Exeter uni reassurance please!

[seymour]

Hi there, my daughter just got into Exeter uni through clearing but while she liked it when she visited ahead of the application process, she didn’t plump for it as her first choice as she felt it was quite “posh” and wasn’t sure if she would fit in. We are from a big city and she went to a comprehensive. Not trying to cause offence to anyone from a privileged background btw, we very much take every person as we find them, as does my daughter but just wondered if anyone could share their kids’ experiences? Thanks so much.

Well my Dad was a decorator and I was the first in my family to go to university. I went to a posh-ish one. Nobody goes on about what school they went to on their first day, or what their parents do for a living. People are more likely to gel on the basis of what music they like, what their hobbies are. Plenty of privately educated people are no more likely to boast about their skiing holidays or how much they like polo than working class students to talk about chips and gravy and how to shoplift at Primark! People are people, and lots of students use university as a way to reinvent themselves. I made friends with some very affluent people, and some from my own background. I think the demographics at Exeter are probably skewed not because posh people are trying to study with other poshos, but because uni is so expensive that people are increasingly living at home for the experience. Exeter has far fewer local people in the city as it is so small, and public transport in places like Devon is so poor that it's not really a realistic commute.

@Southwestten No. Around 30% private. This reflects east enough access from SE and SW where there are more private schools. Bristol is fairly similar.

(I will ignore the snide remark about Oxford Brooks earlier which does have a high private school cohort for a former poly. It’s because it’s well located and easier to get into than some).

SandyIrving · Today 15:11
Google the 93% club. It exists to help people like the OPs daughter who might be feel worried about going to a uni where they are in the minority. Members like my DD have plenty of privately educated friends (in my DDs case her boyfriend and best uni friend).

TigerorFizz says there are 70% state educated students at Exeter so they aren’t in a minority.

Remember as well - most poshoes are absolutely lovely and you most likely won’t know they’re fabulously well to do most of the time. They still shop in Zara and Primark like everyone else. Thankfully there aren’t too many Boris Johnsons and Jacob Rees Moggs in the real world. Also, privately educated does not necessarily mean posh. A lot of families miss out on holidays or make other significant sacrifices to enable their kids to go to private school. I know of one family where a parent is working as a teacher at an independent school so that she can get reduced fees for her child to be there. There will always be the ‘I’m best mates with Beatrice and Eugenie’ brigade but most will just be kids from fairly normal backgrounds.

That's not why it's called the 93% Club . They are a great organisation who do lots of excellent work.

Why is it called 93% Club?
I googled it and it said it’s a State School Members Club so I presumed it was called that as 93% of the population are state school educated.

Happy to correct my post:

*perceived minority.

At my own DDs uni it was a real minority last year for RUK students according to their own press release.

However let's not deviate from the OPs request which is to help her DD cope with Exeter.

Your DD will love it there, my DS is there doing a very similar course. He’s had a great time, made lots of friends and looking forward to going back soon.

The best coping strategy is to carry on being open and friendly. Not judgemental. If there’s a few students you really are not keen on, avoid them. The majority will be fine.

My DN didn’t like anyone at her new comp 6th form. Never made a single friend. She just tolerated them in lessons. They were all too posh apparently. I think it’s better to dig a bit deeper.

The 93% club is a great idea. It’s always amusing to see the reaction of those wealthy enough to have paid for private education to not being able to simply pay their way into something.

The privately educated acquire a great deal
of unearned privilege and cultural capital that seem simply “normal” to them. For all the expense of their schooling, they often lack the gumption to see their own oddness as perceived the vast majority of the population.

After 13 years of Tory rule many people have seen a great deal of the empty bluster, “confidence”, lack of empathy and arrogance of the privately schooled, and, quite understandably, they don’t want to associate with these types.

I would say the same about some state educated grammar Dc! Just full of themselves and parents to match! However most are actually pleasant. I’m actually rather sick of the debate that’s just black and white. Clearly there’s a few who won’t be your type but it’s also up to every student what they make of the experience. Avoiding students because they have been to a different school is so stupid. Blaming Dc is poor really. It’s not tolerant or kind.

GodessofThunder I think you are really referring to old Etonions who made up a very small percentage of the private school cohort. I remember in my first year halls there being a boy from Erin. He stuck out like a sore thumb initially but after 12 months he learned to fit in. The majority of friends who were privately educated never talked much about it. One of them was at school with the late Princess of Wal s but kept it very quiet because it wasn’t particularly cool.
I was state educated but chose to privately educate my DS. I just found that the privately educated boys were more confident, considerate and polite. DS is a product of his education and has the added quality of humility.
I understand that perhaps your only experience of private education is the current government but in total contrast Angela Rayner is a pretty accurate representation of the scary girls who sat smoking in the loos of my comp scaring the living daylights out of geeks like me. It works both ways I’m afraid.
The OPs daughter will be fine. The private education outside of the south east is very different. Most of my DS’s cohort are the children of professionals or the farming community. Exeter is a popular destination for his school because it is not a huge city and is closer to the rural city they are from. In some respects OP’s daughter will be far more street wise.

Erin -Eton interestingly my autocorrect doesn’t recognise Eton

No - I am referring to the privately educated much more broadly. I’ve spent decades interacting scores of them in work, through hobbies and as family: from Etonians to those from “minor” schools.

My son went there to do physics. He had been at an ordinary comp but then an outstanding sixth form and worked his arse off to get the grades.
He did, he admits, find the hooray aspect difficult - even though he became quite chummy with Jack Ramsey and his gang! - but after a yea, he found the subject not what he wanted.

He tried to change the subject but wasn't able to, so he restarted at UEA, where he was super happy.

From what he's said, it is very dependent on what you study and where you live for the first year. However, I am a firm believer that no one is superior, and those who think they are are not worth bothering with. I hope she'll be OK

Maybe you are the problem then. My experience is very different. Maybe it’s the educated you struggle with rather than how they are educated.

Not in the slightest - DP is Oxbridge.

Went 25 years ago. Loved the campus, fond memories of the city, exquisite cathedral, fab county. Course was meh. Hated halls, uber posh everywhere, felt excluded for my accent but ultimately found a small group of like-minded. Bad experience with one of the clubs 😕. There's been some bad publicity in the tabloids I think in recent years but overall, would be happy for my kids to go. PP said Bristol had a bad vibe and I completely got that when I visited.

Our daughter went to private school in Exeter and several of her friends went on to the university. If they are representative of students there, then there will be few posh jolly hockey sticks types there.

Thanks @Georgiepud well my daughter is very sporty but her school has no outdoor space and they don’t do hockey so we’ll
see!

Fingers crossed! I still have my northern accent and won’t be changing it for anyone at this late stage!

Thanks @Tortiemiaw I’m glad everything all worked out for your son in the end.

My privately educated son will be going to Exeter. He started hie education in a state school and has northern, state educated parents. He would just be delighted if anyone would like to be his friend irrespective of their schooling. Please don’t judge him for attending a school that his parents chose for him.

It’s a very sad world when people feel they have to hide their education/ wealth to be accepted.
Obviously ‘education’ isn’t working properly!

I would hope that when all the students are put together they will rub along just fine, irrespective of their upbringing. Surely in this day they’re brought up to accept everyone!

I totally agree and your son sounds lovely. Whatever your view on private education, as you say, it’s the parent’s choice, not the child’s, so it would be ridiculous to pre-judge.