They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

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I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

@stilldumdedumming HUGE congrats to your DD on her new baby and returning to uni. Exciting times (if expensive). My DD has DSA - they were absolutely brilliant in getting her a laptop and lots of fab stuff on it to help her (she’s NT but has a type of dyslexia where the words bounce about etc.) They’re not remotely judgemental and could definitely help him with organisational apps etc. But he does need to ask for it & fill in the forms. If he’s sharing accom it maybe necessary as others may get annoyed with him and that could really affect his friendships, which would be such a shame as he sounds like a great lad!

@NotDonna and @CadyEastman - I know. He has never had proper help and I do think he is becoming more open to it. He is outrageously dyspraxic which causes quite a few problems. He has been open with people he works with because there are certain things he just can't do. I will talk to him again.

Thank you for the encouragement though and for kind of normalising DSA if you see what I mean. My fella and I are both disabled (he is blind and has brain damage so cannot work and luckily I can). Our society acts like disability won't happen to them or their loved one. It's doubly disabling of course because societal set up just puts more obstacles in your way. It's a scandal really.

@stilldumdedumming it’s about trying to level the playing field though and it’s such a shame that people who could do with the help don’t ask for it (for various understandable reasons).
DD ticked that bit on her uni application and applied for DSA. Her uni had a ‘inclusion’ couple of days prior to freshers, which she said was super useful and an awful lot of students attended.

@NotDonna exactly! The numbers are eye watering until we understand that disability is a normal thing. I think ds feels very able in some aspects- so he thinks he would be some kind of fraud to claim help. 'differently abled' I think he could get behind.

He didn't go to school much but when he did his school believed that most kids needed some kind of learning support.

Well ds has upset some mates by booking private halls for next year. He's in London and all options were looking expensive. They wanted to get a house but were doing nothing about it. (And there was some hooking up which was looking like a recipe for disaster). Bit of a shame as he's made some good friends -who he'll now be 2 tubes away from- but he is really busy and just wants it sorted. Reckon he could sell it on and move again if he needs to. So dodgy though booking places you've never been. Mixed reviews online!

Sorry he's upset some friends.

DS has a house with some friends for next year but I'm worried about that too. The contract is for more weeks and I'm worried about them falling out.

I don't think you ever do stop worrying do you?

That's very true! This is about 50 weeks. It looks a bit grim but I think he could sell it on.

DS has booked to go back into dorms again - they can bagsy a ‘flat’ (s a self contained corridor of 5 or 6 rooms and a kitchen / common area) he’s with some friends so seems quite happy (so no extra bills, janitor or site, laundry and rec rooms and a post room).

I really wish DS had done the same Honey but he's quite intent on the House Share.

I think in DS' halls they have some flats set aside for non-first-years, so if you're a seasoned pro (as our DC will shortly become!) you don't have to room with the n00bs. In DS' case the argument against staying is the lack of a common living area (just the kitchen), terrible showers without a proper shower head (so like showering under a tap) and location that makes it a bit of a pain if you have to go in to classes several times in the day. But there are a lot of advantages as well as you say @HoneyButterPopcorn and I would suspect the length of the contract is one of them as well?

I think that's what ds wanted to do but they can't do it at their uni. They're in Mile End and ds has gone 15 mins tube north of King's Cross because he works all over London. So his friends have said it's too far out. It's a shame because they get on so well. But there's a doomed fwb thing going on between a couple of them and ds hates drama. He thought halls might dilute it a bit. Plus he saves £60pw by not being so central.

I think if they get a place ds will end up on their sofa as and when - or he'll find new friends! Hope he's ok. I worry most of the time but sometimes slightly less! Progress!!

It’s a 50 week contract - which is a bit long really but I suspect they are thinking if they are working over the summer (or more likely mooching about, having movie nights and crawling home in the wee small hours). The location is handy for the 3 departments they are split over.

How's everyone doing? First year almost done!? The year is almost up for DD. She's home at the moment but needs to complete for assignments by the end of May. I don't think she has any exams. In between she is off to Eurovision and has a number of festivals booked over the Summer. She has declared this her summer of fun. Thankfully has found a house in Bristol with 2 of her friends and a couple of year 2 girls. I've not been inside but have been told it's a safe enough area. I have left it up to her but she seems really happy and has found a great group of friends. Not much has been planned jobwise but I am hoping she does find a temp job. I'm beginning to enjoy Bristol a bit more on my trips down. It's not an area I had previously been but I'm taking advantage of doing tourist stuff on my pick up/ drop off drives. I'm preparing myself for the holidays - a few friends have commented on the Year 1 change of their DC when back home from uni. We usually get on pretty well and I know she has grown up massively. Her dad on the other still thinks she's 12!

I absolutely cannot believe exam period is near and the first year is nearly over

It’s been a blink of an eye!

Ds is so happy at university, really great friends, loves engineering

I have to say this stage of parenting is pretty good! (Don’t want to jinx it)

I meant to check in earlier in the week to say: first year of uni done! DS has two exams coming up but both are online. He has had so little to do this term that he was finding being stuck in his room the whole time increasingly difficult to cope with, so we made the decision that he would miss the last few lectures and come home.

Very glad to have him back, but really what an absolute waste of a 'year' (barely more than 6 months in reality).

There are some reasons to be hopeful that next year will be better, but honestly this just feels like a long and expensive endurance test for all of us.

Now turning towards thoughts of summer jobs, as he has many months to fill. He has an internship, which he's looking forward to. We're going to do some travelling and then he's going to look for more regular work.

Blink of an eye indeed!
DD2 coming home in a couple of weeks as mostly online exams and a few essays. She’s going back up for end of year parties. Priorities!
She has a job at her uni town and was hoping they’d take her on at her home branch but they’ve not yet responded. To be far we’ve a very busy summer with 5 weeks overseas but given she currently has a zero hours contract it could still work out well. 🤞🏼
I’m mostly concerned about where we are going to put all the crap, as DD1 also moving back home over summer and bringing various pieces of ikea furniture too. So we’ll have too many desks and chests of drawers and so many duvets and pillows! Im a struggling minimalist in house of maxis and hoarders!

Dd has been home for a while and commuting to uni.
The group of friends she made turned out to be toxic and controlling, and her first boyfriend wanted her to give up her sport (and potential career) as there were too many males in her life. Everything imploded at once as she realised she didn't like behaviours around her and gave them all a piece of her mind before walking away.

Fortunately she has amazing friends around her locally and she is recovering well. She has an inner strength which is awe-inspiring. She is back to enjoying her course, and open to forming new relationships with other people there.

She's looking for a studio flat for next year though after her experience in a shared kitchen in a "party house". It wasn't a great experience for her as she's not a big party goer.

@Downsidesupside , well done to your DD for removing herself from toxic and potentially damaging relationships. That takes real maturity and self-belief - clearly a well brought up young woman! Best of luck to her.

DD has one more week of lectures, no exams, but a recital that will determine whether she passes the year in a fortnight's time. She and her friends are rehearsing like mad and stressing big time. Sure they'll all be fine though.

She has a shared house between ten (!) people in a very party-central area of town for next year so I'm intrigued to see how that will go. SO expensive and she's got her eye on a p/t job in a local art gallery, which would suit her down to the ground if she got it.

She has neither loved nor hated her first year. Expectations vs reality was a definite thing but she seems to have settled and stopped talking about moving elsewhere to do over her first year.

Time definitely seems to be passing quicker the older we and DC get! DD has 2 more weeks of lectures and then assignments due end of May. She's at a local Uni so pops home every few weeks which has worked well as it gives her the opportunity to decompress and recharge regularly in an environment she feels comfortable in.

She's really enjoyed her Uni and course, struggled with finding a friendship group but hasn't had the confidence to join societies (diagnosed with social anxiety), but she's done really well and hopefully will continue to grow and eventually find her people. She's arranged a house share for next year, hopefully that will work out ok.

DD only went back to uni last weekend after six weeks home for Easter. She has four weeks of lectures then it is exam season but whilst her exam schedule is light most of her friends will be busy and the student nights at the clubs aren’t happening so she is likely to come home for a week when she has no lectures or exams.

She is producing one show and acting in another and she has met an amazing group of people through the drama group. Then it will be end of term fun and she is due to attend two balls. Home third week of June. She seems happy at home and happy at Uni and got a lovely balance between the two. Time has certainly gone fast!

DS came home for Easter A and he is still here… exams start next week so I suspect he fancied having his food and laundry taken care of!

DS went back last Sunday. Think there’s only 2 weeks of lectures and then he’s got a geography field trip to somewhere in the Lake District (maybe it won’t rain all the time?) and then exams towards the end of May. Not quite sure when he’ll be back but it will be at some point in the middle of DDs A Levels I think.

@Downsidesupside well done to your dd. Thats all so hard to handle. And I'd just like to say however Y1 has gone there has been excellent parenting all round <passes out certificates>

Ds is extremely work focused. He is now earning very well and works literally all hours. But at some point seemed to forget he was at uni. Despite my best distance nagging/supporting. He's catching up now and his grades are good but all by the skin of his teeth. That boy has aged me!

Still to sort next years accommodation but he's in London so apparently it happens a bit later there.

Had a message from dd. Her campus has been struck by lightning, her extension lead blew up and they have no power.
They're all in the chapel waiting for the fire brigade currently. She sounds quite cheerful even if she does say she's traumatised