing 3 A Levels so I have no doubt he'll be going. I am just feeling immensely proud and a little scared! None of my family have even been to uni before. I did OU but that's nothing like the same experience so I have no idea what to expect (except from Saltburn lol).
The first thing is an offer holders day. What goes on at those?

Congratulations @couchparsnip ! Even for those who went to uni things have changed so much since then, and Oxbridge is a different beast altogether anyway so many of us are feeling a little at sea with the process 😊

Aww thanks for all the support especially the comment from @ofteninaspin . The 2nd home was lovely, just like a hotel with nurses so I felt a lot better after that. My cousin is brilliant; everything my sister isn't and she validated my views which helps. She's only 20 minutes away. Anyway, a nurse is coming to assess DF tomorrow to see if he is suitable for there. I'm going to stay until his follow-up appointment on Thursday when a decision will be made as to his ongoing treatment.

Back to business: @TenSheds my DD was never able to work in the Christmas or Easter holidays. I know they have Oxbridge names, but I'm a teacher so am sticking to what I know! However, she did work over the summer. She did, however, qualify for a bursary which was very helpful and it did unlock other benefits for her, but I'm afraid I can't remember the details. This was C not O. It also varies between colleges. Is it O or C? You can PM some of us if you want more detailed guidance. @goodbyestranger is the O expert!

@WobblyLondoner good link. DD found it much cheaper to self-cater and was very imaginative in the gyp (student kitchen). They don't allow ovens but somehow they managed to smuggle one in on her floor. She used a small slow cooker which I found in a Devon charity shop. In her 3rd year, she had a proper kitchen with oven and freezer and as it was in an old Victorian house which was getting a bit shabby and belonged to the college, she paid a lot less rent.

@couchparsnip that's amazing! Well done to your DS and to you for supporting him. Offer holder days are not compulsory, but it might be interesting, although we couldn't do one (if indeed there was one). I took DD to her college in the February half term holiday as she had never visited it due to being pooled there. Although we didn't book anything formally, they were lovely to us and let us see communal areas and tried to find a student to show us their room. DD knew someone from school there and they were good enough to let us in.

@HoneyMobster will be thinking of you this week.

It's relatively easy to supplement your income if you need to. DD used to get paid for showing people around at open days, offer holder days etc. She helped run an academic summer school with a twinned American uni in year 2 in her college for 6 weeks with accommodation thrown in. She also received a lot of funding for rowing and playing tennis, even down to sending her to training camps in Portugal each Easter.

I don't think DD would have been able to do much in the way of paid work over the most recent holiday. She had a lot of work to do in preparation for start of term exams, and was absolutely exhausted. She's gone back already to C for play rehearsals and to use the library. But she was able to fit in a reasonable amount of babysitting and if she'd had a bar job or similar that she could have done shifts, that could have worked. Her plan for Easter is to go big on babysitting locally as she can study while she does that, then find a job over the summer. It's not ideal, but the holidays are not the long relaxing stretches of time off I thought they would be.

Thanks @Malbecfan - it's O, and @goodbyestranger has indeed been very helpful over on the current applicants thread. @HewasH2O yes, being a student ambassador is something she's thinking about (and would do well). That's useful @PeanutAndBanana thank you. Her current p/t work is tutoring, which is well-paid and flexible but termtime only. She's hoping more options may open up when she's 18, no joy with retail or other non-hospitality work so far (she wouldn't cope with bar/waiting work for various reasons).

I echo the others...DS does some tutoring work in Christmas and Easter breaks, but mainly had his head in his books aside from that. He had a pub job in the summer, but also got paid for being a student ambassador on one of the access courses for Y13s last summer. He has to get an internship for next summer tho, which may end up being unpaid....!

In terms of living costs, DS lives FAR more cheaply than DD (Nottingham). Essentially we give him 2k a term, he gets the minimum maintenance loan, and he has managed to pay his accommodation fees, feed and clothe himself, go to boots and formals, pay for Varsity ski trips (and some expensive dental treatment!) without asking us for any additional funds. We do pay for his train travel home (and his phone contract/IT needs as and when) but in general he's fairly cheap, budgets carefully - and isn't a big drinker/party animal - partly due to time constraints, and partly because he just doesn't like clubbing particularly. He may be going on a rowing camp at Easter which we will probably fund, but Oxbridge life seems to be relatively cheap compared to other unis...

DD on the other hand is costing us £3k a term for food and accommodation, plus all of her travel and other bits, but she does work (in retail) in the holidays and may well transfer to the branch of the company she works for here, at the weekends up there which will help. She likes to party!

Will be thinking of you tomorrow @HoneyMobster and I hope the assessment goes well for your DF @Malbecfan. Glad you have some support from your cousin - it can be overwhelming if you are having to make those sort of big decisions and choices on your own.

@WobblyLondoner @TenSheds I am keeping quiet when friends discuss uni costs as DC1 seems pretty frugal and Ox seems much cheaper than anywhere else weirdly. Book grants, subsidised food, cheap accommodation. I know it is all relative to income. Mine hasn’t got a job but has been studying in the holidays. Will be trying to encourage a holiday job this summer, but has had exams at start of each term so far. Did work in school holidays pre uni to get a bit of a buffer.

@TenSheds and @WobblyLondoner just to reassure you - DS's rent was £1600 per term and he survived very comfortably on an allowance of £800 per term - mostly self catering (his college is payg hall rather than catered), so £2,400 per term. He worked each summer and supplemented his allowance in the 2nd and 3rd years by tutoring which brought him in an additional £50 or so per week. He also worked in the bar for some college events which he really enjoyed.
@HoneyMobster hope everything goes as you would wish tomorrow

DD (O) did paid lab work in the summer vacs for one of her tutors. She applied for every grant going to cover the cost of summer travel and received grants to pay for sports kit and an additional small amount each term as a scholar.

DS (C) had internships each summer (these can be very well paid) and did some tennis coaching at Christmas and Easter. He had a sports scholarship for three years from his college and there were various random alumni gifts such as free formals and rent reductions.

Thanks @beeswain and @Panicmode1 . I'm feeling reassured, remembering we are in Wales where there's no quibbling over the amount of maintenance she'd receive (just ratio of loan to grant). This would actually cover most things, with what she has already saved and a bit more with summer work. We couldn't provide the allowances you mention, but should be able to fill in the gaps if needed.

Welcome to the new faces. Or names. Pretend I don't try to picture you, for your own sanity.
DD's Oxford college has respectable if dated kitchens on every floor, so she's been able to cut costs by doing her own cooking. That's one of the many variables that are college-dependent, so won't be feasible for everybody. Her loan is more than the minimum but well below the maximum, which makes it a bit of a financial stretch on both sides, as there's only one earner in the family and therefore more tax paid on the same assessed household income. It's something of a blunt tool for judging what you can afford.
That said, DD manages very well on money that's below the Oxford guide to living costs. She earns a bit of pocket money on departmental open days, which helps out. She hasn't had to eat into her own savings at all, but it's reassuring to know she has a bit of a cushion to fall back on. Having an older child who graduated from a redbrick, I can say that Oxford is definitely the cheaper option.